Close, But No Garrard

JAGUARS 31

STEELERS 29

In a way, this was the perfect game...if you were making a team video of the 2007 Steelers. It captured the highs, the lows, the strengths and the faults of a moderately successful yet disappointing team in a 60-minute span.

Ultimately, what did the Steelers in on Saturday were the same problems that have haunted them all year:

• An offensive line that surrendered six sacks, sometimes allowing Jaguar defenders in the backfield as Ben Roethlisberger was handing off the ball
• A defense that bends, bends, bends and then ultimately breaks at the worst possible times
• A running attack that disappears, most definitely because of problem #1
• Weak special teams, ironically a part of the team that Mike Tomlin was supposed to fix
• Reserve players logging plenty of time due to crippling injuries
• And a questionable answer in the category of "leadership".

As the cliche goes, you win as a team, you lose as a team. And the 2007 Steelers had plenty of blame to go around.

But despite all of those flaws, despite 43 yards on 26 carries, despite four turnovers by Roethlisberger, despite an 18-point defecit going into quarter #4, the Steelers were six minutes and 28 seconds from an improbable trip to the second round.

The Steelers did many things well in this game, most importantly to come up with the admirable effort to not be content to end the season with an 18-point home playoff loss. They bested the Jaguars in numerous second-half categories, but unfortunately you do not advance in the playoffs for statistical victories.

It's fair to say the Steelers weren't beaten by David Garrard (9-21/140/2 INT/1 TD), but they were. It's fair to say that the Steelers bottled up the Jaguars running attack (135 yards as opposed to 224 in the last meeting), but they didn't, allowing 4.7 yards per carry, 2 TDs, and the 32-yard scamper by Garrard that still has Tyrone Carter searching for his jock strap.

Hines Ward and Heath Miller were inspirational to say the least. Their play in the second half was simply unreal, especially Ward, who I haven't seen so irritated by an opponent in some time. 10 catches for 135 yards in the playoffs is a big-time effort. For the record, the great Terrell Owens (2002 vs. Giants) and Randy Moss (1999 vs. St. Louis) have only amassed more than 135 yards in a playoff game once time each. It's also the third time that Ward has acheived 10 catches in a postseason game, a feat neither Moss nor Owens has ever accomplished. So for the people who say the Steelers have no receivers, look elsewhere for your sacrificial lamb.

A good place to find that lamb is on the offensive line. I've never believed that a playoff team could potentially have two or three changes to a line from one year to the next, but with the Steelers, it's a consideration. They were bad before they were ravaged with injuries. Big Bad John Henderson goes down for the Jaguars? No difference. The Steelers still couldn't run the ball, which somehow became acceptable against the Jacksonvilles and Baltimores of the world this year. And I'm not excusing Roethlisberger's numerous bad decisions on Saturday, but I can only wonder how many of the same miscues he would've made behind a solid line. Again, when the game was in the Steelers' hands and they could've milked the clock to end the game, the line rewarded the fans with a three-and-out. That's just not good enough.

The defense should accept part of the blame, but they did not allow all 31 points. One TD was virtually scored on the kickoff, one TD was an interception return, and a third was set up by an interception return that would've gone for even more yardage if the player didn't have dreads. But as I said, on the 4th-and-2, they were beaten for 32 yards by a quarterback that runs a 4.96 in the 40, so take from that what you will.

Lamarr Woodley really showed me something, James Harrison came up with his usual variety of big plays, and the Steelers finally picked off a few passes, something they'd been reluctant to do in 2007. They took Garrard out of his game, disrupting his ratio of 1 INT:108 passes to a much more favorable 1 INT: 10 passes. It was Garrard's blasted "58 yards rushing" stat that really killed the Steelers.

Mike Tomlin's decisions will be debated, especially the decision to go for 2-point conversions in the 4th quarter. World-Class Cliche King Mark Schlereth of ESPN was immediately second-guessing Tomlin, saying that you don't chase points until you have to. I don't know how much longer Schlereth wanted to wait beyond the 4th quarter to chase points, but I agreed with Tomlin's decision in those instances.

So that closes the books on the 2007 Pittsburgh Steelers. They won the division with a rookie coach, they had the league's 2nd-rated passer, and a running back who probably would've won the rushing title had he not missed the final two games. For a team that was universally picked to finish 3rd, I'd say that was pretty doggone good.

What will 2008 bring? Alan Faneca, Max Starks, Dan Kreider, and Nick Eason hit free agency. Trai Essex and Chris Kemoeatu are the team's only RFAs. So it looks like there will be some turnover on the offensive line. And FYI, the Steelers will be picking somewhere in the 20s, so start your draft analysis accordingly.

It was an exciting year that fulfilled my expectations. As much as I enjoyed watching this team (most of the time), they weren't getting past the powers of the AFC. They were too banged up and were a key player or two away anyway. It was a lot of fun chronicling this season and I thank all of you for sharing your thoughts on a weekly basis. Now let's all sit back, forget that tough loss and watch us some American Gladiators tonight.

JV Steelers Come Up Short

RAVENS (5-11) 27

STEELERS (10-6) 21

The final Steeler game of the season was a perplexing one. In fact, it usually is. In past years, the game was either a glorified preseason event or a last gasp at respectability after a disappointing season. And since the Steelers are actually in the playoffs this year, the last game was a chance to catch up on some R&R. Glorified preseason event indeed.

There's nothing like Baltimore in December. And several Steelers got to take advantage of a free trip to Charm City as a spectator, most notably Ben Roethlisberger, Hines Ward, and Troy Polamalu.

Roethlisberger, nursing an injury presumably suffered when his teammates kicked him in the nuts by naming James Harrison as the MVP, led a squad of high-priced, unattractive and even bearded cheerleaders on this day.

It seemed like the Steelers couldn't decide if they cared or not in this game. They fell behind by deficits of 17-0 and 27-7, then mounted a ferocious comeback that would fall six points short. From a viewer's standpoint, it was as difficult to watch as I had imagined. And that was before I realized that we were getting the added bonus of Phil Simms in the booth.

I'm sure Simms is a smart guy, but he really didn't sound like it on Sunday. Don't get me wrong, he didn't sound as dumb as Bill Cowher asking if Chris Redman was the Falcons' QB of the future, but he was pretty close. Listening to Simms, you would think that Troy Smith was the crown jewel of the Ravens' organization. Of course, nowhere is it written that we have to listen to eem (eem of course being the Simms-to-English translation of the word "him").

To me, the Steelers are a total mystery going into the playoffs. Their quarterback is banged up. The running game is in the hands of the Dump Truck-Gary Russell-Verron Haynes Extra Value Meal, which accounted for an uninspiring 47 yards on 18 carries on Sunday. The offensive line remains a disaster zone. Their defense is the football equivalent of tooth decay, slowly breaking down over time. Nagging injuries linger for key players. Their head coach is venturing into unknown territory. And they just got manhandled by their first-round opponent weeks ago.

Could they win a game or two in the playoffs? Sure, why not. The last time I checked, the Jaguars organization is not synonymous with postseason success. But will they? That's debatable. The team they fielded on Sunday bears only a minor resemblance to the team that will face the Jaguars next week. Sadly, Charlie Batch will be back to holding a clipboard and not overthrowing Santonio Holmes by 10 yards. But fear not, Ike Taylor will still be in the lineup, challenging Nate Washington for the most balls dropped in one NFL season.

All in all, the Steeler game wrapped up what was a pretty disastrous weekend for sports in these parts. The Penguins won, but they lost Gary Roberts. At this point, they'll dress about 10 guys for the Winter Classic. And not only did Pitt get smoked by Dayton, but they lost Levance Fields, adding his name to the "Out For the Year" list founded by Mike Cook last week.

This city's teams have experienced a simply unbelievable rash of injuries this fall. Pitt football lost Bill Stull, Derek Kinder, Gus Mustakas, Chris Jacobson, Dan Matha, Kevin Collier, and Jason Pinkston. Heck, even Wannstache was hobbling around on crutches. The Steelers lost Willie Parker, Aaron Smith, Ryan Clark, Jerame Tuman and Dan Kreider for the season, plus extended absences for Troy Polamalu and Santonio Holmes. The Pens have endured injuries to Roberts, Marc-Andre Fleury, Ryan Malone, Mark Eaton, and Max Talbot. And now the Panthers hoop squad has already lost Cook and Fields. When it rains on Yinzers, it pours. Let's hope our athletes have some better luck in 2008.

Weekend notes:

--Pitt just missed another 3. And another one. And another one. And another one.

--That's five consecutive losses in Baltimore, for those of you scoring at home.

--Despite their best efforts for an apathetic, lifeless performance, injuries were sustained by James Harrison (shoulder), Max Starks (knee), Bryant McFadden (ankle), and Willie Reid (shoulder, butterfingers).

--Which fan base hates the Patriots the most: Steelers, Colts, Dolphins, Jets, or Bills?

--Has anyone at all mentioned that the defending champion Colts are in this year's playoffs?

--Larry Fitz on Sunday: 11 catches, 171 yards, 2 TDs vs. the Rams. Yowza.

--By my count, 13 NFL teams finished with seven, eight, or nine wins this year. Yet only two of them (Washington and Tampa) made the playoffs. 2007 was a very top-heavy year in the league.

--Speaking of 9-7 teams, I can't wait to not watch Washington at Seattle.

--Anyone else surprised by the all-around suckiness of the 2007 Broncos? I thought they would go deep in the '07 playoffs, for numerous reasons:

1. Jay Cutler a year older and wiser.

2. Signing what appeared to be a franchise back after years of failing to invest in the position.

3. The addition of Dre Bly to tag-team with Champ Bailey.

4. A "cause", playing for fallen teammates Darrent Williams and Damien Nash.

Like I always say, there's no such thing as a football prognosticator.

--On the topic of massive disappointments, I'd think the 49ers would have to be near the top of that list, too. Yeah, Alex Smith was a great fantasy sleeper this year.

--Speaking of fantasy disappointments (some through no fault of their own, and in no particular order)...

Ronnie Brown, Cadillac Williams, Matt Leinart, Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson, Thomas Jones, Cedric Benson, Reggie Bush, Deuce McAllister, Travis Henry, Javon Walker, Marvin Harrison, Vince Young, Shaun Alexander, Kevin Jones, Ahman Green, Trent Green, Jake Delhomme, Roy Williams (the receiver, not the horse-collar-tackling safety), Laveranues Coles, Lee Evans, Chris Chambers, and of course, Charlie Frye.

My condolences if you had any of those guys on your roster.

--Congrats to the Jets for winning the Herman Edwards Bowl against the Chefs on Sunday. That's something to build on for '08.

--Your 2007 NFL doormats, who will be rewarded with high picks in 2008:

Miami, 1-15

St Louis, 3-13

Atlanta, KC, Oakland, and the Jets, all 4-12.

FYI, Pitt's Jeff Otah is #24 overall on ESPN's big board. And Justin King will be the New York Giants' first-rounder in 2009.

--Can't wait for the Winter Classic. Hopefully no Penguins trip on a snow bank.

48-Year-Old Running Back Embarrasses "#1 Defense"

JAGUARS (10-4) 29

STEELERS (9-5) 22

Fred Taylor is old. Real old. He's so ancient, I think he qualifies for that retired players fund that Mike Ditka always talks about. But somehow, some way, he's always had the Steelers' number. I remember sitting in the upper levels of Three Rivers Stadium about seven years ago watching Taylor rack up an impressive "30-234-4 TD" line. And Sunday nearly topped that.

The Steelers' defense, statistically speaking, has had an impressive year up until last week or so. But the last time I checked, a Lombardi Trophy was more impressive than the trophy they hand out for the fewest yards allowed. The way the Steelers are playing these days, they won't have to worry about making room in their trophy case for either one.

On Sunday, Taylor sliced and diced the "vaunted" Steeler defense, on their own turf, no less, for 147 yards on 25 carries. I didn't know what was more unbelievable: the fact that this happened on a snowy day at Heinz Field, the fact that this happened against the Steelers (who usually are quite stout against the run), or the fact that this was done to the Steelers by a 31-year-old running back that is usually on crutches this time of year.

So why are the Steelers in a freefall? Is it the loss of Aaron Smith? Is it the continued absence of Ryan Clark, which is now being used as an excuse in some circles? How about the receivers, who seem to get worse as the season goes on? Maybe the offensive line? It's impossible to give a definitive answer, but I know one thing: if the Steelers even get into the playoffs, they probably won't go very far. Not playing like this. It's been a total team collapse, and you can't point the finger in any one direction.

I think Big Ben gave a noble effort yesterday, as he was in obvious pain. The PG gave him a C+, which I thought was WAY too critical. While he did not win the game, he certainly gave his best, and with little to no help from the professionals who are paid to catch footballs. The drops were just killers. Killers. And I know it's cute when Hines Ward does his little smile on the field, but there's a time to do that and a time to not do that. The ball hits him between the 8 and the 6, he drops it, and flashes a huge grin, like he just got a new puppy. Sorry, but that was annoying.

I've never seen Roethlisberger look like he wanted to literally choke a receiver, but I think Santonio Holmes was really testing him yesterday. Hines dropped two. Heath even dropped one in the end zone. As frustrated as we were watching the game, imagine being the quarterback in that situation. You've got an injured shoulder, it's freezing cold, and you're getting no help. I couldn't blame the guy if he did lose his cool.

At this point, the Steelers are in a dogfight (no Vick reference intended) to merely win the division. If they can't stop Steven Jackson on Thursday night, things could get interesting. Scarily interesting. And then the season ends with Baltimore, currently on an 8-game losing streak but surely planning some sort of ill-advised revenge, as ne'er-do-wells usually do. The Steelers could go 2-0, 1-1, or 0-2. Nothing would surprise me anymore.

If you're looking at the AFC playoff teams, it's pretty safe to say that as they currently stand, one wouldn't expect the Steelers to win against New England, Indianapolis, San Diego, or Jacksonville. It's certainly possible, but not probable. I'd still give them a shot against Cleveland. But that's not saying much.

The coming days and weeks will be a true test for Mike Tomlin. A man is defined by how he reacts to adversity, and there's certainly plenty of that with this team. We'll all get a lesson as to who Mike Tomlin really is in just a few short days.

Game News and Thoughts:

--Yeah, all those loyal Pittsburgh fans were taking the early exit when their beloved Steelers were down by 2 TDs. Sorry, but that's a real pet peeve of mine. They have no problem sitting in the parking lot from 6 AM-1 PM, but they can't sit still for a three-hour football game, which ultimately was tied up with 5 minutes remaining? Come on, Steeler fans. I thought you were better than that.

--Nice to see some contributions from Troy Polamalu yesterday, seeing how he was named to Don Banks' 2007 All Bust Team.

--Anyone notice how the announcers pointed out that Ernest Wilford had 36 catches and no TDs, only to watch him score his first against the Steelers shortly thereafter? Yep, yesterday really was an enjoyable game.

--Scary stuff From the PG:

"The Jaguars rushed for 224 yards on 42 carries, the most in seven years against the Steelers, and averaged 5.3 yards per attempt. Fred Taylor was the second back in five games to rush for more than 100 yards (147 on 25 carries, a Heinz Field record for an opponent)."

--I really don't like this trend of not scoring TDs in the first quarter. What are we at now, five games in a row?

--Smart move by Mr. Bill not taking the Atlanta job. Let's see: a horrible team that averages 13 points per game, no quarterback, no stud running back, few options at receiver, mouthy vested veterans like Lawyer Milloy and Deangelo Hall, a horrible GM...need I go on?

--Watching all of those Dolphins celebrating their first victory yesterday, I had to wonder: how pathetic. Imagine how sad it is to be a Miami fan. How far your standards have dropped. You're down to celebrating one win as if you just won the Super Bowl.

After that Atlanta rant, Miami looks to be neck-and-neck as to a similarly pathetic situation. Look at their recent run: Ricky Williams; Nick Saban; the trading of all the draft picks for QBs (Culpepper, Lemon, Green, Feely, Harrington, etc., etc., etc.); getting rid of Wes Welker, Donald Lee, and Chris Chambers; signing Joey Porter to that ridiculous contract; an injury bug second to none. That's a franchise due for some good luck.

--Class act by Rich Rodriguez to tell Terrelle Pryor of his move to Michigan before telling his own Mountaineers. I'm sure they really appreciated that for all the hours and hours of hard work they gave "Coach Rod", which enabled him to get said Michigan job.

--It's the New York Giants Annual Collapse! Catch it while you can!

--Speaking of collapses, how bout them Lions? That almost takes a concentrated effort to fall that hard and fast.

--Hmm...Tony Romo...distracted? As Colin Cowherd said today, the Dallas game looked like high school football with all of the Romo-Simpson sideshow nonsense, and added that Cowboy fans have to decide whether they would rather be in the purple section of USA Today or the red section.

Guaranteed

PATRIOTS (13-0) 34

STEELERS (9-4) 13

Surprise! Anthony Smith is not Nostradamus. I know, I'm surprised too. Maybe next week Smith and his secondary cronies will talk about how they held Tom Brady under 400 yards passing, because that's pretty much the only thing they accomplished in a demoralizing, embarrassing 34-13 defeat at the hands of the New England Patriots.

Yes, the Steelers defense stunk on Sunday. How bad was the stench? I believe it was in the film Anchorman that the phrase "like a turd wrapped in burned hair" was coined. If you can possibly imagine it, the defense stunk worse than that.

I like to throw stats around about how high the Steelers' defense is ranked, but unfortunately this is not a game played on paper. It's played by highly-paid professionals. Some shoot their mouths off; some embarrass their team with shenanigans after the whistle. The Steelers had players doing both yesterday.

I/we are constantly on the war path against players and teams that are classless in defeat. I certainly called out the Mountaineers and their maniacal fans more than a time or two last week. But the Steelers were no better. I realize what a frustrating loss this must have been. We're fans and we're taking it hard. But these guys were completely out of control. Late hits. Trash talk. Pushing and shoving. I think I even saw a punch thrown. By the end of the contest, they were bringing back memories of Baltimore's end-of-the-game meltdown against New England a week earlier. Is that what "Steeler Football" has devolved to? I mean, we have no problem calling out thuggery when Cincinnati or the Ravens pull similar acts. It's time to call out our own guys. That's not the way to lose. Frankly, I expected more from a Mike Tomlin team.

Unfortunately, unruly behavior was the least of this team's problems on Sunday. On offense, they were "OK", but not great, and OK doesn't beat New England, at least not when your defense is letting Randy Moss have free reign in your secondary. It's a team loss, and the Steelers did not get it done on either side of the ball on Sunday. They couldn't score enough points to win, and they couldn't stop the bleeding from the Patriots' numerous body blows. The coaches never had an answer for Brady, Moss, or Welker, if one even exists. And the special teams, as usual, was of little help. But hey, we only gave up 22 yards rushing.

I thought Ben played a "B to B-" game - not his best, not his worst. Fast Willie had a productive afternoon, racking up 124 yards on 21 carries. And Hines Ward contributed on a minor level (would've been nice if he could have cashed in that TD). On the other hand, it was clear that Santonio Holmes was not himself. Further down the depth chart, Nate Washington showed why he's Nate Washington, with some exquisite non-catches in the second half. At least he's consistent in his awful play. Maybe he'll guarantee a victory against Jacksonville next week.

I'll spare you a paragraph lauding the Patriots, because frankly I'm sick of hearing about them, no matter how fantastic they are. Phil Simms was taunting me the entire game to turn down the sound, as he rambled on and on about Patriot stories that had neither a point nor any comedic value. The Pats are a tough team, they've earned their record, and they definitely have a shot at going undefeated. They are hated because they are successful, because fans of opposing teams are jealous, and because the media has gone above and beyond the necessary means of saturation (newest examples: 1. ESPN's Bottom Line scroll on Friday reading...NFL...NBA...PATRIOTS... and 2. ESPN officially titling all Patriot stories "Pursuing Perfection").

They're also hated because they too are a group of classless and smug individuals. Tom Brady enjoys sitting on his high horse with his cute "Well done is better than well said" quote; but where was he when teammate Rodney Harrison was fined 5 G's for taunting the Ravens last week? Is that the same Rodney Harrison that was suspended for using HGH? Yeah, I thought so.

The Patriots are no band of choir boys. From their cheating coach on down, they're an organization that's liked only within the geographical territory known as New England. And even there, they're not top banana. Most residents of that area are more concerned about which Cy Young Award winner they're going to buy before they call the Yankees the Evil Empire in the next breath. But that's a different soapbox for a different season. I acknowledge the Patriots' greatness and their accomplishments, but my dislike for them has never been greater.

Now, on to some bullet points on the game and Sunday's action around the league:

--CBS walked a real tightrope. While watching the dramatic end of regulation in San Diego-Tennessee, we got the "contractual agreements..." message from the network, warning us that they would be leaving that game for the Steelers game very soon. Luckily, we got to see San Diego score the TD that would ultimately send the game into overtime, although we were already into Commercial Land when the PAT went up.

Can you imagine if we would've missed the beginning of the Steelers-Patriots, though? Yinzers would've probably burned down KDKA. Pomps would have surely feared for his life.

--The game opened with that Kill Bill instrumental. Is it me or is that song a bit played out by now?

--I'm convinced that wasn't really Troy Polamalu on the sidelines. It was either a body double or Tom Hanks reprising his Castaway role.

--Speaking of Tom Hanks, I see in today's commercials that he has a new movie coming out, featuring Philip Seymour Hoffman, also known as the long-lost brother of ESPN Radio 1250's Eddy Crow.

--Unintentional Comedy Highlight of the Day: Jim Nantz proclaiming that "Santonio was grimacing in pain", later brought up in the game when I asked where Santonio was and my brother reminded me that he was probably still grimacing. When he said that, who else out there thought of this guy?

--My Phil Simms disgust hit its pinnacle when Brady's sure TD pass went right through the hands of The Best Receiver in Football. Simms literally said that Brady through it too perfectly. Of course, minutes later, in a trademark Simms gay innuendo line, he said that Moss "couldn't handle the high, hard one". Apparently, neither can Nate Washington.

--From the fashion file: no sunglasses for Coach Cool, and no hoody for Coach Homeless Man.

--The Steeler D clearly had no answer for the Patriots passing attack. Was I the only one who thought Lawrence Timmons should be inserted into the game to step on Tom Brady?

--It's around this time of the NFL season that the commercials really start to get to me. In the past, it's been "Viva, Viagra!" or "This is ouuuuuur countrrrry". This year, I'm being gradually worn down by those way-too-intense people driving their Cadillacs (Does your car turn YOU on?). And a new favorite is the Citi commercial with the kid who looks like Adam Morrison. His big Christmas gift to his mom? Buying himself a suit. Real thoughtful, jerk. Go back to Gonzaga and take your outside shot with you.

And while I'm at it, can the PA Lottery please spring for a new commercial? That "Best Wishes From the Lottery" spot featuring the carolers is ancient. I'm sure the old, bearded newsstand owner wearing a Belichickian hoody is long dead. Don't know what I'm talking about? Watch any Pittsburgh TV station and you'll probably see it in the next 30 seconds.

--My condolences to all the angry 60 Minutes fans who had to endure the final 6:46 of the Steeler game. I like how the Steelers were literally playing ball-control down 21 points, clearly to avoid any further embarrassment that the Patriots surely would have attempted.

--From Don Banks' SI Snap Judgments:

"Towing a banner in its wake, a small plane circled Gillette Stadium in the pre-game hours before the Steelers-Patriots. The banner read:

Bonds: 756*Belichick: 3 Super Bowl Wins*

Best I could tell, Don Shula wasn't piloting the plane. But who knows, the Hall of Famer might have paid for it."

--Two quick "seperated at births" for you:

1. The Jacksonville Jaguars are the Pitt Panthers basketball team. They're both really good year-in and year-out, but they never seem to get to the next level. For Pitt, they can't break through the Sweet 16. For the Jags, they're a perennial 2nd place team in the AFC South. And as long as things stay the same, we can continue to make that analogy.

2. Donte Stallworth = Alfonso Soriano. Both of these young men are individuals with loads of talent. So why do they move from team to team to team? If you're a great, young player, teams usually find a way to hold on to you, especially in Soriano's case, when he was on the Yankees. There has to be more to the story in both cases.

--Detroit lost again, and you know what that means: they can only win nine games at the most, crushing Jon Kitna's prediction of at least 10. So that's two guarantees that went by the wayside on Sunday.

--Is there an NFL by-law that says Green Bay's defensive backs must always wear dreadlocks?

-Other than Pats-Steelers, there were some real blowouts on Sunday:

Indianapolis 44, Baltimore 20

Denver 41, KC 7

Minny 27, San Fran 7

Seattle 42, Arizona 21

Buffalo 38, Dolphins 17

Jacksonville 37, Carolina 6

Packers 38, Oakland 7

Yep, it looks like some teams have already closed the books on 2007.

--So the Steelers take on the aforementioned NFL version of the Pitt Panthers hoops team next week. Anyone care to offer a guarantee on the outcome?

Goodnight, Sweet Bengals

STEELERS (9-3) 24

BENGALS (4-8) 10

It was pretty sweet to watch Pitt spoil West Virginia's season on Saturday night. But Sunday night was a different kind of sweet. The Steelers effectively closed the door on Cincinnati's 2007 season, the same season that according to some was supposed to end with the vision of Chad Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh wearing Super Bowl rings. The nation can now see that for the illusion that it was.

In what's becoming a tradition, Heinz Field was the site of an ugly, nationally-televised football game, although this time the field wasn't nearly as sloppy as the play. A gamelog would probably look something along the lines of "Palmer incomplete, Palmer incomplete, Palmer incomplete, Cincinnati punt, Parker fumble" over and over.

If you thought Carson threw a lot of incompletions, you were correct: he finished 17-for-44, a whopping 38.6% completion percentage. Meanwhile, across the field, Ben Roethlisberger managed an effective 21-for-32 (65.6%), with 2 TD passes and a TD run. In the process, Palmer ran his career record against the Ben and Steelers to 2-6, once again proving all the pundits right in saying that he's the better of the two quarterbacks.

Unfortunately for the Bengals, their running game was as ineffective as West Virginia's, with just 74 yards on 23 carries. They were unable to sustain any long drives outside of the opener, and seemed to get worse as the game went on. Chad Johnson put up better numbers than he usually does against the Steelers, with six catches for 86 yards, but affected the outcome of the game very little.

The Steeler side of the ball featured a heavy attack of Willie Parker fumbling and Hines Ward making catches and falling backwards after the catch. Was I the only one who noticed that? Why does Hines always seem to lead with his back? But Hines did have a whale of a game, reeling in 11 passes for 90 yards and 2 TDs and breaking the Steeler record for TD receptions in the process. Now this was a wide receiver who made a difference in the outcome of the game.

This wasn't the most memorable Steeler game you'll see in a lifetime, but it got the job done and really put a stranglehold on the division. With the Cleveland loss, the Steelers have a virtual three-game lead on the rest of the also-rans in the AFC North.

Next Sunday will be the ultimate test, in a game that's currently off the boards in some casinos. But as this season has proved, whether it's Pitt-WVU, Steelers-Jets, Stanford-USC or Michigan-App State, anything can happen.

Game news and notes:

--Funny bit by NBC sending The Bus to Scruffy Duffy's, the Steeler bar in NYC, and staging Cris Collinsworth in a deserted lounge that was supposed to be a "Bengal Bar".

--American Gladiators is coming back on NBC? With Hulk Hogan?

--The Steelers are now 3-0 sans Polamalu and Santonio in the lineup, outscoring their opponents 48-10 in the process.

--Welcome to the NFL, Gary Russell. Wish your first stat line would've looked better than "1-1", but you have to start somewhere.

--Another solid game from Heath Miller. Pro Bowl, anyone?

Steelers Run Up the Score in Shutout of Dolphins

STEELERS (8-3) 3

DOLPHINS (0-11) 0

By the numbers, there were a few intriguing storylines to last night's debac...I mean, game. For instance, "How many plays for zero or negative yards would the Dolphins have?" (many), "How many potheads would Lawrence Timmons step on?" (one), and "How many points would be scored in the game?" (three).

Yes, last night was not a shining moment for anyone involved. Joey Porter put it best when he said that "it was like playing on the beach", although I would imagine that the beach had more traction and a more attractive crowd.

Mike Golic was on TV/radio this morning blaming the four high school championship games and Saturday's Pitt game for the poor turf, but in actuality the culprit was the new turf installed after those games. Unfortunately, each of those games ended up being more interesting than the Steeler game. Give me more Central Catholic-Gateway.

Monday night's other major storylines, other than Big Ben's upcoming exclusive interview with Channel 4 ("I don't play football for the money"), Seal's music being played at every break, and the possibility of Dave Wannstedt showing up to personally choke Ricky Williams, was the presence of one Joey Porter.

The Dolphins got their money's worth, with the $32 Million Interception Heard Round the Burgh. Mr. Peezy ended the game with 8 tackles (6 solo), 1 pick, and his 11th loss since leaving Pittsburgh.

It's hard to say anything about the actual play in a game like last night's, but I'll try. I thought the Steelers, when not sinking in quicksand, were sloppy. They had several killer penalties that wiped out first downs, and that's an aspect of the game that can't be blamed on the ground crew. The Dolphins looked every bit the part of an outmatched team, but they have to get credit for hanging in there. When your offense consists of John Beck handing off to Patrick Cobbs (who was briefly a Steeler, by the way), honestly, what do you expect?

The Steelers, coming off of consecutive games against 1-8 New York and 0-10 Miami in which the combined score was 19-19, will next face off against Hall of Famer Chad Johnson, Carson the Great, and the Cincinnati Bingles on Sunday night. In a nice change of pace for NBC, it's not a Patriot or NFC East game. Hopefully the game will also be a nice change of pace for Steeler fans, who've witnessed consecutive stinkers the past two weeks.

News and notes:

--I take my hand off to Willie Parker for crossing the 1,000-yard mark. Now if he could only improve on scoring just 2 TDs this season...

--Your obligatory Big Ben update: he's currently ranked #2 in passing in the NFL at 106, behind only Tom Brady at 127.9.

--More fun Steeler rankings: 2nd in total rushing, 22nd in total passing, 12th in total offense; 2nd against the rush, 1st against the pass, and 1st in total defense; 1st in points against and 4th in net points; and 1-1 against the Jets and Dolphins.

--Don't forget, the Steelers are now 2-0 with two shutouts without Troy Polamalu and Santonio Holmes in the lineup.

--Was I seeing things, or was that a Willie Reid appearance last night in crunch time?

--Nice interview by Stan Savran last night with Gabe Rivera on FSN's pregame show. And speaking of pregame shows, has the WTAE Sally Wiggin Monday Night show become a Pittsburgh institution yet?

--Let's send a thank-you note to the Cleveland Browns for continuing to win each week. I'm convinced that their success is, at least in a small part, pushing the Steelers.

This Should Shut Us Up For a While

JETS (2-8) 19
STEELERS (7-3) 16

Humbling. That's the only word that comes to mind after the Steelers' embarrassing 19-16 overtime loss against the New York Jets on Sunday. For all the griping and complaining we collectively do on the Steelers' behalf, it was all proven wrong for three hours yesterday. Beat the Patriots? This team can't even focus enough to beat the Patriots' whipping boy. This was a disturbing loss on a number of levels.

First, let's start with the offensive line. And that's "offensive" in more ways than one. I place this loss mostly on their shoulders, especially Sean Mahan, who was torched by Dewayne Robertson for 2.5 sacks. In case you were wondering, Dewayne had a total of .5 sacks in his previous nine games. Overall, the line surrendered a total of seven sacks against a team that had nine all season.

Remember, yesterday's game pitted the NFL's worst rush defense against the AFC's best running team. Sounds like a mismatch, right? No, it was actually the Denver game all over again. What looked good on paper did not play out as such on the field. Willie Parker had a grand total of 52 yards on 21 carries, or as I call it, "The Edgerrin James Stat Line". The Dump Truck squatted for 39 yards on eight carries, but it really didn't matter. The running game was non-existent. Although it's hard to fault Parker when he's receiving a handoff and a defender is already waiting for him in the backfield.

When you can't run the ball, odds are you'll have a hard time throwing the ball. You'll also have a hard time throwing the ball if your quarterback is always running for his life. It certainly wasn't his finest hour, but I'm not going to pin this one on Roethlisberger.

Think about it...Roethlisberger has been praised all year for his escapability. Did anyone ever sit back and wonder why he always had to scramble around? Possibly his line breaking down? But no one could really be critical of any aspect of the team when they were 7-2. However, after yesterday's loss, I'd imagine critics will be coming out of the woodwork.

The next group that gets some blame for yesterday's showing is the defense. #1 in pass defense, #1 in rush defense, #1 in total defense, #1 in fewest points allowed, blah, blah, blah. The bottom line is that they couldn't stop a rookie quarterback running a two-minute offense when it really mattered.

I believe Thomas Jones was the first Steeler opponent to run for 100 yards since, oh, Earl Campbell or so. As he blew by Brett Keisel time and time again, you knew that this game would not have a happy ending. You have to admit, though...even as he grabs his lady's beehind, he's one bad-looking dude.

Lastly, we'll save some anger for the special teams. They held Leon Washington in check for 60 minutes. Unfortunately, this game went beyond 60 minutes, and the special teamers ultimately were done in by said Mr. Washington, who broke a punt return in OT and set up the game-winning field goal. Weren't special teams supposed to be one of Mike Tomlin's points of emphasis this season? Can he call out himself in his next edition of The News?

He's flipping you off, Steeler fans

All of a sudden, the Steelers look vulnerable, beatable, and like the victim, not the bully. Next week, 0-10 Miami, led by one J-Peezy, face off against the Steelers on a Monday Night showcase. Hopefully they'll take their opponent seriously a week from tonight.

Random game/NFL thoughts:

--Great article about Steeler fans taking over the Meadowlands yesterday. If only the team was as dominant on the road.

--Phil Simms...most unintentionally entertaining announcer of a Steeler game?

--As reader Art points out, we can't forget that the Steelers blew not one, but two chances to ice this game. First, there was the Townsend INT at 7:50 of the 4th Q, followed by Parker for 3, Parker for -1, and a Roethlisberger sack -5. Then, after getting the ball back via punt at 4:15, we had Parker -2, Parker +6, Roethlisberger sack -4. This is the definition of "not closing".

--Again, another strong performance by the Skipper, hitting from 33, 37, and 48. If you ever see him out and about, buy him a drink.

--Maybe we're all underestimating the Jets. Don't forget, a certain juggernaut felt the need to videotape them.

--Speaking of the Cobra Kai Patriots (sorry, I was slipping into a Bill Simmons coma), that was a highly entertaining squashing of Buffalo last night. Entertaining from the standpoint of seeing how long Brady would stay in the game and if a Bill would take a cheap shot at him. Plus, we had the always-fun shots of Ralph Wilson in the owner's box.

Who's on Sunday night next week? That's right, New England. That means we can see Jeffrey Loria squirm as the Patriots build a 42-3 first quarter lead against the Eagles.

Update: I will reprimand myself for the gross error from the above wisecrack, in the words of Mike from the comments section:

"Jeffrey Loria is busy trying to trade Miguel Cabrera for pennies on the dollar. But Jeffrey Lurie might not enjoy next Sunday's game."

Blogger has a spellcheck feature, but unfortunately not an ownercheck feature. My apologies for implying that the Marlins owner would be squeamish while watching the Patriots game.

--One more Patriot point: I realize that they're giving the middle finger to the entire league this year. But let's go back and analyze this: they get the memo about video. They ignore it and get caught in week one. People immediately criticize them, and deservedly so. Who knows how long they've been doing this? All legitimate questions. Yet somehow they turn this around and play the victim card. Pats fans, riddle me this: If you're so awesome, why did you feel the need to cheat against the lowly Jets?

--What was the combined age of the two QBs in the Green Bay-Carolina game? Seriously, Vinny against Brett? Who did the coin toss, JoePa? No, he was busy losing to Michigan State, Penn State's "rival".

--Speaking of college football, anyone who likes movies with sad endings should become a Pitt Panther fan. No one can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory quite like the Panthers.

--Don't you love the roller coaster ride that is NFL analysis? All season, we've heard the Colts will be playing in the AFC Championship at Foxboro. Now, the Colts are struggling to the point that Peyton Manning and Brodie Croyle's stat lines from a head-to-head matchup are virtually interchangeable. Anyone care to take back that prediction?

--The ending of that Cleveland-Baltimore game was just plain dumb. "The play is not reviewable." Why not? Wouldn't that take about five seconds to judge from the replay booth?

--I can remember growing up and eagerly awaiting the 49ers-Rams matchups. Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Eric Dickerson, Chris Everett...

Let's just say that this generation won't have the same fuzzy feelings about the 2007 edition of Trent Dilfer vs. Marc Bulger.

--Carson Palmer's stat line from yesterday was actually four touchdowns, not two. The stat men didn't give him credit for the pair that he threw to Antrel Rolle of the Cardinals. All in all, the Palmer-to-Rolle connection was productive, hooking up three times for 127 yards and two scores in the Cardinals' 35-27 win.

--Four touchdowns for Randy Moss and Terrell Owens on the same day? Couldn't happen to a nicer pair of front-runners. If Randy Moss tried that hard in Oakland, maybe they wouldn't have been so horrible.

--The stats are in from the Reggie Bush-Mario Williams Bowl:

Bush: 15 carries, 34 yards; 12 catches, 70 yards; 0 TD; 2 fumbles - 1 lost

Williams: 6 tackles, 1 sack

--Are you ready for some football tonight? I know I can't wait for the Vince Young Aerial Attack. You know, around 10 completions, 110 yards, 0 TDs, and a pick.

In the End, Cleveland Still Sucks

STEELERS (7-2) 31

BROWNS (5-4) 28

Life as a Clevelander has to be a difficult task. The weather isn't so great. The face of your city looks like this:

And your sports teams continue to find new and innovative ways to break your heart. If it's not out-and-out, Pittsburgh Pirate-esque levels of ineptitude, it's the crushing sense of false hope.

Lebron James was the chosen one...we were all witnesses...and then the Cavs were swept out of the NBA Finals quicker than you can say, "Larry Hughes is a steal at $38 million !"

The Indians then teased their long-suffering fans by building a 3-1 lead in this year's ALCS on Boston, then watching helplessly as Manny Ramirez sent another home run into the night. If that weren't bad enough, said savior of the basketball franchise, the same person who grew up in Cleveland, shows up at the first-round playoff games in a freaking Yankee hat. I think we've covered the topic of "icon loyalty to other sports" quite nicely on this site.

The third virtual nut-kick to many Clevelanders came on Saturday, when their #1-ranked Buckeyes were upended by traditional power Illinois and mastermind coach Ron Zook (and yes, I'm aware that OSU is in Columbus, but let's not be coy and pretend like there aren't tons of Buckeye fans in Cleveland). At least their game-ending skirmish showed that they were classy in defeat to a perennial doormat. Somewhere, Maurice Clarett is embarrassed to be associated with the school after that performance.

After the Cavs, the Indians, and the Buckeyes, we find ourselves at the doorstep of the Cleveland Browns. Traditionally, they've been a combination of the LA Clippers, Atlanta Hawks, Kansas City Royals, and Tampa Bay Devil Rays...only less successful. They are Earnest Byner and Dennis Northcutt. They are Tim Couch and Courtney Brown. They are Chris Palmer, Butch Davis, and Art Modell. They are the fan that gets slammed by James Harrison. They are a blown 17-point lead in the 2002 playoffs. They have no logo and no identity. They are the nail to Pittsburgh's hammer. They are the Cleveland Browns.

Sure, the Browns were blown out of their own building in week one. But this Sunday was supposed to be different. They were starting a new quarterback, one that wasn't traded immediately after week one, one that doesn't pose for embarrassing photos with Bret Michaels. They were 5-3, riding high at 2nd place in the AFC North. They came in thinking that they could win the game. And for an entire half, it looked like they might be right. Then, reality set in, Derek Anderson realized he was Derek Anderson, and the Browns remembered that they aren't supposed to win games like this.

Sunday's first half was as bad as Monday's was good. The defense forgot that if they stopped Cleveland on third down, they would get the ball back. The special teams attempted to make Josh Cribbs look like the AFC version of Devin Hester. And the offense sputtered in the red zone at a Buffalo Bill-like level. We were being decisively beaten in our own building, and by the Browns, no less. It was every Yinzer's worst nightmare.

But then the second half came, and as Phil Simms would say, the Browns were "Tossed aside like a small child". And yes, he really did use the line "tossed aside like a small child" today. That might explain a lot about Chris Simms' upbringing, famously speculated on by Steve Young. But I digress.

The Steelers were a different team for the last half-hour of Sunday's contest. Their quarterback, once as low as 17 in the BCS quarterback rankings, showed that he may be even better than I portrayed him in Friday's controversial post. Even more impressive than his passing was his new found rushing prowess, running for a career-high 49 yards and a game-saving TD. He was Michael Vick minus the dogfighting, fake names, and losing. He was winning the game through the air and on the ground. Why he is not mentioned in the MVP race may be my next cause to take up.

The Steelers defense woke up in the second half and re-established themselves as the bully, rattling Anderson and limiting the running back version of Steve McNair (slow, overpaid, and past his prime) to 35 yards on 16 carries. For those who wish to debate that description, Jamal has 36 carries for 72 yards in the last two weeks. That's two yards a carry, for any Clevelanders reading this post.

In the end, the good guys pulled it out once again, running their record to 7-2 and giving themselves a two-game buffer from the rest of the division. With an upcoming schedule of the New York Jets (1-8), Miami (0-9), and Cincinnati (3-6), the Steelers are at least poised to be in a fairly good spot once the New England game rolls around.

As for Cleveland, all is not lost. You're still in second place, you're still better than Cincinnati and Baltimore, and since you decided to make a Belichickian-style signing, you have Ricardo Colclough on your roster. Unfortunately, you're still not the Steelers.

Game notes:

--Taking a hint from their state brethren a day earlier, the Browns thought it was a good idea to try and mix it up with the Steelers after the clock's final tick. You know, the always-classy defensive call of "blitz on a kneel-down". I feared for someone's life after seeing the look in James Harrison's eyes. That is not a guy to mess with. "Taunting death by linebacker": yet another bad idea by a Cleveland Brown.

--Pomps hit on this in the post-game show, and I have to agree: the offensive line scares me at times, but it's hard to knock them when the team is 7-2. That being said, I think Roethlisberger's escapability makes them look better than they are.

--Please, please, PLEASE...someone take the challenge flags away from Mike Tomlin. Cut him off. You know I love you, coach, but you're simply awful at picking plays to challenge.

--Speaking of challenges, how about Romeo Crennel's? That was probably the best run Cleveland had all day. Despite his size, I'm pretty sure he's faster than Jamal Lewis.

--I think Anthony Smith is ready to step into the role of "Steeler Capable of Really Annoying Me at Times".

--Nice effort by #86 today. Awful holding penalty, though. He redeemed himself when he gave that football to the little girl.

--After all that hoopla, guess how many yards of offense Cleveland finished with on Sunday? 163.

--Braylon Edwards does a lot of talking for a guy with one catch on the afternoon. He looks like a future Baltimore Raven to me.

--This Week in Willie Parker History: 105 yards rushing, and a long of 31. 0-1 in the passing department, though. If you want to be the next Ladainian Tomlinson (and you're pretty close), you have to work on your passing efficiency.

--The play of Heath Miller this year is making me downright giddy. Whenever people knock the quality/depth of the Steelers' receivers, don't forget the contributions that Miller has made this season.

--I didn't realize that the only kick Skippy's missed this season was that 65-yarder at Denver, adding to his already-legendary status.

--And to close, from the "I'm Not the Only One Ticked Off" Category:

"All I ever hear is about [Tom] Brady and Peyton [Manning], but this guy we have here is very special," defensive end Brett Keisel said. "He makes plays those guys don't make and that's what makes him so special. He can get out of the pocket, he can create, he's a beast and we're glad he wears black and gold."

Payback's a Ben

STEELERS (6-2) 38

RAVENS (4-4) 7

Thoughts from Super Bowl 41.75...

--I can say with little hesitation that last night's game was one of the most enjoyable I've ever experienced as a Steeler fan. From the opponent to the 75th Anniversary Team to the memorable individual performances, it was a fantastic evening.

--I vividly remember some local pundits saying that James Harrison should not be a starter for the Steelers, blaming pedigree and size among other reasons. I never fell into that camp, feeling that Silverback always seemed to make things happen. I think he validated my argument last night. Joey Who?

--Maybe now Harrison will be known nationally for something other than this:

--If Ben Roethlisberger is having a season like this any other year, it's big news. He is on pace for 40 touchdowns. Let me repeat that. He is on pace for 40 touchdowns.

--Roethlisberger's escapability is starting to become the stuff of legends. Is there anyone better at extending a play?

Texas alum?

--The Steelers had at least 8-10 plays last night that legitimately made me jump out of my seat. And the blocking! I particularly enjoyed the one where Hines Ward hit Ed Reed so hard that he immediately signaled the trainer afterwards. Mike Tirico put it best when he said, "Hines Ward has been picking off DBs all night."

--Lost in the euphoria of last night was the 1st quarter play that reminded everyone that Ike Taylor still can't catch.

--I don't know what Tirico was thinking with some of his banter in the 2nd half. As the Ravens are losing 38-7, Tirico is going on and on about how the Ravens have tightened up their defense in the second half and how this could have a carry-over effect to next week. As I was wondering what planet Tirico was on, Ron Jaworski spoke up and said that there was nothing good about a 38-7 blowout.

--John Clayton was especially irritating on Mike and Mike this morning. I believe it was the quote, "Well, the next time they play [in the AFC Championship], Indianapolis will have to travel to Foxboro" that put me over the edge.

Gee, why even bother with the second half of the season or the playoffs? I mean, I know the Steelers don't play in Indianapolis or New England, but aren't they at least in the conversation as a contender at this point? They just got done allowing 104 total yards (33 coming on one play) and 5 first downs. They are a whole one game behind Indianapolis. They've outscored their opponents, 222-98. And they are one of just a handful of teams that have won their first four home games by at least 20 or more. That's OK, though. Keep giving all the attention to the other two teams, and we'll cruise right under the radar.

Apparently, no one learned a lesson from the 2005 season when definitively declaring who will play in Championship and Super Bowl games. My favorite soundbite from the XL run was Dan Patrick asking Michael Irvin about the Steelers' chances of winning in Indianapolis: "Not a chance, Dan!", the Playmaker said emphatically.

--Clayton's next topic tossed to him was comparing football in the 70s to football today. He noted that there are several great QBs today..."you know, the big two, and then guys like Carson Palmer". Regular readers know how I feel on that topic.

--The only negative from last night, other than Roethlisberger's brief injury exit, was the lack of a running game. The Steelers ran 39 times for just 90 yards (2.3/carry).

--Steve McNair was so bad, Baltimore should just cut him today. He was historically bad. He can't move, his long pass was that 9-yarder to the backup tight end, and he leads the league in fumbles. He completed 13 passes for 63 yards; how that is even possible to have that few yards with that many completions, I don't know.

Unlike most QBs, Steve McNair chooses to throw the ball when it's not in his hands

--Baltimore continued to amaze me all night. As the deficit kept growing and growing, the Ravens kept inexplicably whooping and hollering louder and louder. Of course, Mike Tirico chalked it up to the Ravens not quitting, when clearly it was a bunch of thugs hitting after the whistle and trying to start trouble. Luckily, Ed Hochuli was on the case, so any funny business was dealt with quickly and severely.

--Jaws said last night that McNair is banged up and can't properly plant, therefore he can't produce adequate velocity. Fortunately, the Ravens have a backup plan: Kyle Boller will line up on one knee and throw the 50-yard bombs that they drafted him for.

--Anyone else catch the interview with Mel Blount? You know, the one when Michelle Tafoya asked him about the Ravens' performance, and he said, "it's pretty pathetic".

--By the way, was Blount born with that cowboy hat on his head? I believe that's the same affliction that affects Jim Brown.

--The Steelers played Cincinnati last week, and we concluded that they are in complete disarray. They played Baltimore last night, and they're obviously in complete disarray. Of course, both of these teams were picked to finish ahead of the Steelers pretty much across the board, which goes to show you what analysts' opinions are worth.

--Was I seeing things, or was that Lawrence Timmons recovering a fumble?

--Nice little game out of #43 last night, no?

--Skippy Reed, Steelers Enforcer?

--The PG had a fantastic photo gallery today, with memorable shots like this:

Ben hits Nate; Stan is unimpressed

--When did Mean Joe morph into Grady from Sanford and Son?

--For those of you wondering, Joey Porter and Jack Lambert were the only two no-shows for the 75th anniversary festivities.

--I'll close with this: we want you, New England. Preferably undefeated.

Steelers Beat Bengals; Bengals Fans Still Thinking Playoffs

STEELERS (5-2) 24

BENGALS (2-5) 13

Rub Hines' head...it's good luck!

Clearly I'm kidding with that headline...or am I? Actually, I think reality is finally setting in with our AFC North neighbors. The Steelers' 24-13 win yesterday seemed, at least to me, to display a Bengal team with a lot less life than in recent years.

After witnessing another blahse performance by Chad Johnson against the black and gold (5 catches, 51 yards), I was compelled to look up his game-by-game history against the Steelers to prove that I wasn't just imagining things. My findings (catches, yards, TDs):

2001: 5-52-0 and 2-25-0

2002: 7-71-0 and 7-152-0

2003: 4-77-0 and 7-117-1

2004: 4-54-0 and 5-80-1

2005: 4-94-0 and 5-54-0 [Postseason vs. Steelers: 4-59-0]

2006: 1-11-0 and 4-53-0

Chad Johnson Career vs. Steelers (counting playoff game): 64 catches, 950 yards, 2 TD

Chad Johnson Career average vs. Steelers: 4 catches - 59 yards, and a touchdown every 7.5 games

Yep, that's right. The Sideline Hall of Famer has scored 2 touchdowns in 15 career games against the Steelers. And considering the emphasis that the Bengals put on their Steeler matchups (a.k.a. "Steeler Week"), I'm suggesting that Johnson is not a big-game player.

Keep waiting, 85

Rather than waste any more time on a team going nowhere, I'd rather talk about an impressive all-around performance by the Steelers: they threw the ball, they ran the ball, they defended the run, they defended the pass, they created turnovers (OK, turnover)...they completely outclassed the Bengals, as usual.

Willie Parker was excellent, rambling for 126 yards and a TD on 26 carries. His longs, as I always point out for those who like to pretend they never happened, were 17 and 32 yards. For anyone who reads these weekly wrapups, you've probably noticed a trend: Parker is getting at least two sizable runs in each game. I'd rather have a gamebreaker like that than three yards, three yards, three yards, 4th-and-1.

Hines Ward had another strong performance, reeling in 8 catches for 88 yards and 2 TDs, giving him a total of 15 catches in the last two games. Ward started the season slowly, with just 9 catches in the first three games, but his presence has done nothing but strengthen the passing attack.

Santonio Holmes continued his domination in the state of Ohio, adding 6 catches for 87 yards. This all added up to a 19-26, 230 yard, 2 TD game for Large Ben. Roethlisberger repeatedly avoided the rush, wiggled out of potential sacks, and extended plays far beyond what was accepted.

With that being said, I must bring up this point: during the CBS broadcast, Dick Enberg was talking about Ben's last two "first halves" (Cincy and Denver), spouting off some impressive stats. Don't quote me, but it was something along the lines of 22-29, 5 TDs. It was a nice little story. Of course, Randy Cross had to immediately spoil the moment by saying, "Yeah...that would be a good half for Tom Brady."

Newest member of the Tom Brady Man-Crush Club

You see, comments like that are why people hate the Patriots and why people equally hate most announcers. They're watching a Steelers-Bengals game, witnessing an impressive performance by the Steelers QB, and we're being beat over the head with more Patriots banter.

And if I may continue my rant on telecasts, can we please put a moratorium on people trying to being funny and say when reading highlights, "Tom Brady...he's pretty good."

Ha ha ha. It's funny because the announcer is pretending that Tom Brady isn't any good, when he obviously is. It would be funnier if:

A. The joke hasn't been done 800 times already, or

B. The announcer was using it in reference to, say, Cleo Lemon or Damon Huard.

Obviously, I can't wait for a week's worth of build up for another Patriots regular season game next Sunday.

For my next rant, I'd like to talk about Carson Palmer, the ringless man universally regarded as better than Ben Roethlisberger. Once again, the QBs went head-to-head, and once again, Palmer went home on the losing end. For those of you scoring at home, the career scoreboard now looks like this: Roethlisberger 5, Palmer 2. Keep the stats, give me the wins. I'd take Roethlisberger over Palmer 100 times out of 100.

That's all the rants and Bengal/Patriot hatred I have in me for one morning. Regardless of how horrible their offense is, I'm sure Baltimore will put up a fight next Monday night, so count on another spiritied recap for a hated divisional opponent.

Thoughts from around the game, around the league, and around the sports world:

--Congrats to the Boston Red Sox on winning the World Series. It couldn't happen to a more humble, classy, non-obnoxious fan base. I can only hope that the Patriots win the Super Bowl, Boston College wins the BCS, the Celtics win the NBA Championship and the Bruins win the Stanley Cup.

--I was listening to ESPN radio on Friday and caught some of their "Fantasy Expert", Matthew Berry. You know, The Talented Mr. Roto? This guy couldn't talk up Brian Griese enough for the Bears game against Detroit. He hyped him to the point that you thought Griese would have 500 yards and 8 touchdowns, you know, just like Tom Brady has in the first half. He stopped just short of telling the host of the show to start Griese in front of Peyton Manning. Griese finished with 208 yards and 4 INTs. If there is a job that pays you for predictions and analysis like that, where do I sign up?

--Derek Anderson had another big game for the Browns yesterday. But have you noticed his opponents in these games? He's gone back to back against 0-8 St. Louis and 0-8 Miami. He also had a big game against the Bengals and their horrible defense. Of course, against the Steelers, his passer rating was 65, the Patriots 59, and Oakland (who actually has a good defense), 57. So let's not induct him into Canton alongside Chad Johnson just yet.

--The Jets-Bills game featured appearances by not one, not two, but four horrible QBs: JP Losman, Trent Edwards, Chad Pennington, and Kellen Clemens. Not surprisingly, a total of 16 points were scored.

--Everyone enjoy that Dolphins-Giants game from Foggy Londontown yesterday? NFL Globalization...feel the excitement!

--Vince Young continues to amaze me. 6 completions, 42 yards, and the Titans win yet again. I don't get it either.

--What's a more crushing defeat: the way Pitt lost on Saturday or the way Penn State lost Saturday?

That Certainly Sucked

BRONCOS (3-3) 31

STEELERS (4-2) 28

Despite the best efforts of Ben Roethlisberger and Tim Spaeth, the Steelers ultimately could not pull it out last night in Denver, falling to the Broncos, 31-28. The only mistake the Steelers made, other than the three turnovers, letting Skippy Wolfendale attempt a 65-yard field goal, and Mike Tomlin screwing up the last-second time-out, was leaving the Broncos too much time on the clock to pull out a W.

Jay Cutler, disheveled hair and all, put his team into sufficient position for a game-ending field goal by the apparently un-iceable Jason Elam. One walk-off kick later, the Steelers ensured a lower ranking in everyone's Power Rankings this week as Elam split the uprights. Prepare for your freefall in the Fine Fifteen.

Personally, I felt the game was over after Tim Crowder took back a Ben fumble to the house and put the Broncos up by 14 in the 2nd quarter. I was impressed that the Steelers were able to mount a comeback, but it was only necessary because of the hole that they dug for themselves.

This was a Bronco team ranked last in the league in rush defense, missing Champ Bailey to boot. On the offensive side, they were missing Javon Walker. The Broncos winning the game without those players was the most ridiculous thing I've seen since, oh, the Steelers shutting out the Seahawks without Ward, Polamalu, Holmes and McFadden.

This game was a tale of two halves: the half when the Steelers scored 7, and the half when the Steelers scored 21. They were consistently inconsistent, negating big plays with big errors at every available opportunity. The offense had trouble finding any kind of rhythm, and the defense went back to their old ways of allowing any 3rd and forever to become a first down. I think it's safe to say that everyone expected a better performance from the Steelers. Maybe they were reading all of the stories saying how they were the class of the AFC, or the stories throwing dirt on the Broncos' 2007 season, but this did not play out as many predicted. Let's hope their collective heads get screwed on straight in time for the Bengals next Sunday.

Random observations from the game:

--Three TD passes to tight ends? Are we sure they didn't change Heath Miller's position to wide receiver?

--Despite my dislike of Coach Tomlin's game plan, he gets an A+ for his choice of headgear on Sunday night. Loved that hat. He may have a winning percentage of .667, but in the fashion department, he's batting 1.000.

--Was I the only one who heard the circus music in the background of that 3-yard kick return by Allen Rossum?

--Nice to see Hines Ward reeling in seven catches, considering his totals in three previous starts this season: one, three, and five.

--For those scoring at home, FWP's runs to throw out last night were 24 and 27 yards.

--Doesn't Mike Shanahan remind you of Tony LaRussa in some way, shape or form?

--Did the name Elvis Dumervil ring a bell? He's the guy that was formally introduced to Marcus Vick's cleat in the 2005 Gator Bowl. By the way, how are the Vick brothers doing in the NFL this year?

--So much for Keith Olbermann's prediction that the Steelers will go 15-1.

Around the league...

--Baltimore-Buffalo was painful to watch. Painful. Buffalo's not a bad team, they just absolutely cannot score in the red zone if you spotted them at the 1 yard line with four downs. Although it's hard to single them out when another team had to kick eight field goals. Meanwhile, Baltimore is Baltimore. It's very hard to watch them and consider them seriously as a threat in the division. Then again, we just lost to a team that lost their previous game to Norv Turner by 38 points, so we might not want to get too far ahead of ourselves.

--Don't look now, but the Giants are 5-2. So if history repeats itself, they should be quitting on Tom Coughlin sometime in the next week or two.

--I despise the Patriots, but I have no problem at all with them running up the score. This is the NFL, not Pop Warner.

--Admit it: no one believes Cleo Lemon can win because his first name is "Cleo" and his last name is "Lemon". Seriously, how many times have you heard this line: "How can the Dolphins win? They have Cleo Lemon at quarterback!"

--Tom Brady just threw another TD, Rob Bironas just kicked another field goal, and Big Ben just turned it over again.

--Gotta love that Vikings game plan: give the ball to Adrian Peterson 12 times and take your chances.

--Jeff Garcia went 37-45 (82%) yesterday against the Lions. If I've heard it once, I've heard it 1,000 times: Carmella Dicesare loves QBs with high completion percentages.

--I've officially lost it with the national media when discussing Chad Johnson...

"Oh, he's so much fun!"

"He just loves the game!"

"He does it in a way that doesn't disparage the opposition!"

Here's the truth: Chad Johnson is looking more and more like a locker-room cancer that is threatening to blow the Bengals into a million pieces. He rides his QB. He blows up at halftime. He's a selfish, me-first player in a team game. Ever remember Jerry Rice doing the Riverdance or putting on a Hall of Fame jacket after a TD? Exactly.

--Congrats to the Pitt Panthers and Coach Wannstache for the big and improbable win over Cincinnati on Saturday. How they slowed down a team that scored 40.6 points per game, especially after getting shredded by the likes of Navy, is beyond me. It was a great all-around game, with the Panthers notching two 100-yard rushers in the same game for the first time since 1988. My only question: Will Dave Wannstedt in the booth become a good luck charm?

--Not sure if you've heard this or not, but Kevin Millar, a current member of the Orioles, appeared in a Fox spot rooting on the Red Sox, using the phrase "we", and throwing out the first pitch in game seven. Considering the thoughts of this Orioles blog, it looks like a hot debate.

Whised On

CARDINALS (2-2) 21

STEELERS (3-1) 14

Sorry it took so long to get the recap and game notes posted. I was following around Ken Whisenhunt while he was shaking hands with every member of the Steelers' organization. We're flying back to Pittsburgh, as we still have a few ballboys and trainers to catch, but don't fret...we will not meet up with Big Ben.

But we'll have to get back to Phoenix soon. Today is the parade around the desert for all of the former Steelers employees carrying around their "Steelers Revenge" trophy. I guess they showed us. As a matter of fact, I know Dan Rooney is already second-guessing his hiring of Mike Tomlin. And Chukky Okobi...what a difference-maker.

All kidding aside, what a horrible game on Sunday. A few questions:

1. Do the Steelers have an offensive line anymore, or are the guys up front participants from some kind of expensive Steeler fantasy camp? Is getting pushed around by the Cardinals considered the low point in a lineman's career?

2. When did the Cardinals get fans? Were they really a bunch of bored Cowboy fans who still hate the Steelers from the '70s? Or does it simply take an invasion of Yinzers waving yellow cloth to bring them out?

3. The two-headed QB worked for Florida last year, with Chris Leak and Tim Tebow bringing the Gators a championship. Anyone think it will work out as nicely for the Cards? Me neither.

4. Did the presence of Ken Whisenhunt make Ben Roethlisberger feel like it was 2006 again?

5. Is Tunch Ilkin a psychic? On the radio broadcast, after the Steelers were penalized on a 4th-quarter punt, Tunch proclaimed that "nothing good happens when you have to re-kick." Unless you consider giving Pittsburgh's own Steve Breaston his 1st NFL touchdown a good thing. I don't.

Even the usual "Willie Parker long run" couldn't make much of a difference on Sunday. 19 carries, 37 yards, with a long of 20. That's 1.9 per carry, if you're scoring at home. I guess it was his turn to be the crappy fantasy league running back of the week.

I mused last week the Steelers could absolutely lose this game, if only for the reason that this league has been so inconsistent this season. Take a look around...it's not just the Steelers. Philadelphia craps the bed early on, they're ready to run McNabb out of town, then they put up 50+ on the Lions. Of course, they would go on to score 3 points and surrender 12 sacks to the also-inconsistent Giants on Sunday night.

Or take Cleveland. They look like they belong in the MAC after they play the Steelers...then they put up 51 on Cincy...then they lose to Oakland, a 2-14 team a year ago...then they beat Baltimore, a 2006 playoff team, by two touchdowns. I can't figure it out, either. And to think, people wager money on this league.

Scary as it sounds, the cliche "on any given Sunday..." applies this season more than ever. Unfortunately, Steamin' Willie Beamon is not walking through the door to save anyone's season. We'll have to rely on Fast Willie Parker. Let's hope for a better performance against Seattle.

Thoughts from around the league:

--Shouldn't they rename the Sunday night game, "The NFC East on NBC"? As you can tell, I'm not letting this topic die. We're getting waaay too much NFC East. And it's not just NBC. Think of me next Monday when you're watching the highly-anticipated Dallas-Buffalo matchup on ESPN.

--Daunte Culpepper wins the "Whisenhunt/Grimm Revenge Award" for his performance against the Dolphins on Sunday. If only he played like that when he was a Dolphin, he'd probably still be there.

--Matt Schaub is a runner-up in the "Whisenhunt/Grimm Revenge Award" for his showing against the Falcons on Sunday. 317 yards and a TD was a nice performance. Unfortunately, he couldn't beat the Falcons, so his performance is automatically negated.

--I might want to re-think that "Tampa Bay winning the NFC South" comment last week after the always-reliable Cadillac Williams went out for the season on Sunday (as well as OL Luke Petitgout).

--A look around at this week's winning QBs includes Trent Edwards, Derek Anderson, Jon Kitna, Joey Harrington, and Damon Huard. I'd say that's mildly frightening.

--I can't remember another NFL player that has an on/off switch quite like Randy Moss's. As Mr. Tony said last night, I hope that 4th-rounder Oakland gets is really good.

--So are Bears fans going to call for Kyle Orton next? Most importantly, what does Jim Belushi think of all this?

--That Norv Turner, all he does is win. Anyone familiar with the Peter Principle?

--John Clayton just reported that the Chargers will consider giving Pete Carroll total control if things don't turn around in San Diego. It's week four.

--How bad are things in San Diego? The Chargers are 1-3, and the Padres just got knocked out of the playoffs on a phantom touch of home plate. Bad times for Champ Kind.

--Bengal fans, you might want to sell your Super Bowl tickets. Just a hunch. And to Chad Johnson, when Mike Greenberg is saying you need to walk the walk, that's about as embarrassing as it gets for an athlete.

How Good Are They?

STEELERS (3-0) 37

49ERS (2-1) 16

It's been a rough couple of days for old Mondesi. As you may have noticed, postings have been scarce around these parts. I think I just saw a tumbleweed roll by. Oh yeah, there it is again...

Yes, I was quite ill. And since I'm a one-man band, that meant no Mondesi's House for the past few days. In fact, I'm still not 100%, but at least I've been upgraded from "OUT" to "PROBABLE". Adjust your fantasy blogger rosters accordingly.

What does this have to do with the Steeler game you ask? Well, nothing. But judging by all the people who visited and found nothing but week-old links sections, I thought you were way overdue for some fresh content. So tough it out I will.

As for football, I watched a lot of it while I was under the weather. I watched Thursday night football, Friday night football, Saturday night football, and Sunday night football. I watched high school, college, and pro. I watched more SportsCenter than legal limits allow. And I made plenty of observations.

The strangest thing I saw? That would have to be this, which was best summarized by USA Today:

ESPN's Mike Patrick, moments before what would be the winning play in Georgia's 26-23 overtime win against Alabama, told boothmate Todd Blackledge, "I've got an important question. What's Britney Spears doing with her life?"

Blackledge, understandably, seemed mystified. After Patrick pressed him on the subject, Blackledge spoke for viewers everywhere: "Why do we care?"

Patrick said Sunday, in a quote relayed through ESPN spokesman Mike Humes: "I have a weird sense of humor and thought this was funny."

Yeah, it was that kind of weekend. Bizarre moments aplenty. Penn State losing to Michigan, a team they were mocking just a few weeks earlier. UConn blowing out Pitt at home, in a game that reinvigorated the owner of Firedavewannstedt.com, if nothing else. Louisville, once thought of as a national title contender, upended by lowly Syracuse. Texas Tech's quarterback throwing for 646 yards...in a losing effort. It was a crazy start to my football oversaturation weekend. And that was just the college circuit.

Sunday featured even more off-the-wall hijinks. Donovan McNabb, left for dead by nearly everyone, probably even Mama McNabb, throws for 381 yards, 4 TDs, and leads his team to 56 points and a victory in the ugliest uniforms known to mankind. Ladainian Tomlinson and the Chargers continued to struggle, falling to the ageless (and undefeated) Brett Favre. Rex Grossman threw a bunch of interceptions...well, I didn't say everything was unexpected this weekend.

That brings us to the Steeler game, which, by this year's standards, was exactly as expected. The black and gold played suffocating defense, the offense was efficient, they ran the ball well, and we even got a kick return touchdown to boot. They bottled up Frank Gore for just 39 yards, giving him a 3-game total of 175 and relegating him to the "early season disappointment" category, alongside Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson, and Tomlinson, who've combined for just one 100-yard game thus far.

On the other hand, Willie Parker owners must be happy, because he's had nothing but 100-yard games...three of them, in fact, but who's counting? And in this week's "Let's throw out Parker's top two carries" game, they were 23 and 17 yards, if you were interested.

Another pleasing aspect of the game is the continued commitment (so far) to the tight end. Heath Miller led the team with 82 yards receiving, which was a nice option to have when Nate Clements is covering your receivers. We also saw a rare touchdown from Jerame Tuman, who was filling the quota of tight end touchdowns in the absence of Matt Spaeth.

Yes, it was another feel-good game for the Steelers. There's joy in Tomlinville. They're moving up the buzz list of the NFL. But don't get me wrong, they're not yet in the hallowed grounds of Indianapolis and New England. You know, the "so much better than you're team, you're just wasting your breath if you disagree with us" category. Yeah, that is the same category that San Diego and their Most Talented 53 Man Roster on Planet Earth called home just two weeks ago, as a matter of fact.

But seriously, the whole respect card means nothing beyond stirring up debate among fans. The last time I checked, Peter King and John Clayton's opinions had no effect on a team's postseason destiny (although it would if they were involved in college football, scary as that sounds). What matters is how the Steelers perform against the teams on their schedule. And so far, that has been nothing short of breathtaking.

The most common complaint about the Steelers is that "they haven't played anyone". Very true. But here's how I come to the conclusion that they're a good team: if they lost to their opponents thus far, they would be a bad team. Probably 2-4 wins. If they were struggling with their opponents so far, they would be a mediocre team. I'm guessing 6-8 wins. But they are dominating these teams, as the 27, 23, and 21-point defecits would illustrate. That would put them in the class of 10-12 wins, which I feel should be very attainable for this team. And that would make them a good team.

This week will be an emotional one, as they face the "Pittsburgh West" Cardinals. There's some question as to who will man the ship for the Birds, but the Pittsburgh connections will be many and they will be passionate. Ken Whisenhunt, Russ Grimm, Chukky Okobi, Sean Morey, Mike Barr, and Rodney Bailey are all former Rooney family employees. And don't forget Pittsburgh's own Steve Breaston, as well as former Pitt Panthers Larry Fitzgerald and Gerald Hayes. Yes, it will be a good one on Sunday. Not the great measuring stick we all want, but a good one nonetheless. If it goes to script, then the Steelers will be 4-0. But then again, that's a lot to ask for in a year that's been as topsy-turvy as this one.