EDYTA > GEORGE NOVAK, WANNY, SABAN...

Anyone else intrigued by the ongoing Jason Taylor saga? If you haven't been paying attention to the Miami Dolphins' offseason, you probably aren't aware that the former Defensive Player of the Year (and Pittsburgher) is rather focused on his dancing/post-football career these days.

The blog Sean's Ramblings noted that on the recent season finale of Dancing With the Stars, JT remarked that dancing partner Edyta Sliwinska was the best coach he ever had.

And while she's certainly in better shape than legendary Woodland Hills coach George Novak (who coached Taylor during his teenage years), it was a pretty big shot at all of Taylor's former coaches, a list that includes Jimmy Johnson, Nick Saban, and Dave Wannstedt. Although I'm pretty sure Edyta is a better coach at anything than Cam Cameron and Jim Bates.

It's pretty easy to see where Taylor is going with this. He knows that his football career is close to the end, the Dolphins were 1-15 last year and in total rebuild mode, and now they're being run by a tyrant and all of his minions who are already giving him the cold shoulder. His ongoing soap opera with The Tuna has become to Profootballtalk.com what Britney Spears and Angelina Jolie are to WWTDD, with daily updates on who said what.

The Dolphins attempted to deal Tayor to the Jaguars, but that now looks like a dead end. So it may come down to who blinks first. Taylor is apparently not going to attend offseason workouts or training camp, usually the precursor to a lengthy holdout. Check that, it's actually the definition of a holdout.

So how far is Taylor going to take this? Only Coach Edyta may know.

Latrobe Begins...Pirate Season Officially Over

Today the Pittsburgh Steelers will report to Latrobe for their first training camp under Mike Tomlin. As we know, training camp is an important annual occasion on the Pittsburgh sports calendar. While not officially a recognized holiday in the region YET, it does signal the beginning of one season (football) and the end of another (baseball). And what better way to officially end another year of losing baseball than a 1-0 loss to the 42-56 Houston Astros? Might I add that the Buccos managed just five hits and no runs in eights innings against Woody "4-11, 5.37 ERA" Williams on Sunday? Sure, why not! Why not end the season with a bang?

Sunday's game was the kind that makes a good player go bad, in the words of Jay-Z and Rihanna. Human Youman threw eight innings of four-hit ball, allowing one run. And he got the loss. Welcome to Pittsburgh, or Hell, as Jason Kendall once called it. We Will: Mentally Beat Down Our Few Successful Players.

In other Pirate news, the team is actively trying to trade Jack Wilson onto the Toronto Blue Jays. Whenever Jack Wilson gets dealt, I want everyone to remember this quote given by Dave Littlefield the day that the Buccos traded for Cesar Izturis:

"This has nothing to do with Jack Wilson," Littlefield said.

I'm hoping to make that quote the Pittsburgh equivalent of Nick Saban's "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach." Please, please, please stop lying to us, Mr. Littlefield. We can handle the truth. Stop playing us for fools. Your fan base is not simply made up of the families of four who come on Sundays and let their kids run the bases after the game. There are some actual baseball fans left in Pittsburgh. Few, but still some nonetheless.

The Pirates sit just a game out of last place at 41-56. Adam LaRoche and Jason Bay, the centerpieces of the lineup, now have twin .246 averages. There are no regulars batting higher than .295. Yes, it's a great time to start talking about fantasy drafts, two-a-days, and Sharky's Cafe. Football season has arrived, my friends. It's time to make a smooth transition away from Armas, Paulino and Duke and into Roethlisberger, Polamalu and Parker. This could be the most entertaining training camp we've ever seen. Let's make this segue as seamless as possible.

The Official Steelers Coaching Candidates List

The Bill Cowher Circus has been a sideshow all year for the coach and his team. Once the season was over, it was expected that Cowher would make a quick, painless decision and everyone involved would move on. The Post-Gazette led their Sunday edition with a "Cowher leaving Tuesday" story, over prominent current-events stories such as the death of a former President and the hanging of a ruthless dictator. Chris Mortensen was all over ESPN on Tuesday, telling anyone who would listen that "The Rooneys demand an answer from Cowher by the end of the day". Speculation was running rampant. Grimm to Atlanta. Whisenhunt to Atlanta. Whisenhunt to Arizona. Rivera to Pittsburgh. Wannstedt to Pittsburgh. That's right, Wannstedt to Pittsburgh. The old rumor, once contrived by profootballtalk.com, gets dug up from the grave once again.

Despite the immaculate credentials of Ed Bouchette and Chris Mortensen, they have been completely incorrect on the Cowher situation so far, because absolutely nothing has happened. And profootballtalk.com somehow keeps getting mentions from national media outlets despite rumor-mongering such as the Wannstedt story and "Moss and/or Jerry Porter to the Steelers" fantasies.

With that in mind, I touched base with all of my contacts in the NFL, in the media, and in the football world to give you the definitive list of coaches who the Steelers are looking at, along with their respective pros and cons. This is the best job in the NFL, so don't be surprised by the big names. I'm sure ESPN will pick up this list and mention it on all of their various outlets tomorrow.

Chuck Noll, former Steelers coach

Pros: 4-time Super Bowl Champion coach

Cons: A guy used to coaching Hall of Famers will struggle to come to grips with a lineup featuring Cedrick Wilson and Deshea Townsend

Dave Wannstedt, head coach, Pitt

Pros: Will recruit the best, most athletic free agents in the offseason and make the Steelers look great on paper

Cons: Don't be surprised if a team leader disappears to smoke pot in a tent in Australia on his watch

Frank Beamer, head coach, Viriginia Tech

Pros: His "Beamer Ball" style will mean great special teams for the Steelers

Cons: He still won't be able to beat Pitt

Jerry Glanville, former head coach, Houston Oilers & Atlanta Falcons

Pros: Showed he has guts by trading a useless rookie named Brett Favre to Green Bay while runnning the Falcons

Cons: Will waste two coveted Steeler tickets per game at will-call for Elvis Presley

Jim Mora Sr. and Jr, former NFL head coaches

Pros: Father-and-son coaching combination would be NFL first; absence of Michael Vick will ensure no coaches are killed

Cons: Playoffs may be a pipe dream; the allure of the Washington Huskies job will always be a distraction

Joe Paterno, head coach, Penn State

Pros: Proven he can display the loyalty to an organization that the Rooneys require; will coach through pain

Cons: Will probably be offered more money to take the Alabama job if Nick Saban passes

John Bunting, former head coach, North Carolina

Pros: 26-45 career record at UNC means he's due for a few winning seasons

Cons: Will continue to bench Willie Parker

John L. Smith, former head coach, Michigan State

Pros: Will never have a boring Tuesday-afternoon press conference

Cons: Will have extremely talented teams that continue to disappoint, year after year

Larry Coker, former head coach, Miami Hurricanes

Pros: Will nurture the ball-hawking, taunting style the 2006 Steelers displayed, thus enabling continunity with the players

Cons: 60-15 career coaching record just not good enough for the Hurricanes or the NFL

Marvin Lewis, head coach, Cincinnati Bengals

Pros: Knows the division, having coached in Baltimore and Pittsburgh

Cons: Probably will turn down the job due to lack of bad-character players he can help "rehab"

Mike Ditka, former head coach, Chicago Bears & New Orleans Saints

Pros: "Pittsburgh guy"; Super Bowl Champion coach, NFL Hall of Famer, Pitt legend

Cons: May trade the entire draft for Adrian Peterson, then make him pose in a wedding dress.

Mike Gottfried, former head coach, Pitt

Pros: Doesn't have anything else going on

Cons: Players won't be able to understand him when he talks; insists on inclusion of Pam Ward on his staff

Neil Gordon, head coach, Penn Hills HS

Pros: Will never draft Anthony Morelli; likes to run the football

Cons: Would still consider Gateway the toughest opponent on his schedule

Nick Saban, head coach, Miami Dolphins

Pros: Highly-respected coach who learned under Bill Parcells

Cons: Will leave Steelers in 2008 to coach Auburn; when asked who he models his career after, he answered, "Larry Brown"

Russ Grimm, offensive line coach, Pittsburgh Steelers

Pros: Assistant head coach on an NFL Champion; Scottdale native; Pitt legend

Cons: Wishes he could erase the 2006 Steelers O-Line tapes from his resume

Tom Bradley, assistant coach, Penn State

Pros: Will write 30 handwritten letters to each highly-coveted free agent on the Steelers radar, just like he did for Justin King

Cons: Insists on bringing Joe Paterno along as the true head coach, just for old times' sake

Walt Harris, former head coach, Pitt Panthers & Stanford Cardinal

Pros: Developed NFL offensive stars like Larry Fitzgerald, Antonio Bryant, and Kevan Barlow while at Pitt

Cons: The consequences of a one-win season as Steeler coach would make Saddam Hussein's treatment look gentle

Monday Morning Wrapup

Bucs 14, Bengals 13 - Bruce Gradkowski continues the great tradition of Western PA quarterbacks (Charlie Batch, Gus Frerotte, Mike McMahon, etc) in leading the Bucs to a last-minute victory over Cincinnati. Gradkowski was upset at the Steelers for not selecting him, but again, I will repeat that Omar Jacobs was the right choice for Pittsburgh.

As for the Bengals, since beating the Steelers they've been slaughtered by New England and defeated by a winless Tampa Bay team led by a QB making his 2nd career start. Let's not size Chad Johnson for that Super Bowl ring just yet.

Panthers 23, Ravens 21 - The Steve McNair Injury Watch, as predicted here and here by your fearless leader in the preseason, is finally underway. So here's what we have in Baltimore: McNair is injured, McNair bandwagoneers were jumping off at a record pace BEFORE his injury, and to further muddle the waters, Kyle Boller tossed 3 TDs in relief today. Do you hear that? That noise all the way from Maryland? Sounds like a brewing QB controversy to me.

Lions 20, Bills 17 - Detroit nets their first win of the season behind an impressive 161 yards from Roy Williams. That's the mouthy WR, not the Carolina coach/Huckleberry Hound lookalike. That would have been really impressive.

Jets 20, Dolphins 17 - Nick Saban continues to stand out as the black sheep of the Parcells Family Tree as the Dolphins fall to 1-5. Joey Blue Skies has proven he's not the answer at QB either, with a TD/INT Ratio of 1 to 4 since starting last week. But I'm sure the Dolphins will rally at the end of the season, sign a big free agent, and be right back in the hunt as a Super Bowl Sleeper next year.
The world as presented through Joey Harrington goggles

Saints 27, Eagles 24 - The Saints are officially on a roll, and if you don't like them, you are basically spitting on New Orleans. Or so the media would have you believe. In other Saints news, Reggie Bush and Jon Lovitz want you to EAT STEAK!
The Lovitz signing relegated Jared Fogle to backup status on the Subway Depth Chart

Broncos 13, Raiders 3 - I think the Raiders were so uninterested in this game, the Broncos got bored. Oakland actually outgained Denver 244-235, but alas, they still fell to 0-5. Lamont Jordan managed just 2.6 yards per carry, and Andrew Walter had only 13 completions for the Raiders. In the sage words of Moe Szyslak, this wasn't ugly, it wasn't fugly, it wasn't pug ugly, it wasn't even pug fugly. It was ugly ugly.
Who better to sum up the Raiders than Moe?

Titans 25, Redskins 22 - Vince Young gets his first NFL victory while upending the $6 million playbook. Antwaan Randle El contributes one catch and one lost fumble for the Redskins. Daniel Snyder channels George Steinbrenner for advice.

Mets 12, Cardinals 5 - Oliver Perez goes 5 2/3, gives up 9 hits and 5 earned runs, and still gets the win. Tony Larussa and Brian Billick losing on the same day gives joy to an entire nation.