HAMMER 10, NAIL 6

STEELERS (2-0) 10

BROWNS (0-2) 6

ROETHLISBERGER: 12-19, 186 YARDS, 1 TD
PARKER: 28-105
HOLMES: 5-94

It wasn't the prettiest game to watch, and it wasn't nearly as dominating of a performance as last week, but in the end, the Browns are still the Browns.

That's about all you can say to sum up the Steelers' 10-6 win last night in a Cleveland windstorm on NBC's Sunday Night Football, the 10th Steeler victory over the Browns in a row. The Browns committed numerous miscues, including two Derek Anderson interceptions, two Braylon Edwards drops, and 10 penalties, not to mention poor clock management and some questionable decisions from Coach Romeo Crennel.

Cleveland's impotent offense featured the following drives in the first half:

1. 3 plays, 2 yards, punt

2. 3 plays, 3 yards, punt

3. 3 plays, 4 yards, punt

4. 5 plays, 7 yards, punt

5. 1 play, 0 yards, INT

6. 14 plays, 71 yards, INT

That's right...the Brownies had the ball with 6:26 to go and two timeouts and managed to come away with zero points. I've seen better game-planning out of Dave Wannstedt.

True, conditions were pretty awful, and both teams were playing on the same surface. The Steelers, although not as terrible as the Browns in the first half, weren't that much better. But they did come up with a 12-play, 70-yard drive that ended in a Ben Roethlisberger-to-Hines Ward touchdown that silenced the crowd (consisting mostly of grown men wearing dog outfits) for a short time. I'm sure they enjoyed the dog-kicking-dirt TD celebration in their faces. I know I did.

On the Browns side of the ball, I was not very impressed by Derek Anderson, who proved that he's among the best in the league at not finishing a drive. In the backfield, it was vintage Jamal Lewis, and by vintage I mean 19 carries for 38 yards while showing the breakaway speed of Casey Hampton. Big-mouthed Braylon Edwards caught three balls while dropping two, but at least he had his BFF Michael Phelps rooting him on from the luxury boxes. The Cleveland line allowed two sacks, but more importantly featured quite the colorful collection of characters, among them Pittsburgh's own Hank Fraley, former "boating while intoxicated" Bengal Eric Steinbach, almost-Steeler Rex Hadnot, and young Pro Bowler Joe Thomas, whose aunt looks like this:

On the Steeler O side, Willie Parker, who comes in as possibly the second-most underrated player in the NFL behind Mr. Roethlisberger, had yet another 100-yard performance and a rare national TV interview after the game. Santonio Holmes showed some amazing hands with his five catch, 94 yard performance, including a huge 48-yard bomb from Big Ben. Ward added five catches for 59 yards, among them a 31-yarder while pinned deep in their own territory. And Heath Miller had what might've been the biggest catch of all, a 19-yarder from Roethlisberger in the 4th quarter that unofficially ended the game.

Roethlisberger clearly wasn't himself, and he may or may not have/had been suffering from a separated shoulder, but yet again he got the job done and made the plays he had to make. He remains undefeated in the state of Ohio since joining the Steelers.

The Steeler defense bent but did not break, and I wasn't crazy about some of their 3rd-down plays, but all in all it was a pretty solid performance. Ryan Clark and Ike Taylor seemed especially motivated and talkative, and Taylor led the team with six tackles. Troy Polamalu is looking like his old self again, leaping over offensive lines and running back interceptions with reckless abandon. Their game plan, which apparently did not include as much blitzing as usual, seemed to work, because you can't argue too much with six points allowed and zero touchdowns.

The Browns' D featured heavy doses of Shaun Rogers, who is heavy in his own right. Rogers got to Roethlisberger once, as did two of his teammates, but they allowed 117 yards rushing to the Steelers' 53, and by my count at least four plays of 19 yards or more. By the way, was I the only one who thought that Rogers had a late hit on Roethlisberger when he pushed his big self into Ben's shoulder after the whistle?

Next up for the 2-0 Steelers is a 4:15 matchup with the Donovan McNabb and the Eagles in Philadelphia on Sunday. It's the Pennsylvania State Championship, and hopefully our QB will rest that shoulder before the big game.

Game Notes:
--Anyone else really nervous every time the Browns punted to the Steelers in those swirling winds? They dodged a few bullets, to say the least.

--The Steeler kick returners weren't much better than their punt returners, totaling 3 returns for 21 yards. You'll have that anytime Matt Spaeth shows up in that ledger.

--Once again, Skippy Reed comes through with a 48-yarder at a crucial point in the game. Color me impressed.

--Nice game out of Bryant McFadden last night, with an INT and big breakup in place of Deshea Townsend.

--Steeler rushing distribution: Parker 28 carries, Holmes 1, Roethlisberger 1, Davis 1. No Mendenhall, Coach Tomlin?

--I was praying for a Browns fan to run onto the field so James Harrison could recreate his priceless 2005 moment.

--I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to Chuck, My Own Worst Enemy, and Heroes on NBC's fall schedule. Sorry, I was brainwashed last night.

--Wow, was John Madden rambling on (even by his standards) about Michael Phelps and Dennis Quaid!

--Speaking of repetitive promos, we have a DeNiro/Pacino movie and a DiCaprio/Crowe movie coming out? Who's casting all of these superstar-laden films, the Yankees?

--And to close, Mr. Kellen Winslow II!

LET'S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY

It's only April, and I'm proud to proclaim that I'm already sick of the Cleveland Browns. Seriously, a "Roadmap to Tampa" article with a picture of Braylon Edwards? Five prime-time games (including three Monday Nighters) in 2008? Is this the Twilight Zone?

Spare me if you've heard this story before: an up-and-coming AFC North team features an explosive offense and is poised to ruin the Steelers' divisional reign of terror. Basically, it's the same premise of an article I've been reading for the past three years or so, with a few names changed:

The Cincinnati Bengals Cleveland Browns are definitely the team to beat in the AFC North. An explosive passing game, led by young Carson Palmer Derek Anderson and Chad Johnson Braylon Edwards, will ultimately lead the Bengals Browns past their AFC North brethren.

Much like Cincinnati's recent teams, I think that the Browns are incredibly overrated, and by no means a runaway choice for 2008 AFC North Champion. As down as many fans are on the Steelers due to their challenging schedule, player changes, and offseason from Hell, it's worth noting that they were still within a holding call of reaching the second round of the playoffs, despite a plethora of injuries (or did we forget that?)

I'm certainly not blaming the Steelers' loss on the officials; they put themselves in the position where a bad call could help decide the game, and that's no one's fault but their own. But I am saying that despite their roller-coaster performance in that game, they still almost pulled it out.

The media is high on the Browns because after years and years of losing, they made a little noise last year (again, just like the Bengals initial venture into the .500+ Club a few years ago). A few free agent signings later, and they're the favorite in the AFC North, leapfrogging the incumbent division champion that features one of the league's truly elite quarterbacks and the NFL's #1-ranked defense. Sorry, but that just rubs me the wrong way.

The 2005 Bengals were 11-5, they won the AFC North, and they were ushered out of the first round of the playoffs in their own stadium by the Steelers. True, they lost Carson Palmer during the game. But they also went into the Halftime/Chad Johnson Sparring Match with a lead. It was a winnable game for the Bengals, no doubt about it. They just weren't ready for the next step.

Pundits were still in love with Cincy going into 2006, even though the Steelers won the freaking Super Bowl. The Bengals responded with an 8-8 regular season, capped off by the ultimate choke job in losing a must-have Week 17 game against the Steelers in what turned out to be Bill Cowher's last game as the Steelers' coach.

As recently as last year, the Bengals were still the AFC North preseason favorites in a number of publications and on a variety of sites. I found this insulting at the time, given that half their team was arrested in the offseason, coupled with the fact that their nucleus had yet to win a playoff game (hmm...sounds like a certain team from Dallas, Texas, as a matter of fact - but that's a different argument for a different day).

So the Bengals went out and crapped their way to a 7-9 record in 2007, and the Steelers won the division despite having a new coach, a new philosophy, and a rash of injuries.

That brings us to the 2008 offseason, and I'm already prepared to hear about nothing but Browns supremacy from now until Week One in September. Sorry, but with all of the NFL TV/radio/internet/newspaper/magazines that I intake, that's going to get really old really fast. In fact, as I stated above, it already has.

A few bullet points to shoot through the "Cleveland=Awesome" theories you'll be hearing for the next five months or so and help you through what will be a challenging couple of months:

--Derek Anderson sure is a great quarterback. I like how everyone's casually forgotten that he failed to beat out Charlie Frye for the starting job, a quarterback who played so horribly in the opener that he was traded to Seattle.

--I keep hearing how Anderson is celebrated as a "Pro Bowl quarterback". Translation: "Tom Brady didn't feel like going to Hawaii after losing the Super Bowl, so he used the injury out and decided to hang out somewhere else with Gisele."

Ladies and gentlemen, Pro Bowl quarterback Derek Anderson!

--Anderson put up some eye-popping stats, no doubt. Among those never mentioned: his 19 interceptions in 15 starts. Let's just keep that between me and you.

--Are you really sold on Jamal Lewis for the long haul? Sure, if you're into shaky character guys with a history of injuries who played well in a contract year. I know I am.

--They traded for big, fat, unmotivated D-lineman Shaun Rogers, giving up talented DB Leigh Bodden and a third-round pick in the process. Is it possible to be ripped off by Matt Millen?

--Their acquisition of WR Donte Stallworth is described by Banks as "positive buzz". Remind me, is this the same Donte Stallworth who's on his fourth team in the last 27 months? It is? Thought so. Because NFL teams always want to rid themselves of young, talented wide receivers in the prime of their career, especially well-run organizations like New England and Philadelphia.

Luckily, Cleveland gave him a $35 million contract, with $10 million guaranteed, a sound financial investment if I've ever seen one.

--As Peter King pointed out about a month ago, the Browns story is eerily reminiscent of the 2007 (five win) 49ers: young offense, high-profile signings...

--Did we forget that defense is kinda important in this league? Apparently so, because the Browns' unit ranked 30th in the NFL last year.

--This team's had a history of injuries (Kellen Winslow, Braylon Edwards, etc). But how about this statistic: the Browns have had six players suffer staph infections in the past four years?

--Their backup QB's internet pictures are as talked about as Jessica Alba's. Yes, that's a lame one, but I needed an excuse to add this one to the archives:

So what conclusions can we make? None really, other than the fact that the Browns are no lock to do anything this year and that despite popular belief, one cannot predict the future in pro football. It's also a lesson in how you can tweak statistics to make your point in virtually any NFL argument. I could've easily said that Derek Anderson threw 29 TDs, Jamal Lewis had his best season since 2003, Braylon Edwards found the end zone 16 times, and they feature an electric return man in Josh Cribbs. But these are the Browns, and that would be no fun. That would be like writing an article on how great the Pirates will be this year. Wait a minute...

I'm also not making any proclamations of Steeler superiority, especially with an embarrassing offseason highlighted by a rap sheet featuring the team MVP and the mascot. I'm just saying that we've heard this story before, and the ending will probably be the same. Keep the faith, Steeler Nation. The games will be decided on the field in the fall, not by Sports Illustrated and the NFL schedule makers in April.

Some Browns-related reading:

Browns Depth Chart - Defense [ESPN]

Browns Depth Chart - Offense [ESPN]

Peter King: Browns' retooling highlights MMQB [SI]

Schedule Snap Judgments [SI]

2007 Browns Stats [Pro Football Reference]

Bullet Point Thursday

• Great story from the PG today, where Tim McNulty recaps a Steeler fan's worst nightmare: losing their tickets, and the subsequent dumpster-diving that ensued.
• I'm glad to see the ump in the Milton Bradley fracas getting suspended for the season. OK, Bradley's a jerk. That's been proven about 1,800 times. But that doesn't give any umpire the right to bait a player. Well done, MLB.
• Who's a bigger disappointment at QB this year: Marc Bulger or Drew Brees?
• Speaking of QBs, I'm glad Rex Grossman was finally shown the bench. Not because I have any rooting interest in the Bears, but because it's become such a played-out storyline. Now enjoy Brian Griese.
• Hey, Randy Moss is a leader again, just like when he played on the 15-1 Vikings! Apparently "leader" is a title that only applies in certain situations.
• Anyone else catch Howard Stern's interview of Jerry Rice on Wednesday? Very entertaining, and a side of Rice rarely seen in public.
• Does our region get every single NFC East game on TV? I know more about the Giants, Redskins, Eagles and Cowboys than I do about the Ravens, Bengals or Browns. And why has NBC given us Cowboy games on two of the first three Sunday nights?
• With New Orleans' season basically over and Atlanta's season over before it started, I'm thinking Tampa Bay in the NFC South. That Jeff Garcia, he just continues to not go away.
• The more I watch Vince Young, the more I'm amazed. Mechanically, he's still got a long way to go (as Pro Football Talk's "Uncle Rico" comparisons would illustrate). He has no receivers anyone's ever heard of, other than the way-past-his-prime Eric Moulds. And he has no feature back. But he just keeps winning. I can't explain it. I'm glad that team's out of our division.
• It's been over-documented that the Patriots are blowing everyone out. They've scored 114 and allowed 35 (+79). But guess who's just 8 points off at +71? That's right, Coach Perfect and the Pittsburgh Steelers. The next closest drops all the way down to Dallas at +51, then Indy at +39. If you're wondering, the worst is New Orleans (-65).
• Hey, weren't you a Lions/Browns bandwagoneer last week? I couldn't tell. Take that bag off of your head.
• Raise your hand if you were surprised Michael Vick failed a drug test. I see no hands!
• I'm not shocked to see Fast Willie leading the league in rushing, but #2 and 3 (Lamont Jordan and Jamal Lewis), simply unreal.
• Is Lewis the oldest 28-year-old on the planet? The way people talk about him, you'd think he was 48.
• Does legal analyst Roger Cossack get the most face time on ESPN these days? Shouldn't they just let him anchor SportsCenter at this point?
• Finally, don't forget to send in your entries for the Good For Nutting T-Shirt contest, which runs through next Wednesday.

Morning Wrapup

The Pens and the Government have "the sitdown" meeting today in Philly. Special guest MC Gary Bettman will be on hand. Maybe it's just me, but I just don't like a meeting about the Penguins' fate being held in the Flyers' backyard.

Houston officially dropped out of the bidding for the Penguins. They're going to put every penny possible towards signing Roger Clemens in June.

Rizzo Sports thinks the Penguins will never leave. I like his optimism.

What's Jim Balsillie up to these days? Oh, stepping down as the head of Research in Motion.

On the other hand, "With Leather" thinks the Pens to Las Vegas is a no-brainer.

Joey Porter thinks he'd be a Steeler if Bill Cowher was still here. Yeah, he'd be a Steeler...holding out for more money.

Raise the JR: the Pirates FINALLY win a spring training game.

Jamal Lewis signs with the Browns. Nothing like a declining, injury-prone running back who spent four months in prison to boost team morale.

Here's a new entry in the Anna Nicole baby sweepstakes: O.J.

From the "I can't believe he said that" department: Mike Krzyzewski Says He Regrets That Tyler Hansbrough Can’t Take a Punch

2007's been a tough year. First, we lose Anna Nicole Smith. And now, Captain America dies.

A simply fantastic Bill Simmons parody

From the "Captain Obvious" department comes this headline: Felons possessing firearms often escape jail time.

Follow this one: Johnny Carson's widow finally sells his $42 million mansion, in a deal brokered by none other than Don Rickles.

Watch as Carmen Electra pretends to give money to a homeless person. One of the worst pictures I've seen in quite a while.

I don't know what's scarier: the fact that I just watched a video of a person playing the Tetris song on the piano, or the fact that over 1.9 million other people have.

Finally, Bugs and Cranks is calling all Pirate fans for their memories from the 14-year drought. Wow, that's a lot of bad memories:

"Maybe you recall the day Pirates journeyman starter Dan Serafini pitched the game of his life and tossed a two hit shut-out against your favorite team. Maybe you ran into Brian Giles buying razorblades at the Eckerd in Crafton. Maybe there was this one time you had to pick your cousin up from the airport so you left a blow-out against the Cardinals and didn’t realize until you were in the car that you’d missed Jason Kendall hitting for the cycle. Okay, so that probably didn’t happen to anyone else, but you get the idea.

It doesn’t matter what team you root for, or what kind of story it is, if it involves the Pirates and it’s from the last 14 years, I want to hear about it. Send any and all responses to asmith@bugsandcranks.com and I’ll publish the best ones here in an on-going project called “Memories From the Streak.”

DON'T FORGET TO SEND YOUR INTERESTING LINKS TO mondesishouse@gmail.com and enter the weekly prize contest!

Sayonnara, Jamal

The NFL hammer came down on several veterans yesterday, most notably Jamal Lewis, late of the Baltimore Ravens. You would think that Lewis was about 33 years old by the way his play has fallen off and the perception that he is washed up. But in reality, Lewis is merely a very old 27.

As I mentioned after the Ravens were bounced from the playoffs earlier this year, I don't think Lewis has ever been the same since that whole "jail experience" in 2004:

                 +--------------------------+-------------------------+
                           Rushing                 Receiving  
+----------+-----+--------------------------+-------------------------+
 Year  TM    G    Att  Yards    Y/A   TD    Rec  Yards   Y/R   TD
+----------+-----+--------------------------+-------------------------+
 2000 bal   16    309   1364    4.4    6     27    296  11.0    0
 2002 bal   16    308   1327    4.3    6     47    442   9.4    1
 2003 bal   16    387   2066    5.3   14     26    205   7.9    0
 2004 bal   12    235   1006    4.3    7     10    116  11.6    0
 2005 bal   15    269    906    3.4    3     32    191   6.0    1
 2006 bal   16    314   1132    3.6    9     18    115   6.4    0
+----------+-----+--------------------------+-------------------------+
  TOTAL     91   1822   7801    4.3   45    160   1365   8.5    2
+----------+-----+--------------------------+-------------------------+

From those stats, it looks like Lewis' best days are far behind him.

Yet the Ravens insist that they are currently negotiating with Lewis to bring him back into the fold. As a Steeler fan, I can only hope they continue to hitch their wagon to Lewis as their feature back. His yards per carry the past two seasons are almost a full yard below his career average, and I don't see that improving anytime soon.

Brad Johnson was cut by the Vikings in favor of Tarvaris Jackson, he of the $5,000 rookie card. Johnson says he plans to play 3-4 more years in the league. If any teams are looking for a 38-year old, conservative signal caller who had a TD-to-INT ratio of 9-15 last year, then he'll be in luck.

Despite the start of cuts, Joey Porter remains a Steeler...for now. Ed Bouchette mentioned that Peezy may go as early as Friday. He would then join the ranks of great Steeler linebackers who were free to pursue other options (Kendrell Bell, Jason Gildon, Levon Kirkland, Greg Lloyd, Kevin Greene, and Chad Brown, among others).

Somehow, I think the Steelers would find a suitable replacement who wears #92.