STEELERS FREE AGENCY UPDATE

Catching up on this morning's moving and shaking...

--Chris Kemoeatu is re-signed: 5 years, $20 million. Apparently they matched an offer by the Jets, a team that loves to sign Steeler linemen. [PG]

--Looks like Nate Washington might go from the Super Bowl Champions to the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Why? Because Daunte Culpepper is clearly an upgrade over Big Ben, that's why. [MLive]

--The Lions are also taking a look at Bryant McFadden. Maybe they'll sign Mitch Berger, Mike Humpal, and Fernando Bryant too. [MLive]

--The freshly-cut Kendall Simmons is visiting with the Buffalo Bills. We'll miss the sacks of Ben while Simmons watches helplessly. [Blog & Gold, One for the Other Thumb]


--Gang Green is also close with Ravens LB Bart Scott, who once allegedly threatened to kill Hines Ward after a game. [ESPN]

--Kellen "the Soldier" Winslow is now a Tampa Bay Buc. Have fun with this, Raheem Morris: [ESPN]



--Former Steeler nemesis Fred Taylor joins New England, immediately hurting his wrist as he signed his contract. OK, I made that up. Or did I? [ESPN]

--And finally, Gisele officially took Tom Brady off the open market. [Deadspin]

Send your news, tips, and links to Mondesishouse@gmail.com.

HAMMER 10, NAIL 6

STEELERS (2-0) 10

BROWNS (0-2) 6

ROETHLISBERGER: 12-19, 186 YARDS, 1 TD
PARKER: 28-105
HOLMES: 5-94

It wasn't the prettiest game to watch, and it wasn't nearly as dominating of a performance as last week, but in the end, the Browns are still the Browns.

That's about all you can say to sum up the Steelers' 10-6 win last night in a Cleveland windstorm on NBC's Sunday Night Football, the 10th Steeler victory over the Browns in a row. The Browns committed numerous miscues, including two Derek Anderson interceptions, two Braylon Edwards drops, and 10 penalties, not to mention poor clock management and some questionable decisions from Coach Romeo Crennel.

Cleveland's impotent offense featured the following drives in the first half:

1. 3 plays, 2 yards, punt

2. 3 plays, 3 yards, punt

3. 3 plays, 4 yards, punt

4. 5 plays, 7 yards, punt

5. 1 play, 0 yards, INT

6. 14 plays, 71 yards, INT

That's right...the Brownies had the ball with 6:26 to go and two timeouts and managed to come away with zero points. I've seen better game-planning out of Dave Wannstedt.

True, conditions were pretty awful, and both teams were playing on the same surface. The Steelers, although not as terrible as the Browns in the first half, weren't that much better. But they did come up with a 12-play, 70-yard drive that ended in a Ben Roethlisberger-to-Hines Ward touchdown that silenced the crowd (consisting mostly of grown men wearing dog outfits) for a short time. I'm sure they enjoyed the dog-kicking-dirt TD celebration in their faces. I know I did.

On the Browns side of the ball, I was not very impressed by Derek Anderson, who proved that he's among the best in the league at not finishing a drive. In the backfield, it was vintage Jamal Lewis, and by vintage I mean 19 carries for 38 yards while showing the breakaway speed of Casey Hampton. Big-mouthed Braylon Edwards caught three balls while dropping two, but at least he had his BFF Michael Phelps rooting him on from the luxury boxes. The Cleveland line allowed two sacks, but more importantly featured quite the colorful collection of characters, among them Pittsburgh's own Hank Fraley, former "boating while intoxicated" Bengal Eric Steinbach, almost-Steeler Rex Hadnot, and young Pro Bowler Joe Thomas, whose aunt looks like this:

On the Steeler O side, Willie Parker, who comes in as possibly the second-most underrated player in the NFL behind Mr. Roethlisberger, had yet another 100-yard performance and a rare national TV interview after the game. Santonio Holmes showed some amazing hands with his five catch, 94 yard performance, including a huge 48-yard bomb from Big Ben. Ward added five catches for 59 yards, among them a 31-yarder while pinned deep in their own territory. And Heath Miller had what might've been the biggest catch of all, a 19-yarder from Roethlisberger in the 4th quarter that unofficially ended the game.

Roethlisberger clearly wasn't himself, and he may or may not have/had been suffering from a separated shoulder, but yet again he got the job done and made the plays he had to make. He remains undefeated in the state of Ohio since joining the Steelers.

The Steeler defense bent but did not break, and I wasn't crazy about some of their 3rd-down plays, but all in all it was a pretty solid performance. Ryan Clark and Ike Taylor seemed especially motivated and talkative, and Taylor led the team with six tackles. Troy Polamalu is looking like his old self again, leaping over offensive lines and running back interceptions with reckless abandon. Their game plan, which apparently did not include as much blitzing as usual, seemed to work, because you can't argue too much with six points allowed and zero touchdowns.

The Browns' D featured heavy doses of Shaun Rogers, who is heavy in his own right. Rogers got to Roethlisberger once, as did two of his teammates, but they allowed 117 yards rushing to the Steelers' 53, and by my count at least four plays of 19 yards or more. By the way, was I the only one who thought that Rogers had a late hit on Roethlisberger when he pushed his big self into Ben's shoulder after the whistle?

Next up for the 2-0 Steelers is a 4:15 matchup with the Donovan McNabb and the Eagles in Philadelphia on Sunday. It's the Pennsylvania State Championship, and hopefully our QB will rest that shoulder before the big game.

Game Notes:
--Anyone else really nervous every time the Browns punted to the Steelers in those swirling winds? They dodged a few bullets, to say the least.

--The Steeler kick returners weren't much better than their punt returners, totaling 3 returns for 21 yards. You'll have that anytime Matt Spaeth shows up in that ledger.

--Once again, Skippy Reed comes through with a 48-yarder at a crucial point in the game. Color me impressed.

--Nice game out of Bryant McFadden last night, with an INT and big breakup in place of Deshea Townsend.

--Steeler rushing distribution: Parker 28 carries, Holmes 1, Roethlisberger 1, Davis 1. No Mendenhall, Coach Tomlin?

--I was praying for a Browns fan to run onto the field so James Harrison could recreate his priceless 2005 moment.

--I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to Chuck, My Own Worst Enemy, and Heroes on NBC's fall schedule. Sorry, I was brainwashed last night.

--Wow, was John Madden rambling on (even by his standards) about Michael Phelps and Dennis Quaid!

--Speaking of repetitive promos, we have a DeNiro/Pacino movie and a DiCaprio/Crowe movie coming out? Who's casting all of these superstar-laden films, the Yankees?

--And to close, Mr. Kellen Winslow II!

LET'S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY

It's only April, and I'm proud to proclaim that I'm already sick of the Cleveland Browns. Seriously, a "Roadmap to Tampa" article with a picture of Braylon Edwards? Five prime-time games (including three Monday Nighters) in 2008? Is this the Twilight Zone?

Spare me if you've heard this story before: an up-and-coming AFC North team features an explosive offense and is poised to ruin the Steelers' divisional reign of terror. Basically, it's the same premise of an article I've been reading for the past three years or so, with a few names changed:

The Cincinnati Bengals Cleveland Browns are definitely the team to beat in the AFC North. An explosive passing game, led by young Carson Palmer Derek Anderson and Chad Johnson Braylon Edwards, will ultimately lead the Bengals Browns past their AFC North brethren.

Much like Cincinnati's recent teams, I think that the Browns are incredibly overrated, and by no means a runaway choice for 2008 AFC North Champion. As down as many fans are on the Steelers due to their challenging schedule, player changes, and offseason from Hell, it's worth noting that they were still within a holding call of reaching the second round of the playoffs, despite a plethora of injuries (or did we forget that?)

I'm certainly not blaming the Steelers' loss on the officials; they put themselves in the position where a bad call could help decide the game, and that's no one's fault but their own. But I am saying that despite their roller-coaster performance in that game, they still almost pulled it out.

The media is high on the Browns because after years and years of losing, they made a little noise last year (again, just like the Bengals initial venture into the .500+ Club a few years ago). A few free agent signings later, and they're the favorite in the AFC North, leapfrogging the incumbent division champion that features one of the league's truly elite quarterbacks and the NFL's #1-ranked defense. Sorry, but that just rubs me the wrong way.

The 2005 Bengals were 11-5, they won the AFC North, and they were ushered out of the first round of the playoffs in their own stadium by the Steelers. True, they lost Carson Palmer during the game. But they also went into the Halftime/Chad Johnson Sparring Match with a lead. It was a winnable game for the Bengals, no doubt about it. They just weren't ready for the next step.

Pundits were still in love with Cincy going into 2006, even though the Steelers won the freaking Super Bowl. The Bengals responded with an 8-8 regular season, capped off by the ultimate choke job in losing a must-have Week 17 game against the Steelers in what turned out to be Bill Cowher's last game as the Steelers' coach.

As recently as last year, the Bengals were still the AFC North preseason favorites in a number of publications and on a variety of sites. I found this insulting at the time, given that half their team was arrested in the offseason, coupled with the fact that their nucleus had yet to win a playoff game (hmm...sounds like a certain team from Dallas, Texas, as a matter of fact - but that's a different argument for a different day).

So the Bengals went out and crapped their way to a 7-9 record in 2007, and the Steelers won the division despite having a new coach, a new philosophy, and a rash of injuries.

That brings us to the 2008 offseason, and I'm already prepared to hear about nothing but Browns supremacy from now until Week One in September. Sorry, but with all of the NFL TV/radio/internet/newspaper/magazines that I intake, that's going to get really old really fast. In fact, as I stated above, it already has.

A few bullet points to shoot through the "Cleveland=Awesome" theories you'll be hearing for the next five months or so and help you through what will be a challenging couple of months:

--Derek Anderson sure is a great quarterback. I like how everyone's casually forgotten that he failed to beat out Charlie Frye for the starting job, a quarterback who played so horribly in the opener that he was traded to Seattle.

--I keep hearing how Anderson is celebrated as a "Pro Bowl quarterback". Translation: "Tom Brady didn't feel like going to Hawaii after losing the Super Bowl, so he used the injury out and decided to hang out somewhere else with Gisele."

Ladies and gentlemen, Pro Bowl quarterback Derek Anderson!

--Anderson put up some eye-popping stats, no doubt. Among those never mentioned: his 19 interceptions in 15 starts. Let's just keep that between me and you.

--Are you really sold on Jamal Lewis for the long haul? Sure, if you're into shaky character guys with a history of injuries who played well in a contract year. I know I am.

--They traded for big, fat, unmotivated D-lineman Shaun Rogers, giving up talented DB Leigh Bodden and a third-round pick in the process. Is it possible to be ripped off by Matt Millen?

--Their acquisition of WR Donte Stallworth is described by Banks as "positive buzz". Remind me, is this the same Donte Stallworth who's on his fourth team in the last 27 months? It is? Thought so. Because NFL teams always want to rid themselves of young, talented wide receivers in the prime of their career, especially well-run organizations like New England and Philadelphia.

Luckily, Cleveland gave him a $35 million contract, with $10 million guaranteed, a sound financial investment if I've ever seen one.

--As Peter King pointed out about a month ago, the Browns story is eerily reminiscent of the 2007 (five win) 49ers: young offense, high-profile signings...

--Did we forget that defense is kinda important in this league? Apparently so, because the Browns' unit ranked 30th in the NFL last year.

--This team's had a history of injuries (Kellen Winslow, Braylon Edwards, etc). But how about this statistic: the Browns have had six players suffer staph infections in the past four years?

--Their backup QB's internet pictures are as talked about as Jessica Alba's. Yes, that's a lame one, but I needed an excuse to add this one to the archives:

So what conclusions can we make? None really, other than the fact that the Browns are no lock to do anything this year and that despite popular belief, one cannot predict the future in pro football. It's also a lesson in how you can tweak statistics to make your point in virtually any NFL argument. I could've easily said that Derek Anderson threw 29 TDs, Jamal Lewis had his best season since 2003, Braylon Edwards found the end zone 16 times, and they feature an electric return man in Josh Cribbs. But these are the Browns, and that would be no fun. That would be like writing an article on how great the Pirates will be this year. Wait a minute...

I'm also not making any proclamations of Steeler superiority, especially with an embarrassing offseason highlighted by a rap sheet featuring the team MVP and the mascot. I'm just saying that we've heard this story before, and the ending will probably be the same. Keep the faith, Steeler Nation. The games will be decided on the field in the fall, not by Sports Illustrated and the NFL schedule makers in April.

Some Browns-related reading:

Browns Depth Chart - Defense [ESPN]

Browns Depth Chart - Offense [ESPN]

Peter King: Browns' retooling highlights MMQB [SI]

Schedule Snap Judgments [SI]

2007 Browns Stats [Pro Football Reference]

I'm Back

It's been a tough couple of days around here. The power outage on Tuesday was one thing, but in the meantime, I've been dealing with a very difficult illness in the family for the past two weeks. Let's just say I've become very familiar with the UPMC campus.

If you've noticed, my postings have been rather random...one here, one there, some links...no real rhyme or reason. When I've had a rare moment to post something, it's been a great distraction for me from what I've been dealing with.

When I miss an entire day (like I did on Tuesday) and see that 2,634 people visited the site that day alone, I feel like I'm letting down a tremendous amount of people. I know this little speech has absolutely nothing to do with sports, and that many of you have no interest in this and want me to get with the funny, but I felt the need to share what's been happening. That's my style. And if you've read me with any regularity, you knew that already.

Now that that's behind us, let's try to return to some level of normalcy with that long post my brother promised on my behalf.

--The power outage on Tuesday forced me to take to the road, and it landed me at my parents' house in beautiful Fayette County. This meant the first Pirate game of 2007 that I took in with my father and brother.

My dad is the eternal Pirate optimist. He's sold himself on so many Pirates turning into serviceable players, I've lost track. I think he lost me forever with Adam Hzydu. He's always a treat to watch a game with, because we usually end up debating each other for most of the game...in good fun, of course. My brother, on the other hand, has officially evolved into a fantasy baseball addict. In between commercials for the new FSN studios on the Pirate game (I believe I counted 2,000 tonight), we were treated to a few random at-bats from the big Braves-Nationals game on TBS. Hey, we gotta keep tabs on Jeff Francoeur (he had a homer and 5 RBI, for the two of you who care).

Tuesday's Pirate game was what I would call a blogger's dream/Pirate fan's nightmare. This is the kind of effort that just kills a team and their fans but gives plenty of fodder for second guessing.

THE story of the night (through seven innings, at least) was the pitching of Tom Gorzelanny. Despite the fact that he never seems to close his mouth (anyone else ever notice this?), Gorzo pitched seven innings, yielding just four hits and no runs, while striking out five, including Mr. Pooholes twice. As a reward for his effort, he was treated to watching his inept teammates fumble away the very 2-0 lead that he had worked so hard for.

Gorzo?

ESPN.com fingers Salomon Torres as the goat of the game, but I have some issues with that. This was a team collapse, from their awful manager on down. We'll start, though, with Jason Bay. Bay, by many accounts, is the foundation of the team. You would think he would have some common-sense baseball knowledge, especially being in the position I just described.

So let's set the scene: top of the 9th, Torres on for the save, 2-0 Pirates lead. Eckstein singles, Duncan walks. First and second, no one out, with an appearance by one Albert Pujols pending (he of the 19 HR at PNC Park since 2001). Pujols flies out to Bay in left field, Eckstein tags, and Bay manages a meek throw to third base, neglecting to throw the ball to second base and holding Duncan at first. So instead of having first and third, Duncan moves up to second on Bay's poor decision, and we're now faced with second and third. Might I add a hat tip to Jack Wilson for not lining up Bay for a throw to second, instead directing him to third. That's some great fundamental baseball by another "team leader".

Next up is the red-goateed Scott Spiezio, who, of course, singled to right, scoring two.

Scott Spiezio: consider sexy brought back

Tie game, but the Pirates still have a chance in the bottom of the ninth...which they promptly burn through. What, you expect Klopek to win the game?

Also, it's worth noting that Bay's brain freeze came moments after he killed an eighth-inning rally by grounding into a double play. You'd think if anyone was prepared for a cold-weather game, it would be someone from Canada, but I guess that's not the case.

So we go to extra frames, and the Pirates somehow compose themselves for a rally in the bottom of the 10th. With Big Country Eldred and Chris Duffy reaching in consecutive at-bats, the Pirates have something cooking. Two on, none out, and the heart of the order around the corner. With the 3B and 1B playing for the bunt, up steps Jack Wilson...who promptly bunts right into a fielder's choice, as Eldred is forced out at third. Mr. Tracy, any explanation for the gift of an out for no apparent reason? Continuing their unclutch evening, Freddy Sanchez struck out, and Jason Bay topped Freddy's effort by striking out in especially awful fashion. Two on, none out, and you score no runs. Sorry Buccos, but you deserved this loss. Well, everyone except Tom Gorzelanny.

--I was watching the Fedko Fone Zone after the game (which opened, yet again, with a prominent endorsement of Mondesishouse.com by host John Fedko), and a great point was made: why was Adam LaRoche starting this game instead of Eldred? LaRoche is hitting .097. He's 3-for-31. St. Louis is starting a lefty. I'm sure LaRoche will eventually get it turned around, but wouldn't tonight be a good opportunity to give Eldred some time at first? Wait, I forgot, Jim Tracy knows more than us. Scratch that idea. And remember, bunt with two on and the corner infielders in your face.

--OK, FSN, we get it: you have a new studio. I beg you, please, enough with the moving-in spot.

Seriously, I have FSN on the brain so much, I actually had the thought that Rob King's ample jawline makes him resemble Family Guy's Glenn Quagmire.

--I think the upcoming Pens-Senators series has all the makings of a classic. Bryan Murray can't seem to keep his trap shut, and apparently he hasn't learned that an angry Sidney Crosby usually means curtains for the opposition.

I like what I've seen/heard from Therrien so far, saying that "all the pressure is on the Senators". And I think the playoffs is a time when you'll really appreciate a guy like Gary Roberts, if you don't already.

Tonight, 7 PM, in Ottawa. I know you'll be watching.

--Well, it's probably time to get to your mail...here is a sampling of some of the best I've received in the past few days...

--Patrick from Denison U. was one of several who sent their thoughts on Don Kelly, the subject of last week's mailbag:

"Donny Kelly actually went to Mount Lebanon High School and is one of my best friend's older brother. He is one of the hardest workers and nicest kids I have ever been around. The entire family is sick athletically speaking. Their sister went to Quinnipiac and is the conference's all-time leading rebounder or something. Andy, my friend, can jump higher than any white kid I have ever met."

Hey, no need to sell me. I'm a fan...more for the off the field stuff, but a fan nonetheless (due to the reasons I outlined last week). The official "Don Kelly Hit Watch" has begun (so far, no, nothing yet).

But try selling his good points to some of the other Pirate-related blogs and message boards. Might be a tougher sell than ol' Mondesi.

--Becky from Parts Unknown chimed in on Large Benjamin Roethlisberger:

"Fun is great, but he already had his little tv tour this offseason and blew off half of last week's workouts playing golf in Cali. You would think that he wants to prove the naysayers wrong. His work ethic DOES suck. And if he's gonna blow off being a leader for his team, the least he could do is look happy. He looks more intersted in that freaking icecream bar than his girlfrend. Idiot. Here's to 8-8 again..."

I have many thoughts in my head about the state of the Steelers. I think that's going to be a seperate column for another day. But count Becky among the growing amount of Steelers fans questioning Big Ben's love of the game.

Personally, I don't think he's a Peyton Manning, all-day, all-night film study guy who eats, sleeps, and breathes football. Doesn't particularly look like the finest physical specimen on the planet, either. I think he's more in the category of "shows up when the lights come on", and that rubs some fans the wrong way. There's a perception that he's done more partying/travelling this offseason than after the Super Bowl, and I'm not the registrar of Roethlisberger's comings and goings (that would be this site), but I would probably agree with that.

Listen, a guy is entitled to some free time. As demanding as the NFL life is, I fully expect players to enjoy their leisure time in a non-Making-it-Rain-with-PacMan way. But coming off of a bad season by most accounts, Ben's very public offseason is going to agitate some Steeler fans. That's just reality.

*By the way, Becky included a pic of Big Ben eating an ice cream bar while in full Sean John gear, hence the reference to said "freaking icecream bar" in her email.

--Longtime reader TJ from Cleveland checked in with this:

"I went to the Cavs game last night with my sister for her b-day, and as we were walking to our seats, right in front of us was this couple. The guy was probably 6'4'', and his wife was one of the hottest women I've ever seen, ever. Anyway, the guy turns around, and its Kellen Winslow. He's lean; not as big as I thought he might be. He seemed pretty cordial; people were calling out his name and he was waving and smiling and stuff. What made me laugh though was that he was rocking a fedora; I don't know if he was going for the D-Wade look or the K-Fed look.

During the game they panned the crowd and put a picture of him at his seat on the scoreboard, which got a mixed reaction of cheers and jeers. I don't know how I'd feel about that if I was an athlete/celeb - I guess its a double-edged sword. On one hand, you just want to go to the game with as few distractions as possible, but on the other hand, when you're at that status, you just have to accept the fact that it will happen."

If I were a member of the Browns, any reaction involving cheers would have to be looked upon as a huge success, especially if I were Kellen Winslow II.

--TJ also sent along this virtual kick in the nuts to Cleveland fans: the website "God Hates Cleveland Sports". He describes it as "kind of like Mondesi's House, but for Cleveland". Hey, watch it. At least our teams win something from time to time other than the draft lottery (which we also win---cough---sidney crosby---cough---).

I know, Lebron's going to play for real now that the playoffs are ready to start. And then you can send me another recap of Kellen Winslow at the playoff game. But this time, remember, a picture of a fedora'd-KWII would be even better than a recap.

--Brad sent along the website http://www.yourtvlinks.com/:

"Has almost every tv show or cartoon one can imagine available for online viewing."

Wow...Brad really doesn't want anyone reading this site to get any work done today. But thanks for the link...cool site.

--A popular submission was anything relating to the Colin Cowherd-Thebiglead.com situation. I think Cowherd was out of line for what he did, I think he deserved disciplinary action from ESPN, and I think The Big Lead should explore possible legal angles. Great write-up from the ESPN Ombudswoman on the topic.

--PacMan, PacMan, PacMan. I received this link numerous times today. So tell me, what exactly is PacMan Jones going to do with himself over the next year? May I suggest Head Recruiter for Coach Huggins? Why not help his Alma Mater?

--A few people sent over the link from Teapot Dome Scandal entitled "LaRoche Unable to Handle Pressure of Playing in Pittsburgh". LaRoche? Heck, I'm still wondering if Jason Bay can handle the pressure.

*After you read that piece, remember, I officially declared Shawn Chacon a "True Pirate" on August 10, 2006.

--Also a popular submission: the Bob Huggins-Kansas State "reaction" article.

Best line:

"As Huggins officially changed jobs again, purple-clad fans sipped Boulevard beers, watched college baseball and quietly moved on. Kris Smith, the general manager at Kite's Bar and Grill, said Thursday night was rowdy. Some angry fans at a bar down the street tried to get screwdrivers and yank a picture of Huggins off the wall. "

Yikes. And for those of you who missed it, you may want to check out my little list of Huggins' various indesrections from last week. West Virginia...wild and wonderful.

--Bill from Pittsburgh sent this story about a PA teacher suing over a fake Myspace page created by one of his students.

--Doug thinks you should know about Carmen Electra's new naked wrestling league. No, Kurt Angle is not in it...yet.

--Sam in Mt. Lebanon sends over this montage of the Pens' 2006-07 season. The only problem: it's incomplete without Jim Balsillie's opening-night s-bomb. But seriously, some great stuff here.

--I can always count on David M. from Mississippi to provide me with some great news of the weird. We'll take you out with some of his findings of late:

2nd-hand flatulence prompts new butts-out policy

Dating website for the mentally ill

Carmen Electra has girl crush

Can't Name Their Baby "Metallica"

Memphis Belle arrested (you have to click for the pic)

The mailbag is here to stay! As always, you can send your thoughts on anything to mondesishouse@gmail.com for the next installment. And please include your city and state if you can.

Steelers Week in Review: Porter's Comments, Cowher's Comments, Salary Cap '07, Pro Bowl, Carolina

Steelers coverage on Mondesi's House has been sparse this week, so I'll try to get up to speed on all the pressing issues in one neat, tidy post.

Joey Porter fined $10,000 for his "derogatory comment" about Kellen Winslow

There's a few things we can say with confidence:

1. Joey Porter is a moron

2. Kellen Winslow is also a moron

3. If you're a public figure, don't call anyone a name when microphones and/or cameras are running

4. We live in a politically correct world.

Did Joey's comments really offend any gay people? Maybe a few, but for the most part, I doubt it. I'm sure they just considered the source. Should he act so surpised when he gets fined? Well, maybe you haven't noticed, but #55 is a bit of a "look-at-me" showman. So of course he will flip out after being docked 10 large. Apparently he never heard of John Rocker, Michael "Middle Finger" Vick, or anyone else that had a public incident that caused everyone to cringe.

The cooler reaction would've been like Randy Moss a few years ago, when he said he was paying for a fine in "straight cash, homey".

Porter did bring up a good point when he noted that other players are getting DUIs and are not getting fined by the league. Let's face it, the NFL slapping Porter on the wrist was a PR move. They were in damage control. But how much negative PR for the league have the Bengals and Chargers generated this year? Porter was dumb for what he said and deserved the fine, but he didn't endanger the lives of others.

Bill Cowher: "Obviously, my wife and I both grew up in the Raleigh area." (link)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is Carlynton High in Raleigh, or in greater Pittsburgh? Pittsburgh, you say? I thought so. So where is Cowher going with this comment? What a slap in the face to the city. And why did he wait until December to finally address the situation with the national media, when he's avoided it on every level from the Pittsburgh media? At this point, I'd be shocked if Cowher did come back next year.

The Steelers are projected to be $150,000 under the cap in 2007

That's a far cry from the $42.1 million that San Francisco has to burn. Heck, even New England has 30 million extra reasons to contend in '07...that's what happens when you let every able-bodied wide receiver on your roster sign with another team. The bottom line: don't look for the black and gold to be among the biggest spenders in free agency. And count on some "cap casualties" to free up some extra room. Hopefully the money will be spent better than in 2004, when a certain veteran free agent running back was signed to a multi-year deal.

Willie Parker for the Pro Bowl

You can tell it's a bad season when you can count the Pro Bowl candidates on half of a hand. Parker is third in the AFC in rushing, behind Mr. Touchdown and Diaper Boy. The only other AFC backs in the top 15 of the NFL are Fred Taylor (8th), Rudi Johnson (9th), and Travis Henry (14th). So I would think Fast Willie is a deserving candidate.

Who else could even be considered from the Steelers? Maybe a defensive lineman like Hampton or Aaron Smith, but outside of that, probably no one. Even the Hawaii regulars, like Polamalu, Faneca, and Porter had non-Pro Bowl years. And poor Ike Taylor, who campaigned for a spot in Honolulu last year...now coming off the bench. What a horrendous, horrendous nightmare of a season.

The Carolina Game

By all account, there should be a strong contingent of Steeler fans in attendance, including Ramon Mondesi, my brother. I expect a solid in-person recap. The traveling Steeler Nation is always a nice touch. But what can we expect for an outcome? Chris Weinke is starting, and his record in Carolina is a mind-blowing 1-16. That's a nice stat to know. But Max Starks trying to block Julius Peppers is downright scary. Roethlisberger should consider wearing two helmets if at all possible.

Do the Steelers have an answer for Steve Smith? Does Carolina have any chance of running the ball, after posting just 45 yards against the Giants on Sunday? What kind of impact can we expect from Hines Ward, coming off of the injury? How much will the Steelers miss Polamalu on Sunday?

I can say one thing with certainty: these are probably the two biggest disappointments in the league this year. I hear the argument that Carolina is the biggest, but I can't get past the defending Super Bowl champs battling uphill all year as the bigger disappointment.

The Panthers hold on to faint wild card hopes, and the Steelers continue to clutch that miniscule percentage point that keeps them alive. So each team has something to play for, other than those million-dollar salaries they collect to give a good effort each week. I'm hoping for an entertaining game, lots of John Cougar Mellencamp commercials, and some top-notch announcing from CBS. Let's keep our fingers crossed for Gus Johnson, everyone. Even if it's not an exciting game, we'll think we're watching one.

Porter's Abs & Comments, Culpepper & Bagwell Done, Q&A with Gray, Kanye vs Evel, More Hornymanatee.com

NFL:
Joey Porter's abs are still in playoff form

On the topic of J-Pee, he apologized for his gay comments, but not to Kellen Winslow.

13 "Fascinating" matchups for Super Bowl XLI from Don Banks. And not one of them involves the Steelers.

Daunte Culpepper's season is officially over. Much like the Dolphins' playoff chances, as a result of Daunte Culpepper playing this season.

CBS Sportsline's Power Rankings have the Steelers #21. If we were playing blackjack, that would be fantastic. But we're playing football. And the #21 team usually doesn't make the playoffs.

OJ's If I Did It book is selling for $5,000+ on the black market. So if you make money off of a criminal making money, does it balance out, or are you even worse off?

MLB:
Pirates retain rights to Shawn Chacon and Humberto Cota. Phew! Thought they might lose them!

Jeff Bagwell will finally retire, joining his shoulder, which retired in 2004.

Mark McGwire wanted to retire to a lifetime of peace and tranquility. With that in mind, ESPN sent a reporter to try and track him down.

COLLEGE HOOPS:
A Q&A with Aaron Gray. Gray said he looks forward to making millions of dollars, buying a Bentley, and spending lots of time with groupies. Or not. I guess you have to click the link now.

RANDOM FUN STUFF:
The trailer for Seinfeld: The Horror Movie is finally up. A masterpiece.

Hornymanatee.com is profiled by the New York Times. And as of last night, Conan announced the site has had over 4 million hits in the first week.

A rap beef I'd never predict in 1,000 years: Kanye West vs. Evel Knievel.

A Velvet Underground record, purchased at a flea market for .75, fetches $155,401 on eBay.

Some info we could all use...what to eat and what to avoid at midnight.

Everybody Loves Raymond dad Peter Boyle passes away at the age of 71.

Cheers Casting Call, Joey Porter vs The Solider, RIP Colts Defense, 2007 NFL Mock Draft Update, Hot Stove Index, Whipple to BC, Rap Impressions

NFL:

SI.com does a sports casting call of TV's Cheers. Highlights include Joe Namath as Sam Malone and Terry Bradshaw as Woody.

Joe Starkey is critical of the Steelers' lack of comment on Joey Porter's "derogatory term often used to describe someone's sexual orientation" about Kellen Winslow. Joey was just trying to be like Ozzie Guillen, that's all.

ESPN's Len Pasquarelli gives us his eulogy of the 2006 Indianapolis Colts defense after their Sunday performance vs. Jacksonville.

NFL Draft Countdown gives us a new 2007 NFL Mock Draft, and they're sticking to Texas' Justin Blalock, a guard, becoming a Steeler next year. Also of note: Brady Quinn, #1, to Detroit; Adrian Peterson to Cleveland at #9; and Darrelle Revis to San Fran at #11.

This just in: NFL players are fantasy football nerds, too.

MLB:

ESPN has crafted a 2006/2007 Hot Stove Index, which gives us a team-by-team breakdown of projected starters, who they've gained, who they've lost, and their current free agents.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL:

Boston College is considering playing Whipple Ball in 2007, as they try and woo the Steelers' QB coach to replace the departed Tom O'Brien as head coach.

COLLEGE HOOPS:

SI.com's Luke Winn gives us his revised Power Rankings. Pitt has moved up to #5, yet still rank behind Wichita State and Butler. After watching the Panthers barely squeak by Buffalo on Saturday, I'd have a hard time arguing the Panthers to be much higher, though.

NHL:

In a story that sounds like it came from a Discovery Channel lost at sea special, Canadiens GM Bob Gainey's 25-year-old daughter was washed off the covered deck of a Caribbean-bound vessel by a large wave Friday night.

RANDOM FUN STUFF:

I've become a very tough judge of comedic talent. There seems to be a lack of quality material these days. But after witnessing Mad TV's Aries Spears' rap impersonations on Conan O'Brien last week, I laughed out loud. I couldn't find the Conan appearance, but I did manage to dig up Spears doing his thing on BET. He does dead-on impressions of LL Cool J, Snoop Dogg, DMX and Jay-Z in the span of a few minutes. This is my five-star recommendation. You must watch this video.

Giant Magazine gives us 50 great 1980s commercials, with Youtube evidence, of course.

Deadspin tells us that Will Ferrell is making a movie about the ABA. Too bad the Pittsburgh Xplosion just moved to the CBA.

Brangelina made a Pitt Stop in Fayette County this weekend. They did not hang out with Sienna Miller.
On the count of three, Say "Blitzburgh"

Comedic genius and star of Mondesi favorite Freddy Got Fingered, actor Rip Torn did like Deltha O'Neal and got himself a DWI.
With a name like Rip, what did you expect?

Someone Get Gus Johnson a Sedative

Editor's note 12/2/06: A welcome to all the reader's finding this piece after reading Bill Simmons' December 1, 2006 article mentioning Gus. If you like Simmons, odds are you will like Mondesi's House, especially if you're from Pittsburgh. So please feel free to look around. And now, on to what you really came for...some insight into the world of Gus Johnson...

There are pluses and minuses with having a bad season in the NFL. A plus is obviously a higher draft pick; a minus is the TV coverage for your favorite team. For the Phil Simms and Jim Nantz haters out there, just remember that they are CBS's #1 team.

That fact was made painfully obvious by Sunday's Steelers-Browns matchup in Cleveland. Fans were "treated" to the team of former Buffalo special teams wizard Steve Tasker and the always-excitable Gus Johnson. Johnson is so animated, he could make a broadcast of a Raiders-Texans game seem crucial. For those of you with sensitive ears, the volume of Johnson's voice could be very hazardous. Especially on that final call of the jump ball. I think my ears are still ringing.
Time to tune it down a notch, big guy. This is two teams battling to stay out of the basement, not the AFC Championship.

Announcers aside, this was a typical 2006 Steeler game. Which means they were wildly inconsistent, as we have come to expect: big plays for, big plays against, dumb penalties, Cowher Statue, bad special teams, Joey Porter yapping, etc.

The defense actually played OK, with the exception of the 14 play, 87 yard, 8:26 drive that somehow stalled and resulted in a mere three points. Unfortunately, defending Braylon Edwards (7 catches, 137 yards) was not Ike Taylor's finest hour. Ike had to return to the field after the game to retrieve his jock strap, which Edwards faked out on that 63-yard catch in the second quarter.

The D also managed to hold The Solider in check, with two of his four catches coming in a last gasp on the Browns' final drive. For Joey Porter haters, and there are many (including in Pittsburgh), they had to love the way Winslow casually tossed Porter aside in the second half. My only question: after today's game, does Winslow give a hell?

Large Benjamin redeemed himself after an atrocious first half. When the announcers said, "The Steelers have yet to figure out this Cleveland defense", that became the first time those words were spoken in the history of the NFL. Ben finished with 272 yards, 2 TD, 3 INT, and a nice plant into the ground courtesy of Kamerion Wimbley. Was that the same guy who used to be on Fraggle Rock?

Seperated at birth...Wembley and Wimbley

The Steelers usually have a tough game when they run for less than 100 yards, and that held true again today. Of course, you usually need to give your top running back more than 16 carries to achieve that milestone, which did not happen today (although Willie proved last week he can surpass 100 with just two carries). But despite his lack of action, Parker was still a difference-maker, accounting for two of the Steelers' three touchdowns.

The other touchdown was scored by one San Antonio Holmes. As I watched the game with my brother, Ramon Mondesi, I commented that if not for his nightmarish punt returning experience, Holmes would be considered an above-average rookie contributor. As a returner he is a punchline, but as a receiver I think he's proven to be pretty tough so far. At this point in the season, I think he deserves to start over Cedrick Wilson, who has mastered the fine art of the mock flag-throw in lieu of a pass interference call. Nate Washington added two catches, but he dropped another one. He just can't help himself from giving his critics ammunition on a weekly basis.

And now we kick it to the special teams, who will probably give up a touchdown on the return. Sean Morey, the kick returner of the hour, pulled a 76-yarder out of his hat, which was a nice surprise. But with this unit, every upside has an equal (or worse) downside. The 92-yard kickoff return for a TD by Josh Cribbs after the Steelers pulled within three was catastrophic. Steelers special teams have become proficient in the momentum-killing play.

And what in the world has happened to Jeff Reed? Why has every kick for this guy become an event of "will he or won't he"? If he doesn't get that friendly bounce on the 43-yarder in the third quarter, his season percentage falls to 64.7%. This is an 80% career kicker. Is there a reason why this has been completely ignored by the masses?

Much like the Saints win, this isn't one that gets you too amped up for the stretch run. It was an ugly win that could've easily gone the other way. The Browns are one of a handful of teams capable of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory like they managed to do today.

If you're a Browns fan, I feel sorry for you. Not just for today's game, but in general, for following such a bad team all these years and having to live in Cleveland to boot. But seriously, how disheartening is it to lose like you did this afternoon? As much as the announcers tried to build him up, I was not blown away by Charlie Frye. His stats (17/27, 224 yards, 0 TDs or INTs) were acceptable, but he lost a fumble, couldn't finish that 8-minute drive, and what about that mess at the end of the first half? Picture it: the Browns are just inside Phil Dawson's range, and the braintrust of Frye and Crennel fail to get a play called in time. So the Browns take a 5-yard penalty and are forced to throw a pass that only Shaquille O'Neal would have a shot a pulling down. The pass falls incomplete and the Browns enter the half up 10 instead of 13. Those are the little things that keep bad teams down.

Next up for the black and gold is a matchup at the 8-2 Baltimorons on Sunday. How we've gone through 10 weeks of the season and not faced the Ravens is a fantastic question, but I fully expect a good game. If they can win a tough road matchup, it's back to Heinz Field for the Tampa Bay Gradkowskis in two weeks, with a shot at .500 on the line. The Steelers just refuse to let that little window still left in their season close. I give them credit, because they certainly could have mailed it in after that atrocity of a first half today.

So now I retreat to Phil Simms and Jim Nantz announcing Indy at Dallas for the second half of the CBS doubleheader. And from now on, I'm going to research the announcers for the Steeler games ahead of time. That way I can either put in some earplugs, turn down the set and turn up Hillgrove, or send Gus Johnson some Xanax before kickoff.