Reader Submission: The Jim Balsillie Era

Here's a reader submission on Jim Balsillie by devoted Mondesi reader Worstavid:

The shortest sports team ownership in history has concluded, with the recent decision by Jim Balsillie to end his relationship with the Penguins before he even wrote the check. While there are many out there who were stunned by this announcement, a look at the bigger picture should clear up most of the confusion.

Jim Balsillie may come across initially as a smooth, polished businessman, but make no mistake about it, this guy can get down into the gutter with the best of them. The now-renowned “inventor” of the “Blackberry” pager had to pay, you may recall, a $612 million settlement for a patent infringement on his said “invention”.

With that as a backdrop we now fast-forward to 2006. Make no mistake dear Mondesi's House readers, you can now be assured Balsillie was swooping over Pittsburgh like a prehistoric Pterodactyl, ready to pounce on the local flightless bird population.

He met with Allegheny County’s Dan Onorato and Pittsburgh’s Mayor Luke Ravenstahl and apparently heard bad, er, good news from both of them that they were very well prepared to do whatever it would take to get the new arena built.

“Gulp, sounds like these guys are really serious about keeping their team,” Balsillie must have thought.

Next came his meeting with the State Gaming Board. Somewhere in a back closet, it can only be surmised that Balsillie was assured that, "Jim, everything will be OK, your arena will be built, one way or the other. Just be sure to keep that team in Pittsburgh.”

“MORE BAD NEWS”, Balsillie fumed privately.

But the straw that really broke Balsillie’s back came in the form of a memo of understanding, drafted by the attorneys of the National Hockey League at the behest of Commissioner Gary Bettman, a man who I mistakenly once thought was going to ruin this league. Bettman apparently is good at smelling a rat and he has subsequently developed quite a rapport with the most loyal fans in the league. He knew that this king-sized, highly-sophisticated, cuff-linked-wearing, rat was planning nothing but a middle-of-the-night, Baltimore Colts-style attempted move to Canada. This was not going to happen on Bettman’s watch, so he drafted a very severe set of criteria for Balsillie to agree with. To Bettman’s credit, the terms were tantamount to Balsillie eating D Con.

So Penguin fans this is not a day to be remorseful, because the big rat, billionaire Jim Balsillie withdrew his offer to buy the Penguins. No, it’s a day to be rejoicing in the streets! The Penguins are still rooted right here in Pittsburgh where they belong. You know that, I know that and most importantly, Gary Bettman, our beloved Commissioner, knows that too.So what happens next? Will the big-mouth, braggart, Mark Cuban, step to the plate as he suggested he would after he learned that Balsillie had initially won the bid? Please, let’s hope not. Having Cuban owning the team here might be worse than Balsillie owning the Kitchener Penguins in Ontario!

Does anyone remember what happened in the ‘80s when the Galbreaths couldn’t find a buyer for the Pirates? The team was sold to a consortium of local corporations, each of whom had a vote on the board of directors. Local politicians executed this plan and although it wasn’t the best option, it nevertheless was an option.The Penguins right now have the greatest assemblage of young talent that this league may have ever seen. They’re on the verge of getting a new arena…for free. They may go on a run of Stanley Cups unrivaled since the Edmonton Oilers. Does this sound like a bad investment to you? I didn’t think so. Dan and Luke should be sitting down with the Pittsburgh money people right now and floating this idea to them, because unlike the Pirates’ saga, this team could be earning big-time money for many years to come.

Reader Submission: Best Pittsburgh Athletes, By the Numbers

Reader Jeff Alberter of YHLhockey.com submits this interesting list of the best Pittsburgh athletes "by the numbers". This is not to be confused with the PensBlog list of the best (and worst) Penguins, by number, as this includes Steelers, Panthers and Pirates in addition to the boys of winter.

Best Pittsburgh Athletes: By the Numbers

Here's an end-of-season extravaganza for your holiday viewing pleasure: A couple of years ago, ESPN.com did a list of the greatest athletes of all time by jersey number. Ever since, I’ve always toyed with the idea of doing the same, only with Pittsburgh athletes. As far as I know, it has never been done, so for the last month I’ve worked on this list, which was a lot of fun to research. Yeah, I know….not really a hockey column, or news. Just read and shaddup.


NOTE: This list was limited to the players that I was interested in; namely the Steelers, Pirates, Penguins, and Pitt football players. My apologies to Pitt/Duquesne basketball, Maulers, Xplosion, and any of the dozen or so lacrosse, basketball and indoor soccer teams that have passed through.


00. Jack Collins – *Grand entrance drumroll* We open with…..an obscure Steeler from the 50’s. Myron Cope probably had a beer or two with him.

0. Junior Ortiz (Johnny Clement) – Ortiz hung around for quite a long time in the 80’s as a backup catcher and hit .336 in 1986. I think Johnny Clement played guitar in a New York Dolls cover band.

1. Gary Anderson (Denis Herron, Larry Fitzgerald) – Herron was probably the best Penguin goalie in the pre-Barrasso era. Fitzgerald had a sick sophomore season at Pitt, finishing 2^nd in the Heisman voting, and both of those guys have necks. Anderson does not, but he’s both the Steelers’ and NFL’s all-time leading scorer. Plus, he’s genuinely African-American.

2. Jack Wilson (Chris Tamer, Todd Peterson) – Wilson had more weight fluctuation over the past two years than Anna Nicole Smith.

3. Jay Bell (Johnny Ray, Phil Garner) – Three above-average middle infielders. Bell played on better teams than Johnny Ray. My late 80’s/early 90’s bias rears its ugly head.

4. Ralph Kiner (Josh Miller, Dave Burrows) – After losing this one, Josh Miller was chewed out by Coach Cowher. Force of habit, ya know.

5. Bill Madlock (Ulf Samuelsson, Sid Bream) - Former batting champ Mad Dog takes a bite out of Cam Neely’s bane.

6. Tony Pena (Bubby Brister, Smokey Burgess) – The lone bright spot on the mid-80’s Pirates teams, Pena will be remembered like John Cullen, for the return we got in trading him. Da Bubster made like Jessica Simpson with his famous quote about the lake in Pittsburgh. And to think he was a botched-snap away from leading the Steelers to the ‘89 AFC title game. Smokey Burgess could’ve been the hero of the ’60 series with his 8^th inning homer, had it not been for a Mickey Mantle head fake that tied the game and set the stage for Maz.

7. Ben Roethlisberger (Joe Mullen, Bob Robertson) – Easy win for Gi-normous Benjamin. Mullen was a key cog on the Cup teams, and Bob Robertson once missed a bunt sign and instead hit a homer in the ’71 Series. True story.

8. Willie Stargell (Mark Recchi, Rick Kehoe) – Pieces-of-eight for the Pirates’ Pops. I don’t think any of these guys ever had garbage dumped on their lawns.

9. Bill Mazeroski (Norm Johnson, Matt Bahr) – “…back to the wall goes Berra, it is……over the fence, home run, the Pirates win!!!!!” Nothing more needs said.

10. Ron Francis (Roy Gerela, Kordell Stewart) – Ron Francis played Wedge Antilles to Mario Lemieux’s Luke Skywalker. Mario and Luke got the talent, the glory and the babes, while Ron and Wedge simply did their jobs, were amazingly consistent and ended up with more points than their more-celebrated teammates. (Wedge: two Death Star assists, one AT-AT kill; Luke: one Death Star kill)

11. Paul Waner (John Cullen, Darius Kasparaitis) – Kaspar will always be the straw that broke Dominek Hasek’s back. Cullen will always be the trade that forged the Pens’ first Cup team. Paul Waner had 3,000 hits and about 10,000 beers before the other two were even born.

12. Terry Bradshaw (Freddy Sanchez, Bob Errey) – Only intrigue about this one was Freddy Sanchez squeezing out Mike LaValliere. No easy feat, that.

13. Dan Marino (Jose Lind, Carlos Garcia) – Thank the good lord the Steelers never drafted him, or we would’ve been cheated out of the golden right arm of Mark Malone.

14. Neil O’Donnell (Jim Leyland, Gene Alley) – A freaky thought crossed my mind: did O’Donnell actually play better in Super Bowl XXX than Big Ben in XL?

15. Doug Drabek (Randy Cunneyworth, Denny Neagle) – Winning a Cy Young Award is slightly more prestigious than KOing teammate Mario Lemieux during a playoff game.

16. Al Oliver (Mark Malone, Aramis Ramirez) – A couple ball players who showed mad skills with the Bucs but went on to greater fame elsewhere. Oliver went to Montreal and won a batting title, while Ramirez was traded for a used pitching machine and a couple jock straps. Malone’s mustache has its own congressman.

17. Doc Ellis (Joe Gilliam, Bob Walk) – Was it acid or LSD that Doc was tripping on when he threw his no-no? I’ve heard both accounts. Furthered his reputation as the GROOVE-iest pitcher by tossing a fattie to Reggie Jackson in the ’71 All-Star game.

18. Andy Van Slyke (Mike Tomczak, Jason Kendall) – A Gold Glove centerfielder, a decent backup QB, and a guy whose contract was straight out of a Bad Idea Jeans commercial. Slick wins in a landslide.

19. Bob Friend (Jean Pronovost, Bryan Trottier) – A truly underrated pitcher, Friend was cursed with horrible run support from the 50’s Bucs, yet managed to win 22 games in 1958. He’s still the only pitcher to ever lose 200 games without winning 200 (197-230). That’s like Stacy Keibler telling you, “You’re a nice guy, but…..”

20. Pie Traynor (Rocky Blier, Robert Lang) – If you don’t know who Pie Traynor was, ask your granddad; he probably had a man-crush on him.

21. Roberto Clemente (Michel Briere) – Somber moment here. The most cursed number in Pittsburgh sports, both who wore it tragically died in accidents and had this number retired by the Bucs and Pens.

22. Rick Tocchet (Bobby Layne, Mike Bullard) – From the hated Flyers came Tocchet, whose grittiness helped the Pens to their 2^nd Cup. Bobby Layne made his name with the Lions in the 50’s then ended his bar-hopping career in the Burgh. Bullard once scored 50 goals for the flightless fowl.

23. Mike Wagner (Jim Butler, R.J. Reynolds) – How many of you guys remember the old commercial Wagner and Jack Ham made for the Super Bowl(-ling alley) in Windber? I was there when they filmed it. Yes, I am officially old.

24. Barry Bonds (Dick Groat, Brian Giles) – Two MVP’s, one a world champ and the other a surly bastard who had a world of talent to go with countless vials of steroids. But enough about Brian Giles. Upon further review, MLB will not credit Barry Bonds for breaking Aaron’s career home run record. Steroids? Nope. Seems the league is retroactively canceling the home runs Bonds hit while in Pittsburgh instead, since Pittsburgh is considered a ‘minor league’ team.

25. Kevin Stevens (Bobby Bonilla, Randy Carlyle) – Word is, Stevens celebrated this win with an 8-ball and a six-pack, Heidi Fleiss-style.

26. Rod Woodson (Syl Apps, Elroy Face) – The best all-around number. Hot Rod is arguably the best pure athlete in Pittsburgh pro sports history. Syl Apps and Elroy Face are arguably the coolest names in Pittsburgh pro sports history.

27. Kent Tekulve (Alexei Kovalev, Glen Edwards) – The rubber-band man was the 70’s version of Mariano Rivera, only instead of “Enter Sandman,” he intimidated batters with oversized tinted glasses. Kovalev’s toe drag and Edward’s vicious hits aren’t enough to overtake the Teke.

28. Steve Blass (Al Martin, Gord Roberts) – Blass pitched a gem to finish the ’71 Series, is a longtime Pirates color commentator, and as far as I know only married one woman at a time.

29. Barry Foster (Phil Bourque, Marc-Andre Fleury) – Foster set a Steelers single season rushing record (1,690 yards) which ushered in the Cowher Era, then promptly disappeared. What’s he doing these days? I’d wager he never partied down by the river like Bourque.

30. Chad Scott (Frank Pollard, Jean-Sebastien Aubin) - Too bad there’s no number X. Scott would get that one too.

31. Donnie Shell (Ken Wregget, Dave Giusti) - Closer than you might think. Shell was awesome, Wregget was a goalie’s version of Ronnie Francis: never the alpha dog, always vastly underrated. Ask Joe Juneau. Giusti was good out of the pen, but pulled a Homer in the ’72 NLCS.

32. Franco Harris (Vernon Law, Dick Tarnstrom) – Easy call. Besides, the Italian Army promised to “pay me a visit” if Franco didn’t get this one.

33. Tony Dorsett (Honus Wagner, Merril Hoge) – A technicality here. Wagner never wore a number while he played, just as a manager. Among these two and Mario Lemieux, who was the guy who meant the most to his team when he played? Toss up.

34. Andy Russell (Tim Lester, Kris Benson) – I’m sure whoever Russell and Lester married were better catches than Anna Benson.

35. Tom Barrasso (Manny Sanguillen, John Henry Johnson) – All Tommy needs is his own bar and grill when the Pens open their new arena.

36. Jerome Bettis (Matthew Barnaby) – The Bus keeps a rollin’, although I think Barnaby would be a better choice for those ‘Man Law’ commercials.

37. Carnell Lake– For Uncommon Carnell Knowledge.

38. Jason Bay (Tim Worley, Jan Hrdina) – Bay may be a hoser, but us yinzers like our hosers.

39. Dave Parker (Willie Parker, Bobby Walden) –Pittsburgh’s favorite battery tester won two batting titles and an MVP award, but Fast Willie is gaining. Imagine how fast he’d be if he partook in the Cobra’s favorite non-baseball recreation.

40. Danny Murtaugh (Frank Petrangelo, Patrick Lalime) – Each baseball team must have at least one grizzled Irish manager in their history. It’s a law.

41. Lee Flowers (Jocelyn Thibault, Zane Smith) – I always liked how Myron Cope pronounced it: “Flahrs”.

42. Dick Hoak (Warren Williams) – Dick Hoak has been with the Steeler organization ever since a young, bright-eyed Art Rooney stepped off the Mayflower.

43. Troy Polamalu (Don Robinson) – Underneath all that hair is a 43, somewhere.

44. Rob Brown (D.J. Johnson, Brooks Orpik) – Brown’s career was like Britney Spears’; he peaked at 20.

45. John Candelaria (Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala, Ian Snell) – The best Pirate pitcher in the 70’s, with a no-no and 20-win season to his credit, the Candy Man takes Fu down with some chin music. Does Fu still play?

46. Reggie Harrison – No truth to the rumors that he may come out of retirement to return kicks for the Steelers.

47. Mel Blount – Five times selected to the Pro Bowl, 1975 defensive player of the year, prompted a rule change, HOFamer. Not bad for a third-round pick.

48. Rick Reuschel (Matt Cushing) – Big Daddy had two or three productive years for the woeful Bucs of the mid-80’s. Not that anyone noticed.

49. Dwayne Woodruff (Tim Wakefield) – Woodruff essentially bridged the Super Bowl teams of the 70’s with the Cowher Era. Wakefield’s slow-motion knuckleball remains the coolest replay in Pirates history.

50. Larry Foote (Earl Holmes) – I dig the Bug Squish.

51. James Farrior (Loren Toews) – Anyone know how Farrior got the nickname “Potsie”?

52. Mike Webster – The best in the Steelers’ incredible run of excellent centers. Seven-time All-Pro, Hall of Famer, tragic figure.

53. Bryan Hinkle (Clark Haggins, Dennis Winston) – Hinkle played for a heckuva long time at linebacker for the black n’ gold: 12 years, and won the team’s MVP award in 1986.

54. Hardy Nickerson (Mike Schneck) – Graduate of the school of angry linebackers, Nickerson was good for the Steelers but wouldn’t reach his potential until he went to Tampa Bay.

55. Larry Murphy (Joey Porter, John Kolb) – Close one here, but Murphy gives Porter the “boot”. He got two rings in Pittsburgh to Porter’s one, and played in 1,615 games overall, second all-time for a defenseman.

56. Ray Mansfield (Robin Cole, Sergei Zubov) – The Old Ranger still holds the Steelers record for consecutive games played (182). Penguin fans are still waiting for Zubov to shoot the f*$&ing puck.

57. John Smiley (Mike Merriweather, Zach Duke) - A difficult one, as both Smiley and Merriweather had one great season each in the black n’ gold then promptly left for big money. Although Merriweather holds the single season Steeler record for sacks, Smiley won 20 games in ’91 and was on two division winners, so he gets the duke.

58. Jack Lambert – Occasionally took time out of his Kennywood promotion schedule to play football and beat up Cliff Harris.

59. Jack Ham – Dobre Shunka went to my high school. So there.

60. Greg Warren – Long snapper. Too bad pro wrestlers don’t have numbers, otherwise I’d give this one to Kurt Angle.

61. Tom Myslinski – YAWN….did we get to Lemieux yet?

62. Tunch Ilkin – Guaranteed way to get drunk during Steeler games (like you need an excuse), take a drink every time Tunch says good/great job. It makes the “habeas grabus-es” much funnier.

63. Dermontti Dawson (Ernie Holmes) – Owner of seven straight Pro Bowl selections, Dirt was known among other players as Ned Flanders for his friendly demeanor and his collection of Leftorium stores.

64. Jeff Hartings (Steve Furness) – Hartings plays pretty well for a guy with no cartilage in his knees.

65. John Jackson (Rich Tylski) – Jackson was a mainstay on the line on the almost-great early 90’s Steeler teams, and played in Super Bowl XXX. Tylski has a Polish name. Yippie.

66. Mario Lemieux (Alan Faneca, Bruce van Dyke) – You may not know this, but Mario’s poop is considered currency in Barbados.

67. Francisco Cordova – Pitched 90% of the ‘97 no-hitter, and holds the distinction of being the worst looking guy at the plate in big league history.

68. Jaromir Jagr (L.C. Greenwood, Brendan Stai) – Toughest call on the board. Four scoring titles, an MVP and two Cup rings versus six pro bowl selections and four Super Bowl rings. Yeah, he morphed into the Pittsburgh hockey fan’sversion of Barry Bonds, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that Jags was the NHL’s biggest offensive force at his peak. Actually, Jagr and Bonds have had eerily similar careers….has he been tested for the “Clear”?

69. Gabe Rivera – Damn, what a letdown.

70. Ernie Stautner – The best in the pre-Steel Curtain era, Stautner played in nine pro bowls and is still the only man to have his number officially retired by the Steelers.

71. Evgeni Malkin (Orpheus Roye, Jiri Slegr) – The guy can’t even speak English yet, but Malkin is money.

72. Gerry Mullins (Wayne Gandy) – “Moon” Mullins could pull block with the best of ‘em. Gandy was aiight.

73. Justin Strzelczyk (Kendall Simmons, Craig Wolfley) – Wacky lineman/redneck who literally went out in a blaze of glory. I think Justin simply went insane from trying to spell his name.

74. Terry Long (Nolan Harrison) – Another O-lineman in the Captain Insano mold, Long was undersized but uber-strong. Sadly, he’ll be remembered for the bizarre circumstances surrounding his death. He first set fire to his own food plant for the insurance money, then committed suicide by drinking antifreeze. *shudders*

75. Joe Greene (Jimbo Covert) – If Lambert’s Kennywood commercial was the “Goodfellas” of Pittsburgh sports commercials, Greene’s Coke commercial was “The Godfather”. Genuflect: 10 Pro-Bowls, 2-time NFL defensive player of the year.

76. John Banaszak (Kevin Henry) – For the 70’s Steelers even the role players had their rabid fans, as in the case of Banaszak’s Bunch. He’s now an assistant coach at Robert Morris.

77. Paul Coffey (Steve Courson, Marvel Smith) – The Doctor was silky smooth on skates and lethal on the power play. Courson continued the disturbing trend of weird deaths by former Steeler O-linemen; he was crushed by a tree he had just chopped down.

78. Dwight White – Did anyone else ever play in a Super Bowl with pneumonia? Balls, man….balls.

79. Larry Brown (Bill Fralic) – Larry Brown first played tight end than guard for the Steelers. Fralec acquitted himself in Wrestlemania 2’s Battle Royal, throwing out Jimbo Covert.

80. Jack Butler (Plaxico Burress, Cedric Wilson) – Butler went to four straight Pro Bowls as a D-back in the 50’s. Plax now performs his annual playoff disappearing act in New Jersey.

81. Charles Johnson (Troy Edwards, Jeff Graham) – “Can Jump” was the best in this collection of receivers from the 90’s who never quite lived up to their potential.

82. John Stallworth (Yancey Thigpen, Martin Straka) – The best Steeler receiver before Hines Ward came along, Stallworth should’ve been MVP of SB XIV. Thigpen was great for two seasons. Straka is still Jagr’s doppelganger.

83. Louis Lipps (Heath Miller, Theo Bell) – We’ll revisit this one when Heath Miller gets a few more productive years and his own chant.

84. Buddy Dial (Mike Mularkey, Randy Grossman) – Dial went to two Pro Bowls in the 60’s and had a whopping 20.8 avg yards/catch in his career. As a coach, Mularkey hasn’t been confused with Tom Landry, although both he and Grossman were good tight ends.

85. Jonathan Hayes (Mitch Lyons, Calvin Sweeney) – Did you know Jon Hayes moonlighted as a stand-up comic? Who would guess a backup tight end could bring the funny? I dunno.

86. Hines Ward (Eric Green) – For the love of God, I hope Hines never cuts a Super Bowl rap video. Dizzamn, Big Bird.

87. Sidney Crosby (Mark Bruener, Weegie Thompson) – By my count, the Steelers still owe Bruener about 150 passes they promised at the start of every season from ’95 to ‘02.

88. Lynn Swann (Andre Hastings, Courtney Hawkins) – Quite the consolation prize after a shellacking at the polls.

89. Mike Ditka (Bennie Cunningham, Ernie Mills) – Mini-Ditka, Hurricane Ditka, doesn’t matter. Ditka took ‘em all, even God in a golf match. Cunningham wore a funny hat in Super Bowl XIII. Mills made the key catch in the ’95 Super Bowl run.

90. Bill Johnson (Travis Kirschke) – Who? What now? See #60, substitute Bruno Sammartino for Kurt Angle.

91. Kevin Greene (Aaron Smith) – Smith is my favorite current Steeler, but he needs a wrestling personality.

92. Jason Gildon (James Harrison) – Silverback has a big sack, just ask the Cleveland Brown fan he powerbombed. But Gildon had mad sacks, most all-time in Steelers lore.

93. Petr Nedved (Joel Steed, Keith Willis) – Steed was a force on the D-line but largely an anonymous one. Nedved scored one of the most dramatic goals in Pens history.

94. Chad Brown (Rodney Bailey) – Last I heard, Rodney doesn’t have an odd off-season pastime, like charming snakes.

95. Greg Lloyd (Aleksey Morozov) – A pleasant fellow, Morozov never dropped F-bombs on the air and I suppose he was hired, in part, for his disposition.

96. Brentson Buckner (Kendrick Clancy) – Buckner was basically the Steelers’ Ted Washington for a couple seasons. He now resides in the Steeler alumni center, located in Charlotte, North Carolina.

97. Kendrell Bell (Ray Seals) – Now a who-dat for the Chiefs, was it was a mere three or four years ago that Bell was drawing comparisons to Ham and Lambert? How soon we forget.

98. Casey Hampton (Oliver Gibson, Gerald Williams) – Hampton, while at Texas, apparently worked out with future Prez George W. Bush. I think we found a running mate for Tiki Barber’s eventual foray into politics.

99. Hugh Green (Levon Kirkland, Brett Keisel) – We finish with a very tough one. Kirkland was the most lineman-shaped linebacker I’ve ever seen in my life. Conversely, Green was about half Kirkland’s size, yet was a three-time All-American at Pitt. This dude was so crazy good, he finished 2^nd in the Heisman balloting as a D-lineman in 1980.

And there you have it. Let the arguments commence.

Reader Submission: The Attendance Debate: Pitt and Penn State

Reader Submission:

THE ATTENDANCE DEBATE: PITT AND PENN STATE

By Cecil from Cecil Twp.

Recently, there has been much debate within the walls of Mondesi’s House on the subject of attendance at NCAA football games; particularly those played by our beloved Pitt and Penn State. With the Nittany Lions hosting crowds in excess of 100,000 at Beaver Stadium and the Panthers playing to “announced” crowds of 43,689 at Heinz Field, it doesn’t take a genius, like the Post-Gazette’s Shelly Anderson, to recognize there is significant disparity between the state’s two prominent college football programs.

However, with a little research and analysis, it is possible to discover how this divide came to exist. Sure, it is easy to label Pitt fans as passive or unsupportive, but if you examine this issue from a variety of angles, the findings will surprise you. And I can promise you that it’s not as simple as wins and losses.

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

It’s all about appeal, baby. A team’s name must make a passionate connection with the masses on a fundamental level. Why did the Boston Patriots become the New England Patriots in 1971? Why did the Anaheim Angels annex the name “Los Angeles” in 2004? Its basic common sense; they were pandering to the populace.

In both cases, team ownership realized that their franchises could appeal to a larger number of potential paying customers by simply tweaking the team’s name and creating a tangible link to the larger and more populous regional area, rather than limiting their reach by using the name of a relatively smaller city or municipality.

Think about it. A resident of Manchester, New Hampshire does not associate himself with the city of Boston, and he may not be as likely to root for the city’s pro teams for that very reason. However, when you attach the label of “New England” to the team, suddenly it appeals to him because, at his very core, he is a proud New Englander, and it is his duty to root for his home team, the Patriots.

Los Angeles is even more interesting. The Angels first changed the team name to “Anaheim” in order to throw a bone to the locals in Orange County and to distinguish their brand from that of the LA Dodgers. However, ten years and a bad Disney movie later, new team owner Arte Moreno realized that there are potential fans to be had across the entire greater LA area, not just Orange County. He asked, why couldn’t someone in Mailbu or Pasadena be just as prone to root for the Angels as they are the Dodgers? Hence, the name was formally changed to “The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim” in an attempt to reach the entire metro area of 17+ million people, rather than focusing solely on Orange County.

The same principle applies to Pitt and Penn State. The name “Pitt” primarily appeals to Pittsburghers, those who live in and around the Pittsburgh area, a region that constitutes roughly 20% (2.4 million) of the state’s total population of 12.3 million.

The name “Penn State” reaches every last corner of Pennsylvania and can hold just as much appeal to someone in Scranton as it does to someone in Pittsburgh, because at the end of the day, both people are Pennsylvanians, thus providing a link to Penn State, and resulting in more fans.

Other similar situations exist across the country. If you live in Alabama, chances are that you attach yourself to the Alabama Crimson Tide rather than rooting for the Auburn Tigers. Same thing in Florida, where Florida and Florida State are sold out years in advance, but you can easily buy a ticket to watch the tradition-rich Miami Hurricanes.

IT PAYS TO BE SMALL MARKET

That’s right, Bud Selig. Believe it or not, with respect to NCAA football, the smaller the market, the better the fan support. And I have the proof to back it up.

According to the NCAA’s official attendance figures from the 2005 football season, the top 30 teams in average weekly home attendance each draw more than 60,000 fans per home game. Amazingly, the top four teams average in excess of 100,000 per home game, with Michigan, Tennessee, Ohio State, and Penn State leading the way.

If you examine the top 30 teams, you will find that only 4 teams play their home games within a 60 mile drive of an NFL stadium: Michigan (1st), Washington (23rd), Arizona State (28th), and California (30th).

Seattle (Univ. of Washington), Tempe/Phoenix (ASU), and the SF Bay Area (Cal) are each more than 50% larger than the 18th ranked Pittsburgh market, thereby creating more fans and discretionary dollars to be thrown in the direction of the local college team. Also, each of these teams also carries the name of the school’s home state, thereby appealing to the entire state, rather than just one metro area.

Michigan serves as the exception to the rule, primarily because, well, the Lions have been awful for going on 50 years now. The Lions’ half-century of misfortune has turned metro Detroit, the nation’s #9 market with a population of 5.5 million, into a college town for football purposes, where Michigan (110,000 avg.) and Michigan State (75,000 avg.) garner more attention than the resident NFL franchise.

Going a step further, if you search the attendance statistics for another NCAA team that plays in the same city as an NFL franchise, while also carrying the name of it’s home city, the first such school on the 2005 list is Miami, ranking 49th with an average home attendance of 45,310. Miami is followed closely by Pitt (56th) and Boston College (61st); two more schools whose names appeal to a specific metro area, proving that college football is best played away from the bright lights of the big city.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE BUCKS

And sometimes, there just isn’t enough to go around. Let me ask you this, Pitt fans, irrespective of the outcome, which game would you rather have attended, assuming that, like most people, you did not have the means to attend both:

2005 Fiesta Bowl – Pitt vs. Utah
Super Bowl XL – Steelers vs. Seahawks

You need not waste my time with a response. The answer is obvious. As a Pitt grad and native Pittsburgher, I love my Pitt Panthers, but nothing comes between me and the Steelers.

The Steelers have that type of special relationship with the Pittsburgh area, the same way the Eagles are the main attraction in Philly, but what sports team makes the most passionate connection with the 4-5 million Pennsylvanians not located in or near the state’s two largest cities?
You guessed it, Penn State does. In places like Altoona, or Chambersburg, or Bradford, or Erie, where there is no local pro team to demand the attention and discretionary income of the local sporting public, all roads lead to Penn State. And it makes perfect sense. In fact, much as it pains me to admit this, had I grown up in Altoona, I can promise you that I’d have been raised as a Penn State fan!

To further complicate matters, competition for the entertainment dollar is fierce in Pittsburgh. As the only major metropolitan area in the nation to consistently lose population over the last 15 years, significant strain has been placed upon the local teams as they compete for corporate and fan support in a decaying market.

Other cities, like Miami and Boston, are not faced with the same economic woes as Pittsburgh, but their major collegiate programs, Miami and Boston College, respectively, face similar challenges due to crowded local sports scenes and the wide variety of entertainment options available to people in large cities. For this reason, schools such as Miami, Boston College, and Pitt cannot compete with their professional counterparts found within their own city’s limits, a problem unknown to programs like Penn State, Tennessee, and Ohio State.

WHAT CAN BE DONE

Absolutely nothing can be done to combat this situation. Pitt is not going to change its name to “The Pittsburgh Panthers of Pennsylvania” to attract more fans. Building modern facilities, like Heinz Field, or moving to a new conference, as Miami and Boston College have done, can provide a small attendance bump in the short run, but over the long haul, NCAA football teams located in NFL markets will continue to hold secondary status to their NFL brethren, and this will in the end be reflected at the gate.

Pitt fans can rest in the knowledge that their school has a major collegiate football program playing in a beautiful professional football stadium. Can the team still be successful on the field? Of course. Can they sell out Heinz Field on a regular basis? Maybe. If Wanny’s bevy of big name recruits finally starts to win, it is possible to see 68,000 Pitt fans at Heinz Field each week, but it will still take a number of years to build that kind of sustained excitement among the ticket-buying public. (I realize the home schedule also needs some serious work, but that’s a debate for another time.)

Penn State, much like Michigan, Tennessee, Ohio State, Georgia, and some others, has all the perfect ingredients to create the ideal college football atmosphere, which they have done as well as anyone in the nation. They field a quality team, play in a traditional college setting against big name opponents, and draw a significant number of fans from all across the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

Therefore, it is pointless to compare Pitt and Penn State in terms of attendance and overall support. There are factors that lie well beyond the control of the university and its fans that ultimately drive fan loyalty and determine matters like attendance at a school’s home stadium or bowl game.
Of course, I open it up to the floor for comments…

It's Always Worse in Cleveland

As bad as football matters are in Pittsburgh, we can always take solace in the fact that things are just as bad, if not worse, in Cleveland. If you're frustrated this season, just imagine being the fan of the only team to never appear in or host a Super Bowl. They haven't won anything since the NFL Championship in 1964, and the drought doesn't look to end anytime soon. So here is a reader submission piece from loyal Mondesi reader and frustrated Browns fan TJ from Cleveland.

**DISCLAIMER** I am NOT a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I am quite the opposite - I am a Cleveland Browns fan, born and raised in what many call “The Mistake by the Lake”. So, at first glance, that pretty much makes me anti-all things Mondesi, I know. However, having lived in both cities during my short life, I do share a frustration that many here have expressed about “yinz Stillers”: the unexplainable haste to crucify the QB when things go wrong. (That, and having know Raul for several years doesn't hurt either!)

Get Rid of Frye? Get A Life…For Now

It appears that after going 4-9 after only 13 career games behind a horrible offensive line, the Cleveland media and antsy Browns fans apparently have already placed Charlie Frye in the same "HE IS NOT THE ANSWER" basket as his oft-maligned predecessors (Tim Couch, Kelly Holcomb, Jeff Garcia, and Trent Dilfer). Yes, this is the same Cleveland media and group of fans that just 19 months ago hailed Charlie Frye as "a great steal" in the draft and "the next Bernie Kosar", in reference to his local ties and underrated talent. They applauded his ability to “make something out of nothing”, his intelligence on the field, and his mobility, saying that he could become the franchise QB that the Browns haven't had since they returned in 1999. When critics questioned his arm strength, they defensively pointed to another QB that had a "suspect" arm - Joe Montana.

What a difference a year and a half makes. Now, these “reporters” and “fans” (both terms I use loosely) have played the flip-flop game. “Tries to make something out nothing” has become “tries to force a play” and “holds onto the ball too long”. “Awareness on the field” has become “locks onto receivers” and “misses opportunities”. And “mobility” has become “running for his life”.

“Running for his life” is the only criticism that I agree with, although when you think about it, that’s not entirely his fault. The root of the problem is what has plagued this franchise since ’99 (among other things, but that’s for another time), and has started the carousel of QBs as a result: the offensive line. Frye “tries to force a play” because the defensive line is in the backfield 2 seconds after the snap. He “misses opportunities” because he has a 280-pound DE in his face in the blink of an eye. He’s “running for his life” because 4-man defensive fronts achieve penetration, allowing 7 defenders to drop back in coverage, giving him few options.

The offense begins and ends with its line, as any football coach will tell you. The QBs success is largely dependent on the line’s ability to 1) establish the running game, and 2) protect the QB in the pocket. If you don’t think so, you need to look no further than our own division. Ask Carson Palmer and Ben Roethlisberger how important the O-line is to their success.

Palmer had an MVP-type season last year, and was expected to put up Peyton Manning numbers this year. Injuries to Levi Jones, Eric Steinbach, and Willie Anderson have stalled the running game, and put Palmer on his back more times than Jenna Jameson. The lack of pass protection has caused him to force throws, tossing INTs in key situations. Moreover, through 8 games, he’s already been sacked more times than all of last season combined!

Roethlisberger can certainly tell you what the lack on consistency on the OL can give you. He was 27-4 at the beginning of this season, thanks in part to a stellar OL that allowed him to hand off the ball 30+ times a game. When he did pass, he only did so 15-18 times a game, very often with great success. If the pocket did eventually collapse, it always seemed like he got the ball off a split-second before he got hit. (As a Cleveland fan, this drove me nuts, b/c it almost always came in a 3rd down situation). Why, you ask? Because his line enabled him to have that extra second or two to make a quick read and get rid of the ball. This season, the injury to Jeff Hartings, along with poor play from Alan Faneca and Marvel Smith have caused Ben to take sacks and make poor throws.

The thing that gets me is that fans will clamor for a QB change, and if they get it, the new QB is the savior. However, if he isn’t Dan Marino by week 8, they want a QB drafted in the 1st round, or they’re scouring the Free Agent list after the season. Here in Cleveland, I’ve heard fans call for Brady Quinn, Troy Smith, Matt Schaub, Tim Rattay, and even Seneca Wallace!!! Please. You just can’t plug and chug QBs year after year – have we learned nothing from the Butch Davis skill position carousel?

So, to the Cleveland media and the itchy-trigger finger fans: shut up and get a life. The last thing Cleveland needs is a QB change. Drafting a QB would set the Browns back another 3 years. Frye hasn’t even played 1 full season in the NFL. He’s young and inexperienced; he’s going to make bad reads, he’s going to hold onto the ball too long, and, as long as he has no OL, he’s going to run for his life. Do you honestly think that Carson Palmer or Ben Roethlisberger would be any better behind this line? Heck, if lurpy Bernie Kosar was behind this line back in the ‘80s, he’d be in the morgue of failed Quarterbacks, nestled comfortably next to Mike Phipps and Vinny Testaverde.

Frye needs time to develop and mature as a player, so the Browns will be able to make a better call on what kind of QB he is. Remember, Terry Bradshaw threw 6 TD and 24 INT his rookie year. Troy Aikman flat out sucked his first 3 years. I’m sure people were saying the same things about them as they are about Frye, but look how they turned out. Can Frye turn out like them? Maybe yes, maybe no. But without time, a good O-line, and some friggin’ patience, we will never know for sure. Just ask Tim Couch.

Reader Submission: Rampant Psychosis in the NFL

My Theories On Rampant Psychosis Prevalent in the National Football League

An in-depth reader submission by “Worst Avid”

After years of watching the NFL week in-week out, I have formed some definite opinions as to the reasons why things happen the way that they do, but one thing stands out far ahead of all the others: These guys are a bunch of “head cases”.

Worstavid loves any reference to “The Terminator”

Here’s an excellent recent example: The Cardinals take everyone’s consensus #1 team this year, the Chicago Bears, all the way to a missed field goal at the end of the game, a contest that everyone who watched it knows that they should have won. It was also a game that everyone in the country thought would show the Cardinals getting dismembered.This same team then goes out six days later and plays the team that clearly is the worst in the league and gets thumped by the Oakland Raiders. Huh?

It’s not a Cardinal, but at least it's the desert..

You can see this repeated over and over every year. Games that should be won are lost as the players offer up consistently-inconsistent performances.

Let’s look at your defending Superbowl Champeens. Yes it’s been a brutal year so far for Rooney U., but admit it, do you really want to see them playing the Raiders this week? How this team will perform is anyone’s guess, but I just have a sneaking suspicion that there could be some in the Steelers locker room (they'll never admit it) who three months ago already marked a “W” on the Coors Light schedule hanging in their locker stall for this week’s game.

For me, I’d much rather see them playing Baltimore, a team that today brings out their emotion. In fact, I'd rather see them playing the Colts than the Raiders; at least you know that they’d have their heads on straight. It’s funny writing that, because 30 years ago nothing churned up the competitive juices like a match against the hated silver and black. A game against “Oakland” would be circled and highlighted on everyone’s schedule along with two matches against “Cleveland”.

As Mondesi has pointed out repeatedly this year, there is little rhyme or reason when it comes to the NFL. So, if you ask me, “What are the Steelers going to do this week?” I think I'll answer, "They’ll win, but it might be a lot harder than we ever thought it would be." After all we are only one win better right now than the team everyone acknowledges as being the worst in the league. Worse than that, the Steelers have been beaten up physically. They have a very long injury list at this point. Psychologically? Well, let's be kind and just say that this team has more personalities than Peyton Manning has commercials on TV.

A Special Anniversary

Thanks to reader Bernard for this email:

It's Friday the 13th. As in, Friday, OCTOBER 13th: A cherished date in Pirates history, one to acknowledge and celebrate forever. At 3:35 p.m. on this date in 1960, Bill Mazeroski led off the bottom of the ninth in the seventh game of the World Series. He launched a towering line drive that carried over Yogi Berra and the ivy-draped left-field wall at Forbes Field to lift the Pirates to a dramatic 10-9 victory over the heavily favored New York Yankees. It was arguably the most dramatic home run in baseball history and sealed the Pirates' first World Series triumph in 35 years. The portion of the wall still stands in Oakland, and it's become an annual tradition for Pirates fans to gather at the hallowed spot where Maz made baseball history. One footnote about this wild game: It was the only World Series game of the 20th century to have zero strikeouts and, depite the high score and numerous pitching changes, was concluded swiftly, in less than two-and-a-half hours.

One thing that annoys me: why does MLB always seem to give more love to The Shot Heard Round the World? That won the pennant, not the World Series. The real answer? Two New York teams were involved. Because New York is the only city that matters in sports.

The Pirates Trade for ARod?

Here is another Reader Submission piece, this one from Pat B. Your feedback is always encouraged in the comments section.

Mr. Mondesi's House,

The Pittsburgh Pirates should trade for A-Rod.

Beaten down Bucco fan will say, "How can the Pirates afford A-Rod?" or "The Buccos have nothing to give the Yankees". But this deal of the century is possible only if McLittlefield Nutting sees how it can all come together.

I've seen that A-Rod's 2007 salary is $16-million dollars which is a huge amount of money in the world of the Pirates, but it seems much smaller when you consider the Buccos paid Burnitz, Randa, Casey, Marte, and Hernandez almost that much or more to sail on the 2006 Pirates' ship. One would suspect that A-Rod's production would eclipse the production of that group of superstars hired to bring the Pirates back to prominence in the less than glorious All-Star season.

A-Rod's long term salary may be too much for the Pirates to handle, but a two year rental of one of the games most talented players would be a hell of lot more fun then the annual signing of bottom of the barrel free agents.

Who do the Pirates give the Yankees? Here is the list of candidates:

Ian Snell - He is a productive, young starting pitcher. The type of guy that no longer inhabits the House that Ruth Built. Plus, he doesn't like Pittsburgh.

Salomon Torres - Proven veteran relief pitcher who can be made expendable by the development of Capps, Bayliss, and others.

Jose Castillo - The Yankees have done a nice job of taking infielders off the hands of the Pirates. See Enrique Wilson, Luis Sojo, and Charlie Hayes.

Sean Burnett, Jon Van Benschoten, and Brian Bullington- Maybe the Yankees can use a witch doctor to resurrect the dead arms of these former 1st round draft picks.

Shawn Chacon - In typical Pirate fashion, the Buccos could get absolutely nothing out of a trading deadline deal that saw an established veteran being moved to another team. Craig Wilson could have been given to the Yankees as a thank you gift for all of the revenue sharing money sent to the bank account of McLittlefield Nutting.

Send that conglomeration of talent to the Yankees for A-Rod, and the next thing you know the Pirates are holding a press conference announcing that they are instant contenders. A-Rod will be in a pressure free environment and he'll win the Triple Crown. The Pirates will finish 82-80 and they'll be in the wild card race until September 20th. Then two years later they can trade him to San Diego for Brian Giles who wants to finish his career in a Bucco uniform.

It will never happen,and I doubt that McLittlefield Nutting ever thought of something as creative as this.

A Recent History of Sports Hatred in Pittsburgh

READER SUBMISSION

By Worstavid

"A Recent History of Sports Hatred in Pittsburgh"

Okay, so let’s set some parameters on this list. My range of personal experience extends from about 1960 to present. I must first say that I wonder if there was less pure hatred in the old days or if I was just less aware of it because I was young?

My first real dose of hatred came in, I believe, 1968. If I’m not mistaken, this was the year that the Pittsburgh Penguins had their first major altercation with the St. Louis Blues. All I can say is, "WOW!"

I had the very great good fortune to be seated in the first row near the red line when former Pen and future Edmonton Oiler Coach Glen Sather got into a boxing match with Barclay Plager, one of the soon-to-be-reviled Plager brothers who populated the Blues rosters for several years. They had Barclay, Bill, Beano and Zeppo. I believe there were other, illegitimate ones too.

Anyway, Sather squares off with old Barclay who just LOVED fights. The just stood there juking and boxing, bare-fisted, for a few seconds, then Sather proceeded to beat the living hell out of him. Of course this was in the days of full goon hockey, so you know what happened next…mass mayhem, that's what. It was almost surreal. Players would square off, groups would get involved. The refs would get things under control and then…you guessed it, here goes another fight in another area of the ice. These fights were so out of control, that the refs sent the players to the locker rooms BEFORE THE END OF THE PERIOD! There was about a minute and a half left, so they came back, played a minute and a half, then had another brief stoppage before starting the next period.

When you get hit by Plager, are you Plagerized?

The pure hatred that this game spawned spilled over into the playoffs where the Penguins found themselves playing, you guessed it, the St. Louis Blues. What an exciting series this was if you loved pure goon hockey. The Pens lost in six, but it was still great. We had a rookie named Michele Briere who was phenomenal. I often wondered how the Pens’ future would have been different had he not been killed that off-season in an auto accident.

Hatred for the Flyers has been strong over the years too and still continues to this day. Evidence the emotion in the Pens’ opener against them. Can you imagine that the Pens will play them eight times this year out of 82 games? That’s 9.75% of their games against a hated rival! The possibilities for hatred that this could generate would be similar to that river of “ectoplasm” (pure hatred) running under New York City in “Ghostbusters”. In this case, the river would stretch the entire length of the Keystone State.

We're ready to believe you, Worstavid

My other major memories of sports hatred involve, of course, our beloved Steelers. I really have no hatred memories involving the Pirates, other than the Braves playoff losses. Sure, we hated losing to the Braves in the playoffs, but I never got to the same hatred levels involving this “non-contact sport”.

Boy, when you talk about sports hatred, there was no love lost between the Steelers and the Oakland Raiders. In those days football was a different game from the watered-down version we’re treated to today. The Raiders were famous for the techniques they employed with their secondary. In fact, one drill had them using a “forearm shiver” in repetition on their tackling dummies’ heads. They had some real mean dudes like Alonzo “Skip” Thomas (also known as “Doctor Death”), Jack Tatum and George Atkinson who Chuck Noll once called a “Part of the criminal element in the National Football League.” He wound up in court over that remark, that’s how bad things got. Al Davis was the man everyone hated. Today he’s the pathetic loser with a walker that Steeler fans still love to hate. John Madden was a big mouth back then too and he was always ranting and raving at the officials. He never shut up. Yes, we still hate him even today.

The stories about the dirty tricks are legendary. The Raiders greased their jerseys, their receivers used “stickum” on their hands. They supposedly had under-inflated balls that made it into the game for the Steeler’s punter, Bobby Walden. One of the best stories ever involved the Steelers grounds crew at Three Rivers supposedly spraying the Raiders sideline so that it was an ice-skating rink for a playoff game. Everybody was getting into the hatred act. Of course the Steeler fans had to get into it too and their contribution involved finding out where the Raiders were staying in town and making life totally miserable…all night long. Boy that series was REALLY full of hatred.

Of course the Browns have long been hated, but that hatred has waned as they have fallen into a complete state of incompetence as a rival. But they had some decent teams back in the 70s too and one play I’ll never forget that really enflamed things for years around here involved a lineman by the name of Joe “Turkey” Jones. I never did find out why he was nicknamed “Turkey”, but after he literally spiked Terry Bradshaw on his head/neck along the sideline in one of the most vicious tackles I’ve ever seen. He was called a lot worse things than “Turkey” after that.

A rare shining moment for the Browns

We used to hate the Houston Oilers pretty good around here too. They beat us a few times in regular season games, but we owned them in the playoffs. They had the most annoying fight song that they’d play in Houston when they scored a touchdown, it used to really get me riled up. “We’re the..Houston Oilers, Houston Oilers, Houston Oilers number one! We’re the …well you get it. It sucked, totally. I was glad when they moved from Houston just so that song would never be played again.

I used to love when Dan Pastorini, their quarterback, was coming to town. So did the Steelers, apparently. I never saw a man get maimed as repeatedly as Pastorini by the Steelers. He got legendary beatings from them. I’m surprised he survived them, or that he’s not a quadriplegic by now.

A really vivid memory I have from my newspaper days involved a Monday Night Football game against the Earl Campbell-led Oilers. Campbell was in his prime and I had the good fortune to have a sideline pass. I watched a collision at the goal line between Campbell and Steelers Safety Mike Wagner. Wagner made a tremendous hit, head-on and I swear that Campbell didn’t score. Believe me, I had the best vantage point in the stadium to make this call other than the back judge who was right there as well. Apparently, the 50,350 in attendance (the every week capacity back then at Three Rivers) didn’t agree with this call either. I heard a crash right behind me and spun around. Someone threw a whiskey bottle from the stands and it shattered into a million pieces on the rock hard astro turf surface. Had it hit me, I wouldn’t be writing this but would be sipping my dinner from a straw tonight.

So let’s recap: We seriously hated the Blues and still hate the Flyers in hockey, The Oilers, Browns and especially the Raiders conjured up strong feelings in football. Yes, admittedly we hated the Braves too, come to think of it. But in retrospect was it hatred for Sid Bream or Barry Bonds or more hatred knowing that our shot was lost at winning a World Series with that team and that it would be…forever…before we ever got another chance!

UPDATE:
Our friends at The Pensblog have decided to further rub salt in the wound that is the Pirates with the Youtube Video Clip of Sid Bream, Francisco Cabrera, and Barry Bonds. That was difficult to watch. I guess that further proves the point on hatred for a team. And thanks to Pensblog for the video link.

McGwire Photographs Revealed

This tip just in from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous...

Former home-run king Mark McGwire revealed today that he allowed baseball’s Mitchell Committee to inspect and photograph his genitals by way of proving that he did not use steroids during his record-setting run of slugging in the late ‘90s.

A former girlfriend of McGwire’s told the Mitchell Committee that McGwire’s testicles were the size of “plums that had been left out in the sun,” and that his penis was not only small, but worn out, “kind of like the thumb on an old catcher’s mitt.”

When he appeared before a Congressional hearing on steroids in baseball, McGwire refused to talk about the past, preferring to look ahead to the future.

“But when it comes to my genitals, I’m willing to delve into days gone by if it means setting the record straight,” McGwire said. “I’m white, Irish, red-headed and pale. Of course my genitals are going to be minuscule. Look around any locker room.”

When asked what good allowing the Mitchell Committee to photograph his genitals would do, McGwire said, “Luckily, I’ve been photographing my genitals once a year since I turned 18. That’s the age of consent in California for photographing one’s own genitalia. All I have to do is dig out the scrapbook from 1981, and the Mitchell Committee will see that I was as tiny then as I am now.”

When asked if he was uncomfortable having his genitalia photographed, McGwire said,“Not at all. In fact, I like it.”

Reader Submission: Enough Already...ENOUGH!

ENOUGH ALREADY…ENOUGH!

by DSpag4 from Fayette County

I’ve had it up to here with the crowd shots on Monday Night Football. If you can’t see me, I’m holding my hand over my head that stands 5’ 9 ¼” off of the ground.

It is easy to sit back and complain about things on Monday Night Football because so far, there is nothing that I have liked about it. The one thing that stands out, however, is the inordinate number of crowd shots that they cram down our throats from week to week. I can imagine the scenario in the production truck, “okay, screw the replay of the play that might be challenged, we have to show the screaming drunk guy with his face painted.”

Does ESPN think that football fans are so naïve? No they don’t, because the football fans are not their target audience. It is very obvious that they are targeting the non-football fans based on the number of popular musicians they want people to tune in for. I don’t want it to seem like I am on a high horse and that I am “offended” by this disloyalty to true football fans, but give it a rest already. I swear, if they cut away from Super-Jacked Ed Hochuli announcing a penalty, I am going to throw a brick through Raul’s big screen. And not one of those novelty Bad Call Bricks that were meant to whip at televisions and unsuspecting friends and relatives faces, I’m talking about a 25-pound mason block.
Hochuli has hit the weights even more this season

To digress a little, am I the only person on the planet that has the strong conviction that the Men’s Warehouse guy is a child molester? He probably goes up to ten year old boys and says “you’re gonna like the way you look, because I sure do. Would you like some candy?”

Mondesi Readers Hate ESPN

Today's Dwyane Wade Reader Submission set off a domino effect in the comments section. We now have a running list of 50 reasons why Mondesi readers hate all things ESPN. But we are mere amateurs in our hatred for the Worldwide Leader.

The college football website Everyday Should be Saturday came up with a list entitled "52 Reasons Why I Hate ESPN". This was originally posted on November 29, 2005, and there are now over 1,100 comments, with some comments as recent as today!

When I originally found this post sometime last year, it took me about an hour to get through. It is one of the funniest pieces I've ever read on the internet, period. An absolute must read.

Reader Submission: Dwyane Wade During a Steeler Game?

While the Mondesi's House internet recovers from its outage last night, here is a reader submission on the Steeler game from frustrated Steeler fan/Mondesi Reader Cecil from Cecil Twp. My full game wrapup will be up later today. Thanks again to Atlantic Broadband for their excellent internet service.

"Dwyane Wade...During a Steeler Game?"

I cannot stand ESPN's vast over-commercialization of all things content-related. If you're gonna read an article on their web site, there's always an expandable banner ad in front of your face. If you're gonna watch something on their network, I promise you that whatever you're watching is "brought to you by Mobile ESPN."

Now they have Monday Night Football, and sadly, a captive audience of tens of millions of people were forced to sit through a commercial for ESPN/ABC's NBA broadcast package as Dwayne Wade inexplicably joined Mike Tirico and the broadcast crew in the booth during the 2nd quarter on Monday night's game.

Wade was so irrelevant a guest, he actually admitted that this Steelers-Jaguars game was the first professional football game he'd ever attended. I appreciate his honesty, but....there is no reason to have this man in the booth!

We already have to listen to one man who has no idea what's happening on the field (Kornheiser), why do we need another?

I'll tell you why. Because ESPN sees an opportunity to promote it's NBA telecasts in two non-NBA markets and across the entire country. I have no problem with such promotion occurring during a regularly scheduled commercial break. However, when I'm trying to watch Big Ben keep his bowels in proper working order against the Jaguars, I become extremely annoyed with an unwanted and unnecessary intrusion like the Dwayne Wade interview.


Yet another reason why I hate ESPN.

Reader Submission: The Pirates Have Nothing on the Steelers

Monday morning means another installment of Reader Submission Monday...when Mondesi lets the inmates run the asylum for a few posts.

Today's piece....

The Pirates Have “Nutting” on the Steelers

By WorstAvid (who even provided pictures for his piece!)

I get a kick out of all the weeping and gnashing of teeth that goes on about the Pirates in this city. Some people can be truly pathetic.

Oh yes, I know, we have the Steelers, they’ve won five Super Bowls. We also have the Pirates who just recently edged past the Cubs (at least temporarily) and out of the cellar. But for most of the people going to Steeler games these days shelling out a couple hundred bucks to endure drunkenness at unparalleled levels, they don’t realize that there was a time when the Steelers were the most pathetic laughingstock in football... for forty years!!!

Let’s examine the numbers: Between their inaugural 1933 season and their last season before their first SuperBowl championship,1973, the Steelers had an incredibly wretched combined record of 188 wins, 278 losses and 18 ties. So out of 484 games, the Black & Gold won at a paltry .388%. Their only playoff game during this stretch was a 21-0 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles in the Divisional Playoffs in 1947.

Rooney single-handedly kept the Cuban cigar industry employed.

You had this lovable guy, one Arthur J. Rooney, who was loyal to his players and coaches to a fault and who now has a statue in his honor outside of Heinz Field. He smoked very large cigars and bought the team with money he won on the horses. How was it that he managed to lose in Pittsburgh for forty years and wasn’t run out of town on a rail? Think about this O ye Mondesi readers:

Allegheny River kept flowing by Pirates fans never-ending tears.

The current Pirates’ streak that you bemoan is nothing. NOTHING, I say. In fact, the 14 year streak that you "cry a river over" is only 35% as long as the Steelers’ 40 year wandering in the Sahara. The Steelers had nine years where they actually had a winning record, but if you only take in the first 30 years, they only had six!
Moses was also well known for years of wandering

You Pirate fans still have another 26 years before you can truly be pitied. G. Ogden Nutting still has 26 years till he hits Art Rooney territory. However, old Art does have one over on the current Pirates. He made the playoffs in 1947, his 14th season. The Pirates have been out of the playoffs since 1992, also 14 years.

Compared to Rooney, these guys are actually doing well

So now that we have that out of the way, let’s get on with the real reason for my “reader submission”. I’m here to announce that if the Pirates make one or two more good acquisitions in the off-season, that they are “this close” to becoming next year’s surprise team in baseball. “This guy’s insane” you say. Just read on, I have a lot of seasons under my belt.

Worst Avid's psychologist...yes, he's the same guy from Terminator 2

Left field is anchored by one of the steadiest players in the game today. True, he didn’t have a "clutch” hitting year and he’d be the first one to tell you that, but Jason Bay is about as good as it gets in the field and in bringing 150% effort every day. The guy is a Rock of Gibraltar. Even not having a clutch year he’s tenth in the league in homers (32) with a .284 batting average and 101 RBI.

Chris Duffy had a near meltdown earlier in the season, but thank goodness he’s back and looking like he did last year. He certainly merits a much longer look in center field. Had this guy’s career been ruined by stupid tinkering at the major league level, it would have been a real tragedy. His speed, defense and base running skills all are at top major league levels. If he can become more consistent at the plate he’ll be everything the Pirates ever wanted from a center fielder.

Right field can be handled competently by Xavier Nady, one of the best acquisitions ever made by GM David Littlefield. But I really like the defense that Nady has flashed at first base, he’s more valuable there. Nate McLouth is good for some spot starts in right, but I definitely see a need for a power-hitting, left-handed-bat in right field. Let’s leave this spot temporarily “open” and see what kind of a deal that Littlefield can put together in the off season.

Littlefield's man crush on Nady finally came to fruition

Now, get ready for some changes. Jose Bautista should be starting at third base now. Every day. Even doubleheaders. Did any of you see the play he made against the Cubs the other night when he fielded a wicked shot and threw out a base runner with a perfect bullet to Ronnie Paulino? This kid can flat-out play...just about anywhere on the field! I’m weary of hearing that Bautista is thee third baseman of the future. Baloney, he’s the third baseman of now.

I’m not a major Jack Wilson fan, but he’s been a solid guy, a good citizen on the team and a very solid shortstop.. It would be nice if he could get his batting average back to two years ago, but he brings a good veteran leadership to the team. We’ll leave him there for now.

Second base. Ah, second base. Here’s where I get creative. If I’m Dave Littlefield, I’d be looking at packaging Jose Castillo and a minor league pitcher for that right fielder. My second baseman? Freddy Sanchez, of course. Sanchez flashes greatness in the field and leads the NL in batting average. Plus he covers a lot of ground. What more do you want in your starting second baseman?

Castillo, on the other hand is a lazy fielder who’s more interested in swinging for the fences than working the count to get his hits. He is a hard head who has ignored the instruction of Batting Coach Jeff Manto all year and is covering less ground than just about any second baseman in the league. It’s time to say “Adios” to Jose.

Not related to Castillo

First base, as I mentioned earlier, should be handled by Xavier Nady. By the way, Nady is batting over .350 since being acquired by the Pirates. This guy is the real deal. Mets GM Omar Minaya must have had temporary insanity to trade away a player of this quality for a near-retirement reliever and a head case starter. Talk about panicking at the trade deadline!

Catcher: Ronnie Paulino is one of the nicest surprises in many years to come out of the Pirates’ system. But be honest, did you EVER hear Paulino’s name mentioned as a “can’t miss” prospect? Did you ever hear him regarded as a possibility? Did you ever hear much about before this year, period!!! Paulino should be the Pirates’ catcher for the next umpteen years. This is not good news, however, for Ryan Doumit or even first round pick Neal Walker.

Speaking of Doumit, I feel the Pirates should have him in winter ball playing right field for the Port Au Prince Storms or the Panama Jacks. If he has a chance to play major league baseball, it should be as a right fielder or as a catcher on another team. Maybe Doumit could be paired with Castillo for that quality right fielder? A guy with the persistent groin and hamstring problems that Doumit has had should be viewed as questionable catcher material squatting for three hours at a time.

Sprinkle liberally where needed

Pitching Staff: As a group, these guys are coming around, but I’ll be honest, I really felt like they tanked collectively. A lot of people say that if the Buccos had that one big name starter to anchor things and take some of the pressure off the young pitchers, that things would have been a lot different. I for one agree. This staff was far too inexperienced to venture out into the major leagues and not get shelled nightly. They were and they did. However, to their credit and Jim Colborn’s tenacity, they have improved…drastically. The bullpen, particularly Mike Gonzalez, Matt Capps and Salomon Torres of late have been very reliable, even more so as the starters improved. If the Pirates can get a game into the 7th inning with a close score, they have a chance for their bullpen to hold off the opposition.

Extra parts: Joe Randa, Jeromy Burnitz, Shawn Chacon, Ryan Vogelsong (yes he’s back). None of these players add anything to the team and I would hope they are not in Pirates uniforms in '07.

So in conclusion, while the Pirates are at least a couple years away from maturing into a contender, they most definitely will exceed the mythical .500 mark next year but still will not win the division or make the playoffs as a wildcard. So it will then be 15 years and counting against the Steelers’ 40 years. They still have a long way to go to pass that mark of futility. So hang tough Pirate fans, better days are coming!