The News

A recap of your favorite links, named in honor of Mike Tomlin
"I'm not telling a story. I'm reporting the news."

Got news? Email it to mondesishouse@gmail.com

25 links today. Go nuts!

--Willie Parker says he wants to be better than Ladainian Tomlinson. Guess what? I think he could be.

--The Stats Geek examines the mystery wrapped in an enigma and deep-fried in a riddle, Jason Bay.

--Jack Wilson might be a Detroit Tiger by the end of the day, and realize that it is possible to play for a team that wins more than it loses.

--How close to the bottom are the Pirates in SI's Power Rankings? I'll put it to you this way: if they were a Division I football team, they'd undoubtedly be on Penn State's 2007 schedule.

--Ben Roethlisberger's main squeeze, Missy Peregrym, lets it be known that she wants to play Wonder Woman in the upcoming film adaptation.

--Atlanta needed to fill their gaping hole at first base caused by an offseason trade with the Pittsburgh Pirates. So the Braves will end up with Mark Teixeira and the Pirates end up with Adam LaRoche. That sounds fair to me.

--Who's worse, Dave Littlefield or Matt Millen? Now that's a question that requires some real thinking.

--Here's an open letter to Cleveland from Brady Quinn. Honestly, I couldn't be more excited for the Quinn Era. I'm so looking forward to Steeler fans hating on him for years to come.

--High school football is all Mike Polk has. (you really have to read this one)

--Dejan Kovacevic talks to the angriest fans in America: Pirate fans.

--Here's a gallery of mugshots featuring recent arrestees wearing jerseys. And yes, the Steelers are represented.

--Wondering what Bill Simmons thought about his beloved Celtics acquiring Kevin Garnett? Wonder no more.

--Michael Vick cards are disappearing from 2007 football card sets. Yeah, I'd say Vick memorabilia would be a pretty bad investment these days.

--Fantasy football players, take note: stud 49ers running back Frank Gore just broke his hand.

--Former Pirate Bill Robinson dies at the age of 64, and former 49ers coach Bill Walsh passes away at age 75.

--What if the Simpsons Movie was re-cast with athletes?

--Paris Hilton just got cut out of the Hilton family will, a move that will cost her $60 million.

--How are cities fighting gangs these days? The old fashioned way: they're suing them.

A LIST OF TODAY'S TOP LISTS

The 9 Most Typecast Actors of All Time

Top 10 Signs You've Bought a Crappy Fantasy Football Annual

Top 10 Celebrity Mustaches of All-Time

Best and Worst Celebrity Man Boobs

Best Performances by Athletes in Movies

The Worst Year in Sports by City

Baseball's All Time Greatest Teams

Monday Bullet Points

• 2-13 since the All-Star break, my friends. I thought it would be bad, but I never thought it could be this bad. Actually, check that. Of course I thought it would be this bad.
• As you've probably noticed, John Vanbenschoten was sent to the minors. That means the much-anticipated return of Tony Armas to the rotation, and the recall of Jonah Bayliss from the minors. Does that scare you? Because it shouldn't. Jonah says he is "mentally stronger". And as Armas has said in the past, we shouldn't worry about his early season struggles, because it was just poor mechanics, that's all. I don't know about you, but I feel better.
• My dad starting peppering me with some Pirate-related questions on Sunday, to which I finally snapped and asked him why we care about the Pirates anymore. My rant was along the lines of "the owners don't care, the GM doesn't care, and obviously, the players don't care." And that was before the conclusion of the sweep today.
• OK, time to move to real sports. Aren't we jumping the gun just a tad on the "Lawrence Timmons will be a bust" phone calls to talk shows?
• Nice to see that Hines Ward is criticizing the coaches for the heated practice on Saturday. You can bet that will show up in The News. And by The News, I mean Mike Tomlin's version, not mine.
• Please, Barry, hit those home runs as soon as possible. Watching highlights of all your walks on a daily basis is becoming tedious.
• Speaking of the home run chase, I heard Greg Brown's rant during the Pirate game a few days ago about Bud Selig's attendance. Brown was wondering why it was such a big deal, and why people were talking so much about it. Oh, I don't know, maybe the symbolism of his endorsement to the most storied record in sports, but other than that, no, it's not worthy of discussion.
• That being said, Selig should try to be there. If there were no tests years ago, then you can't disqualify Bonds' records. And if "everyone took performance enhancing drugs", then how come Bonds was the only one to hit 73 in a season?
• All of this will be a moot point in a few years when A-Rod breaks Bonds' record. Of course, now that Jose Canseco says that he has dirt on A-Rod, that might change things after all.
• To answer a question that's out there, yes, there will be multiple Mondesi's House fantasy football leagues this season, they will all be free, and they will all have prizes. More info to be published soon.
• How many of you out there coughed up a 10-spot for the Simpsons movie this weekend?
• No Pitt, Penn State, Big East, Big 10, or ACC stories to rile anyone up today. Sorry.

The News: 4th of July Edition

Happy 4th of July to all of you. It's time to sit back, watch Joey Chestnut finally take down Kobayashi in the Hot Dog Eating Competition, and blow something up afterwards.

--I would've posted today's links sooner, but I was up all night filling out my ESPN "Who's Now" bracket. DWade was on the cover of NBA 2006....but then again, Shaun White had a picture taken once with Lindsay Lohan. I can't make up my mind. Help me, Stuart Scott!

--Speaking of ESPN, here's an interesting read: all the things, in no particular order, that ESPN has done lately that make it clear sports journalism is about the last thing they do.

--In what was clearly the most popular submission of the day, a Pittsburgh peregrine falcon named Erie killed a Cleveland peregrine falcon named Pulse.

--Bugs and Cranks has a video recap of the Pirate Walkout festivities. Great stuff!

--In light of all the negative publicity it's received recently, JoeSportsFan defends pro wrestling

--Part of the ESPN/V Foundation Auction is a "Pirates Behind the Scenes Experience". What is a "Pirates Behind the Scenes Experience", you ask?

This is an exclusive auction for the opportunity for one (1) person to experience a "behind the scenes" look at what takes place in the PR/Media world before, during and after a home game at PNC Park. A Pittsburgh Pirates PR representative will meet the person at 2:30PM on the day of the agreed upon game. The winner would be able to sit-in on the daily pre-game press conference with manager Jim Tracy in the manager's office, observe the happenings in the Pirates clubhouse (winner can see what goes on behind the scenes and witness what the media does on a daily basis).

Winner will also be able to watch batting practice from the field, enjoy a pre game meal in the Press dining room, watch the game from the press box, watch an inning or two from our private TV broadcast booth, and sit-in on the post game press conference with Jim Tracy in the Press Conference Room. The winner would also receive up to three (3) complimentary tickets to the game, in case there are others in the traveling party.

Not only will someone pay for that, but click here to see what the bid is up to. Oh well, at least it's for charity.

--Former Pitt Panther Torrie Cox is going to sit four games for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy.

--Here's John Clayton's five difference-making players for this year's upcoming NFL season.

--Nice job by Fergie, who scored $4 million by agreeing to promote Candies shoes in tracks on her second solo album.

--We'll close with an entire blog devoted to the 7-11 Kwik E Mart promotion