THE NEWS

Yes, we were all intimidated.

[thanks Billyseth]

PENS LINKS:
Molinari: Penguins rout Flyers, punch ticket to Stanley Cup final
Collier: Comforts of home adding up for Malone
Cook: Can't touch Sid The Kid for playoff excellence
Anderson: Friendly Fleury shows some flash in playoffs
PG: Empty Netters recap

Junker: Penalties should carry over
Starkey: Penguins far from satisfied
Rossi: Pens soar over Flyers; Cup final next

and in honor of the Pens knocking the Flyers out of the playoffs...

100 Seasons ... 100 Heartbreaks: the 100 worst moments in Philadelphia sports, from SI.

--Are the Pirates allergic to the hallowed ground of .500? They blew yet another shot at it yesterday in a 4-3 loss to the Cubs, who own an 8-1 mark against the Buccos in 2008. Phil Dumatrait sums it up: "I was terrible."

--Commencements: Al Gore at CMU and Bud Selig at Bethany College. Sorry, no Mike Tomlin.

--Bill Simmons is enjoying his "rebellious" status.

--The Big Lead takes a long look at Nate McLouth.

--Governor Rendell chose a Spanish firm to run the PA Turnpike. First Kennywood, now the Turnpike. What's the next PA landmark to go Spanish?

--Sorry guys: Ashlee Simpson is now Ashlee Wentz.

--The Detroit Lions' customer service policy: “F— ‘Em”. Needless to say, they didn't follow the Penguins fan blueprint I mentioned this morning.

--A trailer accident dumped 14 tons of Oreos all over an Illinois highway.

(________) was seen making immediate travel arrangements to Illinois.

insert fat guy here

--Is Gears of War 2 the most violent video game ever?

A LIST OF TODAY'S TOP LISTS

18 Things Grown Men Should Never Have

13 Steps to Make the Workout Experience Less Awkward

8 Child Prodigies So Amazing They'll Ruin Your Day

5 Superhero Movie Scenes They'll Never Let You See

10 Toys That Made You Gay

Top 7 Cardinals/Cubs Crossovers

The Top 7 Secrets to Writing a Cracked.com Top 7 List

The 10 Most Terrifying Video Game Enemies of All Time

Nine Coolest Movie Bouncers of all Time

Most Worthless TV Character Additions That Nearly Ruined The Show

5 Vacation Planning Tips (According To Horror Movies)

GOT NEWS? LINKS? ANYTHING?

EMAIL IT TO MONDESISHOUSE@GMAIL.COM

Monday Bullet Points

• 2-13 since the All-Star break, my friends. I thought it would be bad, but I never thought it could be this bad. Actually, check that. Of course I thought it would be this bad.
• As you've probably noticed, John Vanbenschoten was sent to the minors. That means the much-anticipated return of Tony Armas to the rotation, and the recall of Jonah Bayliss from the minors. Does that scare you? Because it shouldn't. Jonah says he is "mentally stronger". And as Armas has said in the past, we shouldn't worry about his early season struggles, because it was just poor mechanics, that's all. I don't know about you, but I feel better.
• My dad starting peppering me with some Pirate-related questions on Sunday, to which I finally snapped and asked him why we care about the Pirates anymore. My rant was along the lines of "the owners don't care, the GM doesn't care, and obviously, the players don't care." And that was before the conclusion of the sweep today.
• OK, time to move to real sports. Aren't we jumping the gun just a tad on the "Lawrence Timmons will be a bust" phone calls to talk shows?
• Nice to see that Hines Ward is criticizing the coaches for the heated practice on Saturday. You can bet that will show up in The News. And by The News, I mean Mike Tomlin's version, not mine.
• Please, Barry, hit those home runs as soon as possible. Watching highlights of all your walks on a daily basis is becoming tedious.
• Speaking of the home run chase, I heard Greg Brown's rant during the Pirate game a few days ago about Bud Selig's attendance. Brown was wondering why it was such a big deal, and why people were talking so much about it. Oh, I don't know, maybe the symbolism of his endorsement to the most storied record in sports, but other than that, no, it's not worthy of discussion.
• That being said, Selig should try to be there. If there were no tests years ago, then you can't disqualify Bonds' records. And if "everyone took performance enhancing drugs", then how come Bonds was the only one to hit 73 in a season?
• All of this will be a moot point in a few years when A-Rod breaks Bonds' record. Of course, now that Jose Canseco says that he has dirt on A-Rod, that might change things after all.
• To answer a question that's out there, yes, there will be multiple Mondesi's House fantasy football leagues this season, they will all be free, and they will all have prizes. More info to be published soon.
• How many of you out there coughed up a 10-spot for the Simpsons movie this weekend?
• No Pitt, Penn State, Big East, Big 10, or ACC stories to rile anyone up today. Sorry.