The 6 Most Annoying New York Jets

It's that semi-regular time of year around here known as AFC Championship Week, and to kick it off, let's re-acquaint ourselves with the most obnoxious faces of the Steelers' opponent:

1. RYAN, Rex

CLAIM TO FAME: An internet foot-fetish video scandal involving his wife.

REASONS WHY THE JETS PUT UP WITH HIM: 22-13 regular season record, 4-1 in postseason, 2 AFC Championship appearances in two seasons with the Jets.

2. HOLMES, Santonio

CLAIMS TO FAME: Sold drugs as a teenager; has a hat trick of arrests to his credit; suspended four games by the NFL in 2010 for violating their substance abuse policy; once told someone to kill themselves on Twitter; got involved in an altercation on a flight; tweeted that he was going to wake and bake; had naked pictures surface on the net (sorry, you can Google that yourself).

REASONS WHY THE JETS PUT UP WITH HIM: Super Bowl MVP pedigree; 746 yards receiving, 6 TDs in 12 games in 2010; actually a dangerous player if and when his head is in the game and he's not suspended.

3. ED, Fireman

CLAIMS TO FAME: Loud, obnoxious, camera-hogging fan who gets nearly as much face time as Mark Sanchez during the average Jets game; actually has a Wikipedia page; charged with simple assault when a Giants fan interrupted his sacred Jets chant in 2010.

REASONS WHY THE JETS PUT UP WITH HIM: None I can easily identify.

4. CROMARTIE, Antonio

CLAIMS TO FAME: Fathered nine children with eight women living in six states, and has been named in at least five paternity suits in the past two years; tried to remember all the kids' names on an episode of HBO's Hard Knocks; called Tom Brady an a-hole. 

REASONS WHY THE JETS PUT UP WITH HIM: Former All-Pro and Pro Bowler with San Diego in 2007; 1st round pick in 2006.

5. SCOTT, Bart

CLAIMS TO FAME:  Said of Wes Welker, "I'll tell you what. Be very careful what you say about our coach. His (Welker's) days in a uniform will be numbered. Put it like that."; gave ridiculous interview to Sal Paolantonio after beating the Patriots on Sunday; allegedly threatened to kill Hines Ward after a game.

REASONS WHY THE JETS PUT UP WITH HIM: 2006 All-Pro and Pro Bowler; most visible player link to Rex Ryan's Baltimore days.

6. EDWARDS, Braylon

CLAIMS TO FAME: Got into a beef with one of Lebron's boys in 2009, just two days before getting traded to the Jets; blew twice the legal limit when pulled over in 2010, resulting in DWI;

REASONS WHY THE JETS PUT UP WITH HIM: 3rd overall pick in 2005 would lead one to believe he has some talent; 2007 Pro Bowl selection, with 16 TDs; 904 yards, 7 TDs in 2010; scored Jets' second touchdown on Sunday;

Mondesi's House: The Director's Cut (more links, commentary, etc): twitter.com/mondesishouse
Email: mondesishouse@gmail.com

HAMMER 10, NAIL 6

STEELERS (2-0) 10

BROWNS (0-2) 6

ROETHLISBERGER: 12-19, 186 YARDS, 1 TD
PARKER: 28-105
HOLMES: 5-94

It wasn't the prettiest game to watch, and it wasn't nearly as dominating of a performance as last week, but in the end, the Browns are still the Browns.

That's about all you can say to sum up the Steelers' 10-6 win last night in a Cleveland windstorm on NBC's Sunday Night Football, the 10th Steeler victory over the Browns in a row. The Browns committed numerous miscues, including two Derek Anderson interceptions, two Braylon Edwards drops, and 10 penalties, not to mention poor clock management and some questionable decisions from Coach Romeo Crennel.

Cleveland's impotent offense featured the following drives in the first half:

1. 3 plays, 2 yards, punt

2. 3 plays, 3 yards, punt

3. 3 plays, 4 yards, punt

4. 5 plays, 7 yards, punt

5. 1 play, 0 yards, INT

6. 14 plays, 71 yards, INT

That's right...the Brownies had the ball with 6:26 to go and two timeouts and managed to come away with zero points. I've seen better game-planning out of Dave Wannstedt.

True, conditions were pretty awful, and both teams were playing on the same surface. The Steelers, although not as terrible as the Browns in the first half, weren't that much better. But they did come up with a 12-play, 70-yard drive that ended in a Ben Roethlisberger-to-Hines Ward touchdown that silenced the crowd (consisting mostly of grown men wearing dog outfits) for a short time. I'm sure they enjoyed the dog-kicking-dirt TD celebration in their faces. I know I did.

On the Browns side of the ball, I was not very impressed by Derek Anderson, who proved that he's among the best in the league at not finishing a drive. In the backfield, it was vintage Jamal Lewis, and by vintage I mean 19 carries for 38 yards while showing the breakaway speed of Casey Hampton. Big-mouthed Braylon Edwards caught three balls while dropping two, but at least he had his BFF Michael Phelps rooting him on from the luxury boxes. The Cleveland line allowed two sacks, but more importantly featured quite the colorful collection of characters, among them Pittsburgh's own Hank Fraley, former "boating while intoxicated" Bengal Eric Steinbach, almost-Steeler Rex Hadnot, and young Pro Bowler Joe Thomas, whose aunt looks like this:

On the Steeler O side, Willie Parker, who comes in as possibly the second-most underrated player in the NFL behind Mr. Roethlisberger, had yet another 100-yard performance and a rare national TV interview after the game. Santonio Holmes showed some amazing hands with his five catch, 94 yard performance, including a huge 48-yard bomb from Big Ben. Ward added five catches for 59 yards, among them a 31-yarder while pinned deep in their own territory. And Heath Miller had what might've been the biggest catch of all, a 19-yarder from Roethlisberger in the 4th quarter that unofficially ended the game.

Roethlisberger clearly wasn't himself, and he may or may not have/had been suffering from a separated shoulder, but yet again he got the job done and made the plays he had to make. He remains undefeated in the state of Ohio since joining the Steelers.

The Steeler defense bent but did not break, and I wasn't crazy about some of their 3rd-down plays, but all in all it was a pretty solid performance. Ryan Clark and Ike Taylor seemed especially motivated and talkative, and Taylor led the team with six tackles. Troy Polamalu is looking like his old self again, leaping over offensive lines and running back interceptions with reckless abandon. Their game plan, which apparently did not include as much blitzing as usual, seemed to work, because you can't argue too much with six points allowed and zero touchdowns.

The Browns' D featured heavy doses of Shaun Rogers, who is heavy in his own right. Rogers got to Roethlisberger once, as did two of his teammates, but they allowed 117 yards rushing to the Steelers' 53, and by my count at least four plays of 19 yards or more. By the way, was I the only one who thought that Rogers had a late hit on Roethlisberger when he pushed his big self into Ben's shoulder after the whistle?

Next up for the 2-0 Steelers is a 4:15 matchup with the Donovan McNabb and the Eagles in Philadelphia on Sunday. It's the Pennsylvania State Championship, and hopefully our QB will rest that shoulder before the big game.

Game Notes:
--Anyone else really nervous every time the Browns punted to the Steelers in those swirling winds? They dodged a few bullets, to say the least.

--The Steeler kick returners weren't much better than their punt returners, totaling 3 returns for 21 yards. You'll have that anytime Matt Spaeth shows up in that ledger.

--Once again, Skippy Reed comes through with a 48-yarder at a crucial point in the game. Color me impressed.

--Nice game out of Bryant McFadden last night, with an INT and big breakup in place of Deshea Townsend.

--Steeler rushing distribution: Parker 28 carries, Holmes 1, Roethlisberger 1, Davis 1. No Mendenhall, Coach Tomlin?

--I was praying for a Browns fan to run onto the field so James Harrison could recreate his priceless 2005 moment.

--I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to Chuck, My Own Worst Enemy, and Heroes on NBC's fall schedule. Sorry, I was brainwashed last night.

--Wow, was John Madden rambling on (even by his standards) about Michael Phelps and Dennis Quaid!

--Speaking of repetitive promos, we have a DeNiro/Pacino movie and a DiCaprio/Crowe movie coming out? Who's casting all of these superstar-laden films, the Yankees?

--And to close, Mr. Kellen Winslow II!

LET'S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY

It's only April, and I'm proud to proclaim that I'm already sick of the Cleveland Browns. Seriously, a "Roadmap to Tampa" article with a picture of Braylon Edwards? Five prime-time games (including three Monday Nighters) in 2008? Is this the Twilight Zone?

Spare me if you've heard this story before: an up-and-coming AFC North team features an explosive offense and is poised to ruin the Steelers' divisional reign of terror. Basically, it's the same premise of an article I've been reading for the past three years or so, with a few names changed:

The Cincinnati Bengals Cleveland Browns are definitely the team to beat in the AFC North. An explosive passing game, led by young Carson Palmer Derek Anderson and Chad Johnson Braylon Edwards, will ultimately lead the Bengals Browns past their AFC North brethren.

Much like Cincinnati's recent teams, I think that the Browns are incredibly overrated, and by no means a runaway choice for 2008 AFC North Champion. As down as many fans are on the Steelers due to their challenging schedule, player changes, and offseason from Hell, it's worth noting that they were still within a holding call of reaching the second round of the playoffs, despite a plethora of injuries (or did we forget that?)

I'm certainly not blaming the Steelers' loss on the officials; they put themselves in the position where a bad call could help decide the game, and that's no one's fault but their own. But I am saying that despite their roller-coaster performance in that game, they still almost pulled it out.

The media is high on the Browns because after years and years of losing, they made a little noise last year (again, just like the Bengals initial venture into the .500+ Club a few years ago). A few free agent signings later, and they're the favorite in the AFC North, leapfrogging the incumbent division champion that features one of the league's truly elite quarterbacks and the NFL's #1-ranked defense. Sorry, but that just rubs me the wrong way.

The 2005 Bengals were 11-5, they won the AFC North, and they were ushered out of the first round of the playoffs in their own stadium by the Steelers. True, they lost Carson Palmer during the game. But they also went into the Halftime/Chad Johnson Sparring Match with a lead. It was a winnable game for the Bengals, no doubt about it. They just weren't ready for the next step.

Pundits were still in love with Cincy going into 2006, even though the Steelers won the freaking Super Bowl. The Bengals responded with an 8-8 regular season, capped off by the ultimate choke job in losing a must-have Week 17 game against the Steelers in what turned out to be Bill Cowher's last game as the Steelers' coach.

As recently as last year, the Bengals were still the AFC North preseason favorites in a number of publications and on a variety of sites. I found this insulting at the time, given that half their team was arrested in the offseason, coupled with the fact that their nucleus had yet to win a playoff game (hmm...sounds like a certain team from Dallas, Texas, as a matter of fact - but that's a different argument for a different day).

So the Bengals went out and crapped their way to a 7-9 record in 2007, and the Steelers won the division despite having a new coach, a new philosophy, and a rash of injuries.

That brings us to the 2008 offseason, and I'm already prepared to hear about nothing but Browns supremacy from now until Week One in September. Sorry, but with all of the NFL TV/radio/internet/newspaper/magazines that I intake, that's going to get really old really fast. In fact, as I stated above, it already has.

A few bullet points to shoot through the "Cleveland=Awesome" theories you'll be hearing for the next five months or so and help you through what will be a challenging couple of months:

--Derek Anderson sure is a great quarterback. I like how everyone's casually forgotten that he failed to beat out Charlie Frye for the starting job, a quarterback who played so horribly in the opener that he was traded to Seattle.

--I keep hearing how Anderson is celebrated as a "Pro Bowl quarterback". Translation: "Tom Brady didn't feel like going to Hawaii after losing the Super Bowl, so he used the injury out and decided to hang out somewhere else with Gisele."

Ladies and gentlemen, Pro Bowl quarterback Derek Anderson!

--Anderson put up some eye-popping stats, no doubt. Among those never mentioned: his 19 interceptions in 15 starts. Let's just keep that between me and you.

--Are you really sold on Jamal Lewis for the long haul? Sure, if you're into shaky character guys with a history of injuries who played well in a contract year. I know I am.

--They traded for big, fat, unmotivated D-lineman Shaun Rogers, giving up talented DB Leigh Bodden and a third-round pick in the process. Is it possible to be ripped off by Matt Millen?

--Their acquisition of WR Donte Stallworth is described by Banks as "positive buzz". Remind me, is this the same Donte Stallworth who's on his fourth team in the last 27 months? It is? Thought so. Because NFL teams always want to rid themselves of young, talented wide receivers in the prime of their career, especially well-run organizations like New England and Philadelphia.

Luckily, Cleveland gave him a $35 million contract, with $10 million guaranteed, a sound financial investment if I've ever seen one.

--As Peter King pointed out about a month ago, the Browns story is eerily reminiscent of the 2007 (five win) 49ers: young offense, high-profile signings...

--Did we forget that defense is kinda important in this league? Apparently so, because the Browns' unit ranked 30th in the NFL last year.

--This team's had a history of injuries (Kellen Winslow, Braylon Edwards, etc). But how about this statistic: the Browns have had six players suffer staph infections in the past four years?

--Their backup QB's internet pictures are as talked about as Jessica Alba's. Yes, that's a lame one, but I needed an excuse to add this one to the archives:

So what conclusions can we make? None really, other than the fact that the Browns are no lock to do anything this year and that despite popular belief, one cannot predict the future in pro football. It's also a lesson in how you can tweak statistics to make your point in virtually any NFL argument. I could've easily said that Derek Anderson threw 29 TDs, Jamal Lewis had his best season since 2003, Braylon Edwards found the end zone 16 times, and they feature an electric return man in Josh Cribbs. But these are the Browns, and that would be no fun. That would be like writing an article on how great the Pirates will be this year. Wait a minute...

I'm also not making any proclamations of Steeler superiority, especially with an embarrassing offseason highlighted by a rap sheet featuring the team MVP and the mascot. I'm just saying that we've heard this story before, and the ending will probably be the same. Keep the faith, Steeler Nation. The games will be decided on the field in the fall, not by Sports Illustrated and the NFL schedule makers in April.

Some Browns-related reading:

Browns Depth Chart - Defense [ESPN]

Browns Depth Chart - Offense [ESPN]

Peter King: Browns' retooling highlights MMQB [SI]

Schedule Snap Judgments [SI]

2007 Browns Stats [Pro Football Reference]

Someone Get Gus Johnson a Sedative

Editor's note 12/2/06: A welcome to all the reader's finding this piece after reading Bill Simmons' December 1, 2006 article mentioning Gus. If you like Simmons, odds are you will like Mondesi's House, especially if you're from Pittsburgh. So please feel free to look around. And now, on to what you really came for...some insight into the world of Gus Johnson...

There are pluses and minuses with having a bad season in the NFL. A plus is obviously a higher draft pick; a minus is the TV coverage for your favorite team. For the Phil Simms and Jim Nantz haters out there, just remember that they are CBS's #1 team.

That fact was made painfully obvious by Sunday's Steelers-Browns matchup in Cleveland. Fans were "treated" to the team of former Buffalo special teams wizard Steve Tasker and the always-excitable Gus Johnson. Johnson is so animated, he could make a broadcast of a Raiders-Texans game seem crucial. For those of you with sensitive ears, the volume of Johnson's voice could be very hazardous. Especially on that final call of the jump ball. I think my ears are still ringing.
Time to tune it down a notch, big guy. This is two teams battling to stay out of the basement, not the AFC Championship.

Announcers aside, this was a typical 2006 Steeler game. Which means they were wildly inconsistent, as we have come to expect: big plays for, big plays against, dumb penalties, Cowher Statue, bad special teams, Joey Porter yapping, etc.

The defense actually played OK, with the exception of the 14 play, 87 yard, 8:26 drive that somehow stalled and resulted in a mere three points. Unfortunately, defending Braylon Edwards (7 catches, 137 yards) was not Ike Taylor's finest hour. Ike had to return to the field after the game to retrieve his jock strap, which Edwards faked out on that 63-yard catch in the second quarter.

The D also managed to hold The Solider in check, with two of his four catches coming in a last gasp on the Browns' final drive. For Joey Porter haters, and there are many (including in Pittsburgh), they had to love the way Winslow casually tossed Porter aside in the second half. My only question: after today's game, does Winslow give a hell?

Large Benjamin redeemed himself after an atrocious first half. When the announcers said, "The Steelers have yet to figure out this Cleveland defense", that became the first time those words were spoken in the history of the NFL. Ben finished with 272 yards, 2 TD, 3 INT, and a nice plant into the ground courtesy of Kamerion Wimbley. Was that the same guy who used to be on Fraggle Rock?

Seperated at birth...Wembley and Wimbley

The Steelers usually have a tough game when they run for less than 100 yards, and that held true again today. Of course, you usually need to give your top running back more than 16 carries to achieve that milestone, which did not happen today (although Willie proved last week he can surpass 100 with just two carries). But despite his lack of action, Parker was still a difference-maker, accounting for two of the Steelers' three touchdowns.

The other touchdown was scored by one San Antonio Holmes. As I watched the game with my brother, Ramon Mondesi, I commented that if not for his nightmarish punt returning experience, Holmes would be considered an above-average rookie contributor. As a returner he is a punchline, but as a receiver I think he's proven to be pretty tough so far. At this point in the season, I think he deserves to start over Cedrick Wilson, who has mastered the fine art of the mock flag-throw in lieu of a pass interference call. Nate Washington added two catches, but he dropped another one. He just can't help himself from giving his critics ammunition on a weekly basis.

And now we kick it to the special teams, who will probably give up a touchdown on the return. Sean Morey, the kick returner of the hour, pulled a 76-yarder out of his hat, which was a nice surprise. But with this unit, every upside has an equal (or worse) downside. The 92-yard kickoff return for a TD by Josh Cribbs after the Steelers pulled within three was catastrophic. Steelers special teams have become proficient in the momentum-killing play.

And what in the world has happened to Jeff Reed? Why has every kick for this guy become an event of "will he or won't he"? If he doesn't get that friendly bounce on the 43-yarder in the third quarter, his season percentage falls to 64.7%. This is an 80% career kicker. Is there a reason why this has been completely ignored by the masses?

Much like the Saints win, this isn't one that gets you too amped up for the stretch run. It was an ugly win that could've easily gone the other way. The Browns are one of a handful of teams capable of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory like they managed to do today.

If you're a Browns fan, I feel sorry for you. Not just for today's game, but in general, for following such a bad team all these years and having to live in Cleveland to boot. But seriously, how disheartening is it to lose like you did this afternoon? As much as the announcers tried to build him up, I was not blown away by Charlie Frye. His stats (17/27, 224 yards, 0 TDs or INTs) were acceptable, but he lost a fumble, couldn't finish that 8-minute drive, and what about that mess at the end of the first half? Picture it: the Browns are just inside Phil Dawson's range, and the braintrust of Frye and Crennel fail to get a play called in time. So the Browns take a 5-yard penalty and are forced to throw a pass that only Shaquille O'Neal would have a shot a pulling down. The pass falls incomplete and the Browns enter the half up 10 instead of 13. Those are the little things that keep bad teams down.

Next up for the black and gold is a matchup at the 8-2 Baltimorons on Sunday. How we've gone through 10 weeks of the season and not faced the Ravens is a fantastic question, but I fully expect a good game. If they can win a tough road matchup, it's back to Heinz Field for the Tampa Bay Gradkowskis in two weeks, with a shot at .500 on the line. The Steelers just refuse to let that little window still left in their season close. I give them credit, because they certainly could have mailed it in after that atrocity of a first half today.

So now I retreat to Phil Simms and Jim Nantz announcing Indy at Dallas for the second half of the CBS doubleheader. And from now on, I'm going to research the announcers for the Steeler games ahead of time. That way I can either put in some earplugs, turn down the set and turn up Hillgrove, or send Gus Johnson some Xanax before kickoff.