James Harrison's Slam of Vince Young Cost $5,000

Steeler Nation got their own version of the famous Turkey Jones-Terry Bradshaw hit on Sunday, when James Harrison, Aaron Smith, and Brett Keisel triple-teamed Vince Young to the ground in Tennessee. 

Sure, everyone enjoyed it at the time, but today the bill came from the NFL. And as a result of the hit, Harrison will be $5,000 lighter in the wallet. Does he mind? Take it away, Ed Bouchette:

Asked Wednesday after practice if the hit was worth paying the fine, Harrison said "No!"

Steeler fans will disagree with Harrison's assessment (I think it was worth at least $10,000), but Silverback did get some good news to go with the bad: on the same day he was hit with a $5K fine, he was named AFC Defensive Player of the Week, with two sacks, two forced fumbles, one fumble recovery, one tackle for a loss, one quarterback hurry and 11 tackles. For all the amazing things he's done in his career, pulling off the Player of the Week/$5,000 fine combo in one day may rank among Harrison's most memorable feats.

And by the way, in other Steeler news while I have you here...Charlie Batch is definitely going to start this Sunday, while Dennis Dixon underwent knee surgery and could miss six weeks.

Mondesi's House: The Director's Cut (more links, commentary, etc): twitter.com/mondesishouse

Email: mondesishouse@gmail.com

Today's Headlines

Pedro Alvarez could very well be making his MLB debut this week, a thought that was not ruled out by Neal Huntington when asked about it on his weekly radio show:

"No, I won't rule it out," Huntington said Sunday on his weekly radio show. "Our [initial] feel was closer to the end of the month, but Pedro has responded well to the challenge of these other two guys going up," a reference to the Jose Tabata-Brad Lincoln callups last week that prompted an Alvarez homer-triple-double performance. "It's something we've got to talk about more internally. Sometimes, players can push those timetables forward because of adjustments they make."

Alvarez is hitting .285 with 13 HR and 52 RBI for the Pirates' Triple-A affiliate in Indianapolis, and certainly has all the signs of someone who is ready. It also couldn't hurt the Pirates' box-office, which could definitely use a boost with an offensively-challenged team that's otherwise 23-40 and 1-9 in their last 10. [PG]

Brad Lincoln (0-0, 7.50 ERA) makes his first home start on Tuesday night against the Chicago White Sox and Freddy Garcia (6-3, 4.82) at 7:05 p.m.

Lincoln's presence should also help sell a few tickets, because people aren't going to be turning out for the offense in this one. The Sox are the Majors' worst-hitting team at night (.235), with the Pirates closely behind at .236. [ESPN]

The 1960 Pirates will be celebrated during this weekend's series against the Cleveland Indians, which features giveaways tied in to the occasion and appearances by a number of the players, including Joe Christopher, ElRoy Face, Bob Friend, Joe Gibbon, Dick Groat, Vernon Law, Bill Mazeroski, Bob Oldis, Dick Schofield, Bob Skinner, Bill Virdon, George Witt, and Joe Brown (former GM). The Maz canvas wraps that will be handed out on Friday actually look pretty nice. [By Gosh, it's Langosch]




Vince Young was in a well-publicized fight at a strip club over the weekend, and James Walker wonders if that could potentially affect his status for the Steelers-Titans tilt in Week 2. If not this, I'm virtually certain he'll do something else suspension-worthy between now and then. [ESPN AFC North Blog]

The Pitt Panthers: Big Ten bound? Not according to Indianapolis Star columnist Bob Kravitz, who explained why to Seibel and Starkey on Monday. [93.7 The Fan]

Alison Riske, a 19-year-old from Peters Twp. who turned down a scholarship to Vanderbilt to turn pro, upset 3-seed Yanina Wickmayer 6-7 (5), 6-4, 6-3 in the WRTA AEGON Classic last weekend, but ultimately fell to Maria Sharapova on Saturday. Riske is currently the 13th highest ranked American player in the world and should leap into the top-10 this week. [ESPN]

D Steve Wagner was re-signed by the Penguins to a one-year, two-way contract on Monday.

Wagner came over in a February deal that sent D Nate Guenin to the Blues. In 20 games with Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, Wagner scored seven points (1 G/6 A) and had an even plus/minus last season.  [Empty Netters]

Mark Madden, like many others, has had enough of the ever-present vuvuzelas at this year's World Cup. Let's hope the Pirates are taking notes: this is not a good idea for a future giveaway.  [Mark Madden/WXDX]

Comedian Billy Gardell is hosting a live Comedy Central Special TV Taping at the Byham Theatre on Friday, July 23rd. Tickets go on sale to the general public on Saturday, June 19th at noon. [PghArts.org]

John Phillips takes a shot at predicting how the college conference carousel will end up, with Pitt and WVU headed to the ACC.

That's looking more and more like the way this could play out, and I'd be perfectly happy with that scenario. [93.7 The Fan]

Email your feedback, questions, and tips Mondesishouse@gmail.com

TAKE THE WONDERLIC EXAM

Pretend you're an NFL prospect for a second. You've left school a year early. The pressure to raise your draft stock is mounting. Drew Rosenhaus is in one ear, Bill Parcells in the other. And now, after being treated like a piece of meat, you're given the Wonderlic test for one more measurement of who you are.

Well, now's your chance to prove you're smarter than Vince Young, because ESPN has a simulation of the Wonderlic exam that you can take right now. You have four minutes to answer 15 questions. Your future may be riding on it. GO!

The Wonderlic Exam [ESPN Page 2]

Send your news, tips, and links to Mondesishouse@gmail.com.

BIG BEN'S BIGGEST GAMES

ESPN: the Magazine just released their list of Ben Roethlisberger's five biggest games, which I thought I would pass along. The amazing part is that this list could've been much, much longer. But I digress.

It's nice to see that people outside of Western Pennsylvania are starting to notice our quarterback's play, from Fox Sports to (gasp!) Peter King, who once ranked Roethlisberger below such luminaries as Jon Kitna and Vince Young in his quarterback hierarchy. And no, before you ask, I'll never forget that.

THE MAG.COM PRESENTS: ALL WORLD POWER RANKINGS [ESPN]

Big Ben Continues to Come Up Clutch [Fox Sports]

Indisputable evidence: Steelers continue to survive in tough games [SI]

Peter King Has Officially Lost Me [Mondesi's House]

Send your news, tips, and links to Mondesishouse@gmail.com.

NEWS AND NOTES

--Should've-Been-a-Pirate Matt Wieters is the 2008 Minor League Player of Year. In totally unrelated news, Daniel Moskos was 7-7 with a 6.30 ERA this year. [Baseball America]

--It looks like Vince Young was driving around with an unloaded gun last night. [Tennessean.com via PFT]

--The Pirates are still losing, this time by a 3-2 count against the Astros. [PG]

--Anybody play Deadspin's Monday Night Football bingo last night? In case you missed it, here's the highly amusing board. [Deadspin]

--A great link: The 8 Most Obnoxious Internet Commenters. [Cracked]

--And another one: the Top 10 Jerks in Your Fantasy Football League. [Epic Carnival]

--It's the Pittsburgh Route 28 car chase video, taking the internet by storm. [Gloob]

--Not only was Mike Therrien at the Penn State game, but he was at the Steeler game too. [Penguins.com]

--Anyone hear the "Fake Joba Chamberlain" on Howard Stern yesterday? Here's more on his story. [Deadspin]

--Ron Cook says "With no Brady around, Big Ben is NFL's brightest star". Won't get any argument from me. [PG]

--A 54-year-old man says his obsessive-compulsive disorder drove him to eat 23,000 Big Macs in 36 years. And no, it wasn't Casey Hampton. He's not 54. [Yahoo!]

--Almost 20 years after the sequel, it looks like another edition of Ghostbusters is in the works. [Variety]

--Join Jim Krenn, Randy Baumann, Michele Michaels, Sean McDowell for the first-ever DVE Rocks for Children’s Radiothon. Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh of UPMC and 102.5 WDVE are partners in this event, which will take place on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, September 11, 12 and 13, 2008.

Got news? Email it to mondesishouse@gmail.com and get automatically entered in a drawing to win a copy of KC Joyner's new book, Blindsided.

NEWS, NOTES, AND WEEK ONE THOUGHTS

First of all, I think the AFC should be declared wide open. The Patriots are left with a guy who hasn't started a game at QB since he was in high school in 1999. The Colts looked completely out of sync, Peyton Manning is riding the bike between posessions, and the team is starting a 2008 7th-round draft pick at center. Jacksonville, who's had a Bengal-esque run of late off the field, looked lethargic in their loss to Tennessee. San Diego stole defeat from the jaws of victory in a home loss to Carolina, who was playing without the teammate-beating Steve Smith. The rest of the AFC North looked atrocious. And all of a sudden, that once-feared Steelers schedule doesn't look quite as intimidating.

AFC teams on the upswing? Well, all of a sudden, the Jets have the best QB in the AFC North. Buffalo laid quite a smackdown on Seattle. And Tennessee might be a better team without Vince Young than with him. But as the sun rises on the first Monday morning after, keeping in mind just how early it is, I like our chances.

-----

A few emails...

--Mondesi's House Pens specialist Koz is looking for fantasy hockey managers:

"It's "head to head style" fantasy hockey on Yahoo, and we aren't playing for money but are looking for competitive managers. Have them email me (koz81@comcast.net) if they are interested."

--Passing this email along from Chris at Penn State. Can anyone shed some light?

"So, I was really surprised to see none other than Michel Therrien walking the sidelines at yesterday's Nittany Lions game. The rumor flying around the student section was that he was checking out the stadium for that Penguins-Flyers outdoor game we heard so much about last year. I was wondering if you had any scoop on why he was there."

-----

And the links...

--THE PIRATES MAKE HISTORY! That's 16 straight losing seasons in a row, tying the 1933-48 Philadelphia Phillies for the longest run of futility in professional sports history. It's been quite the fun ride. [Trib]

--Paul Zeise: The Pitt offense still needs to improve. Here, here. [PG]

--Lavar Arrington wishes a plague upon The Sports Cafe and Grille. Looks like he's staying busy in his retirement years. [Daily Collegian Online]

--ESPN's Steve Braband called the Brady injury... [Steve is Alive]

--...and Steely McGnome picked the score of the Steeler-Texan game...exactly. [Dug E. Fresh Rants]

--Did Vince Young quit on the Titans? Let's just say there's whispers... [Deadspin]

--Pitt's Scott McKillop was named Big East Defensive Player of the Week. 15 tackles, 2 hurries, and a pass breakup will do that. [Trib]

--Barry Sanders finally coming back to the Lions? Hopefully Tatum Bell won't steal his bags. [Sports Pickle]

--Pitt-Iowa is a noon kickoff on Saturday. [Pitt Blather]

--Yet another blogger takes Bob Smizik to task. [Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes]

--Your 2008-09 Penguin GameDay inspirations are revealed. [The PensBlog]

--Someone want to inform Patrick Ewing that it's probably not a good idea to wear shorts to your Hall of Fame induction? [Epic Carnival]

--My W&J Presidents are 1-0 after a 49-35 win at Oberlin. I expect many emails from washjeff.edu email addresses as a result of this mention. [Washjeff.edu]

--Which NFL team has the drunkest fans? According to this list, not the Steelers. [Latest Word]

-----

A few interesting college football lists from ESPN.com:

The 10 biggest BCS bullies

The 11 most dangerous non-BCS teams

The 10 gutsiest BCS teams

Upsets: The 10 biggest surprise wins of the BCS era (spoiler: Pitt made this one)

And a few fun links to close out the morning:

A Russian religious group is pushing for a South Park ban. [Wired]

5 Real World Criminals Who Were Certified Super-Villains [Cracked]

The 8 Best One-Punch Knockouts in Movie History [OMG Lists]

10 habits that bosses love and Warning signs it's time to quit [Yahoo!]

Got news? Email it to mondesishouse@gmail.com and get automatically entered in a drawing to win a copy of KC Joyner's new book, Blindsided.

Steelers Host Two More

The Steelers just checked out two more free agents: center Justin Hartwig of Carolina and special-teamer Donnie Nickey of Tennessee.

Hartwig signed a 5-year, $17 million deal just two seasons ago, but since an NFL contract is worth little more than the paper it's printed on, he finds himself unemployed at the moment. Sounds like the perfect complement to Sean Mahan. He also sports a rather interesting hairdo.

Nickey is considered a special-teams wizard and is known for hitting teammates too hard in practice, much to the chagrin of Vince "The Terrelle Pryor of Yesterday" Young.

Here's a video of the incident. Be sure to note that Young's involvement is referred to as "leadership" by the ESPN anchor.

Donnie Nickey [Wikipedia]

Justin Hartwig [Wikipedia]

Steelers check out 2 more free agents [PG]

Steelers Beat Bengals; Bengals Fans Still Thinking Playoffs

STEELERS (5-2) 24

BENGALS (2-5) 13

Rub Hines' head...it's good luck!

Clearly I'm kidding with that headline...or am I? Actually, I think reality is finally setting in with our AFC North neighbors. The Steelers' 24-13 win yesterday seemed, at least to me, to display a Bengal team with a lot less life than in recent years.

After witnessing another blahse performance by Chad Johnson against the black and gold (5 catches, 51 yards), I was compelled to look up his game-by-game history against the Steelers to prove that I wasn't just imagining things. My findings (catches, yards, TDs):

2001: 5-52-0 and 2-25-0

2002: 7-71-0 and 7-152-0

2003: 4-77-0 and 7-117-1

2004: 4-54-0 and 5-80-1

2005: 4-94-0 and 5-54-0 [Postseason vs. Steelers: 4-59-0]

2006: 1-11-0 and 4-53-0

Chad Johnson Career vs. Steelers (counting playoff game): 64 catches, 950 yards, 2 TD

Chad Johnson Career average vs. Steelers: 4 catches - 59 yards, and a touchdown every 7.5 games

Yep, that's right. The Sideline Hall of Famer has scored 2 touchdowns in 15 career games against the Steelers. And considering the emphasis that the Bengals put on their Steeler matchups (a.k.a. "Steeler Week"), I'm suggesting that Johnson is not a big-game player.

Keep waiting, 85

Rather than waste any more time on a team going nowhere, I'd rather talk about an impressive all-around performance by the Steelers: they threw the ball, they ran the ball, they defended the run, they defended the pass, they created turnovers (OK, turnover)...they completely outclassed the Bengals, as usual.

Willie Parker was excellent, rambling for 126 yards and a TD on 26 carries. His longs, as I always point out for those who like to pretend they never happened, were 17 and 32 yards. For anyone who reads these weekly wrapups, you've probably noticed a trend: Parker is getting at least two sizable runs in each game. I'd rather have a gamebreaker like that than three yards, three yards, three yards, 4th-and-1.

Hines Ward had another strong performance, reeling in 8 catches for 88 yards and 2 TDs, giving him a total of 15 catches in the last two games. Ward started the season slowly, with just 9 catches in the first three games, but his presence has done nothing but strengthen the passing attack.

Santonio Holmes continued his domination in the state of Ohio, adding 6 catches for 87 yards. This all added up to a 19-26, 230 yard, 2 TD game for Large Ben. Roethlisberger repeatedly avoided the rush, wiggled out of potential sacks, and extended plays far beyond what was accepted.

With that being said, I must bring up this point: during the CBS broadcast, Dick Enberg was talking about Ben's last two "first halves" (Cincy and Denver), spouting off some impressive stats. Don't quote me, but it was something along the lines of 22-29, 5 TDs. It was a nice little story. Of course, Randy Cross had to immediately spoil the moment by saying, "Yeah...that would be a good half for Tom Brady."

Newest member of the Tom Brady Man-Crush Club

You see, comments like that are why people hate the Patriots and why people equally hate most announcers. They're watching a Steelers-Bengals game, witnessing an impressive performance by the Steelers QB, and we're being beat over the head with more Patriots banter.

And if I may continue my rant on telecasts, can we please put a moratorium on people trying to being funny and say when reading highlights, "Tom Brady...he's pretty good."

Ha ha ha. It's funny because the announcer is pretending that Tom Brady isn't any good, when he obviously is. It would be funnier if:

A. The joke hasn't been done 800 times already, or

B. The announcer was using it in reference to, say, Cleo Lemon or Damon Huard.

Obviously, I can't wait for a week's worth of build up for another Patriots regular season game next Sunday.

For my next rant, I'd like to talk about Carson Palmer, the ringless man universally regarded as better than Ben Roethlisberger. Once again, the QBs went head-to-head, and once again, Palmer went home on the losing end. For those of you scoring at home, the career scoreboard now looks like this: Roethlisberger 5, Palmer 2. Keep the stats, give me the wins. I'd take Roethlisberger over Palmer 100 times out of 100.

That's all the rants and Bengal/Patriot hatred I have in me for one morning. Regardless of how horrible their offense is, I'm sure Baltimore will put up a fight next Monday night, so count on another spiritied recap for a hated divisional opponent.

Thoughts from around the game, around the league, and around the sports world:

--Congrats to the Boston Red Sox on winning the World Series. It couldn't happen to a more humble, classy, non-obnoxious fan base. I can only hope that the Patriots win the Super Bowl, Boston College wins the BCS, the Celtics win the NBA Championship and the Bruins win the Stanley Cup.

--I was listening to ESPN radio on Friday and caught some of their "Fantasy Expert", Matthew Berry. You know, The Talented Mr. Roto? This guy couldn't talk up Brian Griese enough for the Bears game against Detroit. He hyped him to the point that you thought Griese would have 500 yards and 8 touchdowns, you know, just like Tom Brady has in the first half. He stopped just short of telling the host of the show to start Griese in front of Peyton Manning. Griese finished with 208 yards and 4 INTs. If there is a job that pays you for predictions and analysis like that, where do I sign up?

--Derek Anderson had another big game for the Browns yesterday. But have you noticed his opponents in these games? He's gone back to back against 0-8 St. Louis and 0-8 Miami. He also had a big game against the Bengals and their horrible defense. Of course, against the Steelers, his passer rating was 65, the Patriots 59, and Oakland (who actually has a good defense), 57. So let's not induct him into Canton alongside Chad Johnson just yet.

--The Jets-Bills game featured appearances by not one, not two, but four horrible QBs: JP Losman, Trent Edwards, Chad Pennington, and Kellen Clemens. Not surprisingly, a total of 16 points were scored.

--Everyone enjoy that Dolphins-Giants game from Foggy Londontown yesterday? NFL Globalization...feel the excitement!

--Vince Young continues to amaze me. 6 completions, 42 yards, and the Titans win yet again. I don't get it either.

--What's a more crushing defeat: the way Pitt lost on Saturday or the way Penn State lost Saturday?

Peter King Has Officially Lost Me

I've written about SI.com's Peter King many a time in this little piece of the internet called Mondesi's House. In fact, if you click the little link beneath this post that says "Peter King", you'll get every mention of his in site history. Some days, he's interesting. Most days, I totally disagree with him. Either way, I end up reading his stuff, and why, I still haven't figured out.

But this morning, Peter's already-shaky credibility with me took a major blow when he released his "2007 QB Rankings". It's two pages from the mouth of SI's Football Grand Poobah devoted to nothing but QBs and QBs only.

If I've learned one thing from the internet, it's that people love lists. And if I've learned one thing from King today, it's to make your list as completely irrational as possible, because every website and sports talk show from coast to coast will mention it. As the saying goes, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Although I think Michael Vick may disagree with that particular saying.

Where should I start? How about King's proclamation of Ben Roethlisberger at #17 and going from there? Here are a few QBs that King has ranked higher than Big Ben, along with my thoughts on his choices:

7. Vince Young. As it's been proven time and time again, if you want to win a Super Bowl, you need a running quarterback.

8. Phil Rivers. Might be someday, but has a lot more to accomplish.

9. Jon Kitna. I think this was a misprint. Has to be.

10. Jay Cutler. How can you argue against his 2-3 career record?

11. Tony Romo. Waaay too much hype with this guy. He's a football version of any player on the Yankees or Red Sox.

12. Donovan McNabb. No Super Bowl wins, two seasons ended by injury, a team drafting for the future at the position...sounds like a recipe for the 12th-best QB in the league to me!

13. Steve McNair. You know, the same McNair he bashed last year.

14. Brett Favre. No comment necessary.

15. Chad Pennington. 2006 was the first season of his seven-year career in which he's played all 16 games. And if you think it's impossible to play a full season without getting hurt, look at Mr. Consecutive Games Played at #14 and be reminded that yes, it is possible.

16. Jake Delhomme. He has such a lock on the QB position that the Panthers signed David Carr.

What, no room for Michael Vick ahead of Ben?

In fairness, let's allow Pete to defend his ranking of Roethlisberger, which he correctly calculated as one that would generate controversy:

• Ben Roethlisberger 17th? What gives? From Year 1 to Year 2 of his career, his completion percentage dropped 3.7 points; from year two to three it fell 3.0 points. His TD-to-interception ratio, plus-eight in 2005, dropped to minus-five last season. He is profoundly inconsistent. I say he's a C-plus player until I see six or eight straight weeks of the same guy.

Yeah, genius. He also had a motorcycle crash, an appendectomy, and a concussion, which you casually failed to mention. But I'm sure that had nothing to do with his interception ratio.

Here's the explanation for how King constructed this farce...I mean, list:

As for how I arrived at my picks, other than with a divining rod, I used a few measuring sticks. I value wins from my quarterback, and that helped Manning and Brady, the leaders in victories over the last two years. I value postseason success, and their seven combined wins over the past two years is significant. Completion percentage and yards-per-attempt are the two passing stats I value the most because they tell you how often a quarterback succeeds in efficiently moving the chains through the air. Finally, intangibles. Brady led all passers with a 10 on a 10-point scale, because he's a coach, an offseason facilitator, a free-agent recruiter -- and he does it while retaining respect from the guys he often has to lean on hard.

King, always a proponent of the "rings are all that matters" school, has apparently forgotten that the 25-year-old Roethlisberger led his team to the AFC Championship in his rookie season and won a ring in his second season. Of course, as I constantly point out, everyone else has already forgotten those minor career accomplishments, so the Steelers should probably start looking at his replacement in the 2008 draft.

Think about this: King will knock Roethlisberger for completion percentage, then he says he values postseason success. Here are the playoff resumes of everyone he listed ahead of Roethlisberger, who has 5 playoff wins and a ring:

1- Peyton Manning - 7 career playoff wins, 1 Super Bowl

2- Tom Brady - 12 career playoff wins, 3 Super Bowls

3- Drew Brees - 1 career playoff win

4- The Great Carson Palmer - 0 career playoff wins

5- Marc Bulger -1 career playoff win

6- Matt Hasselbeck - 3 career playoff wins

7- Young - never in the playoffs

8- Rivers - 0 career playoff wins

9- Kitna - 0 career playoff wins

10- Cutler - never in the playoffs

11- Romo - 0 career playoff wins, and botched the only playoff game he played in

13- McNair - 5 career playoff wins

15- Pennington - 2 career playoff wins

16- Delhomme - 5 career playoff wins

That's right. The only guys who've has more postseason success than the 25-year-old Roethlisberger are Manning (31 years old), Brady (29), and Favre (37). It's worth noting that he ranks the 3-ring Brady behind Manning, proving once again that football fans and writers have very short memories. Apparently the only postseason success King values is what happened in the 2006 season.

I guess he values postseason success, but not as much as completion percentage. Personally, I'd take a winner with less-sexy stats than a loser who puts up 400 yards a week 100 times out of 100. But that's enough on Ben. My blood pressure has already risen too much. Let's get to the next thing I'd like to talk about regarding this list. That would be the fact that King ranks intangibles on a scale of 1-10.

Peter, here's the definition of "intangible":

1. not tangible; incapable of being perceived by the sense of touch, as incorporeal or immaterial things; impalpable.
2. not definite or clear to the mind: intangible arguments.
3. (of an asset) existing only in connection with something else, as the goodwill of a business. –noun
4. something intangible, esp. an intangible asset: Intangibles are hard to value.

Again, here's his definition of an "intangible":

Finally, intangibles. Brady led all passers with a 10 on a 10-point scale, because he's a coach, an offseason facilitator, a free-agent recruiter -- and he does it while retaining respect from the guys he often has to lean on hard.

That's not an intangible. No, it's not a statistic either, but there's a better way to categorize it than "intangible". How about a 1-10 ranking of "buying into and exemplifying the team's philosophy"? No, we'll just dumb it down call them intangibles.

Before I conclude, I must add that I planned to make a brief mention of this, but I received so many irate emails from Steeler fans that I believed a commentary was necessary. We should start the nominations for a "National Football Writer Most Disliked by Steeler Fans" award. Right now, King and Pete Prisco are neck-and-neck.

Ranking all 32 QBs [SI.com]

Monday Morning Wrapup

Buffalo 21, Miami 0- The Bills pull to .500 despite no 78-yard TDs from J.P. Losman to Lee Evans. Miami confirms their status as THE enigma team of 2006, as they are shutout by Buffalo after shutting out New England the week before. I guess they weren't able to get audio tapes of Losman's cadence like they did with Tom Brady.

Packers 17, Lions 9- Sounds like an incredibly interesting game. The Lions are in perfect position to draft in the top two again in 2007, and I'm sure they'll screw up whoever they choose. For all the top picks they've had, they should have the NFL version of the Penguins by now.

Titans 24, Jags 17- Don't look now, but Tennessee has crept up to 7-7 behind five straight wins. In a game reminiscent of Steelers/Raiders, the Titans win behind 98 yards of offense. But pundits will simplify the poor performance by saying, "That Vince Young...he finds a way to win!"

Jets 26, Vikings 13- In a curious bit of programming, CBS switched to this game with the Jets up 13 and 2 minutes to go here in Pittsburgh. I really did enjoy watching Tarvaris Jackson heave throws blindly into the end zone, though. Any team that allows Chad Pennington to throw for 339 yards deserves to lose by at least 13, if not 130.

Patriots 40, Texans 7- Tom Brady unleashes 107 yards of passing on the Texans, and puts last week's 78-yarder into distant memory. The Pats manage 230 yards of offense, Houston counters with 198. This will not be confused with tonight's Colts-Bengals showdown.

Bears 34, Bucs 31- The vaunted Bears defense allows 31 points to 3rd-string QB Tim Rattay and the Bucs. Between the Tank Johnson Gun Arrest/Bodyguard Murder and Tommie Harris' season-ending injury, all of a sudden the Bears' D looks vulnerable. Meanwhile, Rex Grossman continues to frustrate fantasy owners across the country who benched him, throwing for 339 yards and 2 TDs.

Rams 20, Raiders 0- No Randy Moss, no Jerry Porter, no Lamont Jordan, no crappy offensive coordinator, same result for the Raiders. I would say they're the worst team in the league, but they have some legit players on D, so I give the crown to Detroit...for now.

Chargers 20, Chiefs 9- A Herm Edwards team disappoints down the stretch. Imagine that. Can someone please answer this question: Why did Kansas City want Edwards so badly? I know...they wanted to hear "Hello...you play to win the game!" speeches on a regular basis.

Ravens 27, Browns 17- The Browns' plan was simple: step on Steve McNair's hand, force him out of the game, and intercept Kyle Boller for the remainder of regulation. The only problem with their plan: they're the Browns. Derek Anderson continued to audition for Charlie Frye's job with another L, so he's right on track. In other news, Ray Lewis did not call Kellen Winslow any homophobic names after the game.

Eagles 36, Giants 22- For some reason, I believe we've had every Giants game broadcast in Pittsburgh this season. It's a nice way to cleanse the palate between a Steeler game and Sunday night's Maddenisms (such as this week's "no yard pass"). It's also wildly enjoyable simply for the reason that we can watch Team Coughlin find a new way to lose on a regular basis. This week's Eli Manning "sack/interception/TD return" combo to ice it for the Eagles was breathtaking.

Redskins 16, Saints 10- Reggie Bush revolutionized the game by touching the ball 12 times for a total of 33 yards. But the Saints still clinched the division, so I guess they got the last laugh.

Steelers 37, Panthers 3- I just needed another forum to announce that Edmund Nelson said on the KDKA postgame show that Kendall Simmons missed a few games due to rugburn. No, it was actually falling asleep with an ice pack on his foot, but thanks for trying, E.N.

Anthony Morelli gets death threats- I would assume none were from Pitt fans who were upset he decided to go to Penn State.

American Pie: The Naked Mile: There should be some rule that requires sequels to have at least some connection to the original movie if they plan on using the name. Other than the presence of Eugene Levy and the use of the "Stifler" name, I see very little in common with the first three American Pies. There's no Jim, no Finch, no pie. I'm surprised a movie based around a premise of naked college girls would be advertised during NFL games, as if men were watching.

Monday Morning Wrapup

Bingles 27, Raiders 10- The Bengals now have as many wins (8) as players arrested, on the heels of CB Deltha O'Neal's DWI on Saturday. On the Raiders side, Randy Moss was injured in this game, so he now has an official reason to mail it in for the rest of the season. By the way, has anyone checked out Moss's 2006 stats lately? 42 catches, 553 yards, 3 TD. How the mighty have fallen.

Eagles 21, Redskins 19- Line of the Day: T.J. Duckett: 3 carries, 1 yard. Can't wait to see him in the black and gold in 2007.

Ravens 20, Chiefs 10- According to the announcers, the Chiefs hadn't lost a home game in December since 1996. On this day, the Chiefs looked like a team that hadn't won a game since 1996. And it wasn't as close as the score would indicate---the Chiefs' lone TD was a Gruden-esque stat-padder in garbage time.

Falcons 17, Bucs 6- Cadillac, Cadillac, wherefore art thou Cadillac? What has happened to the once-proud Bucs RB? The guy who started his career with 434 yards in his first three games? Today's 20 carry, 48 yard effort was his eighth game of less than 50 yards this season. Offensive lines, my friends. Offensive lines.

Jerious Norwood and Warrick Dunn both left early for the Falcons, and early reports are that Norwood could be lost for the season. So if it wasn't scary enough proposition to trust Michael Vick with a good running game to fall back on, try trusting him without a good running game to fall back on.

Vikings 30, Lions 20- If you're looking for amusement, check out the Lions' rushing stats:

Arlen Harris: 1 carry, 0 yards

Kevin Jones: 9 carries, -3 yards

Team totals: 10 carries, -3 yards

Giants 27, Panthers 13- Chris Weinke throws for 423 yards as Jake Delhomme's replacement, but the Panthers managed just 45 yards on the ground. Backup QB, no running game...do you see where I'm going with this, Steeler fans scouting their next opponent?

Jaguars 44, Colts 17- I love when they discuss Peyton Manning on CBS's set. Boomer Esiason always compares him to Dan Marino, and Marino usually looks like he's ready to punch Esiason in the face. If the building pressure of Manning's lack of a postseason legacy wasn't enough, they were exposed for an absolutely horrendous rush defense by the Flying Del Rios. 375 yards rushing? Did they hire Paul Rhoads in Indy?

Dolphins 21, Patriots 0 - Tom Brady: 12 for 25, 78 yards? Outplayed by Joey Blue Skies? Is this Bizarro NFL Season?

Titans 26, Texans 20- The city of Houston gets Vince Young rubbed in their face as he ends overtime with a 39-yard TD run. I know Tony Romo is a great story (before Sunday night), but has any QB change affected a team more than Vince Young in for Kerry Collins? Not only did he completely revive a franchise and their fans, he's done it in dramatic fashion. And while missing team flights, to boot! Maybe he should pretend he dates Jessica Simpson to get some attention.

Cardinals 27, Seahawks 21- Matt Hasselbeck throws for 243 yards and three touchdowns behind the nourishment of his Mom's Chunky Soup, but the Hawks can't overcome a determined Cardinal team playing for a lame duck coach.

On another note, the Seahawks are still waiting for the arrival of WR Nate Burleson, who they signed to a $49 million contract when one of their executives was drunk. That would be the only plausible explanation for a guy who has 15 catches after 13 games.

Bills 31, Jets 13- Buffalo plays the role of spoiler, forcing Chad Pennington into two interceptions while winning their sixth game. That's as many wins as the defending Super Bowl champs, you Marv Levy-bashers.

Packers 30, 49ers 19- The difference in this one was the two yards rushing from former Steeler Noah Herron. Or not. Brett Favre continues to excel since he arranged for Aaron Rodgers' foot to be broken, thus locking Favre in as the starter at least through 2007. That guy just loves to play football. He's a real warrior.

Chargers 48, Broncos 20- Ladainian Tomlinson sets the single-season touchdown record as the Chargers dismember their division rivals. San Diego got a great game from their defense, which boasts two players who have been busted for steroids (Shawne Merriman and Luis Castillo) and another who was arrested on five felony drug counts. They're like the Bengals in training.

Saints 42, Cowboys 17- A great night of John Madden and Al Michaels on NBC. Late in the first half, Madden proclaims Drew Brees "a football player". As we come out of halftime, Michaels goes on a classic rant about the lingering smoke of the halftime show. And following Reggie Bush's 3rd quarter TD, Michaels spews this gem about the Houston Texans fans: "They must be thinking, what in the hell were we doing passing on this guy?"

Despite the fact that he has small hands and smells like cabbage, the Saints' Karney (Mike) went for three touchdowns in the romp. Drew Brees continued to try and steal the MVP from former teammate Ladainian Tomlinson, throwing for 384 yards and 5 TDs. And Tony Romo...he kinda sucked tonight.

Monday Morning Wrapup

Redskins 17, Panthers 13- Carolina does just enough to create doubt in their team down the stretch; and did you notice TJ Duckett's 24 yards rushing for the Redskins? All those trade rumors were right: he would have fit right in with the Steelers.

Dolphins 27, Lions 10- If you have zero expectations for a game, and it still underperforms, how do you describe it? How about a recap, which sounds completely made up, but isn't: Joey Harrington getting cobbler from Phil Simms' Mom after a Gatorade shower.

Cowboys 38, Bucs 10- Before Tony Romo's head gets too big, he should look across the field at fellow first-year starter Bruce Gradkowski. Just a few weeks ago, he's engineering come-from-behind, dramatic wins. Now, he's completing 10 passes and getting blown out by 28 in front of the entire nation. Fame is fleeting, Mr. Romo. Before soon, you'll go back to your house of ribs.
Better keep up those wins, Romo. Jessica Simpson's not dating a rib jockey.

Chiefs 19, Broncos 10- And Jake Plummer is finally put out of his misery by "The Punisher", a.k.a. Mike Shanahan. Unfortunately, I missed this game, as ours was one of millions of households who did not have access to the NFL Network. I can only hope that the network will air ads every commercial break urging us to bother our local cable operator and tell them to pay the already-rich NFL even more money.

Vikings 31, Cardinals 26- Did I read these stats right? The Cardinals attempted 51 passes and 6 runs? At 2-9, I guess you could say that angle didn't work either, Denny.

Rams 20, 49ers 17- Antonio Bryant: 2 catches, 53 yards, no speeding tickets for going 100 in his Lamborghini.

Jets 26, Texans 11- The leading rushers in this one: Wali Lundy with 11 yards for Houston, and Leon "Middle Finger" Washington with 17 for the Jets. Who were the offensive coordinators, Dennis Green and Dennis Green?
Those aren't middle fingers. He's just predicting Wali Lundy's 11 yards on Sunday.

Bills 27, Jaguars 24- Remember when the Steelers played Jacksonville on Monday Night Football? And all that talk about how the national media doesn't respect the Jaguars? Seems like eons ago. Oh well, at least Matt Jones scored a touchdown for Tony Kornheiser's fantasy team.

Bengals 30, Browns 0- Continuing my theme of teams who can't run the ball, Cleveland was led by Jerome Harrison with 18 yards. Meanwhile, Charlie Frye is becoming the Browns QB we all hoped he would become, with 4 interceptions and 1 jersey-grabbing altercation courtesy of Braylon Edwards.

Chargers 21, Raiders 14- Before we induct Phil Rivers into the 2006 NFL Hall of Fame class alongside Tony Romo and Rex Grossman (but only the Rex Grossman from weeks 1-5), note Rivers' 133 yard/0 TD/1 INT performance against the 2-9 Raiders. But once again, the Chargers are bailed out by Ladainian Tomlinson, who ran for two touchdowns, threw for their third, blanketed Randy Moss all day, and delivered a baby panda at the San Diego Zoo.

Patriots 17, Bears 13- The Bears just killed fantasy players in this one. Rex Grossman throws not one, not two, but three interceptions. And Thomas Jones finishes with the dreaded 99 yards rushing.

Giants 21, Titans 0- What's that? The Giants lost???? 24-21? They were winning 21-0 with 10 minutes to go! What's that? They allowed 24 points in the 4th quarter? Vince Young accounted for all of the touchdowns? The same Vince Young who missed the game flight last week? And Eli Manning threw a back-breaking interception with 44 seconds to go? The same Eli Manning who "grew up" in week two? The same Eli Manning who has the worst passer rating of any QB since 2004? OK, you got me. What are you going to tell me next...the defending Super Bowl champs are 4-7 and have been shut out twice?

Colts 45, Eagles 21- Well, Philly's lost 5 of 6 and Donovan McNabb, so we can officially write off a second consecutive season. And how about those Colts? Look at Sunday's stats: Joseph Addai, Edgerrin James' replacement, runs for 171 yards and 4 TDs. The man he replaced had 4 carries for 15 yards. I can emphatically say that this is definitely the year for the Colts. Not like in 2005, or 2004, or 2003, or even 2002. This team is different. It's special.

Monday Morning Wrapup

Ohio State 42, Michigan 39- Good game, yes. Great game? I'll have to say no. Michigan was trailing for all but the first four minutes. Yes, they managed to keep it close, which was nice, but allowing 503 yards to the Buckeyes was purely Pitt-esque.

Alfonso Soriano signs with the Cubs- 8 years, $136 million. The free agent market is really shaping up for our favorite payroll-slashing franchise.

Florida 62, Western Carolina 0- Another tough SEC game for the Gators. Wait, you mean they play cupcakes too? Surely you jest! What next, Notre Dame scheduling Army?

Cincinnati 30, Rutgers 11- Unfortunately, this wasn't the ending scripted in the Rutgers storybook season of 2006.

Donovan McNabb out for the season- Finally, Philadelphia has the excuse it needed to mail it in for a second consecutive season. And the world gets six full weeks of Jeff Garcia Awesomeness to boot.

Vince Young misses the Titans' team flight- That's just the leadership I expected out of the New NFL Millionaire's Party host.

Bears 10, Jets 0- Who thought this matchup would result in just 10 points? I mean, all those offensive weapons on both sides: Chad Pennington, Rex Grossman, Leon Washington, Cedric Houston, Muhsin Muhammad...

Bengals 31, Saints 16- A great job by that Bengal secondary, who held Drew Brees to just 510 yards passing in the win.

Bills 24, Texans 21- Lee Evans, Bills WR: 11 catches, 265 yards, 2 TDs. Overheard in the Texans' huddle: "Who's on that guy?"

Ravens 24, Falcons 10- Coach-Killer Michael Vick once again revolutionizes the quarterback position with 127 yards on 11 completions.

Patriots 35, Packers 0- And to think, this morning ESPN gave us the hard-hitting piece about "Brett Favre having fun again playing the game".

Panthers 15, Rams 0- After a 4-1 start, that's 5 losses in a row for the Rams, for those of you scoring at home.

Cowboys 21, Colts 14- Finally, people will mention the 1972 Dolphins' perfect season. It's a shame how that storyline gets ignored every year. Because they're such humble, grounded guys.

Cardinals 17, Lions 10- At 2-8, is it safe to assume the Lions are thinking QB in the 2007 draft?

The Three Stooges of Tennessee

I wish the Tennessee Titans were still in the Steelers' division.

First, they drafted PacMan Jones, former WVU Mountaineer and thorn in the side of the Pitt Panthers. Here's a video of him cursing out a Nashville TV station after they implicated him in a drug ring that involved 1,600 pounds of weed and 128 pounds of cocaine. It's not his car, it's just a coincidence that it has PacMan logos embroidered in it. What, your car doesn't?

PacMan Jones: a faster, more agile version of Nate Newton

Then, they passed up Matt Leinart, killing a reunion with college coordinator Norm Chow, in favor of Vince Young. The same incredibly focused Vince Young who hired rapper Mike Jones' agent, had a Wonderlic score of 6, and will be the star of a BET reality show in his rookie year.

Watch my awkward delivery as I throw this crystal football

LenDale White, cousin of the Pistons' Chauncey Billups, was projected to be a top-10 pick in the NFL draft, then was predicted to slide, possibly to the Steelers. Character and weight issues pushed him to the #45 pick. The Steelers didn't want to draft anyone with character issues.

You'll regret the day you passed on me, Bill Cowher.

But this troika has topped themselves. I present to you their newest event:
Hosting the New NFL Millionaires' Party in Atlanta on Friday, July 14. Dress code is "Sexy", women are admitted free till 11, and you can't wear your Timbs.

I'm sure Jeff Fisher is thrilled about his team bonding so well. There are unconfirmed rumors that Fisher is looking to trade for Steelers WR Santonio Holmes.