We'll Miss You, Duce

Let this serve as the farewell valentine to the now-departed, mercurial talent formerly known as #22, double duces, Duce Staley. The Ducer met his final demise on Monday, when the Steelers finally put him down (as well as placing WR Willie Reid on IR) in order to bring back Lee Mays and Chidi Iwuoma. And thus closes the chapter in Pittsburgh Sports History known as the Duce Staley Era.

The Duce Era officially kicked off in 2004. At the time, it was a semi-controversial signing, because it was a gentle nudge at a certain Steeler running back towards retirement. Staley took over as the feature back, going for 90+ yards in six of his first eight games. And then, the real Duce showed up. Duce was like Terrell Owens: you could count on him to not count on him. Where Owens starts well and has his predictable blow-up with coaches or teammates, Staley simply broke down. Year after year after year. You could not pencil him in as the starting tailback for the next five years. He wasn't that kind of player. He would play in just three games over the last half of the 2004 season.

In 2005, Duce came back, presumably healthy after his long layoff. He was supposed to be a key component of the Steelers' four-headed running back, along with Bettis, Parker, and Haynes. But he was beaten out for playing time by the impressive Parker, and ended up contributing in just two games. He became more famous for his cheerleading in gray sweatsuits than his contributions to the running game. Yet Bill Cowher made room for him on the Super Bowl active roster. Thus setting off another era...the Weird Cowher Loyalty to Duce Staley Era.

As I've stated on several occasions, I could never understand Cowher's undying love for Staley. He didn't draft him, he didn't win any big games with him, he never hitched his wagon to him. To even the casual Steeler fan, El Duce was washed up. But the Steelers brought him back for 2006, despite a training camp in which he ran for 92 yards on 42 carries.

With Parker firmly entrenched as "the man", Staley would have to settle for a backup role in 2006. Not only was he a backup, he wouldn't even be activated. The Steelers signed another running back (Dump Davenport), they promoted another from the practice squad (John Kuhn), all while Duce languished on the sidelines. It was a perplexing roster move, to say the least.

So I felt a little sad when I read on ESPN's bottom line last night that Duce was finally released by the Steelers. We'll no longer have him to kick around, the symbol of the 2006 Steelers: overpaid and non-achieving. And we'll never get any more pictures like this, which has been used so many times, I am now placing it into Mondesi's House retirement:

And they say the Steelers don't have cheerleaders.

We'll miss you, 22.

Bill Cowher's Worst 2006 Decisions

I hear a lot of Bill Cowher bashing these days. Of course, I should expect just as much after that lifeless performance Sunday at Baltimore, one of the worst and least-inspired in the Cowher Era. Critics of the bashers will say "you can't pin all the blame on Cowher" and "he just won the Super Bowl, get off his back". True and true. I think Cowher is one of the greatest coaches of all time and the Steelers are very lucky to have had his service all these years. I also agree that you cannot pin all the blame on Cowher; there's certainly enough to go around with this team. Game-time emotion has been a point of issue with Cowher this year, and I won't argue that he's been relatively sedated by his standards. But that is far down the list of legitimate mistakes Cowher has made this season.

Cowher pushed all the right buttons in 2005, but 2006 has been a completely different story. Here are five key decisions Bill and the Steelers' brass made that I think we can all second guess at this point.

1. Duce Staley. The inclusion of Staley on this year's roster tells you all you need to know about the 2006 team. He has never been a durable back in his Pittsburgh tenure, playing just nine games in 2004 and three in 2005. He was never the face of the franchise (a la Bettis), so the loyalty factor in keeping him around is a flawed theory. He seemed highly content to stand on the sidelines in his famous gray sweatsuit for most of last season, hands down pants.

But the Steelers decided to bring him back, at least for training camp, in 2006. And how did Duce respond?

Check out his four preseason games: 7 carries, 14 yards...5 carries, 11 yards...11 carries, 21 yards...19 carries, 46 yards...That's a total of 42 carries for 92 yards, or 2.19 yards per carry. Was he cut? No, John Kuhn was the sacrificial lamb of the running backs.

Najeh Davenport then becomes available, and the Steelers jump on him like a loose ball. Duce was lapped on the depth chart by a guy just cut from the Packers. To follow that, Verron Haynes went down for the season with a torn ACL, and Staley wasn't even activated---Kuhn was rescued from the oblivion of the practice squad!

Is the presence of Staley hanging around really motivating any players to do their best? Can ANYONE answer why he is here?

2. The wide receivers. Cowher kept Sean Morey for his special teams skills, but if that unit is horrible with him, what's the point of having him occupy a roster spot? Quincy Morgan was a competent kick returner in addition to his receiving skills, but he was deemed not worthy of a uniform. Willie Reid was drafted primarily for his punt return duties, and he fielded the majority of them in preseason. So who was sent back to field them once the bell rang in week one? Ricardo Colclough. Some questionable decisions here, to say the least.

3. Chris Gardocki. The league's worst, albeit unblocked, punter. Inconsistent, with a very weak leg. Rarely puts the Steelers in a good position with his kicks. And he costs a lot more than Mike Barr, the impressive rookie free agent who was cut loose.

4. A lackadasical training camp, by Cowher standards. Cowher gave the team plenty of time off in this year's camp. But his biggest sin was the lack of playing time to the starting unit in preseason games. I know, we don't want anyone to get hurt. But the flipside of having a healthy team is having a very rusty team, especially when several of those players were not healthy throughout or before camp. Honestly, how much time in preseason games did a still-recovering Roethlisberger get? How many reps against first-team defenses did Willie Parker get?

Well, here are some of those answers:

Roethlisberger threw a total of 22 passes in three preseason games: 4, 4, and 14.

Parker had a total of 7 carries in three preseason games: 3, 1, and 3.

Hines Ward had 0 catches in the preseason, due to injuries.

Cedrick Wilson had a total of 6 catches in the preseason: 1, 2, and 3.

Does that look like a recipe for a fine-tuned offensive machine to anyone else?

5. Failure to make lineup changes. Sure, Ike Taylor was benched recently. It only took until the 10th game. But why was Ricardo Colclough sent out to field punts, over and over and over again, after proving he was incapable of doing the job? Why is Cedrick Wilson still starting opposite Hines Ward, when the only thing he has proven is the ability to make a pass-interference gesture after every incomplete pass thrown his way? Why is Nate Washington still getting the ball thrown his way in crunch time when he's averaging about two drops per week (although I will give him credit for holding on after his bell got rung on Sunday).

I think the world of Bill Cowher. But in all fairness, the above list shows that he does deserve some of the blame in this train-wreck of a season. When you're winning, you're always perceived as making all the right moves; when you're losing, lists such as this pop up. There are at least 53 other reasons why the Steelers are 4-7; their respective positions on that list are debatable. The coach always gets too much credit when the team wins and too much blame when the team struggles. But I would have a hard time believing that someone could argue the above list in any capacity (although you're welcomed, and encouraged, to do so).

Cool Stuff to Watch This Weekend

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, opening tonight, at a theater near you. Wow wow wee wee!

Pitt at South Florida, Saturday, Noon- The Wannstache returns to Florida for a key Big East matchup. Unfortunately, I'll miss this while watching a few Steelers sign 500 autographs. Someone give me a recap.

Penn State at Wisconsin, Saturday, Noon- Big game for the Nits, who have a legit shot at a 9-3 season if they can pull the upset. Although this game is really just a 2006 Big Ten bronze medal game.

Penguins at Sharks, Saturday, 10:30 PM- Evgeni Malkin continues his attempt at becoming the only player in NHL history to score in every single game of his career.

Broncos at Steelers, Sunday, 4:15 PM- Steelers attempt to salvage their season with a win over QB Joe Dirt and the Denver Broncos. In other Steeler news, Duce Staley is so bad, he isn't even going to be activated for this game, with Mr. Bill instead opting for practice-squadder John Kuhn. Cowher has been unfairly criticized for some aspects of the season, but keeping Staley on the roster is nearly indefensible.

Colts at New England, Sunday, 8:15 PM- Peyton Manning tries to improve on his 1-6 career record vs. Tom Brady. The Vinatieri-Belichick mini-battle is a nice subplot that's developed this week.

10 Things You Didn't Know About the Steelers

Note: this piece was originally created for Steeltown Mike's roundtable on WMBS radio 590 yesterday

With the NFL season finally upon us, here are 10 things I'll bet you didn't know about the Steelers:

10. Of the 10 best-selling sports DVDs in 2006, the only one that is not wrestling-related is the Steelers' Super Bowl XL DVD, ranked at #2. It ranks behind only Wrestlemania 22 as the year's top seller. But if you listen to Seattle fans, they'll have you believe that Wrestlemania's outcome had less scripting than the Super Bowl.

9. Brian St. Pierre is back for another tour of duty as the team's third quarterback. He regrets leaving the Steelers in favor of the Ravens last year, and credits that move as a learning experience. He also learned last year that if by some chance he actually plays in a game this year, and plays poorly, he should expect loads of garbage tossed onto the grounds of his residence.

8. The Steelers are currently valued at $880 million, making them the 18th most valuable NFL team. Five teams (Washington Redskins, New England Patriots, Dallas Cowboys, Houston Texans and Philadelphia Eagles) were valued at over a billion. But give Steeler fans one more year to buy Super Bowl throw rugs and Bill Cowher bobbleheads, and the franchise will be worth more than Microsoft.
The price of those mini Bills add up quickly

7. Safety Tyrone Carter attended the University of Minnesota and was selected by the Vikings out of college in 2000. Good thing the Steelers decided not take the same plan of attack when Dan Marino was available in the 1983 draft.
TC has been known to celebrate just a little here and there

6. If you've ever seen Troy Polamalu's autograph, when he signs he does three crosses and a puts a loop through it. The crosses represent Jesus's crucifix---Troy actually never signs his name. It's a nice tribute to Polamalu's hero. A little known fact is that Willie Parker's autograph features an extra-wide loop on the "P" in Parker. This is in homage to Willie's hero, Jerome Bettis' gut.

See, I couldn't have made this up


5. Santonio Holmes is the youngest member of this year's team (3/3/84); Jeff Hartings is the oldest (9/7/72). Duce Staley merely plays like the oldest.
Duce, as he'll always be remembered.

4. The Super Bowl Champs have seven players on the 2006 roster from small schools:
Patrick Cobbs (North Texas), Ricardo Colclough (Tusculum), Dan Kreider (New Hampshire), Clint Kriewaldt (Wisc-Stevens Point), Aaron Smith (Northern Colorado), Ike Taylor (Louisiana-Lafayette), and Nate Washington (Tiffin). Yep, Mark Madden is right: you can't win with small school players.
Super. Genius.

3. This year's heaviest player is OL Chris Kemoeatu at 344, and the lightest is Cedrick Wilson at 183. The tallest is OL Max Starks at 6'7", the shortest Tyrone Carter, at 5"8". And Joey Porter continues to have the biggest mouth on the squad.
J Peezy never met a microphone he didn't like

2. WR Sean Morey, who started his career in 1999 with New England, has one catch (2004, Steelers). That must have been some amazing catch to sustain a seven year career.
The only existing proof Sean Morey is a wide receiver

1. For the first time since the 1995 season, Jerome Bettis is not on the roster. The last time that happened, the Steelers made it to the Super Bowl. So mark it down: the Steelers in Super Bowl XLI.
Book your seats now, you Yinzers

Time to Preview the AFC North

The 2006 NFL season is upon us. Given that we only think sports are relevant when they involve Pittsburgh, our 2006 NFL Preview is limited to the Steelers division, the AFC North. So here are the key additions, subtractions, and arrests that make the AFC North the best division in football (in order of predicted finish)...

1. Pittsburgh Steelers

Key Additions:

S Ryan Clark - Signed to spite the Redskins for signing Antwaan Randle El. Will be expected to run reverses, return punts, and throw touchdown passes in Super Bowl XLI.

WR Santonio Holmes - Had a busy year, including the Fiesta Bowl, NFL draft, two arrests, and not answering his phone when the name "B ROETHLISBERGER" showed up on caller ID.

OL Willie Colon - The Steelers draft an athlete from the Bronx. Fans everywhere are relieved when they find out it's not Carl Krauser.

S Anthony Smith - The only good thing to come out of the Syracuse football program since Mama McNabb's son.

Ben Roethlisberger is everywhere. He even works his way into a blurb about Anthony Smith.

C Marvin Phillip - Drafted in case Chukky Okobi should have a neck problem. Again, Steeler foresight shines through.

QB Omar Jacobs - Picked strictly for talk-show amusement, so Steeler fans can argue who will be the third quarterback this year. Also drafted so the Steelers can say all of their QBs come from MAC schools.

Key Subtractions:

RB/Bill Cowher Antagonist Jerome Bettis - Traded to NBC for Matt LeBlanc
Say what you want, but he's still better than Kornheiser

QB Tommy Maddox - signed with the Pittsburgh Colts.

WR Antwaan Randle El - turned his 35 catches into $31 million of Dan Snyder's Fool's Gold

DB Willie Williams - transferred from Miami to Pearl River Community College. Wait, that's the other Willie Williams. I think this guy retired. Actually, I think he retired in 2004.

DL Kimo von Oelhoffen - signed with the Cincinnati Bengals. Rooming with Carson Palmer at training camp.

S Chris Hope - signed with Tennessee to mentor Pac Man Jones in the secondary

Arrests:

WR Santonio Holmes (2) - disorderly conduct (standing in the street in Miami) - dimissed; domestic assault in Columbus, trial pending. Hopes to do two more stupid things and catch Chris Henry for the NFL lead.

OL Barrett Brooks - fled from police on Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle

QB Ben Roethlisberger. Not arrested, just got a ticket for not having a PA motorcycle license.

He's not Natalie Gulbis, but he did win an MVP


2. Baltimore Ravens

Key Additions:

QB Steve McNair - Signed to a lucrative deal also includes unlimited vicodin, crutches, and 5 complimentary MRIs. They also included a clause to never lock him out of the practice facility.
The 26010, or as McNair calls it, "the usual"

Key Subtractions:

RB Chester Taylor - replaces Onterrio Smith in Minnesota. However, the team has yet to sign a replacement Whizzinator.
I guess the NFL Shop lets this jersey go through

QB Anthony Wright - signed with the Bengals. Already arrested twice.

LB Peter Boulware - retired out of embarrassment at brother Michael's showing in the Super Bowl

OL Orlando Brown - will now work in the league office towards creating a flag that won't blind you, or better yet, finding referees that won't throw them at your eyes


DB Deion Sanders - signed with AT & T so he can hang out with Andy Roddick and Big Papi

Arrests:

I could be wrong, but I don't see any. Of course, it's kind of hard to give them accolades as long as they have a murder accessory and a drug conspirator on their squad.

3. Cincinnati Bengals

Key Additions:

DT Sam Adams - 33 years young, 350 pounds fat. Just the kind of unmotivated player we want the Bengals to continue to sign.

S Dexter Jackson - Super Bowl XXXVII MVP and former free agent target of the Steelers a few years back. Stock has fallen so much, most of his income is derived from signing these photos, and not an NFL contract.



QB Anthony Wright - continues his tour of the AFC North by signing with Cincinnati. Will join the Browns in 2007.

DE Frostee Rucker - See below.

LB AJ Nicholson - See below. Again.

LB Ahmad Brooks - See below. Yet again.

Key Subtractions:

QB Jon Kitna - Decided he would rather play with three disappointing first round receivers under the guidance of Matt Millen than return to Cincinnati. Ouch, Bengal fans.

Arrests:

WR Chris Henry (4) - marijuana charges, charged with pulling a gun on a group in Orlando, speeding and drunken driving, charged with providing alcohol to minors.

DE Frostee Rucker - charged with two counts of spousal abuse and vandalism. Will be removed from .99 menu.
That's enough out of you, Frostee


LB AJ Nicholson - charged with burglary; previously arrested twice on suspicion of alcohol-related offenses. Usually, this is swept under the rug at Florida State.

DE Matthias Askew - subdued by a taser after refusing to move his illegally parked car
A re-enactment of Matthias Askew's tasering

OL Eric Steinbach - Boating under the influence. What is it about NFL players and trouble on boats?

Suspensions:

LB Odell Thurman - 4 weeks - substance abuse. He allegedly beat a bag of marijuana with a baseball bat.

Dismissals:

Rookie LB Ahmad Brooks was taken in the supplemental draft. He was only available because he was kicked off of UVa's football team for marijuana possession and other problems. Pitt fans holding tickets for a Sept. 2nd matchup with the Cavaliers rejoice.


4. Cleveland Browns

Key Additions:

WR Joe Jurevicius - Being a white wide receiver, Jurevicius is usually the victim of racial stereotypes like "Good route runner", "Deceptive speed", and "Posession receiver". With the recent creation of the Caucasian Wide Receivers of America, Jurevicius now has a legion of supporters on his side.

C LeCharles Bentley - Signed to a 6 year, $36 million contract in the offseason. See "Subtractions" column for the rest of the story.
The Curse of the Browns continues in 2006

LB Willie McGinest - One by one, the Browns are trying to acquire the entire Patriots organization. They start with the defensive coordinator. Then they take the heart and soul of the defense. And in 2007, they plan on making a run at Bill Belichick's grey hoodie.

Bill Belichick, wearing a gray hooded sweatshirt from the 2005 Duce Staley Collection

P Dave Zastudil - Baltimore stole Cleveland's entire football team, so Cleveland tries to get even by swiping their punter.

DT Ted Washington - Who doesn't want a 15 year veteran who weighs 365 pounds?

DE Kamerion Wimbley - Will try to live up to the high standards of previous Browns #1 picks like Tim Couch, Courtney Brown, Gerard Warren, William Green, Kellen Winslow and Braylon Edwards.

RB Lee Suggs - they tried to trade him to the Jets, but he was returned to sender. If nothing else, they've set up a perfectly awkward situation upon his return. And now, his confidence has to be completely destroyed---he wasn't wanted by a team who started 82-year-old Curtis Martin at running back last year.

Key Subtractions:

WR Antonio Bryant- fearing they have too many game breakers, the Browns let Bryant walk to San Francisco

C LeCharles Bentley - He was in one practice and is already out for the year. At least he'll be highly compensated.

Arrests:

Actually, none yet this season, although Ruben Droughns was involved in a domestic incident three days after being acquitted for a DUI. And as long as William Green is around, there's always a high ceiling for trouble. (Thanks to Mondesi's buddy TJ for Browns info)

So there you have it...I'm hoping for and expecting another exciting year of AFC North football. Where we line up, our best against your best, and punch you in the mouth. Three yards and a cloud of dust. Running and stopping the run. Defense and special teams. Double reverse passes. Onside kicks. Felony drug charges. Accesories to murder. The Bengals' fan misbehavior hotline. Motorcycle wrecks and chases. Bettis on NBC. Brian Billick. Kellen Winslow. The Thursday Night NFL Opener from Heinz Field. And much, much more. I can't wait. And they say the NBA is FANtastic!