Monday Morning Wrapup

My head still hurts from trying to write something interesting about the Steeler game. As I write this, it's 2 AM and I'm just imagining how unproductive my Monday will be, despite all the work I have. The things I do for you guys. What a labor of love. On to the "other games" (that is to say, unworthy of a full writeup like the Steeler game):

Chargers 24, Bills 21- Ladainian Tomlinson racked up 192 yards of total offense and 2 more TDs as the MartyBallers move to 10-2. Good thing Eli Manning turned his back on them 2004...they are losers.

Bears 23, Vikings 13- Want to know the state of quarterbacks in the NFL? This game had appearances by four QBs: Brad Johnson, 73 yards...Brooks Bollinger, 70 yards...Tarvaris Jackson, 35 yards...Rex Grossman, 34 yards. Lovie Smith and Brad Childress---what offensive minds! Also of note: the Bears scored 23 points on just 107 yards total offense, conjuring up memories once again of Steelers-Raiders '06.

Browns 31, Chiefs 28- Trent Green throws four TDs, LJ runs for 110, and the Chiefs still lose to the Browns, who are quarterbacked by a guy named Derek Anderson. At first I thought this was the Derek Anderson that used to play in the NBA, but then I found out that he made $37 million in his career and probably didn't have to attempt a football career to make ends meet.

Jets 38, Packers 10- Imagine you're a Packers fan, you pay big bucks for seats to a home game, and then you lose to the Jets by 28. Do you ask for a refund from your scalper? Is there any sort of legal action you could take? But just think how bad this loss would've been if Favre didn't come back.

Titans 20, Colts 17- Yes, that was former Steeler training camp fodder Rob Bironas kicking a 60-yarder at the gun to beat Indy, while Jeff Reed shanked a 32-yarder on his home field. Also of note in this game: the arrival of full-fledged Vince Young Mania, to commence immediately.

Cardinals 34, Rams 20- The Rams are having an interesting season. They start 4-1, the follow that with a 1-6 run. And now, Marc Bulger is throwing his teammates under the ice cream truck, saying, "I know there's some guys in here who don't care". Marc, you're being too hard on those guys in singling them out. Because it's obvious there's also guys who don't care in Oakland, Arizona, Pittsburgh, Houston, the Giants...

Patriots 28, Lions 20- The Lions actually had the Patriots down after three quarters, then let them off the hook. The Lions threw the ball well, with Jon Kitna throwing for 314 yards. But is anyone else as intrigued as I am at the total disappearance of Lions WR Mike "Best Player in the Draft" Williams? One catch in 2006? That Matt Millen...what a GM.

Saints 34, 49ers 10- The "Bush-Gore" debate (Frank vs. Reggie) finally took shape on the field. Frank outran Reggie, 40-37, but Reggie reeled in 131 yards receiving and added 4 TDs to finally live up to the hype generated by all those Subway ads.

Falcons 24, Redskins 14- Future Steeler TJ Duckett Update: 4 carries, 9 yards. Can't wait to see him behind our line next year. On the Falcon side, Michael Vick had a total of 8 completions and 0 middle fingers.

Texans 23, Raiders 14- I guess someone had to win this game. But I'm amazed that it was Houston, when David Carr threw for a grand total of 32 yards. That would make two QBs this week (Carr and Grossman) throwing for less than 40 in a win.

Jaguars 24, Dolphins 10- Joey Harrington proves he only plays well when he's booed in Detroit, as the 5-7 Dolphins face a minor setback in their annual end-of-the-season surge under Nick Saban.

Cowboys 23, Giants 20- I didn't get to watch this game. I got to watch 4-7 vs. 3-8, also known as Pittsburgh vs. Tampa Bay, since it was moved to 4:15. Thanks, Fox.

Seahawks 23, Broncos 20- Jay Cutler makes an immediate impact, as he is the difference maker in this one. The difference being that if he didn't throw an interception returned for a TD, the Broncos would've won.

The BCS is announced- I love how not once the point was made about Louisville being left out of the national title. I guess a one-loss team from a major conference doesn't mean too much. And the voters agree, as the Cardinals are ranked behind a USC team that lost to two unranked teams. And a 2-loss LSU team. Frankly, I'm surprised they're even ranked above Notre Dame. I love college football.

A City Embarrassed

So, how was YOUR Thanksgiving weekend? Did you spend it watching the Penguins lose on Friday, or did you opt to watch their Saturday loss instead? Did you manage to catch the pathetic excuse for big-time college football on display Saturday night, when Pitt dropped their fifth straight game? Or how about Sunday, when the Steelers were finally put out of their 2006 misery by the Baltimore Ravens?

Yes, this was a tough couple of days for local sports fans. But looking back, the Penguins had a perfectly legitimate excuse for their losses (Sidney Crosby's injured groin), and did anyone honestly give Pitt a chance in their game? So that left us at the doorstep of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

We're always told how the Steelers thrive when "their backs are up against the wall". You'd think a team that just took the most difficult route to a Super Bowl victory in NFL history would have learned a few lessons from their 2005 season. But time and time, after crushing losses, we were told to "not count out the Steelers". So we sat back and enjoyed a two-game winning streak at the expense of New Orleans and Cleveland. Fans talked as if a 10-6 season was not such a ridiculous proposition.

Today's game was supposed to be the day the Steelers officially "turned it on": the Ravens had a cushy three-game division lead, the Steelers were riding consecutive wins for the first time since January, and with downtrodden Tampa Bay coming in next week, there was a legitimate chance to climb back to .500 in just seven more days.

For the team that loves to be the underdog, they decided to play that angle right off the bat. The Steelers win the toss, which is usually a good thing; I was thinking they should kick off, put the defense on the field, and try to take the crowd out of the game, especially since the Steeler offense has been less-than-stellar this season. So of course, the Steelers do the complete opposite, electing to receive and sending the offense out for their death sentence rather than wait for the inevitable.

After a rousing 15-yard return from Dump Davenport, Ken Whisenhunt called for a "three and out" offensive series, which the Steelers executed flawlessly. The Ravens were playing right into their hands. The next move was to send the UP (Unblockable Punter) out for one of his patented "short but not blocked" punts. 37 yard punt, 39 yard return. Perfect. But the return was negated by an illegal block. Nice job, Mughelli. Six plays later, Steve McNair is dropping the Omega sign and the Ravens are up, 7-0. But the Steelers could then say that their backs were against the wall. To quote Apollo Creed before his tragic demise at the hands of Ivan Drago, "It's showtime!"

Much like J-Peezy, Apollo did a lot of talking moments before his annihilation

We fast forward through the rest of the first half: Gardocki punts four more times, including one with a friendly bounce, and three others that travelled 27, 32, and 43 yards. Of course, none of them were blocked. Jamal Lewis looked like his pre-drug trafficking self, gashing the Steelers defense like a hypothetical O.J. Simpson victim. And then there's Ben. Poor, poor Ben. I don't know if Roethlisberger did something to simultaneously disrespect the entire offensive line, but they were playing like they wanted him to leave on a stretcher. That was the only thing they managed to achieve, as #7 was destroyed by an especially violent Bart Scott sack late in the first half. I felt like I was watching a Raider game and someone disguised Andrew Walter in a "ROETHLISBERGER" jersey. The half closes with a Roethlisberger kneel, one of the few plays in which he managed to not get hurried, knocked down, or sacked. 17-0, Ravens. But I was sure the Steelers were just a few plays from turning it on.

The oft-discussed but never before seen "switch" the Steelers use to "turn it on", or even worse, "turn it off"

The half opened with the ball kicked to Baltimore. The Ravens, after watching a half of inept Steeler offense, open with a three-and-out of their own, moving the ball just six yards. Not to be one-upped, the Steelers answer with a three-play, one-yard drive, resulting in a booming 41-yard punt by the UP. Touche, Billick.

The Ravens would move the ball 15 yards on their next series, but it was just a matter of time until the Steelers lit it up. The black and gold regain possession, and they start moving the ball consistently, in chunks: 11 to Ward. 11 to Captain Tiffin. 27 more to Captain Tiffin. The Steelers are in business, down to the Baltimore 30. Whisenhunt sends in the play: Parker misses a block, Roethlisberger is unprotected, fumbles, and Adalius Thomas rumbles 57 yards for the insurance TD. Once again, the Steelers execute their execution brilliantly. 24-0, Ravens. Game, set, match, season.

I can sarcastically bore you with more details, but I'll spare everyone the frustration. The Steelers' day netted 9 sacks, 20 incompletions, 2 interceptions, 2 fumbles (1 lost), 7 punts, 21 yards rushing, 0 points, and an injured Troy Polamalu.

Want some eerie similarities? The last time this team looked so inept, I would wager many of you would answer "The Jacksonville Game". Here are the same categories as noted above, but the numbers from the Jags MNF matchup: 2 sacks, 15 incompletions, 2 interceptions, 1 fumble (0 lost), 8 punts, 26 yards rushing, and 0 points.

Hopefully, we can finally close the door on the absolutely absurd playoff talk that has persisted throughout the season. To quote myself, on October 29 I issued this proclamation:

"...when you lose to Oakland, who can't even crack 100 yards of offense, your season is over. Do not keep kidding yourself with playoff talk. This team can't even beat Oakland. This team can't even beat Oakland. This team can't even beat Oakland. Has it sunk in yet? OK, let me repeat it one more time: This team can't even beat Oakland."

Yet the fans still persisted. They still believed. On November 14, I predicted the Steelers would be "lucky to split with Baltimore". So what do I get in the comments? Reactions like this:

"...way to drink the baltimore kool-aid. they needed a miraculous come-back last weekend to beat tennesee. the ravens are chumps and are just as likely to lose out as we are to win out."

I think that comment speaks for itself. The only chumps I've seen all year are the ones pretending to be Pittsburgh Steelers. They lead the league in one category: turnovers. This is a team that's won four games out of 11. Playoffs? Must I conjure up video of Jim Mora?

Why do we even bother talking about this team? From today's effort, as well as six others this year, it doesn't appear they care very much. So why do we care? Why do we watch, we write, we comment, we discuss?

I realize that we're about 9 months removed from the first Super Bowl victory this town had seen in 26 years, so it's hard to feel sorry for the Steeler fan base. But honestly, shouldn't we at least get a few games to enjoy and relish in the glory of NFL superiority? The team and their followers had exactly 11 days to enjoy a winning record this season, and that was a mere1-0.

A fan base always reacts based on preseason expectations. Look around town at the other teams...the Penguins bought a bevy of veteran free agents last year, had Crosby coming in and Lemieux coming back. Visions of Stanley Cups danced in fans' heads. But the team stumbled out of the gate and never recovered. The fans were greatly disappointed. This season, expectations were lowered, since it is a much younger team built around a promising nucleus. And to this point, the team has surpassed expectations. Thus, a happy fan base.

Look at Pitt football. They finished 5-6 last year, had a great season of recruiting, and hyped a core of Palko, Blades, and Revis. No one expected anything less than 7-8 wins. And yet the Panthers managed just a 6-6 record, improving upon last year's 5-6 mark by adding a matchup with the Citadel. Combine that with a 5-game losing streak to close the season, career high days allowed left and right, and a defense that is better comedy than Family Guy, and now Wanny is getting some heat.

The Steelers were picked either first or second by every football expert from coast-to-coast. They endured some roster changes, but returned the vast majority of their team, including the entire offensive line, quarterback, and linebacking core. They added two young, exciting wide receivers and a safety who nearly decapitated a Philadelphia Eagle in the preseason (video link, for those who've forgotten). They had every chance in the world to at least contend.

The cruel reality is that the year is 2006, and complaceny will slap you in the face in the NFL. Want to get fat looking at your Super Bowl rings in the mirror? By all means, proceed. But don't be surprised when teams refuse to roll over and die at the mere sight of you as an opponent. This is a league that gets turned upside down every few weeks. Rex Grossman and Eli Manning were the quarterbacks du jour after two weeks; now, the discussion in Chicago is shifting to "should we start Brian Griese", while New Yorkers are talking about the long-term health of the franchise if Eli continues to struggle. The league was Michael Vick's a few weeks ago...now it is owned by Tony Romo and Joey Harrington. Go ahead, make sense of it...I dare you.

Yes, 2006 was a rather grim sports holiday for most of the readers of this site, but there are some bright spots for the near future: the continued development of the Penguins, a Pitt basketball team that will be ranked top-three, and that always-exciting Pirates Hot Stove League season. Hey, two outta three ain't bad.

Monday Morning Wrapup

Bucs 14, Bengals 13 - Bruce Gradkowski continues the great tradition of Western PA quarterbacks (Charlie Batch, Gus Frerotte, Mike McMahon, etc) in leading the Bucs to a last-minute victory over Cincinnati. Gradkowski was upset at the Steelers for not selecting him, but again, I will repeat that Omar Jacobs was the right choice for Pittsburgh.

As for the Bengals, since beating the Steelers they've been slaughtered by New England and defeated by a winless Tampa Bay team led by a QB making his 2nd career start. Let's not size Chad Johnson for that Super Bowl ring just yet.

Panthers 23, Ravens 21 - The Steve McNair Injury Watch, as predicted here and here by your fearless leader in the preseason, is finally underway. So here's what we have in Baltimore: McNair is injured, McNair bandwagoneers were jumping off at a record pace BEFORE his injury, and to further muddle the waters, Kyle Boller tossed 3 TDs in relief today. Do you hear that? That noise all the way from Maryland? Sounds like a brewing QB controversy to me.

Lions 20, Bills 17 - Detroit nets their first win of the season behind an impressive 161 yards from Roy Williams. That's the mouthy WR, not the Carolina coach/Huckleberry Hound lookalike. That would have been really impressive.

Jets 20, Dolphins 17 - Nick Saban continues to stand out as the black sheep of the Parcells Family Tree as the Dolphins fall to 1-5. Joey Blue Skies has proven he's not the answer at QB either, with a TD/INT Ratio of 1 to 4 since starting last week. But I'm sure the Dolphins will rally at the end of the season, sign a big free agent, and be right back in the hunt as a Super Bowl Sleeper next year.
The world as presented through Joey Harrington goggles

Saints 27, Eagles 24 - The Saints are officially on a roll, and if you don't like them, you are basically spitting on New Orleans. Or so the media would have you believe. In other Saints news, Reggie Bush and Jon Lovitz want you to EAT STEAK!
The Lovitz signing relegated Jared Fogle to backup status on the Subway Depth Chart

Broncos 13, Raiders 3 - I think the Raiders were so uninterested in this game, the Broncos got bored. Oakland actually outgained Denver 244-235, but alas, they still fell to 0-5. Lamont Jordan managed just 2.6 yards per carry, and Andrew Walter had only 13 completions for the Raiders. In the sage words of Moe Szyslak, this wasn't ugly, it wasn't fugly, it wasn't pug ugly, it wasn't even pug fugly. It was ugly ugly.
Who better to sum up the Raiders than Moe?

Titans 25, Redskins 22 - Vince Young gets his first NFL victory while upending the $6 million playbook. Antwaan Randle El contributes one catch and one lost fumble for the Redskins. Daniel Snyder channels George Steinbrenner for advice.

Mets 12, Cardinals 5 - Oliver Perez goes 5 2/3, gives up 9 hits and 5 earned runs, and still gets the win. Tony Larussa and Brian Billick losing on the same day gives joy to an entire nation.