PITTSBURGH > DETROIT, AGAIN

Not a good weekend for the city of Detroit. On Friday, their beloved Red Wings lost the Stanley Cup on home ice in gut-wrenching fashion. On Sunday, the Tigers dropped the second of a three-game series to the Pirates, which Carlos Beltran would surely consider 'embarrassing'. And on Monday, they'll wake up realizing that they still live in Detroit. Oh well. Maybe Matthew Stafford and Larry Foote can give them some exciting moments this fall.

On Sunday, the Pirates invited the Pens over for a Stanley Cup party before the game, which served the purpose of reminding everyone what a guy wearing a Pirate jersey while holding a championship trophy looks like, while simultaneously pouring heavy doses of salt into the open wounds that Detroit residents still deal with as we speak.

Qdoba Dan Bylsma brought 16 of his merry men and a shiny trophy to PNC Park, including Max Talbot, Bill Guerin, Jordan Staal, Hal Gill, Kris Letang, Mark Eaton, Philippe Boucher, Matt Cooke, Chris Kunitz, Craig Adams, Eric Godard, Jeff Taffe, Chris Minard and Mathieu Garon. A clean-shaven Guerin threw the first pitch to hockey-obsessed Nyjer Morgan, and you'll be glad to know that although it wasn't a strike, it was not a "Baba Booey" first pitch, either.

As far as the game itself, Tigers pitcher Dontrelle Willis had a spectacular performance, doing his part to send the crowd of 27,565 home happy by walking eight Pirates and allowing six hits in three and 2/3 innings of charity work. A 7.49 ERA and 1-4 record, and for the low, low price of $10 million this year. That's some quality general managing.

On the Bucco end, Ross "Mr. Wonderful" Ohlendorf lived up to his WWF-flavored nickname, with a fantastic two-hit, one-run effort over six innings. Andrew McCutchen reached base four times, raising his average to .327, and Delwyn Young added three hits, ending the game with a .358 mark on the season.

Add in free ice cream bowls for the kids, a 6-3 Pirate W that raises their record to 30-33, and an appearance by Pittsburgh's own Don Kelly, and that makes for a pretty good start to the week. To top it off, Greg S. heroically shot this video of the pregame Penguin ceremony, so in authentic hockey fashion, let's all bang our sticks on the board for him in appreciation.

Email: Mondesishouse@gmail.com Twitter: twitter.com/mondesishouse Facebook: Facebook Group

Pirates Win, Keep Me Awake

Yes, I stayed up to watch the entire Pirates game last night, although I do admit switching to Man Vs. Wild between innings. Bear Grylls eating raw zebra (video) in the middle of an African jungle is a tad more interesting than another three-run output by the Pirates. And when Bear squeezes the elephant crap (video) to drink the water because he's so dehydrated...well that clearly distanced the two television events.

The Pirates have scored three runs or less a whopping 16 times in 31 games this season. Offensively, they're about as fun as taking final exams. There are no fireworks. Watching their middle of the lineup in the late innings, I wondered out loud if anyone on this team was capable of hitting a three-run homer. Of course, I later got my answer: "no".

A simple look at their stats illustrates my point: Xavier Nady and Jason Bay lead the team with four home runs each (on pace for a whopping 22). And even on a night when Bay & Nady combine for seven hits, they still can't knock in any runs because the law firm of Duffy, Wilson and Sanchez combined for a 2-for-17 evening.

The script was, for the most part, typical Pirates:

-Ian Snell gave up three runs over seven innings and left the game trailing by one.

-Don Kelly managed to get on base, but as you would expect, got thrown out at home.

-The Pirates left 17 men on base.

-With two on and none out in the 10th, the Pirates couldn't push the go-ahead run home. Not surprisingly, the first batter with two on, Adam LaRoche, struck out.

-In the 12th, Nady led off with a double and moved to third on an error. Man at third none out...and as you can expect, he becomes the Pirate version of Tom Hanks in Castaway, stranded on a desert base.

-In the 14th inning, Nady singles with one out. LaRoche promptly ends the inning by grounding into a double play. This is no longer Castaway. This is more like Groundhog Day.

But don't forget, we're in a weak division, so we can contend all year! I don't know about you, but I can't wait to watch Jack Wilson not hit in the playoffs.

The bottom line is that the Pirates clearly aren't ready to contend. It's the classic case of overlooking flaws because things haven't completely collapsed. You know, when you're winning despite a major weakness. Think the Bears and Rex Grossman. Sure, they made the Super Bowl, but was it because of Grossman or in spite of him? And before you answer that question, remember, he's up for a contract extension and the Bears are still trying to decide what they're going to do with him. Not exactly a vote of confidence for a "franchise" quarterback.

Tonight is Gorzelanny against Marquis...two pitchers with sub-three ERAs. You probably shouldn't count on a ton of offensive fireworks. Unfortunately, Man vs. Wild is not an option tonight.

I'm Back

It's been a tough couple of days around here. The power outage on Tuesday was one thing, but in the meantime, I've been dealing with a very difficult illness in the family for the past two weeks. Let's just say I've become very familiar with the UPMC campus.

If you've noticed, my postings have been rather random...one here, one there, some links...no real rhyme or reason. When I've had a rare moment to post something, it's been a great distraction for me from what I've been dealing with.

When I miss an entire day (like I did on Tuesday) and see that 2,634 people visited the site that day alone, I feel like I'm letting down a tremendous amount of people. I know this little speech has absolutely nothing to do with sports, and that many of you have no interest in this and want me to get with the funny, but I felt the need to share what's been happening. That's my style. And if you've read me with any regularity, you knew that already.

Now that that's behind us, let's try to return to some level of normalcy with that long post my brother promised on my behalf.

--The power outage on Tuesday forced me to take to the road, and it landed me at my parents' house in beautiful Fayette County. This meant the first Pirate game of 2007 that I took in with my father and brother.

My dad is the eternal Pirate optimist. He's sold himself on so many Pirates turning into serviceable players, I've lost track. I think he lost me forever with Adam Hzydu. He's always a treat to watch a game with, because we usually end up debating each other for most of the game...in good fun, of course. My brother, on the other hand, has officially evolved into a fantasy baseball addict. In between commercials for the new FSN studios on the Pirate game (I believe I counted 2,000 tonight), we were treated to a few random at-bats from the big Braves-Nationals game on TBS. Hey, we gotta keep tabs on Jeff Francoeur (he had a homer and 5 RBI, for the two of you who care).

Tuesday's Pirate game was what I would call a blogger's dream/Pirate fan's nightmare. This is the kind of effort that just kills a team and their fans but gives plenty of fodder for second guessing.

THE story of the night (through seven innings, at least) was the pitching of Tom Gorzelanny. Despite the fact that he never seems to close his mouth (anyone else ever notice this?), Gorzo pitched seven innings, yielding just four hits and no runs, while striking out five, including Mr. Pooholes twice. As a reward for his effort, he was treated to watching his inept teammates fumble away the very 2-0 lead that he had worked so hard for.

Gorzo?

ESPN.com fingers Salomon Torres as the goat of the game, but I have some issues with that. This was a team collapse, from their awful manager on down. We'll start, though, with Jason Bay. Bay, by many accounts, is the foundation of the team. You would think he would have some common-sense baseball knowledge, especially being in the position I just described.

So let's set the scene: top of the 9th, Torres on for the save, 2-0 Pirates lead. Eckstein singles, Duncan walks. First and second, no one out, with an appearance by one Albert Pujols pending (he of the 19 HR at PNC Park since 2001). Pujols flies out to Bay in left field, Eckstein tags, and Bay manages a meek throw to third base, neglecting to throw the ball to second base and holding Duncan at first. So instead of having first and third, Duncan moves up to second on Bay's poor decision, and we're now faced with second and third. Might I add a hat tip to Jack Wilson for not lining up Bay for a throw to second, instead directing him to third. That's some great fundamental baseball by another "team leader".

Next up is the red-goateed Scott Spiezio, who, of course, singled to right, scoring two.

Scott Spiezio: consider sexy brought back

Tie game, but the Pirates still have a chance in the bottom of the ninth...which they promptly burn through. What, you expect Klopek to win the game?

Also, it's worth noting that Bay's brain freeze came moments after he killed an eighth-inning rally by grounding into a double play. You'd think if anyone was prepared for a cold-weather game, it would be someone from Canada, but I guess that's not the case.

So we go to extra frames, and the Pirates somehow compose themselves for a rally in the bottom of the 10th. With Big Country Eldred and Chris Duffy reaching in consecutive at-bats, the Pirates have something cooking. Two on, none out, and the heart of the order around the corner. With the 3B and 1B playing for the bunt, up steps Jack Wilson...who promptly bunts right into a fielder's choice, as Eldred is forced out at third. Mr. Tracy, any explanation for the gift of an out for no apparent reason? Continuing their unclutch evening, Freddy Sanchez struck out, and Jason Bay topped Freddy's effort by striking out in especially awful fashion. Two on, none out, and you score no runs. Sorry Buccos, but you deserved this loss. Well, everyone except Tom Gorzelanny.

--I was watching the Fedko Fone Zone after the game (which opened, yet again, with a prominent endorsement of Mondesishouse.com by host John Fedko), and a great point was made: why was Adam LaRoche starting this game instead of Eldred? LaRoche is hitting .097. He's 3-for-31. St. Louis is starting a lefty. I'm sure LaRoche will eventually get it turned around, but wouldn't tonight be a good opportunity to give Eldred some time at first? Wait, I forgot, Jim Tracy knows more than us. Scratch that idea. And remember, bunt with two on and the corner infielders in your face.

--OK, FSN, we get it: you have a new studio. I beg you, please, enough with the moving-in spot.

Seriously, I have FSN on the brain so much, I actually had the thought that Rob King's ample jawline makes him resemble Family Guy's Glenn Quagmire.

--I think the upcoming Pens-Senators series has all the makings of a classic. Bryan Murray can't seem to keep his trap shut, and apparently he hasn't learned that an angry Sidney Crosby usually means curtains for the opposition.

I like what I've seen/heard from Therrien so far, saying that "all the pressure is on the Senators". And I think the playoffs is a time when you'll really appreciate a guy like Gary Roberts, if you don't already.

Tonight, 7 PM, in Ottawa. I know you'll be watching.

--Well, it's probably time to get to your mail...here is a sampling of some of the best I've received in the past few days...

--Patrick from Denison U. was one of several who sent their thoughts on Don Kelly, the subject of last week's mailbag:

"Donny Kelly actually went to Mount Lebanon High School and is one of my best friend's older brother. He is one of the hardest workers and nicest kids I have ever been around. The entire family is sick athletically speaking. Their sister went to Quinnipiac and is the conference's all-time leading rebounder or something. Andy, my friend, can jump higher than any white kid I have ever met."

Hey, no need to sell me. I'm a fan...more for the off the field stuff, but a fan nonetheless (due to the reasons I outlined last week). The official "Don Kelly Hit Watch" has begun (so far, no, nothing yet).

But try selling his good points to some of the other Pirate-related blogs and message boards. Might be a tougher sell than ol' Mondesi.

--Becky from Parts Unknown chimed in on Large Benjamin Roethlisberger:

"Fun is great, but he already had his little tv tour this offseason and blew off half of last week's workouts playing golf in Cali. You would think that he wants to prove the naysayers wrong. His work ethic DOES suck. And if he's gonna blow off being a leader for his team, the least he could do is look happy. He looks more intersted in that freaking icecream bar than his girlfrend. Idiot. Here's to 8-8 again..."

I have many thoughts in my head about the state of the Steelers. I think that's going to be a seperate column for another day. But count Becky among the growing amount of Steelers fans questioning Big Ben's love of the game.

Personally, I don't think he's a Peyton Manning, all-day, all-night film study guy who eats, sleeps, and breathes football. Doesn't particularly look like the finest physical specimen on the planet, either. I think he's more in the category of "shows up when the lights come on", and that rubs some fans the wrong way. There's a perception that he's done more partying/travelling this offseason than after the Super Bowl, and I'm not the registrar of Roethlisberger's comings and goings (that would be this site), but I would probably agree with that.

Listen, a guy is entitled to some free time. As demanding as the NFL life is, I fully expect players to enjoy their leisure time in a non-Making-it-Rain-with-PacMan way. But coming off of a bad season by most accounts, Ben's very public offseason is going to agitate some Steeler fans. That's just reality.

*By the way, Becky included a pic of Big Ben eating an ice cream bar while in full Sean John gear, hence the reference to said "freaking icecream bar" in her email.

--Longtime reader TJ from Cleveland checked in with this:

"I went to the Cavs game last night with my sister for her b-day, and as we were walking to our seats, right in front of us was this couple. The guy was probably 6'4'', and his wife was one of the hottest women I've ever seen, ever. Anyway, the guy turns around, and its Kellen Winslow. He's lean; not as big as I thought he might be. He seemed pretty cordial; people were calling out his name and he was waving and smiling and stuff. What made me laugh though was that he was rocking a fedora; I don't know if he was going for the D-Wade look or the K-Fed look.

During the game they panned the crowd and put a picture of him at his seat on the scoreboard, which got a mixed reaction of cheers and jeers. I don't know how I'd feel about that if I was an athlete/celeb - I guess its a double-edged sword. On one hand, you just want to go to the game with as few distractions as possible, but on the other hand, when you're at that status, you just have to accept the fact that it will happen."

If I were a member of the Browns, any reaction involving cheers would have to be looked upon as a huge success, especially if I were Kellen Winslow II.

--TJ also sent along this virtual kick in the nuts to Cleveland fans: the website "God Hates Cleveland Sports". He describes it as "kind of like Mondesi's House, but for Cleveland". Hey, watch it. At least our teams win something from time to time other than the draft lottery (which we also win---cough---sidney crosby---cough---).

I know, Lebron's going to play for real now that the playoffs are ready to start. And then you can send me another recap of Kellen Winslow at the playoff game. But this time, remember, a picture of a fedora'd-KWII would be even better than a recap.

--Brad sent along the website http://www.yourtvlinks.com/:

"Has almost every tv show or cartoon one can imagine available for online viewing."

Wow...Brad really doesn't want anyone reading this site to get any work done today. But thanks for the link...cool site.

--A popular submission was anything relating to the Colin Cowherd-Thebiglead.com situation. I think Cowherd was out of line for what he did, I think he deserved disciplinary action from ESPN, and I think The Big Lead should explore possible legal angles. Great write-up from the ESPN Ombudswoman on the topic.

--PacMan, PacMan, PacMan. I received this link numerous times today. So tell me, what exactly is PacMan Jones going to do with himself over the next year? May I suggest Head Recruiter for Coach Huggins? Why not help his Alma Mater?

--A few people sent over the link from Teapot Dome Scandal entitled "LaRoche Unable to Handle Pressure of Playing in Pittsburgh". LaRoche? Heck, I'm still wondering if Jason Bay can handle the pressure.

*After you read that piece, remember, I officially declared Shawn Chacon a "True Pirate" on August 10, 2006.

--Also a popular submission: the Bob Huggins-Kansas State "reaction" article.

Best line:

"As Huggins officially changed jobs again, purple-clad fans sipped Boulevard beers, watched college baseball and quietly moved on. Kris Smith, the general manager at Kite's Bar and Grill, said Thursday night was rowdy. Some angry fans at a bar down the street tried to get screwdrivers and yank a picture of Huggins off the wall. "

Yikes. And for those of you who missed it, you may want to check out my little list of Huggins' various indesrections from last week. West Virginia...wild and wonderful.

--Bill from Pittsburgh sent this story about a PA teacher suing over a fake Myspace page created by one of his students.

--Doug thinks you should know about Carmen Electra's new naked wrestling league. No, Kurt Angle is not in it...yet.

--Sam in Mt. Lebanon sends over this montage of the Pens' 2006-07 season. The only problem: it's incomplete without Jim Balsillie's opening-night s-bomb. But seriously, some great stuff here.

--I can always count on David M. from Mississippi to provide me with some great news of the weird. We'll take you out with some of his findings of late:

2nd-hand flatulence prompts new butts-out policy

Dating website for the mentally ill

Carmen Electra has girl crush

Can't Name Their Baby "Metallica"

Memphis Belle arrested (you have to click for the pic)

The mailbag is here to stay! As always, you can send your thoughts on anything to mondesishouse@gmail.com for the next installment. And please include your city and state if you can.

The Afternoon Killer

--First of all, thanks for all of the emails regarding yesterday's post. My inbox is already overflowing with mail for the next "mailbag". So it looks like that will be a regular feature.

--These nights with two games going on are tough. First I had the Pitt/Penguins combos to deal with. Now I'm faced with the Penguins/Pirates quandary. My channels were changing so often, I thought Xavier Nady was playing on Jordan Staal's line. It was confusing. And the Pirates ended up outscoring the Penguins.

--The Pirates started the season 2-0 after downing the Astros, 3-2, for a their second come-from-behind victory of the young season. We were treated to watching George H.W. Bush behind the plate the entire game, which may or may not be an upgrade from a view of Kevin McClatchy for three consecutive hours.

Adam LaRoche, in the words of Joe Namath, is struggggling. 0-for-8, 5 strikeouts, 5 runners left on. Of course, being a blogger, my job is to criticize Dave Littlefield if he were unable to trade for LaRoche, then criticize him after two games if the guy is off to a poor start. So direct your anger at the GM.

Even worse, I figured out who LaRoche looks like...the Klopek kid from one of my favorite movies of all time, The Burbs.

Other than Hans Klopek starting the year hitless and George Bush watching the game, the story of the night was Ian Snell's 11 strikeouts, including future HOFer Craig Biggio thrice. Good thing the Pirates didn't turn him into a reliever after all.

--Our daily Don Kelly news alert...Lanny and Wehner were discussing how "starting the season in Houston was a great thing for Don Kelly" because of all the distractions that await him in Pittsburgh. Honestly guys, was Don Kelly's psyche really a concern going into the season?

After yesterday's mention, I received a lot of pro-Kelly email. Local guy, Mt. Lebo/Point Park, hard worker...a nice story in the making.

--An update on "Club 21", the PNC Park bar to honor Roberto Clemente...it's been renamed "Club 3000", in honor of Bernie Mac's turn in the film Mr. 3000. Seriously though, it's named Club 3000 in honor of all of the Pirates who have 3000 hits. So do they plan on honoring Barry if he can manage 158 more hits in his career?

--Brad Lincoln continues the curse of Pirate 1st-round pitchers with the news that he's having Tommy John surgery, done (of course) by Dr. James Andrews. Lincoln becomes the 6th Pirate 1st-round pitcher to have major arm surgery, joining Bryan Bullington, Sean Burnett, John Van Benschoten, Bobby Bradley, and Clint Johnston.

--The Pens dropped a 4-1 decision to the Buffalo Sabres, in a loss that significantly raises the chance that they will finish second in the Atlantic Division and fifth in the conference. Just two more regular season games remain for the Pens: Thursday at Ottawa, and Saturday against the Rangers.

Going into the playoffs, my big question is whether or not Crosby, Malkin and Staal are capable of growing playoff beards.

--DJ Gallo, one of my favorite writers, gives us a 6-part "MLB 2007 Calendar" with his trademark style. Must-read material.

--Bucci takes a shot at his own employer as well as SI in this very pro-Penguins article

--Don Cannon has a Myspace page?

--I don't know how to best describe this. You just have to view it for yourself.

--Tie Domi almost got banned from his 11-year-old's hockey league

--Going back to your daddy's Pirates, here's a rather random Rennie Stennett mention

--College football coaching legend Eddie Robinson passed away at age 88

--Trouble for a few Pitt-Greensburg ballers, trying to mold their careers after PacMan Jones...

...of course, in all fairness, some Nittany Lions have been misbehaving as well...

...then again, there's always the Zamboni DWI

--Paul Rudd (of 40 Year Old Virgin and Anchorman fame) recreates the Lily Tomlin I Heart Huckabees meltdown (watch the language if you're at work)

Deadspin introduces us to the 12-person beer bong. Someone with marketing savvy could become a millionaire from this idea.

A Long-Winded Post

Well, I'm back after an eventful Monday spent on the road. If I wasn't already buried with material, I solicited your emails and thoughts while I was away. And you answered my call...overwhelmingly. What follows is one of my longest posts ever, and after an entire day of travel, work, and travel. What can I say? I'm not here on Monday and you respond with a mind-blowing amount of traffic and email. I can't let you down!

With so much to cover, we'll start with the Pirates opener and go from there.

--A lot of people asked for my honest thoughts and feelings on the Pirates' chances in 2007. Despite my gloom-and-doom season preview, I'm a devout Pirate fan at heart. The reason I get so down is because they were such a part of my youth, my love of baseball, and a driving force of my 14-year baseball career, culminating in a chance to play for baseball coaching legend John Banaszak at Washington and Jefferson College (for those of you under the age of 40 who didn't get that tongue-in-cheek comment, "Banny" was a Super Steeler who found his way to our D-III school as a defensive coordinator. And since W&J made nearly every one of their coaches coach more than one sport, guess who became the baseball coach, despite the fact that he never even played baseball???)

But I digress...back to the Buccos. If I didn't like the Pirates, I wouldn't care so much. It's just hard to watch the product year after year and try and sell yourself on this year being different. In 2006, we were all wound up about building on the 2005 rookie seasons of Zach "8-2, 1.81" Duke and Chris ".341" Duffy, as well as the "great clubhouse influences" of vets like Sean Casey and Joe Randa...2005's shining-star-to-be was Jack Wilson, member of the 201-hit club the previous season (he hit .257 in '05...nothing like a 50-point drop in your batting average to dull enthusiasm)...In 2004, hope was built around Raul Mondesi; we all know how that turned out...2003 was the year of the big-name vets looking to revive a career: Kenny Lofton, Reggie Sanders, etc....and so on and so forth. I guess I finally got to the point of "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 14 times, shame on me."

It just became very difficult to buy into any hope the Pirates were offering. This year's hope is basically Adam LaRoche and a young team that's a year older. Most pundits pick the Pirates 5th or 6th in the NL Central. I'm not in the prediction business, but that sounds about right. When the Tigers add Gary Sheffield to a World Series team and the Red Sox add Matsuzaka and Drew to an 86-win team, it's hard to get excited about the Pirates adding Adam LaRoche to a 67-win squad. Needless to say, my expectations are low. But that can be a good thing, as reader Chris from Seattle reminds me with this email...

I'm a long-time reader who originally found you through Deadspin, where I post as Roy Hobbs. I was re-reading the 55 Things that Annoy me About Sports, and came across this gem:

27. Ranking Peyton Manning as the best QB in the NFL every year, only to have him disappoint everyone in the playoffs. I know, this year it will be different. And next year the Pirates will have a winning record.

Anyway, I want you to know that I just plunked down the cash for the Extra Innings package so I can see all the Pirates games this year based solely upon your assertion. If they don't have a winning season, I'm blaming you and will be asking for a refund.

Kidding. Sort of.

If nothing else, Chris has exposed me as one of the millions of know-nothing know-it-alls who ripped on Peyton Manning for his lack of playoff success, despite the fact that he probably had a decent amount of productive years and subsequent chances to win a Super Bowl remaining. Guilty as charged. But Chris is totally right, if I think he's going where he's going. Anything can happen in sports...it's been proven time and time again. Who knows...maybe this will be the year the Pirates finally get their act together. I certainly hope so.

So tonight was the opening game, and I was traveling with my brother at the time. Since he also opted for Sirius over XM, we had no access to any MLB games on our trip (although we were able to hear a Howard Stern re-run from 1986 on the way this morning...nothing like a 21-year-old re-run for $13 a month). Finally, Lanny and Wehner came into reception, and our first impression of the Pirates was "It's the Astros 2, the Pirates 0 after seven innings...the Pirates have been limited to three singles..."

Of course, my initial impression was "same old Pirates". Decent pitching, no bats, blah, blah, blah. I always think the Pirates need to treat these games like September, because September games haven't mattered for the Pirates in a long, long time. So that means I think winning the opener actually means something. I was thrilled to hear the unexpected turn of events that resulted in the Pirates tying the game at two after nine innings: a pinch-hit HR by Nate McClouth and a dinger by Xavier Nady when the Bucs were down to their last out. (If anyone wondered whether or not Brad Lidge was damaged goods, that Nady homer ought to end that discussion).

And Jason "Bay-Rod" overcame his penchant for coming up un-clutch in a clutch situation by jacking a two-run home run in the extra frame, giving the Pirates just enough juice to take the opener from the clutches of the Astros' weak grip. First place, looking down on the lowly, last-place Astros and Cardinals...I could definitely get used to this.

That being said, the Pirates had some flaws exposed in Monday's game. The 3-4-5 firm of Bay, LaRoche and Paulino combined for a 1-15 evening, with 6 strikeouts and 6 men left on base. LaRoche failed to walk on water in his Pirate debut, with an 0-5, 4-K performance that sounded as nauseating as it probably looked. Of course, Pirate fans were ready to jump all over him.

My brother is a big fan of the John Fedko call-in show on PCNC, strictly for unintentional comedy purposes (for which it is OFF THE CHARTS). So we tuned in for some postgame banter between Fedko and the fans. One guy calls in and rips LaRoche up and down, saying how awful he looks. Fedko responds by saying you can't judge a guy based on just one game. Immediately after that, Fedko proclaims that Salomon Torres could be the man for the closer job...after a sample size of...one game. Fedko never lets me down.

By the way, on the night of the Pirate opener, the NCAA championship, and a magical Penguins playoff run pending, the caller at 11:57 on a Monday night on April 2 wanted to talk about Alan Faneca. Thought that was worth mentioning.

My other favorite part of this Pirate season is that they kept Don Kelly on the roster. For those of you who don't normally follow 25th-men on a 67-win baseball team, Don Kelly is a career minor-leaguer who was dropped from the Tigers' 40-man roster in September.

So why is Don Kelly's signing so noteworthy to me?

-He's from Butler, PA

-He went to Point Park College in Pittsburgh

-He's married to Neil Walker's sister

-He looks exactly like my old roommate Bob. If I had a pic of my roommate on hand, I'd do a seperated at birth and blow your mind. We've been talking about this since my Dad (a Point Park alum) spotted Kelly in an alumni magazine three or four years ago. If Bob wanted to pull a stunt like that Brian St. Pierre impersonator, he could totally pull it off.

Keeping that in mind, I'm listening to the situation in the top of the 9th...Nady homers to tie it at 2, Castillo doubles, Doumit walks, and it's time for a pinch hitter to tee off on Brad Lidge's pus. With Big Country Eldred available on the bench, Jim Tracy decides this is the situation to give Kelly his first ever major league at bat! After battling Lidge, Kelly eventually flew out. That's some great managing, Jim.

Ahhh, the Pirates will give me plenty of material in 2007.

--Monday night also wrapped up the men's college basketball season. I missed about half of the first half, but I got to see enough of the game to realize how much better of a team Florida had than the rest of the NCAA this season. With five NBA-bound players, now may be a pretty good time to bail for ol' Coach Donovan.

This year's edition did not have many warm and fuzzy memories for me, with yet another Pitt exit too early for our liking. When I think of this year's tourney, I'll remember that ice-in-the-veins shot to beat Duke, a couple OSU moments (the Xavier 3, the Tennessee comeback, and Oden's subsequent block to end the game), and the lack of any true Cinderella.

The greatest comment of the tournament did not come from the much-maligned Billy Packer, nor the much-adored Gus Johnson; in fact, it came from my very own brother tonight, when he thought aloud, "Can you imagine the influx of another round of OHIO STATE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS t-shirts dumped on some unfortunate third-world country tomorrow? They must think Ohio State really stinks."

Well said, Ramon.

--Back to the mailbag...

David F. sends this over:

I've recently noticed many eerie similarities between the 2006-07 Penguins and the 2006 New Orleans Saints.

Consider the evidence:

- Both wear the same black and gold colors.

- Both finished second-worst in the league last year, and showed remarkable improvement this year.

- Both were in danger of leaving town, but were saved in part by fan support resulting from their newfound success.

- Both play in similar-looking domes.

- The Saints finished second in their conference this past year, and the Pens have a shot at doing the same.

There may be even more parallels that I haven't thought of yet. Considering that the Saints lost in the conference title game to the top-seeded Bears, I fully expect the Pens to lose in the conference finals to the Buffalo Sabres.

If I may add a few...

--Both rely on vices (New Orleans=booze/partying, Pittsburgh=gambling) to benefit their city

--Each has a major face of the league (Reggie Bush, Sidney Crosby) on their team

--Both were rumored to move to LA at one point or another. In one of my favorite ridiculous Penguin rumors of all time, the owner of the KC arena (Los Angeles-based Anschutz Entertainment Group) would bring the Penguins to KC, then swap the Penguins players with the LA Kings (AEG president Tim Leiweke is president of the NHL's Los Angeles Kings). Yes, someone actually floated that.

--A few people sent over the rumor from Profootballtalk.com that the Steelers and Cardinals were talking trade on Max Starks over the weekend. The Steelers would send Starks and their 1st-rounder (15th overall) in exchange for the Cards' first-rounder (5th overall). Starks would then be reuinted with Kenny Wiz and Russ Grimm, and the Steelers would get to pay top-five money to a rookie.

Not surprisingly, the site later wrote that the rumors were inaccurate. The same site also pulled an April Fool's prank with rumors such as "McNabb to Retire?" and "Snyder to Sell if 'Skins Stumble Again?"

As I noted, for any site that suggested during the season last year with a straight face that the Steelers would trade for Jerry Porter and/or Randy Moss, isn't every day a potential April Fool's?

--Greg N. is always scouring the web and sending some me great Sidney Crosby stuff. A few of his recent finds:

-A TSN column telling people to quit complaining about fights in hockey, shut up, sit down, and watch Sid play

-A column from the Toronto Sun about Crosby's Beckham-like stature in Canada, and the possible 20-year-old Posh to his Becks

--A.J. from 105.9 the X in Pittsburgh wrote a "Eulogy for the Pirates" on the eve of the season:

"In the summer of 1979, a Sears delivery van pulled into the driveway of my family’s home in a suburban Pittsburgh neighborhood. I happened to be riding my Big Wheel in the yard at the time and got excited as I watched the delivery guy load our new washer and dryer into the basement. While I was only a tyke and didn’t do laundry, getting new appliances in those days was a pretty big deal.

My mother was pretty excited as well. Our old dryer had died several months earlier and she had been drying all of the family’s laundry on a clothes line in the backyard. While this once lead to an absolutely hilarious episode involving; the neighbor’s black lab named Speedy, my brother Billy, and a mini-bike, it wasn’t exactly the best way to dry clothing. I can remember that being the summer of chaffed nipples, not only because of the polyester fabrics that were so popular in the 70s, but because air dried t-shirts just aren’t as soft as those that are tumble dried.

The summer of 1979 also brought us another World Series trophy to the city of Pittsburgh. Sadly, I was too young to remember or fully appreciate many of the details of that glorious season. However, I can vividly remember my boyhood heroes. They had names like The Cobra, Scrap Iron, The Candyman, Teke, and Pops. The Buccos claiming the World Series combined with the Super Steelers winning the 4th of their Lombardi Trophies, there was no greater place on Earth to live than the City of Champions for a little boy who loved sports. I thought stuff like this was supposed to happen every year.

Now, back to my dryer. That General Electric dryer (or Old Faithful as I call her) served the family well. It made it through the remaining years of the Carter administration, and Reagan’s first term. However, the good times that were upon us soon turned sour. Gone were the glory days of a World Champion baseball team, instead the local headlines told stories about how many of my boyhood heroes had purchased cocaine from the Pirate Parrot.

In the spring of 1985 my family also suffered a setback as we lost my Grandfather Albert. When we were cleaning out his old house to put it up for sale, my father took Grandpa’s washer and dryer (which was only a year old) for use in our home. Our now almost decade old appliances that were delivered on that sunny day in 1979 took a well deserved rest in the garage.

In the fall of 1991, Grandpa Albert’s dryer breathed its last warm breath. I’ll never forget the exact moment it died because it happened during the ’91 National League Championship Series. Pirates pitcher Bob Walk had just earned a save in game one against the Atlanta Braves – thus causing my father to leap to his feet, flip his middle finger at the television set, and yell at the top of his lungs, “Take that Tomahawk Chop and shove it up your ass Ted Turner!”. As if on cue, the electricity in the entire house shut down. For a brief minute, I thought that God was a Braves fan. It turns out that it was just the dryer. Something in it had blown up shorted out the circuit breaker. While electricity was soon returned to the household, God went on to allow the Braves to win the NLCS in seven games.

Rather than buy a new dryer, Dad decided to go to the bullpen and call Old Faithful back into service. So he dug her out of the garage, and once again our trusty GE was keeping the laundry fresh. I guess Dad has a little in common with Dave Littlefield in trying to save a buck and get the most out of an aging vet, but it turns out this dryer was way more productive than Jeremy Burnitz ever was.

The dryer stayed in use in my parent’s basement from 1991 until they moved in 2001. At that time, I took over Old Faithful and she’s been drying my clothes in the basement of my duplex for the past 6 years. That was until last week. Finally, after almost 30 years of service that old General Electric dryer took its last tumble. To be honest, she had been making funny noises over the past year, so I knew it was only a matter of time before I’d be walking the showroom floor at Sears looking for a replacement.

Last night I replaced Old Faithful with a shiny new Whirlpool dryer. O.F. was carted outside and left on my curb until trash pickup on Tuesday morning. I can’t help but be a little sad when I look out my window and see her sitting out there. That thing has tumble-dried everything from my Stan Terlecki jersey to my One Bad Ma’Afala t-shirt. One thing that it never saw was another Pirates World Championship t-shirt.

Here we sit on the dawn of another season. It’s been 28 years since that last championship and 14 years since we’ve even had a winning record. Perhaps this will finally be the year that the Bucs right the ship. Or, it could just be the start of 30 more years of hot air."

(A.J. can be heard weekends on WXDX 105.9 FM...here's his Myspace page)

--If I ever start a Mondesi's House Wack Pack (like Howard Stern's Wack Pack), I already have a regular guest that seems to polarize the audience: Adam the Penn State Fan. He's a local high schooler who I assume aspires to attend PSU someday. If you've ever ventured into the comments section, you'll see Adam's pro-Penn State thoughts. It doesn't even have to be on a post related to Penn State...he'll gladly drop in a Penn State mention to any topic whatsoever. But even Adam can't defend what Penn State is now asking of their fans.

--Blake from Canada sent me the NBA All-Bust Team...relevant because of the presence of one Chris Taft. When I think of Taft, and I remember all of those NBAdraft.net mock drafts with him at 1 or 2 overall, I'm still amazed at how hard and fast his stock fell.

--Mario of South Carolina reminds anyone teetering on the fence of attending the April 10th Charlotte Bobcats game that it's Adam Morrison fake mustache night!

--Art from Slippery Rock fills us in on the recent speaker who visited SRU: Pirate PA Announcer Tim DeBacco. "The best learning experience is by failing," said DeBacco. As Art pointed out, DeBacco has plenty of experience in that category watching the Pirates.

--Thanks again for all of the email on Monday...I'm thinking the e-mailbag may become a regular feature. As always, you can send your thoughts on anything to mondesishouse@gmail.com. Now let's enjoy that first-place feeling as long as possible!