Good Thing We Didn't Draft Wieters

It's 11:14 on Tuesday, July 31, 2007, and the Pirates Universe seems to make less sense than ever. And considering where this franchise has been, that's saying something. Where should I start - on the field or off? Let's go with...on the field.

The Buccos dropped yet another one tonight, this one by a 6-4 count to the Cardinals. 24,085 were bribed into the park by a free Roberto Clemente coin and were treated to the Pirates' 14th loss in their past 16.

The lowlight of the game, and possibly the season, was Ronny Paulino's sixth inning, when he managed to make two colossal errors in the same at-bat. If one opponent's at-bat had ever been more symbolic of another team's entire season, it was this one. Paulino misplayed a routine popup by Ryan Ludwick, extending the at-bat. Naturally, the mistake would come back to haunt the Pirates, as Ludwick ultimately parlayed the extended AB into a double. And during the double, Scott Rolen, by all accounts a dead man walking, was safe at home after Paulino dropped the relay throw from Jack Wilson.

How was this symbolic? First, the mere presence of Paulino in the lineup speaks volumes about the organization. He's had a grand total of one quasi-productive season in the big leagues, but is treated with the respect of a vested veteran. His batting average has fallen 73 points from last season (.310 to .237). His OBP has dropped from .360 to .283 (77 points). He's on pace for 162-game totals of 10 HR and 52 RBI. His defense has been horrendous. His effort appears to be virtually non-existent. He's misplayed numerous throws to home plate. And now, he's botching routine pop-ups. Paulino's been so bad, he makes me long for the days of Keith Osik. But he's in the lineup again and again, when all signs indicate that he should start planning a second career. I call it John Van Benschoten Syndrome. I guess Paulino's unbenchable. For his sake, I'm glad he doesn't play for the Steelers. Mike Tomlin would skewer him everyday in The News.

What's ironic is that the Pirates passed on Matt Wieters, also known as Johnny Bench 2.0, in this year's draft. I posted this a few months ago, but let's revisit Wieters, as described glowingly by Minorleagueball.com's John Sickels:

Wieters was expected to be the top college position player in the draft this year, and I think he's lived up to that. He was pitched around a bit for Georgia Tech, and seemed to be pressing early in the year, getting off to a somewhat slow start. But he heated up as the season progressed, and his numbers still came out strong: .358/.480/.592, with 10 homers and 51 walks. He has switch-hitting pop and excellent strike zone judgment; I don't have doubts about his bat.

That's right: a .358/.480/.592 switch hiter with power and a good eye. But he cost too much. $10 million was the reported asking price for his signing bonus. Why pay up when we could sign Danny Moskos for a mere $2.475 million? That's a difference of about $7.525 million that the Pirates were unwilling to spend.

Or were they unwilling to spend? I guess that's why Tuesday's trade deadline has everyone so confused. The Pirates traded OF Rajai Davis to the Giants for pitcher Matt Morris. Morris is 7-7 with a 4.35 ERA. The Pirates will pay the balance of his $10 million contract this year, and they're also on the hook for $9.5 million next season, plus a $2 million payment at the end of the season. To me, that looks like money that could've been spent on Wieters.

As expected, people are lining up to take shots at the Pirates. ESPN.com's Keith Law described the Morris trade like this:

Another year, another bizarre acquisition by the Pirates. But while last year's move to get Shawn Chacon was puzzling, acquiring Matt Morris is inexcusable. The last thing the Pirates need is another starter who gives up more than a hit an inning, but they got one in Morris.

And then there's Bob Smizik's "Littlefield reveals his desperation" article. Some of my favorite lines:

With the acquisition yesterday of starting pitcher Matt Morris from the San Francisco Giants, the Pirates told the world they are willing to spend big-time money. Even if it's on the wrong player...

...In his past eight starts, he [Morris] has pitched 45 1/3 innings and allowed 80 hits while compiling an ERA of 7.94...

...It again brings into question, as have so many other moves in the past, whether anyone in the Pirates' organization knows what they're doing.

Maybe Dave Littlefield knows something that we don't, but for some reason I doubt it. I was perplexed by the Izturis trade, and I'm even more lost after the Morris trade. This is an organization that's ready to begin a new, McClatchy-free era in the near future, but the same old drivers are asleep at the general managing wheel during another trade deadline. How do you explain Tuesday? Is Littlefield trying to get some help to win some games and save his job? Are the Pirates simply spending some money just to make it look like they're not pocketing all that revenue-sharing cash? Is there a reason why the Pirates could find no suitable trading partners for chips like Torres, Chacon, Marte, and Wilson?

I don't have the answers, probably because there are no answers. But don't worry, my friends. Only 58 more to go. And with the Pirates sitting at 42-62, that puts their magic number at 21, as in "the Pirates need to win 21 to finish 63-99 and not lose 100".

Suggested reading:

Paulino booed after his miscues cost Pirates [Post Gazette]

Pirates get Morris, but what about Wilson? [Post Gazette]

and from the vault:

The Ticket Scalper Who Sells After Kickoff [Mondesi's House 2006 Pirates Deadline Wrapup]

Meet the Michael Vick Supporters

Sports by Brooks offers some "highlights" from the recent 200-person rally for Michael Vick in Atlanta.

In the article, you'll find well-thought-out comments from Vick fans such as Hiram Melvin, who said, "Look at what he has done for this city — he's made this city a ton of money every Sunday. This dogfighting has been going on for years. It's not something that just started. It's not a big deal."

You can also listen to the audio from V-103's interview with Vick, who refers to himself in the third person multiple times. Congrats go out to Porsche Foxx (that's Foxx with two x's, thank you very much), who scooped every other media outlet in the world with Ookie's first interview.

Support for Michael Vick Sports by Brooks

Michael Vick interview V-103 Atlanta

200 at rally back Vick, assail Falcons Atlanta Journal-Constitution

The News

A recap of your favorite links, named in honor of Mike Tomlin
"I'm not telling a story. I'm reporting the news."

Got news? Email it to mondesishouse@gmail.com

25 links today. Go nuts!

--Willie Parker says he wants to be better than Ladainian Tomlinson. Guess what? I think he could be.

--The Stats Geek examines the mystery wrapped in an enigma and deep-fried in a riddle, Jason Bay.

--Jack Wilson might be a Detroit Tiger by the end of the day, and realize that it is possible to play for a team that wins more than it loses.

--How close to the bottom are the Pirates in SI's Power Rankings? I'll put it to you this way: if they were a Division I football team, they'd undoubtedly be on Penn State's 2007 schedule.

--Ben Roethlisberger's main squeeze, Missy Peregrym, lets it be known that she wants to play Wonder Woman in the upcoming film adaptation.

--Atlanta needed to fill their gaping hole at first base caused by an offseason trade with the Pittsburgh Pirates. So the Braves will end up with Mark Teixeira and the Pirates end up with Adam LaRoche. That sounds fair to me.

--Who's worse, Dave Littlefield or Matt Millen? Now that's a question that requires some real thinking.

--Here's an open letter to Cleveland from Brady Quinn. Honestly, I couldn't be more excited for the Quinn Era. I'm so looking forward to Steeler fans hating on him for years to come.

--High school football is all Mike Polk has. (you really have to read this one)

--Dejan Kovacevic talks to the angriest fans in America: Pirate fans.

--Here's a gallery of mugshots featuring recent arrestees wearing jerseys. And yes, the Steelers are represented.

--Wondering what Bill Simmons thought about his beloved Celtics acquiring Kevin Garnett? Wonder no more.

--Michael Vick cards are disappearing from 2007 football card sets. Yeah, I'd say Vick memorabilia would be a pretty bad investment these days.

--Fantasy football players, take note: stud 49ers running back Frank Gore just broke his hand.

--Former Pirate Bill Robinson dies at the age of 64, and former 49ers coach Bill Walsh passes away at age 75.

--What if the Simpsons Movie was re-cast with athletes?

--Paris Hilton just got cut out of the Hilton family will, a move that will cost her $60 million.

--How are cities fighting gangs these days? The old fashioned way: they're suing them.

A LIST OF TODAY'S TOP LISTS

The 9 Most Typecast Actors of All Time

Top 10 Signs You've Bought a Crappy Fantasy Football Annual

Top 10 Celebrity Mustaches of All-Time

Best and Worst Celebrity Man Boobs

Best Performances by Athletes in Movies

The Worst Year in Sports by City

Baseball's All Time Greatest Teams

Monday Bullet Points

• 2-13 since the All-Star break, my friends. I thought it would be bad, but I never thought it could be this bad. Actually, check that. Of course I thought it would be this bad.
• As you've probably noticed, John Vanbenschoten was sent to the minors. That means the much-anticipated return of Tony Armas to the rotation, and the recall of Jonah Bayliss from the minors. Does that scare you? Because it shouldn't. Jonah says he is "mentally stronger". And as Armas has said in the past, we shouldn't worry about his early season struggles, because it was just poor mechanics, that's all. I don't know about you, but I feel better.
• My dad starting peppering me with some Pirate-related questions on Sunday, to which I finally snapped and asked him why we care about the Pirates anymore. My rant was along the lines of "the owners don't care, the GM doesn't care, and obviously, the players don't care." And that was before the conclusion of the sweep today.
• OK, time to move to real sports. Aren't we jumping the gun just a tad on the "Lawrence Timmons will be a bust" phone calls to talk shows?
• Nice to see that Hines Ward is criticizing the coaches for the heated practice on Saturday. You can bet that will show up in The News. And by The News, I mean Mike Tomlin's version, not mine.
• Please, Barry, hit those home runs as soon as possible. Watching highlights of all your walks on a daily basis is becoming tedious.
• Speaking of the home run chase, I heard Greg Brown's rant during the Pirate game a few days ago about Bud Selig's attendance. Brown was wondering why it was such a big deal, and why people were talking so much about it. Oh, I don't know, maybe the symbolism of his endorsement to the most storied record in sports, but other than that, no, it's not worthy of discussion.
• That being said, Selig should try to be there. If there were no tests years ago, then you can't disqualify Bonds' records. And if "everyone took performance enhancing drugs", then how come Bonds was the only one to hit 73 in a season?
• All of this will be a moot point in a few years when A-Rod breaks Bonds' record. Of course, now that Jose Canseco says that he has dirt on A-Rod, that might change things after all.
• To answer a question that's out there, yes, there will be multiple Mondesi's House fantasy football leagues this season, they will all be free, and they will all have prizes. More info to be published soon.
• How many of you out there coughed up a 10-spot for the Simpsons movie this weekend?
• No Pitt, Penn State, Big East, Big 10, or ACC stories to rile anyone up today. Sorry.

Checking In

I apologize for the lack of posting today...I'm hard at work on the Steelers preview for Deadspin. I don't want to ruin this surprise of this year's topic, but I'll simply promise that it's taken quite a while to put together. I hope you enjoy it.

Given that I have limited time to post today, I wondered what subject to tackle. And then one of my readers dropped quite the tasty morsel in the old inbox.

As you may have noticed, there's been quite the ongoing debate about college football on the site this week. Rather than interrupt that momentum to talk about things like the semipro team that populates PNC Park or the incredibly-early debate on the merits of drafting Lawrence Timmons, let's throw some more gas on the fire. The college football site EDSBS points out in this article that the Big 10 could be expanding. Who are their possible targets? Just a few teams from the lowly Big East.

Debate participants, take your places...

The News

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

15 Questions with Jim Colony of ESPN Radio

As you may or may not know, I've always been a fan of ESPN Radio 1250's Jim Colony. If you've ever listened to the station, you've probably heard him doing the drive time sports news. He also makes regular appearances on a number of other ESPN programs, including Steel City Game Day and Pittsburgh Game Night. For you out-of-towners who are regular readers, let me give you this advice: if you're not familiar with Jim, I highly suggest you boot up your computers sometime and listen online.

Jim endures endless ribbing from Mark Madden on a regular basis and by all appearances is a tremendously good sport about it. He's always well-prepared and has his finger on the pulse of the Pittsburgh sports beat.

I'd always wanted to interview Jim for the site, because I think he's extremely under appreciated in the city. As luck would have it, Jim happened to email me last week and give me a heads up about an upcoming "Extra Point" segment he was taping regarding Barry Bonds. It appears that he and I shared the same opinion on the Pirates' treatment of Mr. Bonds and he wanted to let me know ahead of time that he wasn't guilty of plagiarism and that he wanted to tape his segment with a clear conscience.

I thought it was a classy move and would expect nothing less from Jim. He's a true professional in every sense. While I had his attention, I thought now would be a great time to ask for an interview. I figured that he's always the one interviewing people, so maybe he'd enjoy being on the receiving end for once.

I proposed 10 questions, but threw in 15 in case there were any he couldn't answer. Not only did he answer all 15, but he answered them in great detail. I was blown away.

So sit back and enjoy 15 questions with Jim Colony. In my totally unbiased opinion, it's a great read. And don't forget to catch Jim all the time on ESPN Radio 1250.

1. If ESPN Radio offered Mark Madden the opportunity to replace Dan Patrick, would you follow him to Bristol?

Mark would do well on the national stage . . . if they'd let him be himself. He would be unique ... but I doubt that will happen (for reasons Mark has outlined on his show). In any case, if the offer was right we'd strongly consider it (since my wife and I are from NE and the kids are out of HS) but the sell-a-house-here/buy-a-house-there sticker-shock would be severe. Plus we like Pittsburgh and have good friends here. This is our home. I also like being able to cover the local teams. Being stuck in studio would probably get pretty boring after awhile - and a short while at that.

Incidentally, the guy Bristol should go after for that mid-day show is Tim Benz.

2. What athletes, Pittsburgh-based or otherwise, have made your life easier as a member of the sports media?

Most players I've covered have been fairly easy to deal with, so I'll give props to the guys who make for good drop-ins ... the funny little sound bites that I can use over and over. In Boston, I got a lot of mileage out of Robert Parish and Red Sox manager Joe Morgan. Here, it's been Bill Cowher, Lloyd McClendon, Walt Harris, and Ben Howland. Michel Therrien shows great promise, along with Colby Armstrong and Ryan Whitney. Mike Tomlin is a potential drop-in gold-mine. Special media catagory ... Cope, DeNardo and Bob Smizik.

To answer the oft-asked question, hockey players are the most down-to-earth guys.

3. And the natural follow-up, which athletes have made you question why you got into this field in the first place?

No one, really. If some guy doesn't want to talk to me/us, there are (fill in the blank) 52, 24, 22 others that I/we can go to. A quick story, though. The first month I was here (July of '91), Huey Richardson held out and on the day he finally signed several of us wanted to talk to him and he started walking with us holding our microphones and note pads as if he was somebody important (although I guess as the Steelers' #1 draft pick he was). But I decided "F this" and stopped following that circus so I missed the big scoop. Turns out the scoop was the first time he lined up in practice and showed right away that he couldn't play.

4. You work for ESPN, so you're obviously on the inside and can definitively answer this question: Who's Now?

Not the guy who thought of it, that's for sure.

5. What do you see in your crystal ball for the Steelers and Penguins this season? Lombardi Trophy? Stanley Cup? 8-8? 82-0?

The Vegas over-under on number of Steelers' wins is 9, which is spot on. I guess that's why Vegas has all those big buildings. As I write this, I haven't been to camp yet so we don't know what potential disaster(s) may follow. But there is something about Tomlin and I think Ben Roethlisberger will skew toward the '04 regular season and '05 playoffs Ben. I'll say at least 10-6 with a shot at 11-5.

The Penguins will be a better team, yet I'm not sure they can top 105 points since the Atlantic Division appears much improved. As long as Marc Andre Fleury continues his progression, there's no reason they can't get to at least the Conference, if not the Cup, Finals. So they could win it all this soon.

6. Given the fact that you were both New Hampshire Wildcats, do you share a special bond with Dan Kreider?

Of course! And now, there's not only Dan and I, along with my wife, her mother, and Channel 2 weather legend Bob Kudzma ... the Pens signed goalie Ty Conklin who backstopped UNH to the NCAA championship game in '01. Special props to Pine-Richland alum Dan Wagner a recent grad who co-captained the Wildcats' nationally-ranked footbal team, but I believe he took a job out of the Pittsburgh area. You, too, Brian Levey.

7. Which job would you least want to have right now: Roger Goodell's, David Stern's, Bud Selig's, or Gary Bettman's?

If I may go back to my SAT days for a moment . . . E. All of the above.

But to answer the question ... oddly enough, even though he has no scandals (well, except for blocking Balsillie in both Pgh and Nashville which doesn't count) - and is also the one commissioner who has a player who is the unquestioned (and it's not even close) best in his sport with an unassailable reputation - Gary Bettman probably still has the toughest job. To most people, his league doesn't matter.

8. You've been a sports media member for a long time. How much has the presence of sports blogs changed your industry?

I am probably more internet savvy than a lot of people, but I'm not all that savvy since this blog stuff is relatively new to me. The first "blog" I really knew about was Ecklund's website during the NHL lockout ... and, unless you consider mainstream ESPN/CBS Sportsline types bloggers ... the only others I check routinely are Pro Football Talk and Raul's.

9. John Fedko appears to be a big fan of yours. Any chance we could see a Colony Fone Zone in the near future?

I heard about this "Colony Fone Zone" from our young producers who are actually awake at that hour; they also found a clip on You Tube. They downloaded into our audio system so you'll probably hear that sound-bite soon. One of our kids was once an "O" in a FEDKO ZONE line-up at a Pine-Richland football game and John has been forever grateful.

10. You really used to jog with Bill Cowher? Let's fill the audience in on that story.

It's not that big of a deal. When I came back in '00 we got to chatting after a morning practice at training camp talking mostly about our kids who are roughly the same age and involved in sports. He was stretching and then, while I was asking a question, he started to run. When I protested, he said, "if you want to talk, you have to run" so (suspending my Huey Richardson Rule) I did and we continued our chat. I had been a recreational runner and, while I was in poor shape, it felt pretty good so we kept it up. I only got one or two good inside stories over the years and have been sitting on a favor. It may be time to cash in.

At least Cowher was only a couple of years younger ... and I actually used to start fast and kept him on pace, so he looked stronger at the finish. I'm in awful shape right now and Mike Tomlin has me by 17 years ... so you can forget about that.

11. Tell us more about Jim Colony away from the studio. What are you watching, what are you listening to, what are you reading (other than ESPN, ESPN Radio, and ESPN.com, of course)?

Sadly, right now, I'm not watching ESPN, but FSN. Ronny Paulino didn't swing at a hanging slider just under the letters over the inside half ... then took a fastball on the outside corner for strike 3. A major-leaguer has to be ready to swing at one of those pitches. Then Jack Wilson got called out on a pitch at his ankles. The TV camera showed Jim Tracy shaking his head on the bench. It would have "done no good", but at some point a manager has to go out there and stick up for his players ... like the other night when Nady got called out on not 1, but 2, check swings. Maybe a manager showing that he cares might do some good. Jason Bay hit a home run (naturally, a solo shot) then somehow failed to follow a routine fly ball that maybe Xavier Nady could have caught from center except he jogged after it because he thought Bay had an easy play. Then 3rd baseman Matt Kata made an error that was ruled a hit and on the first pitch after a Jim Colburn visit, Ian Snell gave up a home run to the f-ing pitcher (his first in the big leagues so maybe that means against the Pirates that doesn't count)!!!

Thank goodness the Johnny Tsunami sequel is also on Disney.

Other than that, I watch Entourage (and did watch The Sopranos and Deadwood) on HBO. 24 is ridiculously unbelievable, and kind of lost it in the second half last season, but I'll be back for another season. I'm convinced that Keifer Sutherland is actually Vic Morrow's biological son. I watch Combat on American Life ... Gallent Men, too. Friday Night Lights walks the fine line between real-life issues and unrealistic scenarios (Matt Sarazen would never have gotten a single snap at North Allegheny - and I mean at Carson Middle School, much less the high school) yet I still watch. I got into Jericho which, apparently, CBS is bringing back after it was cancelled. If only my letter to NBC regarding American Dreams had done as much good. Oh yeah, NUMBERS is good ... I'll watch Las Vegas . . . Deadliest Catch on Discovery is tremendous - an actual reality show! And, of course, the Fedko Fone Zone.

I do listen mostly to us. Other than that, it's Y108 and Froggy ... my wife got me listening to Country and most of it is a lot like the Doobies, CCR, Eagles, Allman Brothers stuff that I listened to a lot of back in the day. That Megaticket is a great deal (yes, we paid) and we enjoy the shows. The Chesney concert was a great event with what we considered 4 headline acts. I have my wife's permission to leave her for Sara Evans as long as she gets Keith Urban.

I usually don't leave the house before 10 AM, but if I'm driving around early enough, I'll listen to Benz on 105.9. I've also been known to check in with my friend, Doug Hoerth, on WJAS Sunday evenings.

As for reading, I love to read, but reading the PG and Trib, other papers and stories online, and magazines doesn't leave a lot of time for books. The last one I completed was Pistol. I was into Pete Maravich as a kid and the Western Pa connection is strong. I also have a few history books that I use as occasional reading material ... so it's not just the P-G sports section every morning.

12. Is training camp going to be as tough as it sounds, or is Coach Tomlin playing some mind games with his team?

Yes.

13. I mentioned Sharky's on the site the other day, and I got email after email in favor of Dino's. Where do you sit on the debate of Training Camp Bar of Choice?

Last summer was really the first that I spent any amount of time overnight so I'm really somewhat of a newbie. The time I went out, Sharkey's was all media, while the scouts and front office guys hung at Dino's so both were good. Of course, the guy who owns Sharkey's picked up a few rounds, so his place gets the edge. I'll be there Thursday through Saturday - and at Dino's, too.

14. Mentally, is it challenging to keep up with a Super Genius on a daily basis?

Yes, it is. My wife keeps me on my toes.

15. Level with me: does Mark take you out for a beer at the end of the day for being such a good sport?

Only if I'm buying ... and with my widely-publicized minimum wage and those pesky college loans, not to mention the mortgage, I really can't afford it. So I guess the answer is "no."

Mondesi's House Debate: Allegiance to College Teams

Regular reader Rege from Harrisburg presents an interesting dilemma. Please read his brief story and weigh in: must you have a connection to the college team you root for?

In the words of Rege:

"Just funny story from work today I’d like to share with you. As you know I live in Harrisburg which is in the heart of Penn State country. I’ve been out here 2 ½ years and I deal with the narrow minded, elitist cult known as Penn State nation day in and day out. I have always dabbled in rooting for different college teams since childhood due to the fact I’ve always been an NFL fan first and for most my whole life. So jumping from college team to college team has never really fazed me, because I mainly just watch college football for the great pageantry and rivalries.

I was a ND fan as a youngster, due to the fact the Catholic elementary school I attended was ironically named Our Lady of Notre Dame, and Lou Holtz came and was a motivational speaker at the basketball camp I attend when I was 10. But, my following of the Irish never even came close to my love for the Steelers, so a sub par season by the Golden Domers never really left me too devastated. As the years rolled by I really could have given two s**** about anything college football. As ND lost its luster and the Bob Davie era took over, so then I want no part of that program.

I went on to attend Youngstown State University from 1998-2003 and I really enjoyed 1-AA football. Every team had cool mascots, great seats every game, due to modestly sized stadiums, and best of all playoff games.

Jim Tressel as we all know is the patron saint of Youngstown, and was the head coach for 15 seasons, 4 national championships, 6 appearances in the national title game, a handful of conference titles, and maybe one of the nicest people you would ever meet. Tressel was so assessable to the student body during my time at YSU it was unbelievable. The guy loves just loves everything college, and watching him coach at YSU brought me back as a fan of college football. Unfortunately he left us, and became the head coach at OSU, we all know the rest of the story. I then transferred my fan following to OSU to continue to follow the next coaching legend of Division 1 college football.

Now lets fast forward to 2007 in Harrisburg, PA. My entire office is Penn State fans. I am under abuse every day for being an OSU fan. You would think Jim Tressel stole some of these fans' dates to the prom, they HATE him with such passion. PSU fans are so closed minded they will not acknowledge any of Tressel’s prior coaching accomplishments simply because he spent 15 years in 1-AA, or at least that just my office.

But the reason I decided to let my aggressions out and write the “Don” of sports blogs with the comments I’ve been dealing with lately in my office. A co-worker, who I will let remain nameless, has been busting my balls from roughly 6 months now, because I am a quote unquote, loop hole OSU fan. He said only the true fans of all big-time football schools actually attended the schools. He went on launch into rant about how I cannot transfer alliance to OSU from YSU because I am not an OSU grad, He states I am merely following the career of Tressel, and this is an unwritten rule of college football. Am I missing something here? Nameless PSU fan then went on to bash his own fan base by stating” I know there are PSU fans too, that didn’t go to main campus and true Penn State grads known they aren’t “true” PSU fans by the sense of the word, because the never attended school there. Raul, please tell you've never heard of this unwritten rule?

Is there a worse fan base in any sport in the county? Happy Valley is a college football insane asylum, and has no idea how truly rude they are to every opposing fan that sets foot in the Beaver s*** hole. Always going up I’ve never been a hater of PSU, just kind of didn’t like them, but know after almost 3 years of exposure to their fans everyday I can say with confidence they deserve a 4-8 season every year to chill out their arrogance."

-Rege, from Harrisburg, a very disgruntled OSU fan

PS: Go PITT, at least your fans have class

Latrobe Begins...Pirate Season Officially Over

Today the Pittsburgh Steelers will report to Latrobe for their first training camp under Mike Tomlin. As we know, training camp is an important annual occasion on the Pittsburgh sports calendar. While not officially a recognized holiday in the region YET, it does signal the beginning of one season (football) and the end of another (baseball). And what better way to officially end another year of losing baseball than a 1-0 loss to the 42-56 Houston Astros? Might I add that the Buccos managed just five hits and no runs in eights innings against Woody "4-11, 5.37 ERA" Williams on Sunday? Sure, why not! Why not end the season with a bang?

Sunday's game was the kind that makes a good player go bad, in the words of Jay-Z and Rihanna. Human Youman threw eight innings of four-hit ball, allowing one run. And he got the loss. Welcome to Pittsburgh, or Hell, as Jason Kendall once called it. We Will: Mentally Beat Down Our Few Successful Players.

In other Pirate news, the team is actively trying to trade Jack Wilson onto the Toronto Blue Jays. Whenever Jack Wilson gets dealt, I want everyone to remember this quote given by Dave Littlefield the day that the Buccos traded for Cesar Izturis:

"This has nothing to do with Jack Wilson," Littlefield said.

I'm hoping to make that quote the Pittsburgh equivalent of Nick Saban's "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach." Please, please, please stop lying to us, Mr. Littlefield. We can handle the truth. Stop playing us for fools. Your fan base is not simply made up of the families of four who come on Sundays and let their kids run the bases after the game. There are some actual baseball fans left in Pittsburgh. Few, but still some nonetheless.

The Pirates sit just a game out of last place at 41-56. Adam LaRoche and Jason Bay, the centerpieces of the lineup, now have twin .246 averages. There are no regulars batting higher than .295. Yes, it's a great time to start talking about fantasy drafts, two-a-days, and Sharky's Cafe. Football season has arrived, my friends. It's time to make a smooth transition away from Armas, Paulino and Duke and into Roethlisberger, Polamalu and Parker. This could be the most entertaining training camp we've ever seen. Let's make this segue as seamless as possible.

The Best of Tim Donaghy's Game Fixing...in Video Form

ESPN.com's Bill Simmons, long an outspoken critic of NBA refs said this about the Spurs-Suns Game Three in this year's playoffs:

The Spurs were favored by four, with an over/under of 200.5 -- after San Antonio prevailed, 108-101, thanks to Amare Stoudemire playing just 21 minutes because of foul trouble.

Congratulations to Greg Willard, Tim Donaghy and Eddie F. Rush for giving us the most atrociously officiated game of the playoffs so far: Game 3 of the Suns-Spurs series. Bennett Salvatore, Tom Washington and Violet Palmer must have been outraged that they weren't involved in this mess. Good golly. Most of the calls favored the Spurs, but I don't even think the refs were biased -- they were so incompetent that there was no rhyme or reason to anything that was happening. Other than the latest call in NBA history (a shooting foul for Manu Ginobili whistled three seconds after the play, when everyone was already running in the other direction), my favorite moment happened near the end, when the game was already over and they called a cheap bump on Bruce Bowen against Nash, so the cameras caught Mike D'Antoni (the most entertaining coach in the league if he's not getting calls) screaming sarcastically, "Why start now? Why bother?" What a travesty. Not since the cocaine era from 1978-1986 has the league faced a bigger ongoing issue than crappy officiating.

Luckily, we live in the YouTube era, and the NBA doesn't police the video-sharing network nearly as much as the NFL. That means we can show you a "highlight film" of some of Donaghy's work in game three of the series, thus solidifying the thoughts that Simmons had a few months ago. I'm sure this makes Phoenix feel much better.

Roethlisberger Scandal?

Said by Mark Madden of ESPN Radio 1250

Well, here’s the shocking Steelers scandal I was talking about earlier. Michael Vick may have forced dogs to fight. We all know that story. But when Ben Roethlisberger used to live just 2 doors away from me...Ben used to force girls to fight. That’s right, Ben would take a child’s wading pool...fill it up w/chocolate pudding in the driveway...and two teenage girls would jump in and fight it out. I’m not gonna lie to you...it was a lotta fun to watch...and I’d occasionally get a bet down. These were HOT teenage girls, needless to say...and Ben used to make ‘em dress in skimpy cotton shorts and wife-beaters...no underwear...and the pit crew would rub their breasts down with ice chips right before they entered the field of play. It was quite a sight to see, and the winner got to spend the night in the big house w/Ben...while the loser had to sleep under Ben’s deck out back and let his two dogs lick the pudding off ‘em...which was probably not too bad for the dogs or the girl. To quote Stifler in American Wedding: Is it wrong if it feels good? Eventually Ben had to stop having girlfights, but not because of the cops. Heck, the cops used to park their cars at the corner and come watch. Who wouldn’t? No, Ben stopped because girls were starting to learn the technique of holding their opponent’s lower extremities right next to the pudding pump that kept a constant flow of fresh pudding going into the wading pool. There was some concern of sterility, or ovaries exploding due to the sheer force of the pudding, and anyway, what good are the girls to Ben if their insides have been stretched out by a jet-ray of pudding? It was one thing when they twisted each other’s nipples, or straddled each other suggestively while going for the pin, or best of all...when they got carried away w/the moment, started making out and started putting that pudding jet to safer, more reasonable and erotic uses...but I think I speak for everyone when I say that no one wants to see a teenage girl’s ovaries explode. So, Ben called off the pudding fights...and then he moved...and really, what the hell’s the point of living there anymore? Might as well put out a friggin’ FOR SALE sign myself. One thing I did like was when the girls went for the pin, but the opponent kicked out cos they didn’t hook the leg. I would yell – GOTTA HOOK THE LEG, TONY! – and everyone would laugh, and gee, it brought back some good memories, and I can’t help but think that WCW would still be around today if only we’d had the foresight to use pudding jets.

Et Tu, Littlefield?

These were the tragic last words of one Cesar Izturis upon hearing the news that he was joining the Pittsburgh Pirates on Thursday. Izturis was traded along with perennial Pirate favorite "cash" for a player to be named later (and not the Pirate Parrot, as reported earlier). Izturis joins a team only 2.5 games behind Tampa Bay for the worst record in the league. But fear not, dear Cesar: We Will Excite. Actually, now you will have to excite. Or not. It's kind of an open-ended promise. You'll figure it out when you get here.

Excited about Dave Littlefield's latest acquisition, Bucco faithful? You shouldn't be. Why not? Well, the first clue should be that Dave Littlefield made the trade. The second clue would be Baseball America's take on Cesar, in an article entitled, "Cubs Dump Izturis On Pirates":

The 27-year-old Izturis never has done much offensively, and his lack of ability with the bat cost him his starting job with the Cubs. Izturis hit just .246/.298/.304 with no homers and eight RBIs in 65 games, and Ryan Theriot supplanted him at shortstop. Izturis also seems to have lost a step in the field.

Don't worry...I'm sure Greg Brown will find a way to make him sound like a combination of Ozzie Smith, Derek Jeter, and Cal Ripken times ten thousand.

So I guess the Pirates were buyers at the deadline after all, because this guy looks like a perfect fit for their team, although I'd rather Littlefield had traded for Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. Maybe he could at least teach some of his new Pirate teammates something productive, or at the very least not snapping at anyone (I'm looking in your direction, Mr. I Know Who Stole Signs and I Will Get Them).

The other shoe to drop on Thursday (besides the Zoom Vick V) is the apparent movement of one Jack "Steve-O" Wilson. Wilson is on the books for $5.25 million in '07, $6.5 million next year and $7.25 million in 2009. Not unreasonable for a legitimate major league shortstop, but unreasonable for any Pittsburgh Pirate. So Wilson will probably be sent packing, joining tragic figure Don Kelly as they exit the Pirates in unison. Actually, Kelly got a head start, because the Pirates designated him for assignment on Thursday. He will be missed.

Dejan Kovacevic hints that this could just be the beginning of the Pirates' annual blue-light special.

Besides Wilson, Damaso Marte, Salomon Torres and Shawn Chacon are all looked at as trade bait. If only the Pirates could find a fish dumb enough to take the bait of all four, they'd save $20 million in salary the next two seasons. That's music to Bob Nutting's ears.

But who would the Pirates take in return? A proposed blockbuster deal with the Cubs, where the Pirates would acquire Jason Kendall, Aramis Ramirez, and the rights to Mark Cuban as owner, was predictably shot down by Nutting and Littlefield. However, there is one other player out there who may be over the hill, but leads his team with 19 home runs and plays for a team in last place and willing to make a move...

It's time to welcome home Barry Lamar Bonds.

The News

A recap of your favorite links, named in honor of Mike Tomlin
"I'm not telling a story. I'm reporting the news."

Got news? Email it to mondesishouse@gmail.com

--Training camp is near, so you know what that means...time for Alan Faneca to give us a new round of his "I'm unhappy" speeches.

--The Pirates get swept by the Rockies with a 5-3 loss today. And I didn't even get to write about last night's loss yet! Actually, there wasn't much to write about last night. I just had to mention the way the game ended: Jason Bay stared at a called strike three and casually mosied off the field. Again. Can we get this guy some Vitamin Water or something? Or should we be apathetic to his apathy?

--A reader sends along this article written last week entitled, "Michael Vick Will Not Be Indicted: Shhhhhhhh!", where the author called out a number of people as racist and made some pretty bold accusations. Yep, he looks kinda silly after the 18-page document unleashed yesterday.

--It looks like 2007 will be an exciting year for the Big East, with four Heisman contenders in the conference. And that's not counting Shady McCoy.

--SI's Stewart Mandel takes in Big East Media Day at the Eisenhower House in Rhode Island, and he had this to say:

As the sun set along the coastline, I turned to a writer friend and said, "Under ordinary circumstances, this has to be one of the top 10 places you'd least likely expect to run into Dave Wannstedt."

--The Ladies... are not thrilled with the Danbury Mint's line of accessories for female Steeler fans. How dare you call this gaudy!

--Don't like the jewelry? How about a Big Ben Christmas ornament for your lady?

--Bugs and Cranks put together a video of all the events that have gone down since the Pirates last had a winning season. But hey, the Pirates are committed to putting a competitive ballclub on the field, so we shouldn't be upset.

--Remember Adam the Penn State fan? How could you forget him? Well, he's already counting down the days to PSU-Notre Dame (about 2 months away), so he sends over two links:

First, a pro-ND, anti-PSU article:

I Hate So Much About The Things That You Choose To Be: A Look at the Delusions of Penn State Fans

Then, the pro-PSU, anti-ND response (written by Adam).

--New blog! Check out Blue-Collar Baseball by a tortured soul who follows the Pirates and the Reds.

--From ESPN.com's "AM Jump":

Odds on what outrageous pranks Adam LaRoche is planning next, after the former Brave cut the crotch out of every Atlanta player's underpants.

8 to 1 Hot foot on 10 of Antonio Alfonseca's 12 toes
4 to 1 Plant black-and-white cookie in Gary Sheffield's locker, with note signed, "Thinking of you, DJ #2"
2 to 1 Fool Pittsburgh residents into believing they have a major league team
OFF Trick Cubs into trading for Jason Kendall

--Michael Wilbon fights back against Peter King and anyone else taking shots at him for Who's Now?

--The always-entertaining (and always off-color) Maddox tells us why the Nokia E70 is better than the iPhone.

--More from Big Ben's Excellent ESPY Adventures:

Will "The Rock" suplex Big Ben?

Handlers are spreading the word to press members that Dwayne Johnson should not be referred to as "The Rock." Not getting the memo: Ben Roethlisberger, who greeted the former pro wrestler backstage.

"I never wanted to say, from this day forward, I will be 'Dwayne Johnson, The Actor,'" Johnson said earlier. "If there's some action movie with guns and ass-kicking, and they want to call me 'The Rock,' that's cool."

"Whatever doesn't get me beat up," Roethlisberger said later.

Down Goes Ookie

Michael Vick, also known as "Ookie", according to the 18-page court document, was indicted on Tuesday for conspiracy to transport dogs across state lines for the purpose of dog fighting.

Profootballtalk.com, who has provided saturation coverage of the entire Vick dogfighting saga, outlined a few of the more graphic incidents listed in the indictment:

"Testing" of the dogs began in February 2002. One of the dogs did not fight very well. It was shot to death with a .22 caliber pistol.

Additional dogs that did not perform well in "testing" sessions were executed in the summer of 2002, with three shot and one electrocuted.

In March 2003, Peace allegedly electrocuted a female pit bull that had lost a fight after consulting on the matter with Vick. Peace shot another losing dog that same month.

The most graphic misconduct allegedly occurred not long before the first search of the property. According to paragraph 83 of the indictment, Vick, Peace, and Phillips executed in April 2007 approximately eight dogs that did not perform well in "testing" sessions, by "hanging, drowning, and slamming at least one dog's body to the ground."

In other words, in the same month in which Vick declared that he never goes to his Surry County property, and the same month in which he sat face-to-face with the Commissioner, Vick had (according to the indictment) participated in the killing of as many as eight dogs deemed unfit for fighting.

Wow.

It's hard to believe that just a few years ago, a 21-year-old Vick was destroying Brett Favre in the playoffs in Green Bay with the world in the palm of his hand. He was exciting, he was a winner, and he had an entire career to get even better. Fans loved him, teams stayed up late trying to come up with a plan to stop him, and marketing gurus had him pitching everything from Nike to Coca Cola. The sky was the limit.

Now, the guy comes off as more monster than man. The Ron Mexico story, the water bottle, the missed appearance on Capitol Hill...those were all bad, but they pale in comparison to the dogfighting scandal. This situation is a loser for everyone involved: the Falcons are a mess, as they traded backup Matt Schaub and they're simultaneously dealing with the transition to a new head coach; Vick looks as if he'll be suspended; and the league takes yet another PR hit in an offseason full of them. Is Vick in some sort of "bad press" competition with PacMan Jones? Because right now, they're neck-and-neck. It's been a nightmarish offseason for Roger Goodell. And for Michael Vick, the nightmare has just begun.

I highly suggest you read as many of the articles below as possible. And be sure to check out the official Michael Vick homepage's message board, where you'll find gems like this:

"Oh its hater Xmas time now. They'll treat the indictment like its the conviction itself."

"That's BS dude. When my friend told me about it after seeing it in front of Yahoo.com, I was shocked as hell. It's completely BS from what I believe in. Not even much evidence to show that Vick's in trouble for dogfighting."

Other than the below articles, I can only offer you one piece of advice regarding this story: just prepare yourself for TV, radio, newspaper, and internet coverage like you've never seen before.

Suggested reading:

THE VICK DOG-FIGHTING INVESTIGATION [Pro Football Talk]

What do we make of this Michael Vick? [Mark Bradley, Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Michael Vick Official Court Document [The Smoking Gun]

Vick faces different kind of pressure now [Len Pasquarelli, ESPN.com]

Will Vick's legal troubles lead to a suspension? [Jason Cole, Yahoo Sports]

Michael Vick Official Website Message Board Thread [Mikevick.com]

Forbes Power 100: Michael Vick [Forbes.com]

Tuesday Bullet Points

It's a Tuesday, and I'm feeling like trying something new, so let's catch up on things with a Bob Smizik-style column filled with bullet points:

• First, some exciting news: I was once again approached to write the Steelers season preview for Deadspin.com, and I happily accepted their offer. I'm not sure exactly what day it will run, but it is in the works and should be complete soon. Last year's "50 Reasons Why I Love the Steelers" was very well received, as was this year's "79 Reasons Why It's Hard to be a Pirate Fan". Given that there are so many great Steeler blogs, I am honored to be asked once again. I can only hope that you enjoy what I have up my sleeve for this season.
• Many thanks to the readers who've made the last seven days the most-read in site history. Mondesi's House has had over 40,000 views in the past week alone. The site was mentioned on SI.com, ESPN.com, and led off the Washington Post's Blog Show TV program. And Mondesi's House finally cracked the top-20 of Ballhype's sports blog rankings, which I think puts me on the cusp of a BCS appearance. Fun times, indeed.
• Best of luck to my friend Dave Dameshek, who has decided to leave 93.7 The Zone and return to a career in Hollywood with Jimmy Kimmel. I always enjoyed my appearances on Dave's show and wish him the best of luck.
• What an enjoyable Pirate game last night. It started off with John Van Benschoten drilling Willy Taveras with the first pitch and snowballed from there. JVB's line: 2 innings, 6 hits, 9 earned runs, 2 walks, and 1 HBP. Of course, he would've only given up seven runs, but Tony Armas immediately allowed his two inherited runners to score, so nine it is for Van Benschoten. You can bet that the Pirate Spin Doctors will immediately bring up the fact that Armas threw three scoreless innings and conveniently brush those other two runs under the table (which they already have, in the postgame show).
• I enjoyed the anecdote during the game about how confident Armas is feeling about himself these days, blaming poor mechanics for his failures up to this point in the season. Nice story. But I don't see him giving back any money for said "poor mechanics".
• Pirate announcers said that J-Bay is the worst batter in the majors since June 1. So that means we have the most-hit pitcher (Duke) in the league and the worst batter for the last month and a half. How about plastering that on a WE WILL banner?
• Nice play by Willie Mays Wilson pretending in the 7th inning that it was the 1954 World Series and trying to recreate The Catch. Even better: the two outfielders (Bay and McLouth) who failed to open their mouths to call him off. A-Rod makes more noise when a ball's in the air. Even better than the botched pop up was Wilson's subsequent argument with Jim Colborn. You could almost feel a pulse in the Pirate dugout. Almost.
• That scrub, Matt Herges, who sports an ERA of 7.36 and gave up 2 runs in an inning of work for the Rockies tonight? Yeah, he's the guy the Pirates traded Chris Young for. You know Chris "8-3, 1.97 ERA" Young, don't you?
• The sign of a bad team: the Pirate announcers tried to hype the upcoming Josh Fogg start for the Rockies by building him up as "one of the best pitchers the Pirates had" for several years. With ERAs of 4.35, 5.26, 4.64, and 5.05 during his time as a We Willer, that paints a picture as bleak as you would imagine.
• Anyone catch the Ronnie Florian commercial tonight about the "Pirates Generation" song? And here I thought the Florian campaign was losing steam!
• On the topic of Pirates commercials: yes, I enjoy the retrospective, through-the-years style piece they have running now, even though there's a giant gap between 1992 and 2007 (the commercial goes from Doug Drabek to Ian Snell). But one thing I noticed: if it were up to the Pirates, people would never know that Barry Bonds was a part of the organization, and that goes beyond his exclusion in this commercial. I think this is a true injustice and a re-writing of history. Am I a Bonds fan? No. But I don't think the Pirates have anything to be embarrassed about when it comes to The Barry Era in Pittsburgh. The guy won 2 MVPs, led the team to three playoff appearances, and even the most cynical of baseball fans would say that it was probably done cleanly. I know many are disappointed with the Pirates' playoff finishes during Bonds' time as a Pirate, but the team wouldn't have advanced that far without him. What happened from 1993 on regarding Bonds is a different topic. It's time to recognize Barry's excellence as a Pirate.
• OK, that's enough Pirates. I'm having an internal debate: am I more excited for the upcoming Steelers season or the Penguins season?
• 15 two-a-days (or as Mark Madden suggested, "two 15-a-days") has the makings of great drama at Latrobe. Even if Mike Tomlin doesn't follow through with all 15, I love his "players have to adjust to me" attitude.
• I must admit, when I heard Peter King had his preseason Power Rankings, I was fully prepared to be disappointed. Why I would be upset with what another man thinks about a football team might be a deeper issue of mine, but we'll save that for another time. Anyway, his ranking of 12th was more than fair for the Steelers. I was pleasantly surprised. Also in this article, Pete becomes the 356,789th person to write about how he dislikes ESPN's Who's Now? segment. Might be time to take that idea into the shop for a tune-up.
• I was thrilled after reading AOL's excerpt from a recent Willie Parker interview where he compared the Steelers' 2007 offense to the San Diego Chargers'. As I constantly point out, Parker had 1,716 yards of offense and 16 TDs last year behind a below-average offensive line. If the Steelers open it up this year, his numbers could get even more interesting. I know one thing: I wouldn't hesitate taking him high in my fantasy league.
• Big Ben isn't cool with Matt Leinart? Who knew?
• Can Ray Shero win the NHL Executive of the Year before the season is played? Is there any precedent for that? Is there any chance he knows anything about running a baseball team too?
• What's the over/under on the number of trophies the Penguins will be carrying out of next year's NHL Awards ceremony?
• I'm kinda liking this bullet-point thing. I can see why Smizik goes to it so often.

The News

A recap of your favorite links, named in honor of Mike Tomlin

"I'm not telling a story. I'm reporting the news."

Got news? Email it to mondesishouse@gmail.com

--The red-hot Buccos drop their 3rd straight after the All-Star break to Atlanta. So much for that pre-All Star break momentum. And what a homecoming for Adam LaRoche! That guy should be on suicide watch.

--Bob Smizik says the Pirates are neither buyers nor sellers at the deadline this year, while Dejan Kovacevic's article makes it sound like they could be buyers or sellers. If I've learned anything over the years, it's that the trade deadline is Dave Littlefield's time to shine, so let's just trust that he'll do the right thing.

--Is SI.com using Sidney Crosby to rip off Who's Now?

--Speaking of Who's Now?, even Newsweek is taking a shot at it, in this thought-provoking piece on the WorldWide Leader.

--Scouts Inc. ranks NFL teams by strength of their quarterbacks. Lets just say they like Big Ben more than Peter King.

--An ESPN banner signed by such luminaries as Colin Cowherd and Mike Greenberg sells for a mind-blowing $426 in the V Foundation Auction.

--Hey, the USA managed to win the American Football World Championships this year in Japan! Good thing, because if we start losing at football in international competitions, then I'm really going to be depressed.

--Interesting article chronicling the rise and fall of The Simpsons. A tad on the harsh side.

--New words in the 2007 Merriam-Webster Dictionary include crunk, ginormous, and smackdown.

--The Artist Formerly Known as Prince but Is Now Known As Prince Again is giving away his newest CD for free.

--The world's tallest man, a 7'9" Chinese dude, marries a 5'6" woman in a huge Mongolian ceremony.

--Check out this giant squid that was just found in Australia.

A LIST OF TODAY'S TOP LISTS:

The 25 Greatest Rickey Henderson Stories

The Top 10 Manliest Moments from Man vs. Wild

The Top 25 Home-based businesses

The 10 Greatest Alcohol Icons of All Time

Learn From Master Greg Lloyd

If you ever needed yet another reason to move to Fayetteville, Georgia, here it is. Only in Fayetteville could you learn martial arts from the one and only Greg Lloyd.

Yes, it's true. The former Steeler linebacker, famous for his "I Wasn't Hired for My Disposition" and "Real Men are Black" t-shirts, is a 4th-degree instructor at Oh Do Kwan Martial Arts, topped only by the one and only Master Joaquin Bonilla (no relation to Bobby) in the Oh Do Kwan hierarchy. According to the always-reliable Wikipedia, Lloyd has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.

Lloyd has had a "colorful" couple of years since his NFL career has ended. He was accused of sticking a gun in his child's mouth because of poor grades in 2001, and in 2004 he pleaded no contest to pointing a gun at his wife's head. His son, Greg Lloyd Jr., will suit up for the UConn Huskies in the fall, but a protective order preventing his father from having any contact with him expired the day Junior turned 18. From the sound of things, it looks like the Lloyd father/son relationship has eroded to the point of no return. I'd imagine that's usually the way things happen after someone "allegedly" sticks a gun in your mouth.

Think about combining the size of Lloyd (one of the biggest men I've ever seen in person) with the black belt and then mix in a heavy dash of crazy. Then take the advice of another t-shirt from back in the day: Avoid the Lloyd.

The News

A recap of your favorite links, named in honor of Mike Tomlin
"I'm not telling a story. I'm reporting the news."
Got news? Email it to mondesishouse@gmail.com

--Sidney Crosby to make $2.2 million per year of life lived. And that's still a bargain.

--The AL edged the NL 5-4 in the All Star Game last night, Freddy Sanchez was 0-for-1 in relief of David Wright, and everybody loves Barry Bonds now.

--How did I miss this? Pittsburgh just hosted the largest furry convention in the free world, and it happened to be at the same hotel that the Brewers stayed at while in town.

Yes, that is Mr. Belvedere's employer, as a matter of fact

--Here's a World Series of Poker celebrity Update, for all of you interested in how Tobey Maguire, Jose Canseco and Brad Garrett are faring.

--Did Dave Littlefield really turn down a trade offer of Alexis Rios for Paul Maholm? At this point, does that really surprise you?

--You have to check out this story about fleas that took over a Seattle home, forcing out the family that lived there.

--Is ESPN trying to kill the NHL? Keep trying, it's not going to die in Pittsburgh.

--Lord Stanley recently shared a day with ex-Penguin Sebastien Caron.

--How are the top MLB free agents of the upcoming offseason faring? If you're an Andruw Jones fan, you might want to pass on this article.

--SI.com ranks the top athletes by number. Given SI.com's recent track record with lists, I'm sure countless Pittsburghers will get bent out of shape with something on here.

--An 11-year-old girl got charged with a DUI in Alabama. Five NFL teams have since contacted her about a tryout.

--Mr. Burns has taken over Jet Blue. And Simpsons Movie tie-ins have officially gone to heights previously unknown to mankind.

--For those of you losing sleep over what Kevin Polcovich, Turner Ward, and Lou Collier are up to, I point you to the PG's Where Are They Now piece on the 1997 Pirates...the only 79-83 team to be profiled 10 years later in sports history.

--Mike Greenberg, radio star, TV star, face of the Arena League broadcasting team, Spelling Bee guru and opening night Monday Night Football announcer...is looking for donations to keep his website up and running.

--Janet Jackson, looking sexier than ever.

--Dracula's castle is up for sale. And Sidney Crosby is not interested in using part of his $43.5 million to buy it as a summer home.

--This guy archives nearly every Incredible Hulk toy, and I do believe that some of his writeups would be right up your alley:

"It's the Incredible Hulk Ball Blaster!! He uses it to.....okay it's just too easy, I can't do it. Made by Gordy International in 1979."

--For the collector who has everything: Pittsburgh Passion football cards, rising in value with each round they advance in the playoffs.

(Thanks to Dave B. for the images. And since these cards are in his collection, I guess you could therefore say that he has everything.)

--We'll close with an "ESPN taking cheapshots at the Pirates" email from Paul O.:

I proceeded to read the "78 Things to Love about the All-Star Game" and saw the following lines that would be interesting to any Bucco fan....

2. It's the only time one can positively verify that the Royals and Pirates still exist.

11. We hold out hope that they'll run highlights of Dave Parker's throws to third and home in 1979. (they neglect to speculate how much nicotine/cocaine was in his system at the time...)

34. To see whether Jim Leyland tops the over/under of 25½ cigarettes

57. To dispel the rumor that Jerome Bettis is in fact from San Francisco, not Detroit. (WHAT?? I am confused...)

And in a seperate piece they take TWO shots at the Bucs.....

The second annual MLB No-Stars:

SS Julio Lugo, Red Sox (.197/.270/.298)

Already owners of the best record in baseball, it's scary to think where the Red Sox would be if they hadn't spent a big chunk of the season trotting out a leadoff hitter who's batting average is below the Mendoza Line. Lugo's 31, healthy, drawing walks and still showing at least a little pop, so it's hard to imagine his struggling this badly for much longer. Still, his four-year, $36 million contract is looking Pat Meares-esque on the scale of busts right now. Sometimes the best way to approach big-ticket free agents is to ignore them and find another way.

Nice to see that we can supply ESPN with nice analogies to describe a player's worthlessness.