This is just awesome. Can't wait to see what this guy does in the regular season.
8/30/2006
8/29/2006
A Walk-Off Walk
The Cubs gifted the Pirates a victory tonight by a final of 7-6 in 11 innings. It could have been destiny, it could have been the hundreds of dogs in attendance, it could have been the fact that the Cubs managed to screw up three double plays...but the Pirates pulled it out on of all things, a walk off walk.
Bob Walk never allowed a walk off walk
On a related topic, Greg Brown was permitted to exclaim "Raise the Jolly Roger!" as a result of the victory. I don't know about you, but I've never understood the infatuation with the phrase. Don't get me wrong, it's not as bad as "Thah Yankees win...thahhhhhhhhhhhh Yankees win!", but it just seems forced. It feels like there's some corporate guy sitting there saying, "Greg, make sure you make a point to say "Raise the Jolly Roger" after each win." Maybe it's the fact that Brown only gets to announce this about 4 out of every 10 games, but this phrase just doesn't have much meaning to me.
Bob Walk never allowed a walk off walkOn a related topic, Greg Brown was permitted to exclaim "Raise the Jolly Roger!" as a result of the victory. I don't know about you, but I've never understood the infatuation with the phrase. Don't get me wrong, it's not as bad as "Thah Yankees win...thahhhhhhhhhhhh Yankees win!", but it just seems forced. It feels like there's some corporate guy sitting there saying, "Greg, make sure you make a point to say "Raise the Jolly Roger" after each win." Maybe it's the fact that Brown only gets to announce this about 4 out of every 10 games, but this phrase just doesn't have much meaning to me.
Welcome the NBX Fantasy Sportsbook
Mondesi's House has a new partner website, so today let me welcome the good folks at the NBX Fantasy Sportsbook. They have a pretty cool site which allows you to "bet" on real sports events with points, not cash. This site is totally legit and trustworthy---check out their "about us" page here. If you're interested in the fantasy sportsbook, click on the link below.
Darren Perry Likes the Silverback Picture
One of the greatest-selling items in the history of my business has been the James Harrison Browns Bodyslam picture. I kid you not, at a charity auction I did a few months ago, this picture sold for $75- unsigned.
We recently had a run on these from ambitious autograph hawks trying to get these inked at training camp. If you can track down Silverback to sign this, you've created a family heirloom for generations. People just lose their minds when they see this picture. Apparently, so do former players. Here's an in-person account of a recent trip to training camp from one of my customers, who was nice enough to include a photo of the encounter.
"It was so great, I couldn't get James to even look at me let alone autograph this picture, but lucky for me Darren Perry saw it after practice on Aug 7th (my birthday) and liked the picture so much that he went and got James personally and brought him to where i was standing and James signed it. He didn't sign for anyone else. IT WAS GREAT! "
Imagine once again the situation. You're drunk, you're dressed head to toe in Browns gear, and you get bodyslammed by this guy. That's what you call a bad day.
We recently had a run on these from ambitious autograph hawks trying to get these inked at training camp. If you can track down Silverback to sign this, you've created a family heirloom for generations. People just lose their minds when they see this picture. Apparently, so do former players. Here's an in-person account of a recent trip to training camp from one of my customers, who was nice enough to include a photo of the encounter.
"It was so great, I couldn't get James to even look at me let alone autograph this picture, but lucky for me Darren Perry saw it after practice on Aug 7th (my birthday) and liked the picture so much that he went and got James personally and brought him to where i was standing and James signed it. He didn't sign for anyone else. IT WAS GREAT! "
Imagine once again the situation. You're drunk, you're dressed head to toe in Browns gear, and you get bodyslammed by this guy. That's what you call a bad day.So there you go...in a sea of a billion yinzers, the James Harrison bodyslam photo is still an attention grabber. And when he eventually takes Joey Porter's job, that picture's going to be worth even more.
We're always looking for your in-person encounters/photos...I, as well as the readers, seem to find them oddly fascinating. Feel free to send them to mondesishouse@gmail.com or direct me to your site if they are posted.
8/28/2006
RSM: "The Cobra Strikes"
Time for another piece from "Reader Submission Monday" (or RSM, as we will come to know it):
The Cobra Strikes
by Patty B
My frustration with the current crop of financially flexible Buccos has forced me to rent the 1979 World Series on DVD to get a nostalgic dose of Pirates' magic. I know the outcome of the series but I can't turn away from the screen as Stargell, Madlock, Garner, and Parker rise to the top of the baseball world while wearing the most hideous uniforms in the history of Major League Baseball.
How long until the next Pirate World Series DVD?
This magical trip down memory lane to the "City of Champions" has caused me to reach at least one conclusion: Dave Parker was one of the most talented players to ever put on a uniform. I'm not just talking about in Pittsburgh. I'm talking about the entire major leagues.
The Cobra threw away a Hall of Fame career by ingesting large amounts of cocaine and getting fat. Parker had one of the best outfield throwing arms. He could hit for average and power. His instincts were scary. His attitude went to hell during the cocaine years, and Bucco fans responded by tossing 9 volt batteries at his head while he patrolled the majestic astroturf of rightfield at Three Rivers.
A must-have accessory for the 1980s Pirate fan
I'd hate to see what the Cobra would have accomplished if he used steroids instead of cocaine. Parker would have posted numbers similar to another loveable Pirate, Barry Bonds. It's unfortunate that Parker has been largely forgotten by fans and the media. His talent was immense, but his decision to use a recreational instead of a performance enhancing drug took years off his career. Bucco fans have a right to be upset with Parker for cheating the franchise out of solid production while he was blowing through a "snow" storm, but they should also be thankful for his efforts in 1979. Without Parker it is doubtful the Pirates would have won the World Series.
Parker was one scary hitter
At one point Parker was the highest paid player in the major leagues. That shows you just how much the economics of the sport have changed, but it also shows you that Pirate ownership once felt obligated to give the city of Pittsburgh a winning team.
by Patty B
My frustration with the current crop of financially flexible Buccos has forced me to rent the 1979 World Series on DVD to get a nostalgic dose of Pirates' magic. I know the outcome of the series but I can't turn away from the screen as Stargell, Madlock, Garner, and Parker rise to the top of the baseball world while wearing the most hideous uniforms in the history of Major League Baseball.
How long until the next Pirate World Series DVD?This magical trip down memory lane to the "City of Champions" has caused me to reach at least one conclusion: Dave Parker was one of the most talented players to ever put on a uniform. I'm not just talking about in Pittsburgh. I'm talking about the entire major leagues.
The Cobra threw away a Hall of Fame career by ingesting large amounts of cocaine and getting fat. Parker had one of the best outfield throwing arms. He could hit for average and power. His instincts were scary. His attitude went to hell during the cocaine years, and Bucco fans responded by tossing 9 volt batteries at his head while he patrolled the majestic astroturf of rightfield at Three Rivers.
A must-have accessory for the 1980s Pirate fanI'd hate to see what the Cobra would have accomplished if he used steroids instead of cocaine. Parker would have posted numbers similar to another loveable Pirate, Barry Bonds. It's unfortunate that Parker has been largely forgotten by fans and the media. His talent was immense, but his decision to use a recreational instead of a performance enhancing drug took years off his career. Bucco fans have a right to be upset with Parker for cheating the franchise out of solid production while he was blowing through a "snow" storm, but they should also be thankful for his efforts in 1979. Without Parker it is doubtful the Pirates would have won the World Series.
Parker was one scary hitterAt one point Parker was the highest paid player in the major leagues. That shows you just how much the economics of the sport have changed, but it also shows you that Pirate ownership once felt obligated to give the city of Pittsburgh a winning team.
In the early 1980's irate Bucco fans tossed small batteries at the Cobra, because he took the money and ran. It's 25-years later and the McNutting clown troop is guilty of even greater injustices, and Buccos fans don't seem very angry about the situation. I doubt that the current denizens of PNC Park are making a quick stop at Giant Eagle to buy batteries before the game. They only get upset when Skyblast turns into a disaster.
McClatchy addresses fans at PirateFest
McClatchy addresses fans at PirateFest
8/26/2006
The Gimme Gimmes Debacle, Part II
Thanks to regular contributor Louis Lipps is My Homeboy, who pointed out the article in the Post Gazette today. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes were canned after playing just one night of a three-night set of Skyblast performances. Was this booked by the same person who thought Michael Keaton should throw out the first pitch?
Probably won't see these guys singing the anthem at the Steelers' opener
Probably won't see these guys singing the anthem at the Steelers' opener
8/25/2006
Xavier Nady Has a Tribute Song
This may require the "Instant Classic" label. If you thought you heard it all, here's a hilarious ode to Xavier Nady by a distraught Mets fan.
I found this while visiting one of my favorite sites, The Mighty MJD, who credited MetsBlog.com.
While we're in the mood for odes, here's regular commentor Steeltown Mike's "Ode to McNutting", a high-quality satire set to Daniel Powter's "Bad Day".
I found this while visiting one of my favorite sites, The Mighty MJD, who credited MetsBlog.com.
While we're in the mood for odes, here's regular commentor Steeltown Mike's "Ode to McNutting", a high-quality satire set to Daniel Powter's "Bad Day".
Pirates Fans Hated the Skyblast Band
The Pirates hosted a "Skyblast" event on Thursday night, which their website describes as:
"Skyblast at PNC Park only happens once... twice... THREE times a year! Catch the premier fireworks and music extravaganza in the city after the Pirates take on the Astros. "
Another presentation brought to you by the hardest working marketing department in pro sports
Tonight's band du jour was Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (here's a link to their really annoying flash-media website). For those who don't feel like putting forth the effort and actually feel like reading real words, here is their Wikipedia page. Apparently the Gimmes are a punk rock band of some repute.
Gimme Gimme some of that
The band would play a cover of a popular song, then they would shoot off some fireworks while the original song played in the background. And this process was repeated as necessary until about 11 PM.
Don't worry, John. Skylights is right around the corner
Shortly thereafter, I was tipped off by regular contributor Worstavid to turn on the Fedko Fone Zone for the fan feedback. Why he was watching the Fedko Fone Zone, which consists basically of John Fedko staring at his computer screen while taking calls, is another topic. So I change the channel over to PCNC, and then hear caller after caller totally bashing the Gimme Gimmes. By their account, they were driving people from the stadium by the bushel.
Anyone else catch this, in person or on TV? Fedko predicts this will be a hot topic tomorrow. I've never known the Mondesi readers to be shy with opinions, so what did you think of SkyBlast and the Gimme Gimmes?
"Skyblast at PNC Park only happens once... twice... THREE times a year! Catch the premier fireworks and music extravaganza in the city after the Pirates take on the Astros. "
Another presentation brought to you by the hardest working marketing department in pro sportsTonight's band du jour was Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (here's a link to their really annoying flash-media website). For those who don't feel like putting forth the effort and actually feel like reading real words, here is their Wikipedia page. Apparently the Gimmes are a punk rock band of some repute.
Gimme Gimme some of thatThe band would play a cover of a popular song, then they would shoot off some fireworks while the original song played in the background. And this process was repeated as necessary until about 11 PM.
Don't worry, John. Skylights is right around the cornerShortly thereafter, I was tipped off by regular contributor Worstavid to turn on the Fedko Fone Zone for the fan feedback. Why he was watching the Fedko Fone Zone, which consists basically of John Fedko staring at his computer screen while taking calls, is another topic. So I change the channel over to PCNC, and then hear caller after caller totally bashing the Gimme Gimmes. By their account, they were driving people from the stadium by the bushel.
Anyone else catch this, in person or on TV? Fedko predicts this will be a hot topic tomorrow. I've never known the Mondesi readers to be shy with opinions, so what did you think of SkyBlast and the Gimme Gimmes?
8/24/2006
Pirates Fans: Good, Bad, or Suckers?
There has been some debate this year about the state of the Pirate fan. The season basically started with a bespectacled Batman questioning why they continue to support such a mediocre product year after year before throwing out the first pitch in another disastrous season.
He calls his fastball "White Noise"
As the season moved on, the fans had varied reactions. Some, like the much-publicized IrateFans, have taken their anger to the masses, gaining legions of followers along the way.
Another camp accuses Pirate fans of being so beaten down by 14 years of losing baseball that they have lost enthusiasm on most nights. And that many people are only there for the atmosphere and/or promotion, and could care less about what's happening on the diamond. While this is true on some occasions, I generally disagree with this point of view. Look around at the perennial doormats of pro sports, and their fans are beaten down. Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Atlanta Hawks. Kansas City Royals. Detroit Lions. I don't blame them for seeing their glasses half-empty. I really can't agree with this argument.
Please, Mr. Ford, FIRE MILLEN!
The average attendance for Bucco games this season is 23,220 per home game, which is running amazingly close to last year's 23,003. Whatever the case, this number is drastically down from the 30,742 that opened PNC Park in 2001. They currently rank 27th in the league in average attendance, leading KC, Tampa, and Florida, three franchises that can only be described as "very troubled" for a variety of reasons.
The scary fact is that, in all likelihood, the numbers for this year are pumped up like Mark McGwire circa 1998 because of the All Star Game. The 2007 advance ticket sales could see a free fall in the offseason unless Littlefield McNutting can make a big, huge, gargantuan splash. But I don't see Big Papi coming to PNC anytime soon.
The Pirate fan has shown his/her affinity for four things, in varying order: the game of baseball, the aura of PNC Park, actually supporting the Pirates, and promotions. The Pirates' marketing staff does an efficient job of boosting ticket sales even to the level they are now. KC averages 17K, Tampa about 17K, and Florida 13K per game. Of course, none of these other teams play in a park like PNC, nor did they host the Midseason Classic. But I digress.
Yes, the Pirates overload their schedule with promos, fireworks, and giveaways. Heck, they're even letting dogs in on August 29. So is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Should we submit this to Sports Illustrated as a "Sign of the Apocalypse"?
The group buying in to the idea of the Pup Rally, Eat n Park Ladies Night, and SkyBlast Reloaded feeds the fuel to another group of critics: Pirate fans are suckers. As long as fans continue to support the team at the box office, the product will not improve. This is a situation Chicago has grappled with for a long time, as the giant beer garden with ivy will sell out whether the home team wins 100 games or 10. Why should Cubs management put more money into the team, when they really don't have to? Why should Pirates management do the same?
I don't think we're bad fans, I think we're somewhere between good fans and suckers. It's a fine line. I believe the opinions will be all over the board on this one, and for good reason: there's no right answer. I think there is still plenty of interest in this team. In fact, I think the city is dying for a winner, and would definitely support the team through a pennant chase.
If I may get on my soapbox...
There has been an entire generation of Pittsburghers grow up who literally have never seen this team win. Just let that sink in for a second: if you live in Pittsburgh and are about 21 years old or younger, you have zero idea what a playoff run is like. I grew up watching the Bonds/Bonilla/Van Slyke Pirates, and even though we had our hearts broken three times, the path provided a lifetime of memories. I still have visions of raking leaves, eating dinner, and then settling in for Jack Buck's TV broadcasts while shaking my Green Weenie. Winning bonds people, it bonds all races, it bonds a city. We just experienced this earlier in the year. Just imagine how nice it would be to hold a parade in the fall.
He calls his fastball "White Noise"As the season moved on, the fans had varied reactions. Some, like the much-publicized IrateFans, have taken their anger to the masses, gaining legions of followers along the way.
Another camp accuses Pirate fans of being so beaten down by 14 years of losing baseball that they have lost enthusiasm on most nights. And that many people are only there for the atmosphere and/or promotion, and could care less about what's happening on the diamond. While this is true on some occasions, I generally disagree with this point of view. Look around at the perennial doormats of pro sports, and their fans are beaten down. Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Atlanta Hawks. Kansas City Royals. Detroit Lions. I don't blame them for seeing their glasses half-empty. I really can't agree with this argument.
Please, Mr. Ford, FIRE MILLEN!The average attendance for Bucco games this season is 23,220 per home game, which is running amazingly close to last year's 23,003. Whatever the case, this number is drastically down from the 30,742 that opened PNC Park in 2001. They currently rank 27th in the league in average attendance, leading KC, Tampa, and Florida, three franchises that can only be described as "very troubled" for a variety of reasons.
The scary fact is that, in all likelihood, the numbers for this year are pumped up like Mark McGwire circa 1998 because of the All Star Game. The 2007 advance ticket sales could see a free fall in the offseason unless Littlefield McNutting can make a big, huge, gargantuan splash. But I don't see Big Papi coming to PNC anytime soon.
The Pirate fan has shown his/her affinity for four things, in varying order: the game of baseball, the aura of PNC Park, actually supporting the Pirates, and promotions. The Pirates' marketing staff does an efficient job of boosting ticket sales even to the level they are now. KC averages 17K, Tampa about 17K, and Florida 13K per game. Of course, none of these other teams play in a park like PNC, nor did they host the Midseason Classic. But I digress.
Yes, the Pirates overload their schedule with promos, fireworks, and giveaways. Heck, they're even letting dogs in on August 29. So is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Should we submit this to Sports Illustrated as a "Sign of the Apocalypse"?The group buying in to the idea of the Pup Rally, Eat n Park Ladies Night, and SkyBlast Reloaded feeds the fuel to another group of critics: Pirate fans are suckers. As long as fans continue to support the team at the box office, the product will not improve. This is a situation Chicago has grappled with for a long time, as the giant beer garden with ivy will sell out whether the home team wins 100 games or 10. Why should Cubs management put more money into the team, when they really don't have to? Why should Pirates management do the same?
I don't think we're bad fans, I think we're somewhere between good fans and suckers. It's a fine line. I believe the opinions will be all over the board on this one, and for good reason: there's no right answer. I think there is still plenty of interest in this team. In fact, I think the city is dying for a winner, and would definitely support the team through a pennant chase.
If I may get on my soapbox...
There has been an entire generation of Pittsburghers grow up who literally have never seen this team win. Just let that sink in for a second: if you live in Pittsburgh and are about 21 years old or younger, you have zero idea what a playoff run is like. I grew up watching the Bonds/Bonilla/Van Slyke Pirates, and even though we had our hearts broken three times, the path provided a lifetime of memories. I still have visions of raking leaves, eating dinner, and then settling in for Jack Buck's TV broadcasts while shaking my Green Weenie. Winning bonds people, it bonds all races, it bonds a city. We just experienced this earlier in the year. Just imagine how nice it would be to hold a parade in the fall.
Bengals Fans Hate Mondesi's House
I briefly mentioned this on the air today, but here is an actual link to one of the Anti-Mondesi Bengal message threads. Thought you might get some enjoyment from the angst of tortured Bengal fans.
The guy on the left was the "boating while intoxicated" guy. This was the signature photo of the person who started this thread.
The guy on the left was the "boating while intoxicated" guy. This was the signature photo of the person who started this thread.
8/21/2006
Raul Mondesi Steals Electricity
And apparently, so does Jose Rijo. I could not make this up. Check out this gem of a story that somehow slipped under my radar.
8/20/2006
Chukky Okobi, NFL RapLete
Don't take my word for it...visit his MySpace page
No other injured backup center raps quite like Okobi
No other injured backup center raps quite like Okobi
8/18/2006
The Jerome Bettis Debate
Everyone has their opinion on the Jerome Bettis NBC Debate. This topic seems to divide Steeler fans right down the middle.
One camp sides with Bettis. "He's just doing his job", "NBC pressured him", "Wanted to make a splash in his first appearance"...
Another camp is firmly against Bettis, with quotes like "Selfish, thinking only of Jerome, as usual" and "Broke the bond of trust with his former coach".
Surprisingly, Bettis was voted "Jagoff of the Week" on ESPN Radio 1250's Junker and Crow Show. This is a contest that was won the previous week by a former college running back who was arrested while brandishing several firearms and a bulletproof vest. I'd take that as being in pretty bad company.
Bettis has also given plenty of fodder to Mark Madden, who has been able to breathe life into the dead horse of his constant Bettis criticism. WE GET IT, Bettis stiffed you on a show apperance a couple years back. Bettis may be a jerk, he may not, but frankly, I'm so tired of hearing about it from Madden's mouth, I find myself turning the dial to Bendel and Benz more and more.
Madden's been taking full advantage of the Steeler fans who feel Cowher was wronged by his former star. He's been fielding calls all week telling him how right he was all along, further inflating his enormous ego.
Why has this become such a hot button issue? Are Steeler fans so touchy about the Cowher situation that they feel Bettis' comments may upset the apple cart? Does it really matter what Bettis says on the halftime show of a preseason football game which the Steelers aren't even playing in?
My stance is this:
-Bettis was trying to make a splash, and certainly succeeded
-Bettis was probably asked by NBC to make said splash
-Cowher overreacted by even mentioning that he called Bettis
-The Steelers overreacted by issuing a press release on Cowher
-The media has overcovered this story, as the case with any Steeler story
-Bettis is a selfish guy. So are most people, especially athletes. That's not news.
-Bettis is a media member now, like it or not. He's now paid to give his opinion, which is all it was.
This story/non-story makes me long for one thing: a competitive baseball team. Maybe if the Pirates ever had some chance of being involved in a race in August, stories like this would not get the excessive airtime and coverage that they do.
One camp sides with Bettis. "He's just doing his job", "NBC pressured him", "Wanted to make a splash in his first appearance"...
Another camp is firmly against Bettis, with quotes like "Selfish, thinking only of Jerome, as usual" and "Broke the bond of trust with his former coach".
Surprisingly, Bettis was voted "Jagoff of the Week" on ESPN Radio 1250's Junker and Crow Show. This is a contest that was won the previous week by a former college running back who was arrested while brandishing several firearms and a bulletproof vest. I'd take that as being in pretty bad company.
Bettis has also given plenty of fodder to Mark Madden, who has been able to breathe life into the dead horse of his constant Bettis criticism. WE GET IT, Bettis stiffed you on a show apperance a couple years back. Bettis may be a jerk, he may not, but frankly, I'm so tired of hearing about it from Madden's mouth, I find myself turning the dial to Bendel and Benz more and more.
Madden's been taking full advantage of the Steeler fans who feel Cowher was wronged by his former star. He's been fielding calls all week telling him how right he was all along, further inflating his enormous ego.
Why has this become such a hot button issue? Are Steeler fans so touchy about the Cowher situation that they feel Bettis' comments may upset the apple cart? Does it really matter what Bettis says on the halftime show of a preseason football game which the Steelers aren't even playing in?
My stance is this:
-Bettis was trying to make a splash, and certainly succeeded
-Bettis was probably asked by NBC to make said splash
-Cowher overreacted by even mentioning that he called Bettis
-The Steelers overreacted by issuing a press release on Cowher
-The media has overcovered this story, as the case with any Steeler story
-Bettis is a selfish guy. So are most people, especially athletes. That's not news.
-Bettis is a media member now, like it or not. He's now paid to give his opinion, which is all it was.
This story/non-story makes me long for one thing: a competitive baseball team. Maybe if the Pirates ever had some chance of being involved in a race in August, stories like this would not get the excessive airtime and coverage that they do.
8/16/2006
The Colts Beat the Colts...In Their Minds
"They won. They are the champions and I respect them. But the Pittsburgh Steelers did not beat the Colts. The Colts beat the Colts. Let's go play again. Right now."
That's Colts Offensive Line Coach Howard Mudd in the Indianapolis Star.
Howard Mudd, now in the class of Mike Holmgren and the city of Cincinnati, OH
Can someone refresh me...did the Steelers actually beat anyone in the playoffs? As far as I can see, Seattle claims they were robbed, Cincinnati claims they were robbed, and now, Indianapolis says the Colts beat the Colts. At least Mike Shanahan has some modicum of class in losing.
That's Colts Offensive Line Coach Howard Mudd in the Indianapolis Star.
Howard Mudd, now in the class of Mike Holmgren and the city of Cincinnati, OHCan someone refresh me...did the Steelers actually beat anyone in the playoffs? As far as I can see, Seattle claims they were robbed, Cincinnati claims they were robbed, and now, Indianapolis says the Colts beat the Colts. At least Mike Shanahan has some modicum of class in losing.
Evgeni Malkin Highlight Reel
I don't know about you, but I need five minutes of Evgeni Malkin highlights to remind me what all the hype's about.
OK, I'm convinced.
OK, I'm convinced.
8/15/2006
Time to Preview the AFC North
The 2006 NFL season is upon us. Given that we only think sports are relevant when they involve Pittsburgh, our 2006 NFL Preview is limited to the Steelers division, the AFC North. So here are the key additions, subtractions, and arrests that make the AFC North the best division in football (in order of predicted finish)...
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
Key Additions:
S Ryan Clark - Signed to spite the Redskins for signing Antwaan Randle El. Will be expected to run reverses, return punts, and throw touchdown passes in Super Bowl XLI.
WR Santonio Holmes - Had a busy year, including the Fiesta Bowl, NFL draft, two arrests, and not answering his phone when the name "B ROETHLISBERGER" showed up on caller ID.
OL Willie Colon - The Steelers draft an athlete from the Bronx. Fans everywhere are relieved when they find out it's not Carl Krauser.
S Anthony Smith - The only good thing to come out of the Syracuse football program since Mama McNabb's son.
Ben Roethlisberger is everywhere. He even works his way into a blurb about Anthony Smith.
C Marvin Phillip - Drafted in case Chukky Okobi should have a neck problem. Again, Steeler foresight shines through.
QB Omar Jacobs - Picked strictly for talk-show amusement, so Steeler fans can argue who will be the third quarterback this year. Also drafted so the Steelers can say all of their QBs come from MAC schools.
Key Subtractions:
RB/Bill Cowher Antagonist Jerome Bettis - Traded to NBC for Matt LeBlanc
Say what you want, but he's still better than Kornheiser
QB Tommy Maddox - signed with the Pittsburgh Colts.
WR Antwaan Randle El - turned his 35 catches into $31 million of Dan Snyder's Fool's Gold
DB Willie Williams - transferred from Miami to Pearl River Community College. Wait, that's the other Willie Williams. I think this guy retired. Actually, I think he retired in 2004.
DL Kimo von Oelhoffen - signed with the Cincinnati Bengals. Rooming with Carson Palmer at training camp.
S Chris Hope - signed with Tennessee to mentor Pac Man Jones in the secondary
Arrests:
WR Santonio Holmes (2) - disorderly conduct (standing in the street in Miami) - dimissed; domestic assault in Columbus, trial pending. Hopes to do two more stupid things and catch Chris Henry for the NFL lead.
OL Barrett Brooks - fled from police on Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle
QB Ben Roethlisberger. Not arrested, just got a ticket for not having a PA motorcycle license.
RB Chester Taylor - replaces Onterrio Smith in Minnesota. However, the team has yet to sign a replacement Whizzinator.
I guess the NFL Shop lets this jersey go through
QB Anthony Wright - signed with the Bengals. Already arrested twice.
LB Peter Boulware - retired out of embarrassment at brother Michael's showing in the Super Bowl
OL Orlando Brown - will now work in the league office towards creating a flag that won't blind you, or better yet, finding referees that won't throw them at your eyes
DB Deion Sanders - signed with AT & T so he can hang out with Andy Roddick and Big Papi
Arrests:
S Dexter Jackson - Super Bowl XXXVII MVP and former free agent target of the Steelers a few years back. Stock has fallen so much, most of his income is derived from signing these photos, and not an NFL contract.
QB Anthony Wright - continues his tour of the AFC North by signing with Cincinnati. Will join the Browns in 2007.
DE Frostee Rucker - See below.
LB AJ Nicholson - See below. Again.
LB Ahmad Brooks - See below. Yet again.
Key Subtractions:
QB Jon Kitna - Decided he would rather play with three disappointing first round receivers under the guidance of Matt Millen than return to Cincinnati. Ouch, Bengal fans.
Arrests:
WR Chris Henry (4) - marijuana charges, charged with pulling a gun on a group in Orlando, speeding and drunken driving, charged with providing alcohol to minors.
DE Frostee Rucker - charged with two counts of spousal abuse and vandalism. Will be removed from .99 menu.
That's enough out of you, Frostee
LB AJ Nicholson - charged with burglary; previously arrested twice on suspicion of alcohol-related offenses. Usually, this is swept under the rug at Florida State.
DE Matthias Askew - subdued by a taser after refusing to move his illegally parked car
A re-enactment of Matthias Askew's tasering
OL Eric Steinbach - Boating under the influence. What is it about NFL players and trouble on boats?
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
Key Additions:
S Ryan Clark - Signed to spite the Redskins for signing Antwaan Randle El. Will be expected to run reverses, return punts, and throw touchdown passes in Super Bowl XLI.
WR Santonio Holmes - Had a busy year, including the Fiesta Bowl, NFL draft, two arrests, and not answering his phone when the name "B ROETHLISBERGER" showed up on caller ID.
OL Willie Colon - The Steelers draft an athlete from the Bronx. Fans everywhere are relieved when they find out it's not Carl Krauser.
S Anthony Smith - The only good thing to come out of the Syracuse football program since Mama McNabb's son.
Ben Roethlisberger is everywhere. He even works his way into a blurb about Anthony Smith.C Marvin Phillip - Drafted in case Chukky Okobi should have a neck problem. Again, Steeler foresight shines through.
QB Omar Jacobs - Picked strictly for talk-show amusement, so Steeler fans can argue who will be the third quarterback this year. Also drafted so the Steelers can say all of their QBs come from MAC schools.
Key Subtractions:
RB/Bill Cowher Antagonist Jerome Bettis - Traded to NBC for Matt LeBlanc
Say what you want, but he's still better than KornheiserQB Tommy Maddox - signed with the Pittsburgh Colts.
WR Antwaan Randle El - turned his 35 catches into $31 million of Dan Snyder's Fool's Gold
DB Willie Williams - transferred from Miami to Pearl River Community College. Wait, that's the other Willie Williams. I think this guy retired. Actually, I think he retired in 2004.
DL Kimo von Oelhoffen - signed with the Cincinnati Bengals. Rooming with Carson Palmer at training camp.
S Chris Hope - signed with Tennessee to mentor Pac Man Jones in the secondary
Arrests:
WR Santonio Holmes (2) - disorderly conduct (standing in the street in Miami) - dimissed; domestic assault in Columbus, trial pending. Hopes to do two more stupid things and catch Chris Henry for the NFL lead.
OL Barrett Brooks - fled from police on Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle
QB Ben Roethlisberger. Not arrested, just got a ticket for not having a PA motorcycle license.
He's not Natalie Gulbis, but he did win an MVP
2. Baltimore Ravens
Key Additions:
QB Steve McNair - Signed to a lucrative deal also includes unlimited vicodin, crutches, and 5 complimentary MRIs. They also included a clause to never lock him out of the practice facility.
The 26010, or as McNair calls it, "the usual"
RB Chester Taylor - replaces Onterrio Smith in Minnesota. However, the team has yet to sign a replacement Whizzinator.
I guess the NFL Shop lets this jersey go throughQB Anthony Wright - signed with the Bengals. Already arrested twice.
LB Peter Boulware - retired out of embarrassment at brother Michael's showing in the Super Bowl
OL Orlando Brown - will now work in the league office towards creating a flag that won't blind you, or better yet, finding referees that won't throw them at your eyes
DB Deion Sanders - signed with AT & T so he can hang out with Andy Roddick and Big Papi
Arrests:
I could be wrong, but I don't see any. Of course, it's kind of hard to give them accolades as long as they have a murder accessory and a drug conspirator on their squad.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
Key Additions:
DT Sam Adams - 33 years young, 350 pounds fat. Just the kind of unmotivated player we want the Bengals to continue to sign.
S Dexter Jackson - Super Bowl XXXVII MVP and former free agent target of the Steelers a few years back. Stock has fallen so much, most of his income is derived from signing these photos, and not an NFL contract.
QB Anthony Wright - continues his tour of the AFC North by signing with Cincinnati. Will join the Browns in 2007.
DE Frostee Rucker - See below.
LB AJ Nicholson - See below. Again.
LB Ahmad Brooks - See below. Yet again.
Key Subtractions:
QB Jon Kitna - Decided he would rather play with three disappointing first round receivers under the guidance of Matt Millen than return to Cincinnati. Ouch, Bengal fans.
Arrests:
WR Chris Henry (4) - marijuana charges, charged with pulling a gun on a group in Orlando, speeding and drunken driving, charged with providing alcohol to minors.
DE Frostee Rucker - charged with two counts of spousal abuse and vandalism. Will be removed from .99 menu.
That's enough out of you, FrosteeLB AJ Nicholson - charged with burglary; previously arrested twice on suspicion of alcohol-related offenses. Usually, this is swept under the rug at Florida State.
DE Matthias Askew - subdued by a taser after refusing to move his illegally parked car
A re-enactment of Matthias Askew's taseringOL Eric Steinbach - Boating under the influence. What is it about NFL players and trouble on boats?
Suspensions:
LB Odell Thurman - 4 weeks - substance abuse. He allegedly beat a bag of marijuana with a baseball bat.
Dismissals:
Rookie LB Ahmad Brooks was taken in the supplemental draft. He was only available because he was kicked off of UVa's football team for marijuana possession and other problems. Pitt fans holding tickets for a Sept. 2nd matchup with the Cavaliers rejoice.
4. Cleveland Browns
Key Additions:
WR Joe Jurevicius - Being a white wide receiver, Jurevicius is usually the victim of racial stereotypes like "Good route runner", "Deceptive speed", and "Posession receiver". With the recent creation of the Caucasian Wide Receivers of America, Jurevicius now has a legion of supporters on his side.
C LeCharles Bentley - Signed to a 6 year, $36 million contract in the offseason. See "Subtractions" column for the rest of the story. 
The Curse of the Browns continues in 2006
LB Willie McGinest - One by one, the Browns are trying to acquire the entire Patriots organization. They start with the defensive coordinator. Then they take the heart and soul of the defense. And in 2007, they plan on making a run at Bill Belichick's grey hoodie.
Bill Belichick, wearing a gray hooded sweatshirt from the 2005 Duce Staley Collection
P Dave Zastudil - Baltimore stole Cleveland's entire football team, so Cleveland tries to get even by swiping their punter.
DT Ted Washington - Who doesn't want a 15 year veteran who weighs 365 pounds?
DE Kamerion Wimbley - Will try to live up to the high standards of previous Browns #1 picks like Tim Couch, Courtney Brown, Gerard Warren, William Green, Kellen Winslow and Braylon Edwards.
RB Lee Suggs - they tried to trade him to the Jets, but he was returned to sender. If nothing else, they've set up a perfectly awkward situation upon his return. And now, his confidence has to be completely destroyed---he wasn't wanted by a team who started 82-year-old Curtis Martin at running back last year.
Key Subtractions:
WR Antonio Bryant- fearing they have too many game breakers, the Browns let Bryant walk to San Francisco
C LeCharles Bentley - He was in one practice and is already out for the year. At least he'll be highly compensated.
Arrests:
Actually, none yet this season, although Ruben Droughns was involved in a domestic incident three days after being acquitted for a DUI. And as long as William Green is around, there's always a high ceiling for trouble. (Thanks to Mondesi's buddy TJ for Browns info)
So there you have it...I'm hoping for and expecting another exciting year of AFC North football. Where we line up, our best against your best, and punch you in the mouth. Three yards and a cloud of dust. Running and stopping the run. Defense and special teams. Double reverse passes. Onside kicks. Felony drug charges. Accesories to murder. The Bengals' fan misbehavior hotline. Motorcycle wrecks and chases. Bettis on NBC. Brian Billick. Kellen Winslow. The Thursday Night NFL Opener from Heinz Field. And much, much more. I can't wait. And they say the NBA is FANtastic!
Where's Malkin?
Time for a new feature: the Mondesi's House Poll. Our first question...Where in the world is Evegeni Malkin?
Future Penguin Evgeni Malkin
Future Penguin Evgeni Malkin
1159 NFL Jerseys You Can't Have
Remember the Randall Gay jersey controversy last year? You know, the LSU professor who wanted to buy a jersey of her former student, Patriots D-Back Randall Gay, but couldn't, due to the fact that the NFL Shop wouldn't allow the name on the back of the jersey? Well, last year someone went to the trouble of making a list of 1,159 personalized jerseys that the NFL Shop won't let you buy. And Mondesi's House intern Brian has dug up the new, revised list. As to why Brian was on outsports.com, well, that's a question I can't answer.
Yes, you CAN buy a Hetero jersey. Just not a Bengals Hetero jersey.
Yes, you CAN buy a Hetero jersey. Just not a Bengals Hetero jersey.
8/14/2006
Bettis Sticks it to the Bengals Once Again
While flipping through the channels on Sunday night, I caught a few minutes here and there of the Washington at Cincinnati NFL preseason game on NBC. There really wasn't much else on, and I was mildly interested to see their coverage. I was less interested in watching a QB matchup of Doug Johnson vs. Jason Campbell, but that's preseason football.
The play on the field did catch my eye when Clinton Portis absolutely blew up the Bengals' Keiwan Ratliff on an interception return, with a hit so hard Portis got hurt. He dislocated his shoulder and immediately spouted the knee-jerk reaction every time a player gets hurt in the preseason: "For whoever's watching: Let's get rid of some of these games," Portis said. "Four games is ridiculous. Then you play a 16-game season and the playoffs behind that."
Clinton Portis' new character: Overzealous Preseason Superstar
The high point for me was when I caught some of the halftime, anchored by Bob Costas, flanked by Cris Collinsworth, Sterling Sharpe, and Jerome Bettis. This was one of those "inside the stadium" sets that are normally reserved for events like playoff games. Which meant Bengal fans were basically right on top of these guys. They were merciless in their booing of the Bus, to the point of Costas' comment, not verbatim, but along the lines of: "I wondered if there was anyone in America that didn't like Jerome Bettis. Well, it looks like there are a few thousand people here in Cincinnati that don't."
The play on the field did catch my eye when Clinton Portis absolutely blew up the Bengals' Keiwan Ratliff on an interception return, with a hit so hard Portis got hurt. He dislocated his shoulder and immediately spouted the knee-jerk reaction every time a player gets hurt in the preseason: "For whoever's watching: Let's get rid of some of these games," Portis said. "Four games is ridiculous. Then you play a 16-game season and the playoffs behind that."
Clinton Portis' new character: Overzealous Preseason SuperstarThe high point for me was when I caught some of the halftime, anchored by Bob Costas, flanked by Cris Collinsworth, Sterling Sharpe, and Jerome Bettis. This was one of those "inside the stadium" sets that are normally reserved for events like playoff games. Which meant Bengal fans were basically right on top of these guys. They were merciless in their booing of the Bus, to the point of Costas' comment, not verbatim, but along the lines of: "I wondered if there was anyone in America that didn't like Jerome Bettis. Well, it looks like there are a few thousand people here in Cincinnati that don't."
Jerome Bettis: not as popular in Cincinnati as Nick LacheyThe jeers were loud and persistent. Then, in a move of WWE showmanship, Bettis stands up and flashes his Super Bowl ring to the Bengal fans. To which Collinsworth immediately retorted, "Just like a lot of Bengal fans, I'll tell you that if Carson Palmer didn't get hurt, you wouldn't have that ring."
Blah, blah, blah. If Tommy Maddox never got hurt against the Ravens, Ben Roethlisberger might still be holding a clipboard. If Duce Staley were not always wearing a gray sweatsuit on the sidelines then Willie Parker probably never would have been activated off the practice squad. If The Tuck Rule didn't exist, the Patriots may never have had a dynasty. If there's one bonus to the regular season starting, it's that we don't have to hear any more from fans of the Bengals, Seahawks, Broncos, Colts, or anyone else the Steelers beat last year. These Bengal apologists who always moan and groan about Palmer...weren't they the same ones beating their chest about how great of a backup Kitna was all year?
Football is a game that can change on an injury, a rotten call, the weather, or just plain bad luck. The Steelers have certainly had their share of breaks go the other way in the 26 years in between Super Bowls. That's part of the game. Sometimes, you can overcome it, like the Steelers winning in Indianapolis despite the overturned Polamalu interception and the Bettis goal line fumble. Sometimes, you can't, like Neil O'Donnell hooking up with Larry Brown for two Cowboys TDs in Super Bowl 30. The sports universe has a way of equalling out over time. Anyone who thinks the Steelers get all the breaks must have missed the AFC Championships in 1994, 1997, 2001, and 2004. What goes around, comes around. The test of a true champion is one who can roll with the punches in the bad times and be more motivated to succeed the next time around.
Neil O'Donnell, the true MVP of Super Bowl XXXdigg story
8/13/2006
Let Me Ruin Benchwarmers for You
I don't mean to go Bill Simmons on you, but I decided to treat the Mondesi's House faithful to a movie review. Actually, it's more a warning, bordering on a Public Service Announcement.
The Mondesi's House reader appreciates the marriage of sports and comedy. I'd imagine many of you also read sites like Deadspin, The Mighty MJD, and Sports Pickle, which manage this feat quite well. That being the case, I would also imagine many of you have similar senses of humor to mine. So when I heard of a baseball movie featuring David Spade, Jon Heder, and to a much, much smaller extent, Rob Schneider, I thought it would be good for a few cheap laughs. Among them, they have given us such gems as Tommy Boy, Napoleon Dynamite, Deuce Bigalow, Black Sheep, and one of my TV favorites, The Showbiz Show. So I figured it was worth a shot.
Boy, was I wrong.
Benchwarmers was released on April 7, 2006, trying to coincide with the start of the MLB season. Amazingly, this movie has taken in $62 million worldwide at the box office, according to boxofficemojo.com. Apparently, the marketing must have worked, because people weren't coming to this movie for the script.
I hope you got a boatload of money for this one, Spade
After witnessing a cliched grade-school band of bullies picking on the nerdy son of an eccentric millionaire (played by Jon "Subway..Eat FRESH!" Lovitz), the dorky trio decides to play the bullies for the use of a ballfield. Apparently the "Benchwarmers" were all picked on as a kid, never played, yada, yada, yada.
They only chose Lovitz because Kevin Nealon was unavailable
I wondered how they would strategically set up on defense, being that there were only three of them and nine opponents. Schneider was the pitcher, Spade was the catcher, and Heder manned center. No first baseman. Why? Don't need one! This is the point when this movie morphs from Benchwarmers into the new title of Rob Schneider's Fantasy. Schneider promptly strikes out every single batter, and hits a home run every time he bats. And these were over-the-fence homers. Neither Spade nor Heder can even manage to make contact, yet they still win in a landslide, thanks to the incredible skills of Schneider.
After beating a bunch of grade-schoolers at baseball, Schneider then goes home to his wife, SI Swimsuit model Molly Sims. Yeah, this is becoming more and more of a Schneider fantasy with each passing moment.
Just call her Mrs. Rob Schneider
If that wasn't bad enough, they show more games. And Schneider strikes out every batter and hits a home run every time he is on camera, while Heder and Spade fail to contribute in any way, shape or form. The Schneider slugger angle gets really tiresome after, oh, I don't know...his 35th homer!!
Heder is the Jose Hernandez of the Benchwarmers
This was just a ridiculous premise for a movie. I mean, seriously, who green-lit this? Is Hollywood so bereft of ideas that this was the best they could do? I realize that this movie is meant for kids, but even as a kid, I wouldn't have enjoyed this. And the movie was rated PG-13, with some inappropriate scenes and language for smaller kids, so it looked like they were trying to reach some of the general comedy audience as well.
Spade lacked any of his trademark biting sarcasm. Heder was a Napoleon Dynamite knockoff. Schneider was Nolan Ryan crossed with Babe Ruth in the body of David Eckstein. The movie was a giant product-placement vehicle for Pizza Hut. And to top it all off, we were treated to Dan Patrick, Sean Salisbury, and Bill Romanowski on the big screen. What, were Chris Berman and Neil Everett busy? Of course, Salisbury's character was gay, so as many of you will definitely point out, that didn't require much acting. For the population that contributed to that $62 million take, I hope you asked for a refund on the way out of the theater. This movie had almost as many non-actors onscreen as the Longest Yard remake. If your movie is mentioned in the same breath as a film that cast Michael Irvin, Nelly, and Peter King, that's not a good thing.
Patriots, Brady, Belichick, Favre, Patriots, Brady, Belichick, Favre, Patriots, Brady, Belichick, Favre. Now you don't have to read Peter King's column this year.
So please, please, save the $3.99 rental and 90 minutes of your life and run away from this DVD at your local Blockbuster. It's not as bad as sitting through a Pirate game when Shawn Chacon is starting, but at least that's free. This movie was so bad, I broke my own rules about Pittsburgh-only content on this site in order to warn the masses. If I save one of you from this train wreck, it was worth it.
The Mondesi's House reader appreciates the marriage of sports and comedy. I'd imagine many of you also read sites like Deadspin, The Mighty MJD, and Sports Pickle, which manage this feat quite well. That being the case, I would also imagine many of you have similar senses of humor to mine. So when I heard of a baseball movie featuring David Spade, Jon Heder, and to a much, much smaller extent, Rob Schneider, I thought it would be good for a few cheap laughs. Among them, they have given us such gems as Tommy Boy, Napoleon Dynamite, Deuce Bigalow, Black Sheep, and one of my TV favorites, The Showbiz Show. So I figured it was worth a shot.
Boy, was I wrong.
Benchwarmers was released on April 7, 2006, trying to coincide with the start of the MLB season. Amazingly, this movie has taken in $62 million worldwide at the box office, according to boxofficemojo.com. Apparently, the marketing must have worked, because people weren't coming to this movie for the script.
I hope you got a boatload of money for this one, SpadeAfter witnessing a cliched grade-school band of bullies picking on the nerdy son of an eccentric millionaire (played by Jon "Subway..Eat FRESH!" Lovitz), the dorky trio decides to play the bullies for the use of a ballfield. Apparently the "Benchwarmers" were all picked on as a kid, never played, yada, yada, yada.
They only chose Lovitz because Kevin Nealon was unavailableI wondered how they would strategically set up on defense, being that there were only three of them and nine opponents. Schneider was the pitcher, Spade was the catcher, and Heder manned center. No first baseman. Why? Don't need one! This is the point when this movie morphs from Benchwarmers into the new title of Rob Schneider's Fantasy. Schneider promptly strikes out every single batter, and hits a home run every time he bats. And these were over-the-fence homers. Neither Spade nor Heder can even manage to make contact, yet they still win in a landslide, thanks to the incredible skills of Schneider.
After beating a bunch of grade-schoolers at baseball, Schneider then goes home to his wife, SI Swimsuit model Molly Sims. Yeah, this is becoming more and more of a Schneider fantasy with each passing moment.
Just call her Mrs. Rob SchneiderIf that wasn't bad enough, they show more games. And Schneider strikes out every batter and hits a home run every time he is on camera, while Heder and Spade fail to contribute in any way, shape or form. The Schneider slugger angle gets really tiresome after, oh, I don't know...his 35th homer!!
Heder is the Jose Hernandez of the BenchwarmersThis was just a ridiculous premise for a movie. I mean, seriously, who green-lit this? Is Hollywood so bereft of ideas that this was the best they could do? I realize that this movie is meant for kids, but even as a kid, I wouldn't have enjoyed this. And the movie was rated PG-13, with some inappropriate scenes and language for smaller kids, so it looked like they were trying to reach some of the general comedy audience as well.
Spade lacked any of his trademark biting sarcasm. Heder was a Napoleon Dynamite knockoff. Schneider was Nolan Ryan crossed with Babe Ruth in the body of David Eckstein. The movie was a giant product-placement vehicle for Pizza Hut. And to top it all off, we were treated to Dan Patrick, Sean Salisbury, and Bill Romanowski on the big screen. What, were Chris Berman and Neil Everett busy? Of course, Salisbury's character was gay, so as many of you will definitely point out, that didn't require much acting. For the population that contributed to that $62 million take, I hope you asked for a refund on the way out of the theater. This movie had almost as many non-actors onscreen as the Longest Yard remake. If your movie is mentioned in the same breath as a film that cast Michael Irvin, Nelly, and Peter King, that's not a good thing.
Patriots, Brady, Belichick, Favre, Patriots, Brady, Belichick, Favre, Patriots, Brady, Belichick, Favre. Now you don't have to read Peter King's column this year.So please, please, save the $3.99 rental and 90 minutes of your life and run away from this DVD at your local Blockbuster. It's not as bad as sitting through a Pirate game when Shawn Chacon is starting, but at least that's free. This movie was so bad, I broke my own rules about Pittsburgh-only content on this site in order to warn the masses. If I save one of you from this train wreck, it was worth it.
8/11/2006
Breaking News: Myron Cope in Accident
Longtime Steeler broadcaster Myron Cope was involved in a five-car accident on I-279 (inbound) in Pittsburgh today. More details will be sure to follow. ESPN Radio 1250's Mark Madden has taken the high road, speculating that Cope was drunk. This speculation from a guy who's broadcasting his show from a car wash today.
Madden 2007 Steeler Player Rankings
Is this news? I assume so, because Deadspin has covered it...but the player rankings for Madden 2007 are now out. Yes, I've gone through 8 pages of this to find the Steelers ratings page for you. I regret to report that Nate Washington is only a 63.
Click here for the full list.
Virtual Polamalu will also get interceptions overturned when you play at Indianapolis.
Click here for the full list.
Virtual Polamalu will also get interceptions overturned when you play at Indianapolis.
8/10/2006
Shawn Chacon is Now a True Pirate
Alex Rodriguez is the reigning American League MVP. He's played in the big leagues since 1994, is a career .305 hitter, and has 452 career home runs at the ripe age of 31. He has a contract worth over $250 million dollars. By all accounts, he will be a first-ballot Hall of Famer, lest his named be soiled by some sort of illegal substance in the future, which is doubtful.
Go back to Texas, or better yet, just drop dead
This is his third season as a member of the New York Yankees, where he moved to third base in order to facilitate a trade from the Texas Rangers in 2004. Yet, to this day, he is still not acknowledged as a "True" Yankee. He wasn't drafted by the Yankees, he wasn't developed by the Yankees, and he hasn't won a World Series with the Yankees. As far as Yankee followers go, winning the MVP doesn't count for anything. That was an individual honor. His presence has not equalled Yankee postseason success, so he is basically worthless until the point that he kisses a World Series trophy. Charlie Hayes would be a better third base choice if you asked Yankee fans.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006 was an eventful day. Maurice Clarett apparently was set to kill or be killed in Ohio; SI writer Rick Reilly stirred up talk shows nationwide with his column about a Pony League championship in Utah that involved the walking of the star hitter in order to face a cancer survivor; and the Pittsburgh Pirates lost to the Houston Astros by a count of 14-1.
If I was at the NFL draft and heard Denver make that pick, I would have thrown the old fantasy football classic "Coulda waited on that one" line to Mike Shanahan
But something bigger happened during the course of that game. What has eluded Alex Rodriguez for three seasons, Shawn Chacon was able to achieve in just his second outing as a Pirate starting pitcher.
Shawn Chacon became a True Pirate.
His statistics from this memorable outing? 1 2/3 innings pitched, 6 hits, 4 walks, 7 earned runs, and 3 home runs served up. 14 batters faced, and 10 of them reached base (.714). One of the home runs allowed was to pitcher Roy Oswalt, who received a curtain call. And now, according to Dejan Kovacevic, he is getting his knee examined.
Some of the True Yankees are usually identified as Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, Bernie Williams, and before he left for the greener pastures of Houston, Andy Pettitte. These were the homegrown boys that did New York proud by bringing title after title home in the mid-to-late 90s. The aura surrounding the Yankees is that anything less than another World Series ring is a wasted season.
The Pirates have a bit of a different aura. Once players arrive from other MLB teams, or even from their own minor league system, they seem to fall victim to some sort of infection (often diagnosed as "losing") that sucks them in and depletes all discernable baseball skills. At that point, and only that point, can we recognize them as True Pirates. I believe Jason Kendall was usually the bearer of this news when he would welcome new players to town with his famous line of
"Welcome to Hell". This is the occasion we can now celebrate with Shawn Chacon's performance last night. Xavier Nady, you're next. Don't say we didn't warn you.
A True Pirate can have initial success, but eventually, they all come around. Zach Duke looked like a lefthanded Greg Maddux when he burst onto the scene in 2005. 8-2 in 14 starts, with a ridiculous 1.81 ERA! Fast forward to 2006, where he currently sits at 7-10, with a 5.36 ERA. Some theories blame pitching coach Jim Colborn for Duke's woes. But the true culprit is the infection.
Zach Duke, already showing the symptoms of being a True Pirate
Oliver Perez was the next Sandy Koufax, posting a 12-10 mark, with a 2.99 ERA and 239 strikeouts in 196 innings, in 2004. In 2005, the infection kicked in: a 5.85 ERA, 7 wins, 97 strikeouts in 103 innings, and one broken toe courtesy of a laundry cart that looked at him the wrong way. 2006 was even worse, with a 2-10 record and 6.63 ERA before being sent to the New York Mets. His current stats, even though he is no longer a Pirate, are even worse. But the infection is still in his system. Someday, he may be well again. But it may take a while.
Note the enlarged head, disproportionate to body size. Always a telltale sign of a True Pirate.
Chris Duffy had an amazing 2005 season. He batted .341 and had the look and feel of a guy who could lock down center field for a long time. He was a young, marketable player who the team thought so much of that he was the subject of the incredibly rare triple bobblehead doll earlier this season.
What happened next? He had a disappointing start to the 2006 campaign, went AWOL, talked about retiring, wished he was traded at the deadline, and currently sits with a .169 average at the exact same point (39 games) that he played in last season. Again, many fingers point to manager Jim Tracy for tinkering with Duffy's swing, but we all know that he may never recover from the infection. It affects you mentally as well as physically.
A porcelain memento of three True Pirates
I know that I'll read comments saying "What about Jason Bay?" or "You're wrong...just look at Freddy Sanchez!". And you will be right, because they have played at an All Star level. But trust me, sooner or later, they will all succumb. This is a Jedi-like force. It is strong. And we can only hope that one day, we will have a cure. Until then, imported players will all eventually earn their badges as True Pirates.
Go back to Texas, or better yet, just drop deadThis is his third season as a member of the New York Yankees, where he moved to third base in order to facilitate a trade from the Texas Rangers in 2004. Yet, to this day, he is still not acknowledged as a "True" Yankee. He wasn't drafted by the Yankees, he wasn't developed by the Yankees, and he hasn't won a World Series with the Yankees. As far as Yankee followers go, winning the MVP doesn't count for anything. That was an individual honor. His presence has not equalled Yankee postseason success, so he is basically worthless until the point that he kisses a World Series trophy. Charlie Hayes would be a better third base choice if you asked Yankee fans.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006 was an eventful day. Maurice Clarett apparently was set to kill or be killed in Ohio; SI writer Rick Reilly stirred up talk shows nationwide with his column about a Pony League championship in Utah that involved the walking of the star hitter in order to face a cancer survivor; and the Pittsburgh Pirates lost to the Houston Astros by a count of 14-1.
If I was at the NFL draft and heard Denver make that pick, I would have thrown the old fantasy football classic "Coulda waited on that one" line to Mike ShanahanBut something bigger happened during the course of that game. What has eluded Alex Rodriguez for three seasons, Shawn Chacon was able to achieve in just his second outing as a Pirate starting pitcher.
Shawn Chacon became a True Pirate.
His statistics from this memorable outing? 1 2/3 innings pitched, 6 hits, 4 walks, 7 earned runs, and 3 home runs served up. 14 batters faced, and 10 of them reached base (.714). One of the home runs allowed was to pitcher Roy Oswalt, who received a curtain call. And now, according to Dejan Kovacevic, he is getting his knee examined.
Some of the True Yankees are usually identified as Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, Bernie Williams, and before he left for the greener pastures of Houston, Andy Pettitte. These were the homegrown boys that did New York proud by bringing title after title home in the mid-to-late 90s. The aura surrounding the Yankees is that anything less than another World Series ring is a wasted season.
The Pirates have a bit of a different aura. Once players arrive from other MLB teams, or even from their own minor league system, they seem to fall victim to some sort of infection (often diagnosed as "losing") that sucks them in and depletes all discernable baseball skills. At that point, and only that point, can we recognize them as True Pirates. I believe Jason Kendall was usually the bearer of this news when he would welcome new players to town with his famous line of
"Welcome to Hell". This is the occasion we can now celebrate with Shawn Chacon's performance last night. Xavier Nady, you're next. Don't say we didn't warn you.
A True Pirate can have initial success, but eventually, they all come around. Zach Duke looked like a lefthanded Greg Maddux when he burst onto the scene in 2005. 8-2 in 14 starts, with a ridiculous 1.81 ERA! Fast forward to 2006, where he currently sits at 7-10, with a 5.36 ERA. Some theories blame pitching coach Jim Colborn for Duke's woes. But the true culprit is the infection.
Zach Duke, already showing the symptoms of being a True PirateOliver Perez was the next Sandy Koufax, posting a 12-10 mark, with a 2.99 ERA and 239 strikeouts in 196 innings, in 2004. In 2005, the infection kicked in: a 5.85 ERA, 7 wins, 97 strikeouts in 103 innings, and one broken toe courtesy of a laundry cart that looked at him the wrong way. 2006 was even worse, with a 2-10 record and 6.63 ERA before being sent to the New York Mets. His current stats, even though he is no longer a Pirate, are even worse. But the infection is still in his system. Someday, he may be well again. But it may take a while.
Note the enlarged head, disproportionate to body size. Always a telltale sign of a True Pirate.Chris Duffy had an amazing 2005 season. He batted .341 and had the look and feel of a guy who could lock down center field for a long time. He was a young, marketable player who the team thought so much of that he was the subject of the incredibly rare triple bobblehead doll earlier this season.
What happened next? He had a disappointing start to the 2006 campaign, went AWOL, talked about retiring, wished he was traded at the deadline, and currently sits with a .169 average at the exact same point (39 games) that he played in last season. Again, many fingers point to manager Jim Tracy for tinkering with Duffy's swing, but we all know that he may never recover from the infection. It affects you mentally as well as physically.
A porcelain memento of three True PiratesI know that I'll read comments saying "What about Jason Bay?" or "You're wrong...just look at Freddy Sanchez!". And you will be right, because they have played at an All Star level. But trust me, sooner or later, they will all succumb. This is a Jedi-like force. It is strong. And we can only hope that one day, we will have a cure. Until then, imported players will all eventually earn their badges as True Pirates.
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