Monday Morning Wrapup

Redskins 17, Panthers 13- Carolina does just enough to create doubt in their team down the stretch; and did you notice TJ Duckett's 24 yards rushing for the Redskins? All those trade rumors were right: he would have fit right in with the Steelers.

Dolphins 27, Lions 10- If you have zero expectations for a game, and it still underperforms, how do you describe it? How about a recap, which sounds completely made up, but isn't: Joey Harrington getting cobbler from Phil Simms' Mom after a Gatorade shower.

Cowboys 38, Bucs 10- Before Tony Romo's head gets too big, he should look across the field at fellow first-year starter Bruce Gradkowski. Just a few weeks ago, he's engineering come-from-behind, dramatic wins. Now, he's completing 10 passes and getting blown out by 28 in front of the entire nation. Fame is fleeting, Mr. Romo. Before soon, you'll go back to your house of ribs.
Better keep up those wins, Romo. Jessica Simpson's not dating a rib jockey.

Chiefs 19, Broncos 10- And Jake Plummer is finally put out of his misery by "The Punisher", a.k.a. Mike Shanahan. Unfortunately, I missed this game, as ours was one of millions of households who did not have access to the NFL Network. I can only hope that the network will air ads every commercial break urging us to bother our local cable operator and tell them to pay the already-rich NFL even more money.

Vikings 31, Cardinals 26- Did I read these stats right? The Cardinals attempted 51 passes and 6 runs? At 2-9, I guess you could say that angle didn't work either, Denny.

Rams 20, 49ers 17- Antonio Bryant: 2 catches, 53 yards, no speeding tickets for going 100 in his Lamborghini.

Jets 26, Texans 11- The leading rushers in this one: Wali Lundy with 11 yards for Houston, and Leon "Middle Finger" Washington with 17 for the Jets. Who were the offensive coordinators, Dennis Green and Dennis Green?
Those aren't middle fingers. He's just predicting Wali Lundy's 11 yards on Sunday.

Bills 27, Jaguars 24- Remember when the Steelers played Jacksonville on Monday Night Football? And all that talk about how the national media doesn't respect the Jaguars? Seems like eons ago. Oh well, at least Matt Jones scored a touchdown for Tony Kornheiser's fantasy team.

Bengals 30, Browns 0- Continuing my theme of teams who can't run the ball, Cleveland was led by Jerome Harrison with 18 yards. Meanwhile, Charlie Frye is becoming the Browns QB we all hoped he would become, with 4 interceptions and 1 jersey-grabbing altercation courtesy of Braylon Edwards.

Chargers 21, Raiders 14- Before we induct Phil Rivers into the 2006 NFL Hall of Fame class alongside Tony Romo and Rex Grossman (but only the Rex Grossman from weeks 1-5), note Rivers' 133 yard/0 TD/1 INT performance against the 2-9 Raiders. But once again, the Chargers are bailed out by Ladainian Tomlinson, who ran for two touchdowns, threw for their third, blanketed Randy Moss all day, and delivered a baby panda at the San Diego Zoo.

Patriots 17, Bears 13- The Bears just killed fantasy players in this one. Rex Grossman throws not one, not two, but three interceptions. And Thomas Jones finishes with the dreaded 99 yards rushing.

Giants 21, Titans 0- What's that? The Giants lost???? 24-21? They were winning 21-0 with 10 minutes to go! What's that? They allowed 24 points in the 4th quarter? Vince Young accounted for all of the touchdowns? The same Vince Young who missed the game flight last week? And Eli Manning threw a back-breaking interception with 44 seconds to go? The same Eli Manning who "grew up" in week two? The same Eli Manning who has the worst passer rating of any QB since 2004? OK, you got me. What are you going to tell me next...the defending Super Bowl champs are 4-7 and have been shut out twice?

Colts 45, Eagles 21- Well, Philly's lost 5 of 6 and Donovan McNabb, so we can officially write off a second consecutive season. And how about those Colts? Look at Sunday's stats: Joseph Addai, Edgerrin James' replacement, runs for 171 yards and 4 TDs. The man he replaced had 4 carries for 15 yards. I can emphatically say that this is definitely the year for the Colts. Not like in 2005, or 2004, or 2003, or even 2002. This team is different. It's special.