The Simpsons Version of Brett Favre's Football in the Groin

Kissing Suzy Kolber is one of my all-time favorite websites, and they hit it out of the park today with their Simpsonized remix of Brett Favre getting hit in the groin with a football yesterday. It's a five-star effort.

I've also gotta give them a plug for their most recent roasting of Big Ben, which had me laughing out loud multiple times.  It quickly made me forget about that horrible Penguins game last night, which I'd rather not discuss if at all possible.

Mondesi's House: The Director's Cut (more links, commentary, etc): twitter.com/mondesishouse
Email: mondesishouse@gmail.com

Tuesday News and Notes

Today's news includes the Steelers switching to the Swoosh, an update on Orpik and Michalek, U2 coming to Heinz Field, Russian Penguin fans, and much more...

NEWS AND NOTES

--Smilin' Hines Ward is your Whirl Magazine cover boy for September. Sorry ladies, but there's no centerfold. [Whirl Magazine]

--Dave Dameshek pretty much goes off on a variety of topics in this glorious article from Page 2. [ESPN.com]

--The Artist Formerly Known as PittGirl is out of the anonymous-blogging closet, and to celebrate, she's started a new blog. Be sure to stop over for the grand opening. [That's Church]

--Despite only five hits, the Pirates beat the Brewers 3-1, finishing off an improbable three-game sweep. That win pulls them a mere 21 games under .500. They're on fire, I tell ya. [ESPN.com]

--Don Ohlmeyer takes over as the new ESPN Ombudsman, and the network's coverage (or non-coverage) of a certain Large QB dominates his debut column. I think he's getting paid by the word. [ESPN.com]

--The Wannstache makes it official: Bill Stull is your starting QB. And that's FINAL! [PG]

--Count Joe Starkey in the ever-expanding "Pirates should tank it for Bryce Harper" boat. Actually, I don't think the Pirates have to actually try to tank. [Trib]

--Now that the dust has settled, can we make any calls on what the Pirates' roster looks like? As if 49-70 didn't already give you an idea? [PB&G]

--Speaking of tanking, that's a good way to describe the state of the Andrea McNulty lawsuit against Big Ben. [PG]

--The TV-friendly Penguins will appear on Versus eight times in the coming season. People may knock Versus, but they know a good thing when they see it. [KDKA/PSI]

--Those looking to get peed on, take note: R. Kelly is coming to Pittsburgh. You were warned. [96.1 Kiss Morning Freak Show]

--This article should make you feel comfortable with the prospect of Trai Essex lining up at guard this year. [PG]

--There's at least one Pittsburgher excited about the return of Brett Favre. That makes...one. [Move the Needle]

--And here's 10 things Lord Favre should fear when facing the AFC North this season. [ESPN AFC North Blog]

--If you've ever wondered what the Steelers look like as characters from Mad Men, then today is your lucky day, my friend. [Blog 'n' Gold]

Thanks to all bearing with me through the slow posting times and helping out by sending stuff in on Wednesday. Your photos and emails will be up soon, and keep them coming!

Email: Mondesishouse@gmail.com Twitter: twitter.com/mondesishouse Facebook: Facebook Group

THE TOP 10 NFL REDEMPTION STORIES

As you're probably aware of, I love to talk about legacies on this site, with ongoing series like "Know Your Elders" (a guide to the athletic wildmen of years gone by, such as Joe Namath), and "The Legacy Of...", in which we take a look at how you remember the careers of athletes whose legacies are highly debatable (think Kordell Stewart). And as recently as a few weeks ago, I presented the top 10 altered legacies, featuring the most memorable falls from sporting grace.

This time around, I felt like accentuating the positive. There happens to be a lot of good stories among the 1,696 NFL players in the league this year. And this group of ten has managed to turn around careers that were, to say the least, questioned at some point along the road. Unlike other lists, this is not of the "all-time variety", it's limited to players who are active in the game in 2008. So check it out, and feel free to add anyone I missed in the comments section.

THE TOP 10 NFL REDEMPTION STORIES

10. JEFF GARCIA

He's been cruising along during his time at the helm of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but Garcia's roller-coaster ride of a career has seen its share of peaks and valleys, lest we forget the disaster of a season he knew as "2004" with the Cleveland Browns, and the sequel, a 2005 spent racking up a passer rating of 65 in Detroit.

Luckily for Garcia, he was able to parlay a 2006 relief role with Philadelphia into his current starting gig under Jon Gruden, and despite Terrell Owens' accusations, he's married to Carmella Dicesare, who he met during his time in Cleveland. So I guess all's well that ends well in the Garcia household.

9. THOMAS JONES

The brother of Seattle's Julius Jones was actually the seventh overall pick in the 2000 NFL draft. He would play just three injury-plagued seasons with the Arizona Cardinals, rushing for no more than 511 yards in any of them, and quickly found himself a Tampa Bay Buc and on the fast track to Top Draft Bust lists by 2003.

A move to Chicago in 2004 turned out to be a career-saver, and to thank him, the Bears drafted Cedric Benson with the fourth overall pick in 2005. In 2007, he was dealt to the New York Jets, where he's currently leading the AFC in rushing. It was a rather circuitous route, but it's safe to say that Jones has established himself as an NFL back. And like Garcia, he too has a celebrity on his shoulder (actress Meagan Good).

8. ANTONIO BRYANT

As a Pitt Panther fan, I was treated to an up-close-and-personal perspective on Bryant, and I can say without a doubt that he was one of the most amazing wide receivers I've ever seen, winning the Biletnikoff Award for the nation's top wide receiver as a sophomore (which was only done two other times in history: Randy Moss in '97 and Larry Fitzgerald in '03).

Unfortunately, an uninspiring attitude dropped Bryant to a second-round pick in the 2002 draft, passed on by my own Steelers in favor of Antwaan Randle-El, who wasn't even a college wide receiver. Unsurprisingly drafted by Father Flanagan Jones in Dallas, the Steelers (and every NFL team) looked like they made the right move the day that Bryant lived out many players' dream and threw his jersey in the face of Bill Parcells.

After playing in the NFL's Last Chance Saloon (Cleveland) in 2004 and 2005, Bryant signed with Last Chance Saloon II, San Francisco, in 2006. After clashing with coach Mike Nolan (shocking, I know), Bryant was out of the game altogether in 2007 because of a failed drug test.

Back in the league with Tampa in 2008, Bryant has responded with 50 catches, 625 yards, and 2 TDs to this point in the season. Not too shabby for a guy who was watching all the games like you and I last year.

7. DREW BREES

Sure, everyone loves Drew Brees now, and for good reason. But where were all the Drew Brees fans when the Chargers were busy acquiring Philip Rivers just three years after spending a second-round pick on Brees? They were deservedly silent, since no one usually shows much love to a quarterback with a passer rating of 67, which Brees had in 2003.

6. MARIO WILLIAMS

Just a short while ago, Bill Simmons was casually tossing around conspiracy theories about Paul Tagliabue forcing Houston to pass on Reggie Bush for the sake of Katrina-battered New Orleans (it's #12 on his list).

But no one is crying conspiracy any more, with Bush becoming more famous due to his reality-TV star girlfriend than for his on-field play. Meanwhile, Williams is racking up the accolades in Houston, where he totaled 14 sacks in 2007 and has added eight more in 2008. about Paul Tagliabue forcing Houston to pass on Reggie Bush for the sake of Katrina-battered New Orleans (it's #12 on his list).

5. JOEY PORTER

The Pittsburgh Steelers have let many a prized linebacker walk away during his career, and rarely has it come back to bite them. Jason Gildon. Levon Kirkland. Greg Lloyd. Kendrell Bell. The list goes on and on. And while Porter's absence has not hurt the Steelers (who feature sack machines James Harrison and Lamarr Woodley on the outside), no one saw this performance coming from "J-Peezy" in 2008.

After surviving a colon-cleansing of the Dolphin franchise following a 1-15 season in 2007, Porter's responded by leading the NFL with 13.5 sacks this season while being the usual voice of reason and definition of calmness in the locker room that he's become known for. OK, I made that part up. But he does have 13.5 sacks. And he used to drive a customized golf cart around Steeler camp.

4. KERRY COLLINS

If you'd tell a fan in 1995 that Kerry Collins would be at the helm of the NFL's top team in 2008, it wouldn't seem so unreal. He had an amazing college career and was the fifth overall pick of the 1995 draft, sporting the size (6'5", 245) and strength that scouts drool over.

His pro career was on the fast track, leading the expansion Carolina Panthers to an unlikely appearance in the NFC Championship in only their (and his) second season. But alcoholism crept into Collins' career in 1997, and he was an ex-Panther by 1998. Following a lost 1999 season with New Orleans, he found redemption with the New York Giants, leading them into the Super Bowl in 2000. After a few years at the helm of the Giants, the team opted to get into the Eli Manning business in 2004, and Collins found himself in the Black Hole known as the Oakland Raiders organization.

Collins was released by Oakland in March of '06 and did not sign with an NFL team until the eve of the 2006 regular season, when Jeff Fisher and Co. signed him as a mentor to Vince Young. In this instance, the pupil never really surpassed the teacher, and Collins got the starting nod after a bizarre injury and incident involving Young early in the 2008 season. I doubt Tennessee has many regrets at this point, unless their expectations were having less than one loss to this point in the season.

3. BRETT FAVRE

Many of you will see this and wonder if I've lost my mind. This is Brett Favre, one of the all-time greats, we're talking about! But I will then wonder if you were part of the angry mob consistently hurling "washed up" taunts in the direction of the gunslinger during his 29-interception season in 2005, or the 72.7-rated, 8-8 picture of mediocrity that was his 2006 season.

But Brett Favre is back, and in a big way. After an ugly divorce from the Packers, Favre hooked up with the Mangenius in New York and has the Jets sitting pretty at 8-3 and atop the AFC East, with 20 touchdowns and a QB rating of 93 to this point in the season. Equally as important is the joy this undoubtedly brings to John Madden and Peter King each week.

2. RANDY MOSS

Never before has an NFL player come with an actual on/off switch, but Randy Moss, as it's been said many times, is a one-of-a-kind. After his men among boys rookie season of 1998, Moss settled in as the face of the Minnesota Vikings and their high-powered offensive attack.

After his production took a nosedive in 2004, it was time for a change of scenery. And for some strange reason, all parties involved thought that Oakland would be the proper backdrop. After failing to make sparks happen with our #4 subject in 2005 and with Andrew Walter (who?) in 2006, Moss looked all but done, unless 42 catches and 553 yards over 13 games sounds acceptable for a guy who had 111 for 1,632 just three years earlier.

The Raiders traded Moss to the New England Patriots for a sack of magic beans and the 110th overall pick in the 2007 draft, University of Cincinnati cornerback John Bowie, who will miss the entire 2008 season due to a knee injury. That's right, Randy Moss, the man who had 98 catches, 1,493 yards, and 23 touchdowns in 2007, was traded for John Bowie. And don't forget, he was also once traded for Napoleon Harris. So what's the moral of the story? Put a championship QB, coach, and team around him, and you'll have nothing to worry about. If not, you might be able to trade him for Paul Ernster, and you'd probably have to throw in a draft pick to make the Steelers take the deal.

1. KURT WARNER

Who has redeemed themselves more times in a career than Kurt Warner? The grocery-store employee-turned two-time NFL MVP is first in line to win the award for a third time in 2008. The former Northern Iowa Panther, Green Bay Packer, Iowa Barnstormer, and Amsterdam Admiral became one of the all-time feel-good stories in sports history in leading the St. Louis Rams to the NFL title in 1999 (and almost to a second in 2001).

But his time with the Rams would end on a down note, losing his gig as starter to Marc Bulger after fumbling six times in the 2003 opener. Cut loose by the Rams in 2004, he signed on to be the mentor to rookie Eli Manning with the Giants (making two QBs affected by Eli Manning on this list). That experiment lasted just one season, and finding himself unemployed yet again, Warner signed with Arizona in 2005, eventually losing his job to journeyman Josh McCown. The Cards' drafting of Matt Leinart in 2006 signaled the direction of the franchise, but a few internet photos later, it's starting to look like that might not pan out as planned.

Once again the starter in 2008, Warner has responded with 20 touchdowns, over 3000 yards passing, and the unprecedented result of leading the Cardinals to some degree of prominence.

More lists and related posts:

Know Your Elders: Bobby Layne
Know Your Elders: Joe Namath
The Legacy Of...Kordell Stewart
The Legacy Of...Marian Hossa
10 Memorable Altered Legacies
10 Most Interesting Athlete/Politicians
16 Reasons Why the Pirates' Streak Won't End in 2008
20 Questions Fans Are Asking About the 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers
27 Years of Steelers vs Pirates
50 Reasons Why I Love the Steelers
79 Reasons Why It's Hard to be a Pirate Fan
Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie (2006)
Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie II (2007)
Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie III (2008)
Pittsburgh Sports Media Popularity Contest

Send your news, tips, and links to Mondesishouse@gmail.com.

THE 10 MOST CONFUSING NAMES IN SPORTS

Recently, there was great debate about an LPGA mandate requiring players who did not speak English to, you know...speak English.

Contrary to what many people think, English is not an easy language to master, hence the LPGA's quick reversal on the policy. And I'm here to prove it, with a few sports examples of some names that could've royally confused the Seon-Hwa Lees of the world.

10. Case of the disappearing "Mc-"

Has anyone ever heard Tracy McGrady's named pronounced MICK-GRADY? No, but I'm used to hearing "MA-GRADY" quite often. Yet Kevin McHale is pronounced MICK-HALE. Judges, can we get a ruling?

9. The Nowitzki file.

Please, please, please, announcers...I beg of you...can we decide on how we're going to pronounce this: NOWITZKI or NOVITZKI (the correct version)? He's only played for Dallas since, oh...1998...

8. The dual-letter.

Does it serve a purpose to have two A's in that first name, Isaac Bruce? Or how about your unneccessary L, Brandon Lloyd?

7. Does J=J, or does J=H?

Say "Julio Franco". Now say "Julius Jones". Now say "Albert Pujols". Clearly, this is a pitfall that could trap even the fastest of learners.

6. Making the simple name difficult.

Here in Pittsburgh, we have the great Evgeni Malkin. And after several years in a Pens uniform, people still can't decide whether his name is pronounced MALK-in or MAL-kin. Of course, it would help if he spoke English.

5. The evil "silent letters"

Hey, Dwight Howard, what wrong with your G? There's Jake Delhomme and Bill Cowher, who both waste perfectly good H's. And then there's David Wright, who, much like his team, clearly has no need for a W.

4. Same name, many variations.

What's the right way to spell this first name? You can choose from:

A. Antwaan Randle El

B. Antoine Walker

C. Antowain Smith

D. Antawn Jamison

E. Anton Volchenkov

I know one thing: I'm stumped.

3. The case of Plaxico Burress.

One of the all-time great mysteries in names. His named is spelled PLAXICO, and pronounced PLEXICO. You have to admit, though, the man knows how to wear his headgear.

2. The even more perplexing case of Ricardo Colclough.

My personal favorite, the former Steeler fumble machine pronounces his name "COAK-LEE". That's right, "Lough" now equals "Lee", at least in one household. So you could very well see Cliff Lough pitching for the Indians or Derrek Lough suiting up for the Cubs if the Colcloughs ran the country.

1. Brett Favre.

It's spelled FAVRE and pronounced FARVE. Even EA had trouble with this in Madden '09.

Your turn:

The amateur English professors who took time out of their busy schedule correcting papers to read this will surely make me look foolish for such a silly article. Of course names are pronounced differently, you simpleton! But feel free to add any that I've missed in the comments section.

NEWS AND NOTES

--Even more on the Continuing Saga of Anthony Smith in today's PG. It's the story that won't die.

--Sadly, Jeff Karstens proved last night that yes, he can give up runs. 5-1, Reds over Buccos.

--Here's an interesting ESPN.com article on all things Neal Huntington. It's nice to see that the WWL still realizes the Pirates are a part of Major League Baseball.

--From Peter King's Tuesday Morning QB:

"THE POWER DIVISION. From Jason Archbell, of Virginia Beach, Va.: "There has been a lot of talk this year (and many other years) about how tough the NFC East is. Do you think a lot of this has to do with the talent level of the quarterbacks? Jason Campbell is probably the worst of the four (so far) and he is a pretty solid young quarterback. Compare that to every other division where the team with the best quarterback is probably the favorite to win the division the last few years.''Hmmm. Not sure if the team with the best quarterback in the division is automatically favored. Carson Palmer's the best in the AFC North, and the Bengals are the third- or fourth-best team in that division. Drew Brees is the best in the NFC South, and are the Saints universally favored this year? Doubt it. But I do think it gives a team the biggest edge it could have at any position group, obviously. Re Campbell, you will be pleasantly surprised how good he plays this year."

By the way, YES, I will post ANY article ranking Roethlisberger any lower than the third-best quarterback in the league. It's become my cause.

--This video game site simulated a season of Madden 09 and Big Ben was the MVP and the Steelers went 14-2. Now that's more like it!

--Third-year DE Kevin Huntley, recently dropped by Washington, is your newest Pittsburgh Steeler.

--Missed this when I was away, but Yahoo's Puck Daddy convinced Crystal's in the Strip to sell 21-cent shots of Jack Daniels in honor of Sidney Crosby's 21st birthday on August 7. I'm sure many of you took them up on the offer.

--Here's video of silver-medal-winning US gymnast Alicia Sacramone knocking a guy out while at Brown University.

--Michael Eynon, a senior offensive lineman at Ohio University, matched five numbers in Tuesday's multistate Mega Millions drawing on the ticket he bought at a Shop Mart in Athens -- good for $250,000 before taxes.

--Hugging Harold Reynolds sends a postcard from Steeler camp.

--Post Game Heroes says Justin Hartwig vs Sean Mahan = No Contest.

--The "Women in Baseball" blog series interviews MLB.com Pirates reporter Jennifer Langosch.

--Get your limited edition Favre trading cards!

Send your links, tips, news, and feedback to mondesishouse@gmail.com

NEWS AND NOTES

Some links from the home stretch of the liveblog extravanza...

--Joe Paterno on his retirement plans: “I Don’t Know!”

He also added, "Get off my lawn! And who made this mess in the weight room?"

--Check out this Long Wang. Don't worry, it's SFW.

--What Would Doug Mientkiewicz Do will be at the Pirates Outfitters Store at the Pittsburgh Mills from 12 p.m.-1 p.m tomorrow.

--Erroneous Steeler Super Bowl ring conspiracy theories a-plenty on PSAMP.

--Brett Favre a Jet? Hey, green is green.

--Here's the 25 greatest game shows of all time.

--And here's the The 10 Most Undeserving Celebrities Who Got Action Figures . Hey, they missed Mike Dunne!

SEND YOUR LIVEBLOG LINKS: mondesishouse@gmail.com

Brett Favre Retires...I Think

I know I should be covering the Cardinals' Jerame Tuman signing today, but sometimes there are other events that take precedent. One such event would be the retirement of Packers QB Brett Favre after 17 seasons of gunslinging goodness.

Favre's agent, Bus Cook (no relation to Bus Bettis), says Favre felt like the Packers didn't want him, and Pro Football Talk muses that Favre may ultimately end up in Miami. Somewhere, Aaron Rodgers waits to see if this retirement is in fact authentic.

ESPN's DJ Gallo sought out the big names in football to get their thoughts on today's big news. Everyone from Terrelle Pryor to Cal Ripken pretends to check in. It's a must read.

Packers QB Favre to retire [SI.com]

Favre tells Packers he's retiring [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

What they're saying about Favre [ESPN]

Rumor Mill [Pro Football Talk]

The News

--Sad news from the world of hockey, where the Pens fall to 0-4 against the Philadelphia Flyers this year with a 4-3 loss. At least there was a good boxing match to warm up the crowd.

--At long last, some pics of Dana Jacobson taking a vodka bottle to the face at the now-infamous Mike and Mike Roast. I'd love to know what Trey Wingo was thinking as he watched in the background.

--Great news from Steeler Country: Hines Ward is ticked at Big Ben. Roethlisberger had the audacity to ask for a tall receiver, and Ward shot back, saying, "I don't hear Tom Brady or Peyton Manning asking for that. I don't know, whatever he says. I have no idea. To me, it's a rare combination of receivers out there who are good and tall. We won a Super Bowl, we didn't have a tall receiver then. I don't see Tom Brady caring about who's tall or not. He got Randy this year, but he did it before without him."

I guess Hines missed the part where Brady, who took less than fair market value in his last contract, asked Santa Kraft for an upgrade from the Pats' 2006 troika of Reche Caldwell, Doug Gabriel and Troy Brown. Total coincidence that all of a sudden the team is now trotting out Randy Moss, Wes Welker and Donte Stallworth. Total coincidence.

--It's been 20 years since Jerome Lane sent it in. The PG catches up with him. In case you were wondering, no, he hasn't shattered any other backboards.

--A musical 'tribute' to the Gunslinger in all his glory. Cheesehead not necessary to view and listen.

A MINI-LIST OF TODAY'S TOP LISTS

Top 10 Dangerously Drunk Cities

Top 10 Stupid Criminals of 2007 -Pittsburgh represents at #9!

The Best 2007 Sports Videos

The News

Well, the recently-announced "Mondesi's House Team" is coming together nicely. The initial lineup of writers will be at least 10 deep, and quality is certainly not being spared for quantity. There is some impressive talent and even more impressive writing resumes here.

And even though I wasn't really soliciting for any more writers in the last post on this topic, I appreciate the avalanche of requests to write for the site. I wish there was a way to include all of you, but if this goes well, maybe expansion will be in the near future.

This will be a bit of a risk on my part, but I think the writers I've selected will mesh nicely with the style I've developed in the last year and a half. This site has certainly outgrown my one-person format; very soon, you'll have a greater frequency of posts from a variety of different voices. I hope you enjoy it.

--Are you wearing a hat right now? If so, take it off and throw it on the floor in honor of Evgeni Malkin's first career hat trick. The Pens scored three goals in 48 seconds to put away the Maple Leafs, 6-2.

--Congrats to WVU for hiring Bill Stewart, a.k.a. "Larry Coker 2.0". Clearly this was a hire based on emotion. How else do you describe giving the job to a coach whose career record is highlighted by an 8-25 mark at VMI? And Mountaineer fans, one question: if WVU gets blown out, does Stewart still get the job?

Interesting footnote: while compiling those eight wins at VMI, Stewart gave a coaching job to a young man just starting his career by the name of Mike Tomlin.

--Got an interesting email to share with you from Dave Zigerelli, a displaced Monacan (you know, someone from Monaca) who is now a producer for the History Channel and living in NYC:

"I wanted to forward you the information for a comedy podcast my buddy and I record every week called "The Burghcast". My friend Matt Little (who also lives in NYC and works as a standup comic) and I record a new one after every Steeler game. We play two middle aged Steeler fans from Beaver Falls named Herb and Buxy. We essentially do a brief rap up of each game and then discuss topics ranging from Heluva Good potato chip dip to the many merits of Gabriel Brothers Clothing.

If you have a free second, please check it out. I'd love to hear any feedback you may have.

You can go to Itunes and search "Burghcast" and our podcast should pop right up.

Or you can download directly from our tentative site which is:

http://www.burghcast.com/podcast/burghcast.xml"

I know I'm always down for some good Gabe's talk. Check it out!

--While I'm in plug mode: NEW BURGH SITE ALERT! Welcome Raise the Jolly Roger! and the Pens Underground message board.

--Mike Lange doesn't make sense. That's old news. But there's a big article about it today in the National Post, so I guess it's new news.

--The Duke reminds me that Duquesne is now 10-3 going into conference play. And as always, Dukes Court provides blanket coverage.

--Why should Bill Parcells hire Big Snack from Pierogis N'at as the new coach of the Dolphins? I don't know either, but he couldn't do much worse than Cam Cameron. I guess you'll just have to click the link to find out why.

--It's the NBA's All-Ugly Team! You'd think with the long cash they make (sorry, I stole that one from Plex), they could afford some plastic surgery.

--A war of words has started with Mike Dempsey, a Jacksonville sports radio host, after he called Steeler Nation a myth. More of an explanation at hereswhatimsaying.blogspot.com.

-Having already burned through 3.2 million copies, Sports Illustrated is now releasing even more issues of its Sportsman of the Year mag, featuring Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre. Where's Peter King getting the money to buy all of those?

--Are Romo and Jess faking it for money?

--Here's your chance to own Sidney Crosby's Winter Classic Jersey. Unless it's already been stolen from Troy Crosby.

--Here's 10 reasons why Pittsburgh doesn't need an NBA team. Just 10? For Pierogis N'at's next list, I suggest 1,500 reasons why Pittsburgh doesn't need a CBA team.

--To whoever brought it up in the comments section recently (Louis Lipps, perhaps?)...you can still buy the Kendrell Bell bobblehead on eBay.

--Nothing says "musicians gone wild" like Beyonce and Kanye playing Connect Four

--It's Hip-Hop's Most Ridiculous (and Hilarious) Chains!

--For some reason, I think I've seen this before, but it achieves the very rare Mondesi's Five-Star Recommendation:

Monday Wrapup

In the category of "stories that I'll elaborate on further in the Tuesday mailbag, but here's the links to get your wheels turning":

1. Diva/GM/Offensive Guard Alan Faneca skips practice on Saturday.

2. The Pirates score 13 in a win against the Braves on Sunday.

3. Phil Mickelson wins at the TPC on Sunday, while Sean O'Hair lost $747,000 on the 17th hole.

Last-minute thoughts on these topics? Let me hear 'em!

Here's some assorted good stuff that you jammed my inbox with in the last two days. Well done.

The P-G interviews the Louisiana man who paid $550 for Bill Cowher's ice bucket. The scary part is that he had a max bid of $800.

Tony Armas: One foot in the rotation, the other on a banana peel

Catching up with Tommy Urbanski, the Vegas bouncer paralyzed in the PacMan Jones-Make It Rain-All Star Weekend debacle.

Michael Vick, on his bestest behavior...Wait...what's that in your hand, 7?

Keeping with the NFL crime theme, Tank Johnson and his giant "99" medallion got released from jail (video)

Ken Griffey Jr. moves up to 6th all-time on the Non-Junkie Home Run List

My friends at Bugs & Cranks remember "The Cruelest Game". This picture should give you a clue as to which game we're talking about.

True: Brett Favre requested a trade after the draft.
Not true: Favre wanted to be traded to the Yankees.

Last call to try out for the Slippery Rock Sliders today!

Here's a six-minute compilation of Meg Griffin getting owned in various episodes of Family Guy.

Any of yinz aware that Rupert Murdoch has offered $5 billion to buy Dow Jones?

Spiderman nerds unite! Here's a list of his 20 greatest villains. Yes, they could make Spidey movies for years to come.

Greatest 911 call ever? Here's a recap: Cop steals weed when making arrest, cop takes weed home, cop and wife make brownies, cop apparently puts too much weed in brownie mix, cop makes 911 call, hilarity ensues. And yes, there's audio.

Cracked.com gives us sincere answers to common spam mail.

Who's up for the new NASCAR comic books?

One of my favorite comics, Patton Oswalt, talks about the record-setting 67-year-old mother and the wonder of KFC Bowls on a recent Conan O'Brien appearance. Good stuff.

On Friday night, Baron Davis posterized AK-47 like few have been posterized before.

Monday Morning Wrapup

My head still hurts from trying to write something interesting about the Steeler game. As I write this, it's 2 AM and I'm just imagining how unproductive my Monday will be, despite all the work I have. The things I do for you guys. What a labor of love. On to the "other games" (that is to say, unworthy of a full writeup like the Steeler game):

Chargers 24, Bills 21- Ladainian Tomlinson racked up 192 yards of total offense and 2 more TDs as the MartyBallers move to 10-2. Good thing Eli Manning turned his back on them 2004...they are losers.

Bears 23, Vikings 13- Want to know the state of quarterbacks in the NFL? This game had appearances by four QBs: Brad Johnson, 73 yards...Brooks Bollinger, 70 yards...Tarvaris Jackson, 35 yards...Rex Grossman, 34 yards. Lovie Smith and Brad Childress---what offensive minds! Also of note: the Bears scored 23 points on just 107 yards total offense, conjuring up memories once again of Steelers-Raiders '06.

Browns 31, Chiefs 28- Trent Green throws four TDs, LJ runs for 110, and the Chiefs still lose to the Browns, who are quarterbacked by a guy named Derek Anderson. At first I thought this was the Derek Anderson that used to play in the NBA, but then I found out that he made $37 million in his career and probably didn't have to attempt a football career to make ends meet.

Jets 38, Packers 10- Imagine you're a Packers fan, you pay big bucks for seats to a home game, and then you lose to the Jets by 28. Do you ask for a refund from your scalper? Is there any sort of legal action you could take? But just think how bad this loss would've been if Favre didn't come back.

Titans 20, Colts 17- Yes, that was former Steeler training camp fodder Rob Bironas kicking a 60-yarder at the gun to beat Indy, while Jeff Reed shanked a 32-yarder on his home field. Also of note in this game: the arrival of full-fledged Vince Young Mania, to commence immediately.

Cardinals 34, Rams 20- The Rams are having an interesting season. They start 4-1, the follow that with a 1-6 run. And now, Marc Bulger is throwing his teammates under the ice cream truck, saying, "I know there's some guys in here who don't care". Marc, you're being too hard on those guys in singling them out. Because it's obvious there's also guys who don't care in Oakland, Arizona, Pittsburgh, Houston, the Giants...

Patriots 28, Lions 20- The Lions actually had the Patriots down after three quarters, then let them off the hook. The Lions threw the ball well, with Jon Kitna throwing for 314 yards. But is anyone else as intrigued as I am at the total disappearance of Lions WR Mike "Best Player in the Draft" Williams? One catch in 2006? That Matt Millen...what a GM.

Saints 34, 49ers 10- The "Bush-Gore" debate (Frank vs. Reggie) finally took shape on the field. Frank outran Reggie, 40-37, but Reggie reeled in 131 yards receiving and added 4 TDs to finally live up to the hype generated by all those Subway ads.

Falcons 24, Redskins 14- Future Steeler TJ Duckett Update: 4 carries, 9 yards. Can't wait to see him behind our line next year. On the Falcon side, Michael Vick had a total of 8 completions and 0 middle fingers.

Texans 23, Raiders 14- I guess someone had to win this game. But I'm amazed that it was Houston, when David Carr threw for a grand total of 32 yards. That would make two QBs this week (Carr and Grossman) throwing for less than 40 in a win.

Jaguars 24, Dolphins 10- Joey Harrington proves he only plays well when he's booed in Detroit, as the 5-7 Dolphins face a minor setback in their annual end-of-the-season surge under Nick Saban.

Cowboys 23, Giants 20- I didn't get to watch this game. I got to watch 4-7 vs. 3-8, also known as Pittsburgh vs. Tampa Bay, since it was moved to 4:15. Thanks, Fox.

Seahawks 23, Broncos 20- Jay Cutler makes an immediate impact, as he is the difference maker in this one. The difference being that if he didn't throw an interception returned for a TD, the Broncos would've won.

The BCS is announced- I love how not once the point was made about Louisville being left out of the national title. I guess a one-loss team from a major conference doesn't mean too much. And the voters agree, as the Cardinals are ranked behind a USC team that lost to two unranked teams. And a 2-loss LSU team. Frankly, I'm surprised they're even ranked above Notre Dame. I love college football.

55 Things That Annoy Me About Sports

Update: Thanks to the 102.5 WDVE Morning Show for having me in-studio to talk about the list in greater detail today. It's always an honor to be on Pittsburgh's #1 morning show! You can visit the show's website at www.dve.com.



I've become an angst-filled sports fan lately. So today I'm going to unleash some rage and vent with all of my faithful readers. 55 things that annoy me about sports. Why 55? Because I couldn't stop at 50. Feel free to air your own grievances in the comments section, and we'll take the best and add them on in a future post, making it the uber-list of beefs from annoyed fans.

1. Bill Belichick dressing like a hobo. At least wear a hoodie with sleeves! While I'm at it, kudos to Mike Nolan and Jack Del Rio for their suits this weekend. And since the NFL is a copycat league, expect to see all 32 coaches in suits, since the 49ers and Jags both won.

2. "...this is ouuuuuur country..."

3. The Lions on Thanksgiving every year. Is this not the worst tradition in the history of mankind?

4. Celebrities in the Monday Night Football booth. Especially when they aren't even football fans. Christian Slater, I'm looking in your direction.

5. Stuart Scott. Your act is so played out. Boo-ya.

6. "Thrown under the bus". When Donna Shalala uses it, it's time to move on.

7. "Drinking the kool aid". Find a new cliche.

8. The 1972 Miami Dolphins. You're embarrassing yourselves at this point.

9. Red Sox vs. Yankees. You're both full of overpaid underachievers. The rest of the country doesn't care.

10. The BCS. Let's devise as many ways as possible to decide a champion other than a playoff system.

11. The Oakland Raiders' apathy. Nice work naming Randy Moss captain.

12. OJ Simpson's now-cancelled confession, I mean book.

13. Pitt football's "defense".

14. Fans wishing each other luck on message boards. As my brother Ramon Mondesi, a frequent visitor of Pitt message boards, often wonders, "Why would WVU fans wish us luck against Louisville? The guys on the message boards aren't playing!"

15. Websites/blogs offering messages to deceased athletes' families. As admirable as it is to post messages like, "To the Schembechler family, our thoughts and prayers are with you...", I doubt they're reading a blog the next day.

16. Notre Dame. Play a real schedule or join a conference. Three service academies, North Carolina (2-9), Stanford (1-10)...what a murderer's row.

17. Ogden Nutting. Although I admire his being able to dodge the arrows for so long through McClatchy, who many fans still think is the majority owner.

18. D-Fence Signs. At least try the "Off-fense" in the Man Law commercials.

19. Pete Rose, Terrell Owens, Barry Bonds, and Bobby Knight. Please go away, and take your "I'm Sorry I Bet on Baseball" autographs, Little T children's books, Cream, Clear, and choking with you.

20. Diminishing the accomplishments of teams who just won the championship. First we heard about how the Steelers stole the Lombardi Trophy. Then we endured how the Cardinals were such a crappy champion. How about criticizing the teams that finished in the bottom of the league?

21. The Red Sox crying poor (not re-signing Pedro or Damon, calling the Yankees "the Evil Empire") and bidding $51 million to negotiate with a Japanese pitcher. Hypocrites.

22. Spoiled Yankee fans. They boo their best/most fragile player, driving him into a further funk. They really are the smartest fans in baseball. Want to see real fans? Check out the brave souls who pay to watch Jeromy Burnitz trot out to right field.

23. Big East bashing. How about bashing the ACC, the real worst conference among the big six?

24. Roger Clemens/Brett Favre's annual retirement dances. Go away.

25. Corruption in amateur basketball. When there is a list of top 6th graders, I can safely say our priorities are out of order in this country.

26. Chris Berman. Tha Rayyyydahsss...The Seeeeeehawks...The Geeeeee Men...The frozen tundra of Lambeauuuu Field...and my favorite...You're With Me, Leather.

27. Ranking Peyton Manning as the best QB in the NFL every year, only to have him disappoint everyone in the playoffs. I know, this year it will be different. And next year the Pirates will have a winning record.

28. Jon Gruden as an elite coach. Keep working those 20-hour days. They've resulted in losing seasons in three of the last four years.

29. Larry Brown.

30. Teams who hire Larry Brown.

31. Players who celebrate individual plays when their team is behind. Also known as "The Joey Porter Special".

32. The NHL on Versus. Most YouTube videos have better production values.

33. Kobe vs. Shaq on Christmas. This was cool 2 years ago. How about Lebron vs. Wade?

34. Bud Selig. Need I say more?

35. Tiki Barber as a first-ballot HOFer. On the all-time rushing list, he's behind players like OJ Anderson, Ricky Watters, and even Edgerrin James, who started two years after him and lost a year to a torn ACL. Don't think so.

36. Koren Robinson. He's the Steve Howe of the NFL. He just can't help himself.

37. Michelle Wie, and to a lesser degree, Danica Patrick.

38. Overprotection of NFL quarterbacks. 2006 has taken this to ridiculous heights.

39. The myth that Michael Vick will someday be a polished quarterback. Marcus Vick has a better chance, and he's a wide receiver.

40. The NHL schedule. 8 games against some teams, 0 against others. Did they have one too many Labatt's when they wrote this up?

41. Matt Millen still having a job. The Lions are now 23-67 (.255) on his watch.

42. Tear-jerking Sunday morning SportsCenter pieces. I'm looking for the scores and insight. If I wanted to cry I'd watch Brian's Song.

43. Trey Wingo imitating Chris Berman. So if Berman wasn't bad enough, now he has a clone.

44. CBS's Gus Johnson. Strictly upon the Steelers-Browns game on Sunday.

45. Athletes stealing nicknames. First there was the Anthony Thomas/Mike Alstott "A-Train" controversy. Now we have Ladainian Tomlinson stealing "L.T.". Unless he gains some bulk and starts snorting coke by the bushel, he is not L.T.

46. Tony Kornheiser talking about his fantasy team on Monday Night Football. Congratulations on drafting Matt Jones. It really does prove you know nothing about football.

47. The Broncos' cut-blocking. Hard to believe a team that once employed Bill Romanowski would resort to such dirty tactics.

48. Lee Corso. Try not pandering to the home crowd. That would be really interesting.

49. Joe Theismann. Let's recap: the Sunday night football crew gets blown up. Paul Maguire gets shuffled off to college football. Mike Patrick gets shuffled off to college football. Joe Theismann gets promoted to Monday Night Football. Didn't make sense to me, either.

50. Selected ESPN programming. I know there's a lot of time to fill, especially with 19 channels, but in addition to poker, we now have paintball, dominoes, the Hot Dog eating competition, and worst of all, Cold Pizza.

51. The NFL Network. It's the ultimate leverage for the league, but until some of these cable operators blink, a lot of fans will miss out on some good football.

52. Power Rankings. The ultimate space-filler for websites. Absolutely meaningless, yet fans get whipped up about perceived disrespect. Just remember, John Clayton's vote doesn't have any influence on your team making the Super Bowl.

53. AC/DC's Hell's Bells played on 3rd and or 4th down in 98% of stadiums across the country.

54. Footballs players putting up four fingers to signify the fourth quarter.

55. Nerdy bloggers who write lists. Oooh, some guy in Pittsburgh hates the Yankees...I'm sure George Steinbrenner is losing sleep.

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Monday Morning Wrapup: Disaster for Pittsburgh Sports

This weekend was an unmitigated disaster for the Pittsburgh sports fan. Pitt loses at South Florida, the Pens drop a contest in San Jose, and the Steelers, well, they were the Steelers again. I think Mayor Ravenstahl must have proclaimed this "Be Kinda Cleveland Weekend" but forgot to inform the fans in advance.

South Florida 22, Pitt 12- Pitt TE Darrell Strong, who watched one too many Steeler games this season, drew a crucial 15-yard unsportsmanlike with his flipping off of the South Florida fans. He has been suspended indefinitely for his stupid play. At least one coach in town disciplines his players for senseless, back-breaking penalties.

Sharks 3, Pens 2- Evgeni Malkin is held goal-less, Mark Eaton is injured on a dirty hit, the Pens have a goal disallowed that should have counted...this was a bummer all around. And then we had to see Dan Potash do LA with Colby Armstrong and Ryan Whitney in between periods.

Wisconsin 13, Penn State 3- JoePa goes down on a late hit...I think it was by Joey Porter...and was carted off. Early word is a torn ACL and MCL, and he'll train with Daunte Culpepper to rehab in time for opening day next season.

Lions 30, Falcons 14- Mr. Engraver, you might want to wait on that "MICHAEL VICK" inscription on the MVP trophy.

Dolphins 31, Bears 13- Surprisingly, it looks like Joe Theismann's prediction for an undefeated Bears season was wrong. Can't wait to see how they do on their three-game road trip of the Giants, Jets and Patriots.

Bills 24, Packers 10- This is what Brett Favre came back for: a cold Sunday afternoon in Buffalo losing to a 2-win Bills team quarterbacked by JP Losman.

Redskins 22, Cowboys 19- I really feel bad for the Cowboys, losing on the sequence of a blocked Mike Vanderjagt field goal, a 15-yard facemask, and a game-ending field goal by Nick Novak. Then I remembered that the Cowboys have Terrell Owens, are coached by Bill Parcells, and are owned by Jerry Jones. And I felt much better. By the way, Tony Romo is Joe Montana, Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Joe Namath, Dan Marino, Terry Bradshaw, and John Elway rolled into one, and multiplied by 50.

Ravens 26, Bengals 20- If it weren't for his media whoring during each week, would we realize Chad Johnson was even playing this year? A couple things jump out at me from this game: Cincy RB Chris Perry fumbled twice, meaning he will probably be a Steeler in the future; TJ Houshmandzadeh had the most impressive on-field helmet-spike I've seen in ages; the AFC North probably has the worst collection of offensive lines in the NFL; and that meaningless Carson Palmer interception at the end of the game gave negative points to thousands of fantasy footballers across the country.

Saints 31, Bucs 14- Did anyone notice Reggie Bush's rushing stats for this game? 11 carries, minus-5 yards! For the year...81 carries, 207 yards (2.55 YPC)...46 catches, but for only 312 yards (6.7 YPC)...0 offensive TDs? Can I be the first to suggest too many Subway subs with Jon Lovitz? On the Bucs side, this is the fifth game this season that Cadillac Williams rushed for 48 yards or less. The Bucs record is a Cowher-esque 0-5 in contests where the running game stalls.

49ers 9, Vikings 3- When Alex Smith faces off against Brad Johnson, you can throw out all the records.

Chargers 32, Browns 26- Cleveland keeps pace with their AFC North brethren in dropping a close one to San Diego. The Charlie Frye Era in Cleveland has not started as well as, say, the 2004 Ben Roethlisberger Era in Pittsburgh. Which is to say, no 15-1 record, no playoffs, and no Charlie Frye Beef Jerky.

Giants 14, Texans 10- Tiki "Fox and Friends" Barber chooses Game 8 to get into the scoring column. Eli Manning contributes another victory to the Manning Family Pot for 2006, which now stands at 14-2. Sean Salisbury has just predicted a Giants-Colts Super Bowl. Not one, but TWO Mannings in a Super Bowl. Does Sean ever watch the playoffs, or is he more of a "regular season" kinda guy?

Colts 27, Patriots 20- I would have been happy seeing either of these teams lose. The Patriots, who value kickers and wide receivers as much as the Steelers value holding onto the football, saw four INTs from their passing attack and a missed field goal from their rookie kicker. And this happened while their all-time leading scorer accounted for 9 of the Colts' 27 points. I hope all of that $10 million in cap room keeps you warm at night, Bill Belichick. And then we have Indy fans, who are getting excited again for a title run. They're like Charlie Brown getting the football pulled out from them every year. It's almost sad.