THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

We'll start off today's news and notes with a tribute to actress Estelle Getty, better known as Sophia Petrillo of the Golden Girls, who passed away at the age of 84.

Many of you will surely deny it, but you used to tune in every Saturday night to watch Sophia, Rose, Dorothy, and "that crazy Blanche". Remember, if you threw a party and invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say, "thank you for being a friend" :

As you can see, the sports news around these parts is slow this time of year. We're leading with a Golden Girl, for crying out loud.

We could talk about Steeler camp, but that hasn't started yet. We could talk about the re-signing of Jeff Taffe, but I'm not sure how long that discussion would last. And we could discuss the first "The Legacy Of..." article, but even after several hours I spent on it last night, it's still not complete.

By default, that leaves the Pirates, who are riding a colossal two-game winning streak following an 8-2 win over the Houston Astros last night. Luckily, the Pirates brought their bats on this trip, although they only arrived in the ninth inning of Monday night's game. Home runs were provided by Ryan Doumit, Nate McLouth, and Freddy Sanchez (for the second night in a row).

Paul Maholm took care of the pitching, holding the 'Stros to one run over eight innings. Funny how the formula of pitching + hitting = victory, no?

So what else could we talk about?

--Joe Starkey wrote a very bloggish-type column that was a 40-item mission statement, "if fans owned the Steelers."

Proving that the art of list-writing isn't as easy as it sounds, Starkey used "We shall provide free beer" jokes not once, not twice, but five times. But it's worth a read.

--Here's an interesting article about the potential balancing act Stanley Druckenmiller would have to pull off if he did take control of the Steelers.

--Pittsburgh author Howard Shapiro has a children's book coming out in October about hockey, which you can find out more about on his website, www.hockeyplayerforlife.com.

The foreword is written by Keith Primeau, who probably conjures up a few memories around these parts.

--Bob Smizik pens the 55,192nd article about how bad Dave Littlefield was at his job.

--The PG had a big article about how cell phones could potentially pose health risks, as per an upcoming advisory from the director of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute and UPMC Cancer Centers. Fantastic!

Here's a list they provided of 10 tips to limit exposure from electromagnetic radiation emitted from cell phones.

--In case you missed it, there was a fight in a WNBA game last night involving LA and Detroit, who happens to be coached by former Piston Bad Boys Bill Laimbeer and Rick Mahorn. Luckily, someone was appently taping a WNBA game on their television with a camcorder and posted it to YouTube. Ahh, technology.

Check back later this afternoon for a few items that deserve their own posts.

LAROCHE: THE BEST?

Pirates first baseman Adam LaRoche is currently hitting .221 with six homers. On this date last year, he was hitting .211 with seven homers. In Atlanta in 2006, those numbers were .247 and 10, and in 2005, .249 and seven.

So the Pirates acquired this traditional late-bloomer before the 2007 campaign, and his early-season numbers since joining the Buccos have tailed off even below their previous depths. Although some would question the acquisition of such a player by a team that usually holds an annual fire sale in July, we've all learned to never question the wisdom of Dave Littlefield.

With that in mind, a Pirate fan created this incredible YouTube montage of The LaRoche Era, set to LaRoche's own at-bat theme song, "Karate Kid's" You're the Best. For any Pirate follower, it's a must-see.

With that as a backdrop, has anyone else realized that during the Pirates' decade-and-a-half of futility, the first base position has been manned by the revolving door of Sean Casey, Daryle Ward, Randall Simon, Kevin Young, Mark Johnson, and Brian Hunter? That might have something to do with the losing. Of course, pretty much every other position has the same situation, so my point is moot.

Dave Littlefield, Red Sox GM

The year is 2002. The Boston Red Sox have a vacant General Manager position that they want to fill. And who did they consider as the man to ultimately build a curse-ending team?

Dave Littlefield.

Yes, according to this recently-unearthed 2002 article from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, the then-newly-hired Littlefield was considered by the Red Sox as a possible candidate for their vacant job. Fortunately for them, Littlefield was under contract to the Buccos for years and years to come, and as the article points out, "The Red Sox, however, have not contacted the Pirates for permission to interview Littlefield, and permission likely would be denied if they did".

As we all know, the Sox hired 28-year-old Theo Epstein in November of '02, and by 2004 the Sox were hoisting a World Series trophy over their heads.

And Littlefield? He's now employed as a scout with the Chicago Cubs after driving the Pirates further into the ground during his years in Pittsburgh.

Isn't history fun?

Littlefield not talking to Boston [PG, Wednesday, October 23, 2002]

Dave Littlefield Sighting!

Look who was spotted by eagle-eyed reader Marcus at the Pens game on Saturday night sitting in section D6:

"So I am at the Pens game on Saturday, sitting in section D6, good seats, not great. I look to my right and who do I see? None other that Dave Littlefield. I mean, I know he's unemployed at the moment, but those are the best seats he can get? Maybe the Nuttings wouldn't pay him either. Or he really is that cheap."

Poor Dave Littlefield. He can't even go to a Penguin game without speculation based on his boss, his salary, or his performance. That being said, he had a lousy boss, he didn't make as much as other GMs, and his presence made no difference in the organization's success. But he gets Brownie Points for supporting the Pens.

LITTLEFIELD OUT

As of 11:01 AM, the PG is reporting that Dave Littlefield has been fired. I expect the streets downtown to empty in a Mardi Gras-style celebration.

So where do the Pirates go next? Well, my friends at Bugs and Cranks have already started a series entitled "The Search for a CEO", a look at who will guide this team into the next 15 years of losing. Once the CEO is in place, the next Littlefield/Bonifay/Ted Simmons can be named. Let's hope they get it right this time.

UPDATE:

ESPN.com reports that senior director of player development Brian Graham will be the interim GM, presumably because he's done such a great job in his capacity of developing players.

Latrobe Begins...Pirate Season Officially Over

Today the Pittsburgh Steelers will report to Latrobe for their first training camp under Mike Tomlin. As we know, training camp is an important annual occasion on the Pittsburgh sports calendar. While not officially a recognized holiday in the region YET, it does signal the beginning of one season (football) and the end of another (baseball). And what better way to officially end another year of losing baseball than a 1-0 loss to the 42-56 Houston Astros? Might I add that the Buccos managed just five hits and no runs in eights innings against Woody "4-11, 5.37 ERA" Williams on Sunday? Sure, why not! Why not end the season with a bang?

Sunday's game was the kind that makes a good player go bad, in the words of Jay-Z and Rihanna. Human Youman threw eight innings of four-hit ball, allowing one run. And he got the loss. Welcome to Pittsburgh, or Hell, as Jason Kendall once called it. We Will: Mentally Beat Down Our Few Successful Players.

In other Pirate news, the team is actively trying to trade Jack Wilson onto the Toronto Blue Jays. Whenever Jack Wilson gets dealt, I want everyone to remember this quote given by Dave Littlefield the day that the Buccos traded for Cesar Izturis:

"This has nothing to do with Jack Wilson," Littlefield said.

I'm hoping to make that quote the Pittsburgh equivalent of Nick Saban's "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach." Please, please, please stop lying to us, Mr. Littlefield. We can handle the truth. Stop playing us for fools. Your fan base is not simply made up of the families of four who come on Sundays and let their kids run the bases after the game. There are some actual baseball fans left in Pittsburgh. Few, but still some nonetheless.

The Pirates sit just a game out of last place at 41-56. Adam LaRoche and Jason Bay, the centerpieces of the lineup, now have twin .246 averages. There are no regulars batting higher than .295. Yes, it's a great time to start talking about fantasy drafts, two-a-days, and Sharky's Cafe. Football season has arrived, my friends. It's time to make a smooth transition away from Armas, Paulino and Duke and into Roethlisberger, Polamalu and Parker. This could be the most entertaining training camp we've ever seen. Let's make this segue as seamless as possible.

Et Tu, Littlefield?

These were the tragic last words of one Cesar Izturis upon hearing the news that he was joining the Pittsburgh Pirates on Thursday. Izturis was traded along with perennial Pirate favorite "cash" for a player to be named later (and not the Pirate Parrot, as reported earlier). Izturis joins a team only 2.5 games behind Tampa Bay for the worst record in the league. But fear not, dear Cesar: We Will Excite. Actually, now you will have to excite. Or not. It's kind of an open-ended promise. You'll figure it out when you get here.

Excited about Dave Littlefield's latest acquisition, Bucco faithful? You shouldn't be. Why not? Well, the first clue should be that Dave Littlefield made the trade. The second clue would be Baseball America's take on Cesar, in an article entitled, "Cubs Dump Izturis On Pirates":

The 27-year-old Izturis never has done much offensively, and his lack of ability with the bat cost him his starting job with the Cubs. Izturis hit just .246/.298/.304 with no homers and eight RBIs in 65 games, and Ryan Theriot supplanted him at shortstop. Izturis also seems to have lost a step in the field.

Don't worry...I'm sure Greg Brown will find a way to make him sound like a combination of Ozzie Smith, Derek Jeter, and Cal Ripken times ten thousand.

So I guess the Pirates were buyers at the deadline after all, because this guy looks like a perfect fit for their team, although I'd rather Littlefield had traded for Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. Maybe he could at least teach some of his new Pirate teammates something productive, or at the very least not snapping at anyone (I'm looking in your direction, Mr. I Know Who Stole Signs and I Will Get Them).

The other shoe to drop on Thursday (besides the Zoom Vick V) is the apparent movement of one Jack "Steve-O" Wilson. Wilson is on the books for $5.25 million in '07, $6.5 million next year and $7.25 million in 2009. Not unreasonable for a legitimate major league shortstop, but unreasonable for any Pittsburgh Pirate. So Wilson will probably be sent packing, joining tragic figure Don Kelly as they exit the Pirates in unison. Actually, Kelly got a head start, because the Pirates designated him for assignment on Thursday. He will be missed.

Dejan Kovacevic hints that this could just be the beginning of the Pirates' annual blue-light special.

Besides Wilson, Damaso Marte, Salomon Torres and Shawn Chacon are all looked at as trade bait. If only the Pirates could find a fish dumb enough to take the bait of all four, they'd save $20 million in salary the next two seasons. That's music to Bob Nutting's ears.

But who would the Pirates take in return? A proposed blockbuster deal with the Cubs, where the Pirates would acquire Jason Kendall, Aramis Ramirez, and the rights to Mark Cuban as owner, was predictably shot down by Nutting and Littlefield. However, there is one other player out there who may be over the hill, but leads his team with 19 home runs and plays for a team in last place and willing to make a move...

It's time to welcome home Barry Lamar Bonds.

The News

A recap of your favorite links, named in honor of Mike Tomlin
"I'm not telling a story. I'm reporting the news."
Got news? Email it to mondesishouse@gmail.com

--Sidney Crosby to make $2.2 million per year of life lived. And that's still a bargain.

--The AL edged the NL 5-4 in the All Star Game last night, Freddy Sanchez was 0-for-1 in relief of David Wright, and everybody loves Barry Bonds now.

--How did I miss this? Pittsburgh just hosted the largest furry convention in the free world, and it happened to be at the same hotel that the Brewers stayed at while in town.

Yes, that is Mr. Belvedere's employer, as a matter of fact

--Here's a World Series of Poker celebrity Update, for all of you interested in how Tobey Maguire, Jose Canseco and Brad Garrett are faring.

--Did Dave Littlefield really turn down a trade offer of Alexis Rios for Paul Maholm? At this point, does that really surprise you?

--You have to check out this story about fleas that took over a Seattle home, forcing out the family that lived there.

--Is ESPN trying to kill the NHL? Keep trying, it's not going to die in Pittsburgh.

--Lord Stanley recently shared a day with ex-Penguin Sebastien Caron.

--How are the top MLB free agents of the upcoming offseason faring? If you're an Andruw Jones fan, you might want to pass on this article.

--SI.com ranks the top athletes by number. Given SI.com's recent track record with lists, I'm sure countless Pittsburghers will get bent out of shape with something on here.

--An 11-year-old girl got charged with a DUI in Alabama. Five NFL teams have since contacted her about a tryout.

--Mr. Burns has taken over Jet Blue. And Simpsons Movie tie-ins have officially gone to heights previously unknown to mankind.

--For those of you losing sleep over what Kevin Polcovich, Turner Ward, and Lou Collier are up to, I point you to the PG's Where Are They Now piece on the 1997 Pirates...the only 79-83 team to be profiled 10 years later in sports history.

--Mike Greenberg, radio star, TV star, face of the Arena League broadcasting team, Spelling Bee guru and opening night Monday Night Football announcer...is looking for donations to keep his website up and running.

--Janet Jackson, looking sexier than ever.

--Dracula's castle is up for sale. And Sidney Crosby is not interested in using part of his $43.5 million to buy it as a summer home.

--This guy archives nearly every Incredible Hulk toy, and I do believe that some of his writeups would be right up your alley:

"It's the Incredible Hulk Ball Blaster!! He uses it to.....okay it's just too easy, I can't do it. Made by Gordy International in 1979."

--For the collector who has everything: Pittsburgh Passion football cards, rising in value with each round they advance in the playoffs.

(Thanks to Dave B. for the images. And since these cards are in his collection, I guess you could therefore say that he has everything.)

--We'll close with an "ESPN taking cheapshots at the Pirates" email from Paul O.:

I proceeded to read the "78 Things to Love about the All-Star Game" and saw the following lines that would be interesting to any Bucco fan....

2. It's the only time one can positively verify that the Royals and Pirates still exist.

11. We hold out hope that they'll run highlights of Dave Parker's throws to third and home in 1979. (they neglect to speculate how much nicotine/cocaine was in his system at the time...)

34. To see whether Jim Leyland tops the over/under of 25½ cigarettes

57. To dispel the rumor that Jerome Bettis is in fact from San Francisco, not Detroit. (WHAT?? I am confused...)

And in a seperate piece they take TWO shots at the Bucs.....

The second annual MLB No-Stars:

SS Julio Lugo, Red Sox (.197/.270/.298)

Already owners of the best record in baseball, it's scary to think where the Red Sox would be if they hadn't spent a big chunk of the season trotting out a leadoff hitter who's batting average is below the Mendoza Line. Lugo's 31, healthy, drawing walks and still showing at least a little pop, so it's hard to imagine his struggling this badly for much longer. Still, his four-year, $36 million contract is looking Pat Meares-esque on the scale of busts right now. Sometimes the best way to approach big-ticket free agents is to ignore them and find another way.

Nice to see that we can supply ESPN with nice analogies to describe a player's worthlessness.

Mailbag!

First off, I must apologize for the infrequency of the mailbag. I know it's become a very popular segment and I really love answering your questions, but my workload outside of Mondesi's House has never been busier.

The mailbag is probably my favorite segment of all the things I do on the site. More than the crazy pictures or the bizarre links, this gives me a chance to actually write in some depth, which I enjoy the most. Fortunately, I get more emails than ever before, and each one seems to be better than the next. My policy has always been to try and answer as many as possible, because if you've taken the time to write to me, I'd certainly like to take the time to write you back. While this isn't always possible, I try my best. So keep the emails coming. In fact, if you've never sent in an email, I encourage you to send me one. I try to make this site as interactive as possible. Look at the great job you guys did on the Yankee Series recaps - that was amazing stuff!

As far as the mailbag, while it may not be on a fixed schedule and it's a lot of work, it's simply too much fun to give up. Like I said...keep 'em coming!

But enough about that. We're here to talk sports and not about my inbox. On to the mailbag...

David M. in Mississippi:

Our best years in the last 25 and what are they best known for? A weak-armed Barry Bonds being beaten to the plate by some walking filing cabinet named Bream and our national anthem being butchered by "The Polish Prince" Bobby Vinton. Wasn't that the same playoff year Marge Schott gave a pre-game salute to "our boys fighting in The Far East". Must've been drunk, huh? I digress ...

What else are we known for around the baseball world?

A.) Triple "A" development team for real MLB franchises
B.) Cocaine Distribution Hub of the Late 70's & Early 80's
C.) The Best NL Team of the early 90's (but still couldn't win a playoff series)
D.) Amos Otis & Derek Bell's Last Stand
E.) The team that even Raul Mondesi gave up on
F.) The stylish pimps of baseball threads

Either way, it's an ugly go at it! At least Mario has now given us a little more hair to comb over and cover the embarrassing Summer sports season in the 'burgh.

I must say, for a list with only six points, that's a pretty good, brief summary of the Buccos. And now we can add "team that promotes .217 hitters for the All-Star game" to the list.

Brad in Pittsburgh:

Probably not the first person to send this to you today, given all the reaction about the new Pitt secondary logo, but its a good site to point out nonetheless. All about the script, part of one of the immortal uniforms in college football history.

http://www.geocities.com/fansforscript/why.html

There are few topics hotter than the Pitt logo. It seems everyone and their uncle wants the old script. So why does Pitt keep fighting it? The demand just looks overwhelming to me. From a business standpoint, it's a no-brainer. Are we to believe that the powers at Pitt have no brains?

Chris in Seattle:

Hey Mondesi -

First, your work has been spectacular of late, especially finding the NFL Films Steeler Nation video. I got choked up about 10 times while watching it, and Paulsen's story of being in Paris and meeting a Yinzer was hilarious.

Now, on to this series. I live in Seattle and thought I might bring you up to speed on a couple of things. First, Richie Sexson is terrible, especially for what he's being paid (15.5 mil this year). With a .198 batting average, he's not even up to the Mendoza line. One of the local bars has a special named after him - "Cheap Sexson Mondays" which is probably the most brilliant play on words that I've heard in the last several years, with Bud and Bud Light bottles for whatever his average is as of Sunday night each week. Here's their Citysearch link, in case you want to have some fun with it.

Next, I'll be doing my best Ronnie Florian imitation this week - I've got tickets to the game on Wednesday (right field corner), and Thursday (30 rows back, directly behind home plate). While I'm sure I won't be the only one wearing Black and Gold, I'm probably the only one planning to move down towards the end of the game and hold up a Terrible Towel directly behind home plate. (Note - if you decide to post this, wait until Friday so the Mariners don't get wind of my nefarious plan). Whatever happens, I'm looking forward to both games, and to tweaking the local sports fans and reminding of where they stand in the pecking order.

Great email. I got a lot of feedback on that Steeler video from yesterday. If you haven't seen it yet, go back and watch it (it's at the bottom of the linked page). They make a great point: the reason there are so many Steeler fans around the world is because so many people have left Pittsburgh. This site is a great example. While a large percentage of Mondesi's House readers hail from the Burgh, there's also a sizable number of transplanted Yinzers who read on a regular basis. Heck, the guy who wrote this email is from Seattle! But that video illustrated something perfectly: you can take the person out of Pittsburgh but you can't take Pittsburgh out of the person.

As for his second point, I didn't realize Richie Sexson was sucking it up on such a high level this year. Of course, as I was writing this at 12:30 EST, Sexson went deep against Jonah Bayliss. The Pirates are always the cure for what ails you. Just ask the Yankees.

Finally, that was a great reference to my favorite Pirate fan, Ronnie Florian. I was at a friend's wedding this weekend and met some of his co-workers and friends who read the site on a regular basis. One of the first things they would talk about was Ronnie Florian. I'm telling you, the guy's Q-rating is off the charts in Pittsburgh.

Josh P:

Mondesi,

Here's a little interesting tidbit I spotted over at Profootballtalk.com. Apperently spending time with Kaye and racing stock cars isn't going so well for the Big Chin...

From http://www.profootballtalk.com/ :
COACH CHIN PLOTTING HIS RETURN?
A league source tells us that there is already talk in league circles that former Steelers coach Bill Cowher is planning his potential return to the NFL. Per the source, Cowher already has spoken with multiple teams about filling a potential vacancy in 2008.

The source also says that one of Cowher's demands will be full control over the football operations.

The teams, the source says, are believed to be the Browns, Redskins, and Panthers. Another league source confirms that Cowher has had at least one private discussion with Redskins owner Daniel Snyder about the possibility of replacing Hall of Famer Joe Gibbs, if Gibbs calls it quits after the 2007 season.

We're also told that Cowher has begun the process of discreetly lining up a personnel executive to run the front office, subject to Cowher's final say on all roster moves. Per the source, the list includes Steelers director of football operations Kevin Colbert, Steelers business operations coordinator Omar Khan, Chiefs executive vice president and COO Denny Thum, and Saints vice president of football administration Russ Ball.

Is any of this surprising? Yes, but no. With Cowher expected to be the hottest commodity on the coaching market come January 2008, teams that think they might have a coming opening would be stoopid not to commence the process of seeing what it would take to get him.

Money is a key component in this regard. We've yet to hear anything about Cowher's expected salary, but we suspect he's hoping to get at least as much as Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren (who is in the $7.5 million to $8.5 million range), given that Cowher beat the Big Show in the Big Show less than 18 months ago.

This should come as a surprise to no one. In fact, I'd be more shocked if Cowher wasn't working in 2008. He's going to break the freaking bank. I always thought Washington could be his ultimate destination. The part I didn't like was what sounded like a raid of the Steelers' front office. Don't kid yourselves - losing Colbert and Khan simultaneously would be a big blow. I'm sure they could be replaced, but I'd rather not have the Steelers be forced to go down that road.

Wayne J:

Raul - why is ping hitter Freddy Sanchez still batting third in this lineup???? Tracy needs to put Bay in that slot and bat Freddy second. Duffy does us no good from the second hole. Even if he does manage to get on (not often), he won't steal a base even when the situation screams for it! Could this team be any more passive in it's approach to the game??? Again, the onus is on Tracy. I don't know how much more I can take of watching this team!!

Your first problem is actually watching the team. I used to suffer each night too...until I found those Dukes of Hazzard reruns on CMT that I mentioned last week. But I eventually tire of the constant chase with Boss Hogg and find myself back at FSN Pittsburgh, watching the Pirates embarrass themselves in some way, shape, or form.

That being said, I don't understand Sanchez batting third either. The problem is that no matter where you move some of these guys, there's still going to be holes in this lineup. There's simply not enough quality bats. Look at the lineup against Seattle: their 2-hitter (McLouth) is batting .234. Their 3-hitter (Sanchez), a lineup spot that should have some power, has 1 HR and 23 RBI. Their cleanup hitter/Duck Hunter (LaRoche) is batting .224 with 8 HR. And this was a game they somehow won!

Bill D. in Philly:

Stumbled upon Adam Laroche on the Golf Channel last night. Check the 24-second mark, is that an Angels jersey hanging in his locker?? Trader! I don't know how to make a picture out of that, but if I do I'll send it to you.

[On LaRoche's recent golf outing with Tiger Woods]:

"What that does is show me how bad I really am, you know getting out with the best in the world is a good way to figure out how bad you are.."

I swear he's not talking about golf.

If that was an Angels jersey hanging in his locker, I hope he gets his wish. Maybe he should concoct a story about an extortion plot to find his way to the Angels. It certainly worked for Raul Mondesi.

As far as the golf, I've grown weary of hearing about Adam LaRoche's off-the-field interests. Duck hunting, deer hunting, golfing, whatever else he does in his leisure time...just save it. I mean, it's fantastic that he's so well rounded, but when he's hitting .224, it's just not as cute. I'm not talking to you, Bill, I'm just burned out on Adam LaRoche in general.

David M. in Maryland:

Now that the Pirates' plunge to 15 straight losing seasons is well underway, I decided to celebrate the milestone by making a Pirates team with the franchise's best players since 1993, the first year of the losing streak. It wasn't easy, and I had to fight the urge to add on Kevin Polcovich and his .189 batting average. Anyway, here is my 25 man roster for the All-Pirates team from 1993-2007.

1B Kevin Young
2B Freddy Sanchez
3B Aramis Ramírez
SS Jay Bell
C Jason Kendall
LF Jason Bay
RF Brian Giles
CF Andy Van Slyke

Bench:
Tony Womack
Rob Mackowiak
Jack Wilson
Jose Guillen
Craig Wilson
Abraham Nunez
Ed Sprague
Al Martin

Starting Pitchers: Jason Schmidt, Francisco Córdova, Jon Lieber, Denny Neagle, Todd Ritchie
Bullpen: Scott Sauerbeck, Marc Wilkins, Ricardo Rincón, Mike Williams

The sad part is that I'm not even confident about that team's playoff chances. You know things are bad for your organization when you realize Kevin Young is starting on your all-decade-and-a-half team. Feel free to add your insight and make changes.

That's the best we can do after 15 years? If we're only looking at guys who actually played in a Pirate uniform, that would eliminate players like Chris Young, who would definitely crack the rotation. But I think you could find a place for Snell, Gorzo, Reggie Sanders, Kenny Lofton, Mike Gonzalez, Bronson Arroyo, Gary Matthews Jr., and some maybes such as Kris Benson and John Vander Wal among the top 25 of the past 15 years. I realize that Matthews and Arroyo didn't exactly light it up while in the Burgh, but I'm not sure what the exact criteria of this list is. And this is just off the top of my head, so don't verbally assault me like I did to Peter King.

Also, I'd have to include Raul Mondesi on this team, for sentimental reasons.

David F in Pittsburgh gives his usual line of quality questioning:

So the Pirates are a disgrace again, but I'm stuck with this team. It's not like I'm about to go jump on the Red Sox bandwagon or anything. "I'm from Pittsburgh, and the Pirates ARE Pittsburgh." Dr. Mondesi, how do you suggest that I and all those like me cope with this dilemma? I wish I knew how to quit you, Pirates!

I suggest to find a new hobby besides Pirate baseball; that only leads to more frustration. Get out and enjoy the summer. Go to Kennywood, go to Sandcastle, go to Dave and Buster's. Buy a baby alligator. Eat at Bettis' new restaurant. Track down Ronnie Florian and have a beer with him. Visit the new casino in Washington, PA. Take up beer pong. See some summer blockbusters. Check out the Strip District. There's plenty to do in Pittsburgh besides this motley crew.

Do you think the fans are more frustrated with the Pirates this year than in previous years, or did it plateau years ago?

As I recently wrote, I think that it undoubtedly hit a high point of frustration with the conclusion of the Yankees sweep on the heels of the extremely disappointing draft. Why? Because not only does this season seem lost, but so does the future. The backbone of a sports franchise is hope, and Pirates fans feel like they have none.

Attention opposing pitchers: if you want to strike out Duck Hunter LaRoche and Ryan Doumit, just throw them breaking balls low and away. They'll swing and miss every time. "Fastball, I hit very much. Curveball, bats are afraid." We need to find some cigars and rum for these guys. Bay-Rod is a bit easier to strike out, you just need to throw it right down the middle.

I think I'd rather have Pedro Cerrano in the lineup at this point. He'd certainly show more of a pulse than Bay or LaRoche. Just once, could Bay show some frustration at a called strike three, whether it's directed at himself or the ump? Must he always accept it willingly and walk back to the dugout with his head down? Or how about this novel suggestion: with two strikes, SWING THE BAT AT ANYTHING CLOSE!

So all the talking heads on ESPN were saying that the Pirates should bunt to test out Clemens' groin. Bautista attempted a bunt on the first pitch, the crowd booed, and the Bucs didn't try to bunt the rest of the game. Pathetic.

Yeah, the Pirates were clearly scared of the hurtful "boos" that Yankee fans would direct their way. Glad to see that game plan was abandoned after one pitch.

Chris Peters and the word "ain't" - I'm glad I wasn't the only one who noticed that! You never let me down.

Chris Peters, a new addition to FSN Pittsburgh, has popped up on the Pirate postgame shows and Washington Wild Things broadcasts. If you don't know who he is, click this link and look for his mentions in the articles. He is simply exquisite.

Why haven't the Cardinals signed Gardocki yet? I thought that he, Whis, and Kevin Spencer were supposed to be drinking buddies.

Great question. I mean, who wouldn't want all of those consecutively unblocked punts on their team (besides the Steelers)?

So which one is it - is Bob Nutting a liar for saying that money played no part in who the Bucs drafted, or is Dave Littlefield incompetent for thinking that Moskos was the best player on the board when they picked?

My money is on Nutting. While Littlefield may be incompetent, I believe that he was taking orders on this one. Sooner or later, his job's going to be on the line, and he can't possibly believe that Moskos was actually the player they truly wanted in that slot.

Those new Ronnie Florian photos were simply phenomenal. The guy is definitely a cult hero, he deserves his own website! What's amazing about Mr. Florian is that despite how disjointed and illogical his speech patterns are, I can actually figure out what he's trying to say most of the time.

He has his own website. You're reading it right now. By the way, I think I may institute a new rule in which every mailbag closes with a Ronnie Florian mention.

As I said, keep the emails coming...

mondesishouse@gmail.com

The Pirates Frustrate Me

First read this lineup, along with the respective batting averages:

1. Chris Duffy, .230
2. Freddy Sanchez, .240
3. Jason Bay, .266
4. Ryan Doumit, .425
5. Xavier Nady, .265
6. Adam LaRoche, .164
7. Jose Bautista, .265
8. Don Kelly, .167
9. Tom Gorzelanny, .000

Then when I reveal that the Pirates totalled three hits in a 1-0 loss to the Cubs, you'll already have a logical explanation. Seriously, look at that lineup. What kind of outcome did you expect?

Yes, another spectacular pitching performance was wasted, this one by Gorzelanny, who surrendered just one run over seven innings. After Alfonso Soriano's leadoff home run in the 1st, the Cubs' bats were as useless as the Pirates'.

Jason Marquis, a pitcher with a career ERA of 4.41 in seven seasons and an ERA of 6.02 last season, held your Battlin' Bucs to just three hits. This was not Johan Santana, this was not Nolan Ryan, this wasn't even Dice-K. This was Jason Marquis. The Pirates couldn't even draw a walk off of this guy.

A few years ago, when I heard that Dave Littlefield was building the team around pitching, I proclaimed, "Great, now we can lose games 1-0 instead of 5-0". I can only hope that Littlefield is running up a big phone bill trying to turn some of his surplus pitching into players that can actually hit a baseball. Because it's apparent that hitting a baseball is too much to ask of this motley crew.

The Cubs series wraps up on Thursday afternoon with a 2:20 game in the Windy City. The pitching matchup will be Paul Maholm against Carlos Zambrano, who, despite his current 5.80 ERA, is regarded as the Cubs' staff ace. Translation: don't expect the offensive drought to end anytime soon.

Doug Littlefield, Pirates GM

Talk about no respect! ESPN's famous "SportsNation" sector has a "Rank 'Em: MLB General Managers" feature on the site, where you rank the MLB GMs, in a power rankings format that means absolutely nothing to anyone.

If it weren't bad enough that Dave Littlefield were destined to finish last, just pull any number over his face and he's identified as "Doug Littlefield" of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

That's some nice research in Bristol.

And a lot nicer than the names he's called in Pittsburgh.

Thanks to reader Dave for the tip

Reader Submission: The Pirates Have Nothing on the Steelers

Monday morning means another installment of Reader Submission Monday...when Mondesi lets the inmates run the asylum for a few posts.

Today's piece....

The Pirates Have “Nutting” on the Steelers

By WorstAvid (who even provided pictures for his piece!)

I get a kick out of all the weeping and gnashing of teeth that goes on about the Pirates in this city. Some people can be truly pathetic.

Oh yes, I know, we have the Steelers, they’ve won five Super Bowls. We also have the Pirates who just recently edged past the Cubs (at least temporarily) and out of the cellar. But for most of the people going to Steeler games these days shelling out a couple hundred bucks to endure drunkenness at unparalleled levels, they don’t realize that there was a time when the Steelers were the most pathetic laughingstock in football... for forty years!!!

Let’s examine the numbers: Between their inaugural 1933 season and their last season before their first SuperBowl championship,1973, the Steelers had an incredibly wretched combined record of 188 wins, 278 losses and 18 ties. So out of 484 games, the Black & Gold won at a paltry .388%. Their only playoff game during this stretch was a 21-0 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles in the Divisional Playoffs in 1947.

Rooney single-handedly kept the Cuban cigar industry employed.

You had this lovable guy, one Arthur J. Rooney, who was loyal to his players and coaches to a fault and who now has a statue in his honor outside of Heinz Field. He smoked very large cigars and bought the team with money he won on the horses. How was it that he managed to lose in Pittsburgh for forty years and wasn’t run out of town on a rail? Think about this O ye Mondesi readers:

Allegheny River kept flowing by Pirates fans never-ending tears.

The current Pirates’ streak that you bemoan is nothing. NOTHING, I say. In fact, the 14 year streak that you "cry a river over" is only 35% as long as the Steelers’ 40 year wandering in the Sahara. The Steelers had nine years where they actually had a winning record, but if you only take in the first 30 years, they only had six!
Moses was also well known for years of wandering

You Pirate fans still have another 26 years before you can truly be pitied. G. Ogden Nutting still has 26 years till he hits Art Rooney territory. However, old Art does have one over on the current Pirates. He made the playoffs in 1947, his 14th season. The Pirates have been out of the playoffs since 1992, also 14 years.

Compared to Rooney, these guys are actually doing well

So now that we have that out of the way, let’s get on with the real reason for my “reader submission”. I’m here to announce that if the Pirates make one or two more good acquisitions in the off-season, that they are “this close” to becoming next year’s surprise team in baseball. “This guy’s insane” you say. Just read on, I have a lot of seasons under my belt.

Worst Avid's psychologist...yes, he's the same guy from Terminator 2

Left field is anchored by one of the steadiest players in the game today. True, he didn’t have a "clutch” hitting year and he’d be the first one to tell you that, but Jason Bay is about as good as it gets in the field and in bringing 150% effort every day. The guy is a Rock of Gibraltar. Even not having a clutch year he’s tenth in the league in homers (32) with a .284 batting average and 101 RBI.

Chris Duffy had a near meltdown earlier in the season, but thank goodness he’s back and looking like he did last year. He certainly merits a much longer look in center field. Had this guy’s career been ruined by stupid tinkering at the major league level, it would have been a real tragedy. His speed, defense and base running skills all are at top major league levels. If he can become more consistent at the plate he’ll be everything the Pirates ever wanted from a center fielder.

Right field can be handled competently by Xavier Nady, one of the best acquisitions ever made by GM David Littlefield. But I really like the defense that Nady has flashed at first base, he’s more valuable there. Nate McLouth is good for some spot starts in right, but I definitely see a need for a power-hitting, left-handed-bat in right field. Let’s leave this spot temporarily “open” and see what kind of a deal that Littlefield can put together in the off season.

Littlefield's man crush on Nady finally came to fruition

Now, get ready for some changes. Jose Bautista should be starting at third base now. Every day. Even doubleheaders. Did any of you see the play he made against the Cubs the other night when he fielded a wicked shot and threw out a base runner with a perfect bullet to Ronnie Paulino? This kid can flat-out play...just about anywhere on the field! I’m weary of hearing that Bautista is thee third baseman of the future. Baloney, he’s the third baseman of now.

I’m not a major Jack Wilson fan, but he’s been a solid guy, a good citizen on the team and a very solid shortstop.. It would be nice if he could get his batting average back to two years ago, but he brings a good veteran leadership to the team. We’ll leave him there for now.

Second base. Ah, second base. Here’s where I get creative. If I’m Dave Littlefield, I’d be looking at packaging Jose Castillo and a minor league pitcher for that right fielder. My second baseman? Freddy Sanchez, of course. Sanchez flashes greatness in the field and leads the NL in batting average. Plus he covers a lot of ground. What more do you want in your starting second baseman?

Castillo, on the other hand is a lazy fielder who’s more interested in swinging for the fences than working the count to get his hits. He is a hard head who has ignored the instruction of Batting Coach Jeff Manto all year and is covering less ground than just about any second baseman in the league. It’s time to say “Adios” to Jose.

Not related to Castillo

First base, as I mentioned earlier, should be handled by Xavier Nady. By the way, Nady is batting over .350 since being acquired by the Pirates. This guy is the real deal. Mets GM Omar Minaya must have had temporary insanity to trade away a player of this quality for a near-retirement reliever and a head case starter. Talk about panicking at the trade deadline!

Catcher: Ronnie Paulino is one of the nicest surprises in many years to come out of the Pirates’ system. But be honest, did you EVER hear Paulino’s name mentioned as a “can’t miss” prospect? Did you ever hear him regarded as a possibility? Did you ever hear much about before this year, period!!! Paulino should be the Pirates’ catcher for the next umpteen years. This is not good news, however, for Ryan Doumit or even first round pick Neal Walker.

Speaking of Doumit, I feel the Pirates should have him in winter ball playing right field for the Port Au Prince Storms or the Panama Jacks. If he has a chance to play major league baseball, it should be as a right fielder or as a catcher on another team. Maybe Doumit could be paired with Castillo for that quality right fielder? A guy with the persistent groin and hamstring problems that Doumit has had should be viewed as questionable catcher material squatting for three hours at a time.

Sprinkle liberally where needed

Pitching Staff: As a group, these guys are coming around, but I’ll be honest, I really felt like they tanked collectively. A lot of people say that if the Buccos had that one big name starter to anchor things and take some of the pressure off the young pitchers, that things would have been a lot different. I for one agree. This staff was far too inexperienced to venture out into the major leagues and not get shelled nightly. They were and they did. However, to their credit and Jim Colborn’s tenacity, they have improved…drastically. The bullpen, particularly Mike Gonzalez, Matt Capps and Salomon Torres of late have been very reliable, even more so as the starters improved. If the Pirates can get a game into the 7th inning with a close score, they have a chance for their bullpen to hold off the opposition.

Extra parts: Joe Randa, Jeromy Burnitz, Shawn Chacon, Ryan Vogelsong (yes he’s back). None of these players add anything to the team and I would hope they are not in Pirates uniforms in '07.

So in conclusion, while the Pirates are at least a couple years away from maturing into a contender, they most definitely will exceed the mythical .500 mark next year but still will not win the division or make the playoffs as a wildcard. So it will then be 15 years and counting against the Steelers’ 40 years. They still have a long way to go to pass that mark of futility. So hang tough Pirate fans, better days are coming!

The Ticket Scalper Who Sells After Kickoff

Have you ever gone to a big Steeler game and saw hopeful fans poking around the Heinz Field parking lot looking for tickets after kickoff? They're looking for a bargain. The scalper usually is desperate and doesn't want to eat the tickets, so he starts slashing prices to try and salvage some cash. At this point, it's a buyer's market; they have all the leverage over the seller.

Are you familiar with Dave Littlefield? He's the General Manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

What do these have to do with each other? Plenty, my fellow long-suffering Bucco fans. Through hours of research at the Mondesi's House Supercomputer, I have concluded that Dave Littlefield is MLB's version of the ticket scalper who waits too long to sell his tickets, thus losing most of their value.
Dave Littlefield was a busy man yesterday

Today was the Super Bowl, or in baseball GM terms, the trading deadline. Littlefield did not hold four tickets to a luxury box. But his tickets would certainly get you into the game. There were willing buyers for his tickets, but during the entire pregame, he was asking too much. By the time he was ready to sell, fair offers were few and far between. So what was our scalper able to accomplish at the last minute today?

DEAL 1:
Dave the Scalper is offering one Craig Wilson.

Some call him Thor. Some call him Chris Griffin. Some say he drinks too much Pepsi.




All of these have some degree of truth. But Craig Wilson certainly had to have a greater value than Shawn Chacon. He's the newest addition to the Pirates' stable of horses. Chacon is truly amazing. How many MLB pitchers can say they had a 7.11 ERA in 2004 and a 7.00 ERA in 2006 and still occupy a roster spot?


Future much-maligned Pirate Shawn Chacon

Face Value of Craig Wilson: $100. Final Sale Price: $10

DEAL 2:
Dave the dealin' man has one Sean Casey. He paid a premium price and wants to move on this ASAP.

Anyone want to take a bath with Sean?

Casey was one of the faces of the 2006 Pirates, so it's incredibly appropriate that he was sent packing. Management could count on Casey for filming TV ads with Maz, a popular bobblehead night, and always having a smile on his face. Management could also count on Casey for one home run every 71 at-bats while earning $8.5 million. Dave wanted out from under this deal.

Today, the Pirates sent sent Casey to the Detroit Tigers in an attempt to have Upper St. Clair represented in the 2006 World Series. Deadline Dave dealt him for Brian Rogers, a pitcher currently in AA. Apparently he drank too much of the Tigers' Kool-Aid and is trying to get his life in order.

Face value of Sean Casey: $40. Final sale price: $5

Deal 3:
Our fearless scalper is holding one Kip Wells. Again, not the most valuable seat in the house, but still holds some value. Kip's clock is ticking. Dave wants to sell.

Kip Wells injures shoulder after hitting
Tom Gorzelanny with shaving cream pie

Wells was the Kordell Stewart of the Pirates. His good days were really good, like that time he struck out 27 Phillies in one game last year. His bad days made you want to dump your $6 beer on him a la Kordell.

Kip Dynamite gets sent home to Texas, who also acquired Matt Stairs. Add those guys in with Gary Matthews Jr., and you're 3/25 of the way home to a Pirate Oldtimer's Squad. In return, your Bucs will receive pitcher Jesse Chavez, who I believe is the son of boxer Julio Cesar Chavez. If only he was the son of Roberto Duran, I could say "no mas" to these Littlefield deals.

Roberto Duran, retired boxer and one half of Duran Duran

Face value of Kip Wells: $20. Final sale price: $3

Deal 4:
Dave has two more he wants to package up to one buyer, so it's BOGO time. Buy a Roberto Hernandez, get an Oliver Perez for free.

Pittsburgh Laundry Carts no longer must fear for their lives. The Oliver Perez era is now over.

It's OK, you don't have to hide anymore.

For Hernandez's sake, I hope he gets to the World Series. With his appearance in Pittsburgh, he has fufilled the MLB tour of duty, playing for the Pirates, Devil Rays, and Royals in his career. It's only fair that he gets a shot at a ring.

In the place of Perez and Hernandez, the Pirates receive Xavier Nady, who was a target of the Pirates several years back. Much like their once-failed pursuit of Jeromy Burnitz which ultimately came to fruition years later, I'm sure this will end well.

Face value of Hernandez and Perez: $110. Final sale price: $30


So Dave started the day with $270, and he ended up with $48. Had he waited until season's end, his $270 would be worth $0. So yes, he managed to get something. But the other scalpers out there, especially in Washington, D.C., did a much better job of unloading their wares at the appropriate time.