TYLER PALKO SIGNS WITH CHIEFS

Tyler Palko, the former West Allegheny HS and Pitt Panther QB who had a cup of coffee with the Steelers last season, has also been with the Arizona Cardinals, New Orleans Saints, the UFL's California Redwoods and the CFL's Montreal Alouettes in his pro career. But today, Palko is the newest addition to Kansas City's roster, as per Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk.

Palko will start no higher than fourth on the team's depth chart at QB, behind incumbent Matt Cassel, former Alabama QB Brodie Croyle, and third-stringer Matt Gutierrez. He will be playing for another fellow Yinzer, former Upper St. Clair standout and Chiefs head coach Todd Haley, with the newly-added Charlie Weis as offensive coordinator. That being said, he will again be facing an uphill battle to make the team.

Incidentally, Palko has appears to have a very under-the-radar Twitter account with only four updates and 13 followers to date. We'll have to keep our eyes on it for any additional news on his newest career move.

Chiefs bring in Palko [PFT]

TylerPalko [Twitter]

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GRISHAM IN, PALKO OUT FOR STEELERS

On the eve of a must-win against Cleveland, the Steelers made a few roster moves today, bumping up WR Tyler Grisham from the practice squad and releasing QB Tyler Palko. The move was necessary due to the questionable status of WR Hines Ward, who is nursing a hamstring injury.

The 5'11", 180-pound Grisham is a product of Clemson and was a camp casualty in 2009. According to the Trib's John Harris, he has "football speed" comparable to Wes Welker and Kevin Curtis. I'll bet he's scrappy and runs great routes, too.

Palko, the former Pitt Panther, was signed by the Steelers on November 28 after the injuries to Ben Roethlisberger and Charlie Batch. He was the #2 QB against Baltimore and the #3 QB against Oakland, but did not see any game action.

Steelers Promote Rookie WR Grisham; QB Palko Released [WPXI]

Harris: Long odds don't bother Grisham [Trib]

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IT'S DENNIS DIXON TIME

"Baptism by Fire" will be the theme on this week's edition of NBC's Sunday Night Football, as Dennis Dixon will get his first career start in the NFL against the playful Baltimore Ravens.

As you'll recall, this unexpected turn-of-events was a result of Ben Roethlisberger suffering a minor concussion against the Kansas City Chiefs, who actually managed to knock out a second Steeler QB moments later when they injured the wrist of backup Charlie Batch. Roethlisberger is now not expected to play, Batch is out for six weeks, and Tyler Palko is expected to be signed from the practice squad to backup Dixon. My head is spinning.

The 6'3", 195-pound Dixon, who was a Heisman candidate at Oregon before tearing his ACL in 2007, has thrown one pass in an NFL game, that coming last December against the Browns.

Some other Dixon trivia you'll probably hear on Sunday night: he was drafted by the Braves in the 20th round of the 2003 MLB draft; he was picked again by the Braves in the fifth round of the 2007 draft; he hit .176 in 74 minor league at-bats that season; he returned to Oregon for football his senior season and suffered the ACL injury; he was replaced at QB by Ryan Leaf's brother Brady Leaf, who would go on to get injured in his first game as Dixon's replacement.

As for the rest of the wounded Steelers, Troy Polamalu and Chris Kemoeatu are out, Travis Kirschke is questionable, and Willie Parker is probable. This is going to be a true test of Steeler depth if there's ever been one.

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STEELERS TO SIGN TYLER PALKO

Mike Prisuta of the WDVE Morning Show and SteelCityInsider.com is reporting that the Steelers will sign QB Tyler Palko to the practice squad, according to the Twitter page of Jim Wexell.

Palko, a 26-year-old graduate of West Allegheny HS and Pitt, has yet to find a long-term home in the NFL since entering the league in 2007 as an undrafted free agent. He originally joined the New Orleans Saints in '07 and ping-ponged between their active roster and practice squad during his rookie season. He was among the Saints' final cuts in 2008, and was signed by the Arizona Cardinals in December of that season. Once again, Palko was waived in the Cardinals' final cut of 2009.

Most recently, Palko was with the Montreal Alouettes of the CFL, who added him to their active roster on November 2. Because of the CFL procedures involved, the Palko move is expected to be made official on Wednesday, says Prisuta via Wexell.

Ironically, Palko will be a member of the Steeler organization while his former backup, Joe Flacco, will be starting opposite the Steelers on Sunday. Palko was famously chosen over Flacco in 2005 by Dave Wannstedt, causing Flacco to transfer to I-AA Delaware. And the rest, as they say, is history.

The signing is a low-risk, precautionary move by the Steelers, with Ben Roethlisberger expected to play against the Ravens on Sunday. The backup position has the largely untested Dennis Dixon as the only other healthy quarterback on the roster, so apparently the team feels that signing Palko to the practice squad will sufficiently fill their backup needs at this time. And I hope for Roethlisberger's sake that he really is OK to play, because this is certainly an opponent that will not hesitate to give his noggin an extra shot or two. Or 10.

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AND WE'RE BACK

I spent a while today trying to crack the Case of the Stretched Text that's been lingering on and off for a few days, and the best solution I could come up with was to switch to a different template. If any of you are still experiencing problems viewing the site, email the complaint department and I'll see what I can do.

Here's a little bit of what I would have posted today if I was not playing around with different formats...

--The Pirates parted company with a few of their coaches today: Pitching Coach Jeff "Joey Pants" Andrews and first-base coach Lou Frazier. As the saying goes, "We can finish last without them."

--Early word is that Sergei Gonchar may miss 4-6 months after shoulder surgery, thus continuing a miserable Penguins offseason that's eerily reminiscent of the post-SBXL Steelers.

--Ron Cook caught up with former Pitt coach Walt Harris, who moved back to Pittsburgh recently. I must admit, that caught me a bit off guard.

--One of Walt's star QBs, Tyler Palko, recently worked out for the Denver Broncos. I'm assuming Jay Cutler's job is still safe.

--In other news involving former Pitt standouts, CB Hank Poteat recently signed for yet another tour of duty with the NY Jets. Keep in mind that this is a guy who was cut for the first time in 2003 and has managed to stick in the league this long and even win a Super Bowl ring with the Patriots in the process.

--Ravens blogger Dewey Hammond wants you to participate in Yardbarker's Photo Caption Contest. They're giving away 25 copies of Iron Man on DVD for the best captions you can come up with for this photo:

Much more coming tomorrow including a full Steeler wrapup and more playing catch-up for what I missed.

Thanks for everyone checking in today - hopefully you can now read full sentences again (for better or worse).

Monday Morning Bullet Points

• Honestly, was anyone really so shocked at the Steeler cuts? I know I wasn't. Okobi will probably be an Arizona Cardinal in time for their game against the Steelers.
• That being said, I need to come up with a name to fully capture the predictable oncoming phenomenon of Whisenhunt and Grimm, Inc., signing a bevy of ex-Steelers.
• The Steelers' RB depth chart is amazing. Willie Parker - undrafted free agent; Dump Davenport - waiver-wire pickup; Dan Kreider - undrafted free agent; Carey Davis - undrafted free agent; Gary Russell - undrafted free agent. I'm starting to think the Steelers don't value the RB position in the draft too much.
• The Trib pointed out that the Steelers are the only AFC North team to win a playoff game since the division was formed in 2002. No, not even the World Champion (or so they would have you think) Bengals or the big, bad, overrated Ravens have won a playoff game. And certainly not the Browns. They're about a year away from getting bumped down to the MAC.
• It looks like a few local guys ended up making practice squads after falling victim to The Turk this weekend. Tyler Palko, the odd man out in N'awlins, signed to the Saints' practice squad on Sunday. And the Bears brought back former Nittany Lion OL Tyler Reed. As far as I can tell, though, things haven't panned out as nicely for Brandon Miree (late of the Packers), Lousaka Polite (Cowboys), Luke Getsy (49ers), Rob Pettiti (Saints), and Josh Lay (Saints).
• John Kuhn sure got scooped up quickly by the Packers. He was replacing another former Steeler who's injured, Noah Herron.
• My favorite part of Michigan-Appalachian State: watching Lou Holtz on ESPN making it sound like it wasn't an upset, and Mark May's head subsequently exploding.
• The great Michigan blog "The M Zone" gives a great rundown of what happens next in Ann Arbor, aside from mass suicide.
• Georgia Tech beat Notre Dame 33-3 on Saturday. Good thing Charlie Weis didn't announce his starting quarterback until gametime, saving him from the media scrutiny. It could have been 33-0. That guy is a genius! Extend him another 10 years!
• Mark Madden had an excellent commentary on why he hates college football last week. The basic premise was that the good teams just don't play each other enough. I know, "Look at Michigan!" But that was a once-in-a-lifetime win. That's why such a big deal is being made. Look at some of the other scores from this week: Penn State 59, FIU 0...Hawaii 63, N. Colorado 6...Rutgers 38, Buffalo 3...Louisville 73, Murray State 10...LSU 45, MSU 0...Boise St 56, Weber St 7...OSU 38, Youngstown St 3...Florida 49, W Kentucky 3...WVU 62, W Michigan 24...Oklahoma 79, N Texas 10...Alabama 52, W Carolina 6...Indiana 55, Indiana St 7...I mean, is this really entertaining? And to think that this counts in the regular season! That would be like the Steelers playing a couple games each year against Arena League teams.
• After season-ending injuries to WR Derek Kinder and OL Chris Jacobson, you would think Dave Wannstedt was cursed. And that was before his starting QB, Bill Stull, apparently went out for the season due to an injury suffered on Saturday night.
• My sentimental choice for tough-luck footballer of the weekend was my cousin, Joe Rockovich, a starting WR/DB for the Franklin Regional Panthers who was pressed into QB duty in the second half of Friday night's game against Plum. He fumbled diving towards the end zone with 1:30 to go and the Panthers ended up losing by a final of 6-3. Keep your head up.
• Speaking of WPIAL football, there's talk in the Mondesi Fantasy Football message boards about starting a fantasy WPIAL league. Yes, I can now say that I've officially heard everything.
• Nice work by Panthers in the Pros with the info that Carl Krauser and Levon Kendall played each other in the recent FIBA tournament that the US has been dominating. May I ask how Krauser qualified to play for the Virgin Islands? I thought he was from the Bronx? Shouldn't he be playing for Fat Joe's team in some Rucker Park league by now?
• Obligatory Pirates mention: they got swept by the Brewhas this weekend, and Steve Pearce got a hit on Saturday.
• Profootballtalk.com has been all over the news that the Patriots may cut or trade Randy Moss. That's an intriguing story on a number of levels. I love how the media treats guys like Moss and Terrell Owens; they constantly refer to them as "cancers", yet the minute a team like the Patriots acquired Moss, they became the unquestioned favorites to win the AFC, because they just got Randy Moss! I heard John Clayton talk about how the Pats face three playoff teams in their first six games, when they'll be without Richard Seymour for all six and without HGH Harrison for four. Ironically, Clayton also added that "he had the Patriots as his Super Bowl pick". Which goes to show you that even the smartest of analysts can fall victim to media hype.
• To close, PFT also had a great photoshop of Big Ben on their site today. Ben and Brady...a tale of two QBs:

• 

Steelers to Challenge '72 Dolphins?

STEELERS 20

SAINTS 7

MIKE TOMLIN 1-0

There's nothing like some patented internet overreaction after the first preseason game of the year. But the Pirates are the Pirates, and it's still going to be a while until the Penguins suit up. So if I choose to celebrate a nice opener from Mike Tomlin and Company, bear with me. There's not too much to say, but let's get right into the 2007 Hall of Fame Game:

• Quite a nifty 55-yard connection by Ben Roethlisberger and Cedrick Wilson on the first series. Yep, he's a Game Manager. Right.
• I'm hoping four catches for 99 yards will stuff a sock in Wilson's "I want the ball" mouth this week.
• Nate Washington's drops are already in midseason form.
• On a team with Willie Parker, Kevan Barlow, Najeh Davenport and Verron Haynes, here's the Steelers' leading rushers: Carey Davis (68 yards), Gary Russell (41 yards) and Larry Croom (29 yards).
• Brian St. Pierre was sharp, with 129 yards and a TD. Somewhere, Brian Jackson is smiling.
• 413 yards of offense tonight. I know it's the preseason, but that's an encouraging sign.
• I liked what I saw from rookie William Gay, and I was even more impressed with his interview with Wolf on the radio postgame show. He really appreciates the opportunity to play in the NFL and sounds like he would do anything to make the team.
• Tyler Palko finished 4-8, for 53 yards and an INT. He's probably not going to push Drew Brees for the starting job just yet. And he did a nice job of trying to get WR Robert Meachem decapitated by the Steelers' bloodthirsty secondary.
• The Steelers' first preseason game led off the local news tonight. Yes, our city has their priorities in order.
• Despite Sunday's result, don't forget, at least one person believes the Saints will be better than the Steelers this season.

More net reaction

Calmer, with less chin and spittle, Mike Tomlin coaches his first Steeler win [Chuck Finder, PG]

Steelers start strong in 20-7 victory [Ed Bouchette, PG]

Steelers Notebook: Players pushing LeBeau for Canton [Ed Bouchette, PG]

Wilson gets his point across with big game [Gerry Dulac, PG]

Steelers win in Tomlin's debut [Scott Brown, Trib]

Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin Is 1-0 in Meaningless NFL Games [Ryan Wilson, Steelers AOL Fanhouse]

Adios, Mr. Crean

I'm glad I had a working remote on Thursday night, with the Pens and the Panthers playing simultaneously. Despite their late-season struggles, Pitt always seems to get up for the Big East tournament. If I had a choice, I'd rather they get up for the NCAA tournament, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

So Pitt faced off against a pesty Marquette team that's beaten the Panthers twice this season. What better way to kick off the BET than a matchup against one of your toughest foes? But the Panthers were ready on this night, topping the Golden Eagles by a score of 89-79.

Aaron Gray played like the Aaron Gray we all know and love, with 22 points and 10 boards. Mike Cook added 16 points without a single turnover, Levance Fields poured in 13, and off the bench, Sam Young abused the Golden Eagles for 17 points in 19 minutes. The post-game featured the usual frosty "handshake" between Jamie Dixon and Tom Crean. Larry Fitzgerald, Tyler Palko, and the Wannstache were in the Pitt cheering section. Lots of good stuff on this evening.

Pitt's next game in the tournament is Louisville, the team that embarrassed them in their worst Petersen Center loss ever just a few weeks ago. Louisville had a Penguin-like double-OT game with West Virginia on Thursday night, so here's hoping they're running on low batteries. Another win puts Pitt in the Big East championship yet again, where they hope to improve on their Cowher-esque record of 1-4 in Big East championships in the Howland/Dixon era. Speaking of old Benny, his UCLA team didn't do too well on Thursday. He can watch the Pitt game with Tom Crean on Friday night.

The Afternoon Killer

Will Gary Roberts be the Penguins' deadline deal?

Tyler Palko and Luke Getsy were, shall we say, less than impressive at the combine. If they want to be the next Bruce Gradkowski, they're going to have to raise their game.

Joe Montana answers all your questions about...hypertension and blood pressure.

Say it ain't so: is Stephen A. Smith moving to SportsCenter?

From the Captain Obvious Department: Barry Bonds won't cooperate in the Mitchell steroid investigation.

Wow, this guy really hates Jason Whitlock.

Here's a countdown of 10 unfair scapegoats in sports. I propose a list of 10 fair scapegoats.

It's Rats Gone Wild in a KFC-Taco Bell in New York City. Don't worry, they're all at least 18.

If you're a girl in South Pakistan, don't let your father use you in a poker game.

Anyone catch Kirsten Dunst's shoulder check on Tobey Maguire on the Oscars last night, and Maguire's cold stare? Probably not. Good thing there's video of it.

The Lost Art of Defense Part I: The Pitt Career High Panthers

I watched three football games this weekend: Pitt at UConn, San Diego at Cincy, and the Steelers-Saints game. If I ever saw a frightening display of the state of defense at the two highest levels of football, it was this trifecta. I'll recap in a convenient, three-part series.

ACT ONE: PITT AT UCONN

Pitt, who has been favored in each and every one of their games this season, traveled to Connecticut to face off against the 3-5 Huskies on Saturday afternoon. Pitt has been left out of the BCS discussion, but they at least had something to play for: a win equalled a probable bowl appearance. Yes, it would be another crap bowl game that no one would care about, but it would give this team a much-needed extra month of practice and prep, as well as a nice milestone for the Wanny Era.

The Panthers quickly fell behind on an early field goal, but rebounded and built up a 31-17 lead going into the fourth quarter. After a punt left UConn on their own 2 yard line with 12:10 left in the game, the Huskies drove 98 yards to pull within seven with 7:53 left. Pitt putzed around on offense for a few minutes, then UConn reclaimed possession with 3:14 to go and down a TD. Predictably, the Huskies travelled the necessary 77 yards, capping the drive with a D.J. Hernandez-to-Danny Murray touchdown with just three seconds left. Tie ballgame, OT pending.

When a team collapses like Pitt did, that usually does not bode well for momentum entering overtime. Sure enough, UConn struck first, when Hernandez hit Brandon Young with an 11-yard TD pass. Pitt got the ball for their shot, moved it to the 1 yard line, and punched it in with fullback Conredge Collins on 4th down. Tie ballgame, 2nd OT pending.

Pitt took the ball right back, with Tyler Palko hitting Derek Kinder for 24 yards on the first play of the drive, with a Larod Stephens-Howling touchdown run to follow. UConn needed just four plays to answer that score. What they did next was one of the gutsiest calls in college football all year. Coach Randy Edsall opted for a two-point conversion instead of the instead of the PAT. Hernandez was flushed out of the pocket, eluded the Pitt defenders, and went in for the score. Game over, Pitt loses, Pitt loses.

This was a tough, tough game to swallow for Pitt fans. I know Pitt is banged up, especially on the defensive line. I know Pitt is young, with bright-eyed freshmen and sophs littering the field. But every team has injuries this time of year. Look at Louisville: they lost Michael Bush (for the season)AND Brian Brohm (for a few weeks) and didn't miss a beat, with the possible exception of Bush in the Rutgers game. If anyone had an excuse to tank, they did. If Pitt wants to blame injuries, that only exposes the fact that they have little quality depth. And if they want to blame youth, that excuse won't fly either, at least in this game. UConn had numerous freshmen and sophomores in the game at any given point. And how about these lines:

DJ Hernandez, UConn QB (SOPH): 20/29, 164 yards, 4 TD passing; 17 carries, 130 yards rushing

Donald Brown II, UConn RB (FRESH): 43 carries, 205 yards, 2 TD; 4 catches, 26 yards, 1 TD

What was really disappointing was the "Martyball" style in which Pitt lost this game. When you play to not lose, odds are you usually lose. Stephens-Howling ran for 154 yards, but the announcers could not believe how many of those yards came in the first half. Why so surprised...UConn knew the run was coming! Pitt simply could not close this game out. It was pathetic on so many levels.

The performance by Paul Rhoads' "defense" was laughable. I no longer call this team the "Pitt Panthers". I call them the "Pitt Career High Panthers". Because it seems everyone who plays against them has a career high day. This is not a new trend...anyone remember Julius Jones' Notre Dame school record 262 yards rushing against Pitt in 2003? Or Kevin Jones' Virginia Tech school record 241 yards rushing less than a month later? Or Pat White's Big East QB single-game rushing record of 220 yards (in addition to Steve Slaton's 179 yards rushing) in the Backyard Brawl last year? How about Ray Rice's 225 yards in the Rutgers game just weeks ago? I shouldn't count that...I mean, he was 7 yards short of the school record!

So Pitt gave up not one, but TWO career days on Saturday. Hernandez had thrown for 27, 57, and 67 yards in his last three starts...against Pitt: 164 yards, 4 TDs. Hernandez's rushing stats in those games: 30 yards, 29 yards, -11 yards...against Pitt: 130 yards.

Brown has had two 100+ yard games this season. In his other five games, his totals were 8 yards, 30 yards, 29 yards, 15 yards, 23 yards...against Pitt: 205 yards.

They truly are the Pitt "Career High" Panthers. How Paul Rhoads still has a job is beyond me. He has been the one constant throughout the years of drubbing from running backs (and now QBs) from coast-to-coast.

This team just gave up 504 yards of offense to a 3-5 UConn Huskies team. It should go without saying, but at this point, the WVU and Louisville games look downright terrifying. You could see NCAA Division I records fall. And worst of all, we get a national ESPN audience on Thursday night to put this team on display.

I know you have to give a coach time to win (as I always like to point out in the Willingham-Weis Notre Dame situation), but Pitt sure makes it difficult to build any enthusiasm for their program in the interim. In the Wannstedt Era, Pitt has defeated this lineup of opponents: Cincinnati (twice), Syracuse (twice), Virginia, South Florida, Central Florida, UConn, The Citadel, Youngstown State, and Toledo. Not exactly a quality resume, to say the least. When a victory over a 4-6 Virginia team is your signature victory so far, that speaks volumes about how far your program has to go.

But now, I'd like to hear from the readers: HOW MANY POINTS WILL PITT SURRENDER IN THE NEXT TWO GAMES?

Pittsburgh Sports Power Rankings II

The long-awaited second edition of the Pittsburgh Sports Power Rankings is finally here. A few changes, though. This time, the rankings are based on recent internet buzz, not overall clout. So fine folks like Dan Rooney and Kevin Colbert are out. These rankings will reflect Pittsburghers who make life easier for Bloggers like myself. So without further adieu, I give you your revised Pittsburgh Sports Power Rankings...

20. Marc-Andre Fleury - The Penguins goalie and #1 overall pick in 2003 is off to a hot start with a career-low 2.87 goals-against and big wins against Philadelphia and the Rangers. But a persistent rumor around Pittsburgh is that Fleury may be benched for his play. If his performance continues to improve, the Penguins would be in danger of drafting below the 2nd overall choice for the first time since 2002, which is totally unacceptable to management.
Some photographer was really brave to sit in the net during an NHL game

19. H.B. Blades - Pitt's senior LB and son of former Lion Bennie Blades is expected to be named a finalist for the Butkus Award. Maybe like Butkus he can one day fake-coach a high school football team and then bail out before the season is over.

Blades biggest problem is finding a suitable helmet to encase his 'do

18. Chris Kemoeatu - Steelers backup offensive lineman replaced frozen-footed Kendall Simmons on Sunday and the team ran for 219 yards. Once got into a fight with Ben Roethlisberger who tried to water his head, thinking it was a Chia Pet.
Kemoeatu: goes to the same barber as H.B. Blades

17. Larod Stephens-Howling - The Pitt running back has been on fire, with 356 yards rushing and 4 TDs in the last two games. A few more games like this and he will join the pantheon of proud Johnstowners, like Jack Ham, Pete "Clue Haywood" Vukovich, and alleged date-rape drug victim/Ohio U football coach Frank Solich.

Stephens-Howling: giving Maurice Jones-Drew a run for the greatest diminuative hyphenated running back in football this season

16. Mark Madden - ESPN 1250 of Pittsburgh's lead radio talent scores major points for his recent interview of Pam Anderson. Plus, he's a fan of Mondesi's House, so that scores him extra points with the unbiased author of this list.

Pam gazes up at Pittsburgh's resident Super Genius

15. Hines Ward - The Super Bowl XL MVP had his finest game of the season on Sunday, reeling in 5 catches for 59 yards and a TD; he finally looks healthy and ready to contribute. For those of you who don't know, Hines is always playing the respect card. He's fought his entire career to be mentioned in the same breath with the Terrell Owens and Steve Smiths of the world. He fought so hard, he pulled his hamstring just so SportsCenter could include him in the "Star receivers with hamstring injuries" discussion. Fortunately for him, he was included in the discussion. Unfortunately for the Steelers, he has 18 catches in 6 games this season.

Photo evidence of the original cause of Ward's hamstring pull

14. Sidney Crosby - The Penguins superstar is on pace for a 120 point season, or as former 282-point scorer Mario Lemieux would call it, "crap".
Crosby showing off his big stick

13. Willie Parker - The Steelers RB ranks 3rd in the AFC in rushing and has added 5 TDs to boot. In the process, NC State alum Bill Cowher once again sticks it to UNC Coach John Bunting, who gave Parker the grand total of 48 carries in his senior year, going with future NFL star Ronnie McGill instead.
That's one excited former Tar Heel backup

12. Bill Cowher - The Jaw saved the season with a big win on Sunday. Wishy-washy, I mean loyal, Steeler fans ease up the criticism and now proclaim that another Super Bowl win is inevitable.
I'm signing this one, "Pittsburgh, thanks for the memories"

11. Santonio Holmes - The One Man Crime Spree had his finest game as a Steeler on Sunday, totalling 167 yards in receptions and returns. He has been a model citizen on and off the field, letting Chris Henry once again take the lead in legal mentions with his week three vomit incident.
Santonio holding up his prized Kordell Stewart jersey on draft day

10. Dave Wannstedt - Mustached Pitt coach thanked his lucky stars he got in and out of Florida alive after beating Central Florida on Friday. Good thing he didn't stick around and visit Miami last Saturday night, for his beatdown from still-angry Dolphin fans would have been worse than the one they put on FIU.
Dave is Persona Non Wannstache in Miami

9. Kendall Simmons - Mr. Freeze missed Sunday's game after falling asleep with an ice compress on his foot. He was replaced by Chris Kemoeatu and may end up as the Steelers' version of Wally Pipp...or Tommy Maddox.
Kendall Simmons: future Governor?

8. Jordan Staal - The Penguins barely legal #1 pick scored his first career goal at Madison Square Garden in a big win vs. the Rangers. However, a matchup against brother Eric on Saturday was upstaged by Colby Armstrong trying to re-create the Kevin Stevens nose-dive for a new generation of fans.
This picture just gave me a seizure

7. Chad Brown - Born-again Steeler, reptile dealer and sushi critic re-signed with the Black and Gold for another title run in 2006. He provided an immediate impact, including a sack on Sunday and $100 in increased revenue for Nakama on Monday.
The dealmaker in re-signing Chad Brown

6. Tyler Palko - Nation's #1-rated QB faces his toughest matchup yet this season when Rutgers comes to Heinz Field on Saturday. Palko's QB rating for the season is 188, or 178 more than Rex Grossman's rating on Monday night.
Video games, TV rights, ticket sales, jersey sales...yeah, I think a scholarship to Pitt is adequate compensation

5. Najeh Davenport - If Willie Parker is your #1 back, I assume Davenport is #2?
A closet, violated

4. Troy Polamalu - Victim of controversial tackle from Larry Johnson on Sunday says he won't cut his hair, will use more conditioner. He will be interesting to watch this Sunday when the inevitable interception of Ron Mexico occurs.

3. Jim Balsillie - New Penguins owner and Blackberry bigwig made a splash by dropping an S-Bomb on live TV in the Pens' home opener. He says he won't move the team, but can we trust a the word of a guy who's company was accused of stealing the very technology they were selling?

2. Ben Roethlisberger - Super Bowl winning QB finally got on the winning track with a big win vs. Kansas City. Theories over "What's wrong with Big Ben" subside in Pittsburgh...until the next loss.
Ben and Hank pose next to the wax figure of Kid Rock on their field trip to Madame Tussad's

1. Evgeni Malkin - Russian hockey star finally makes his Penguins debut Wednesday night. Ticket sales are high due to the influx of Russian mobsters in town for the game. Thankfully, the Penguins wear uniforms, so Malkin won't stick out like he usually does when dressing himself.
Someone is in need of an Extreme Makeover

Steelers Move to 1-0 Since Adding Chad Brown

The Steelers rose from the dead with a 45-7 win over the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday at the Big Ketcup Bottle. Ben Roethlisberger, desperately trying to keep pace with Tyler Palko as Pittsburgh's favorite quarterback, had a perfect passer rating while throwing for 238 yards and 2 TDs. I'm glad for Ben, as I thought he was getting too much of the blame from media and fans. Regardless of the fact that he just helped the team win a Super Bowl for the first time since 1980, I think he was just one more bad start away from a visit by the dreaded "Maddox Lawn Service" crew.

The offensive line truly sets the pace of the game, while opening up holes for the running backs and setting up the pass with said efficient running attack. And a quick way to tell how well the offensive line played is by a simple glance at the rushing stats. Sure enough, the Steelers rolled up 219 yards and 3 TDs on the ground. Fast William Parker contributed the never-before-done trifecta of 109 yards rushing, 2 TDs, and negative-11 yards receiving. Najeh Davenport dumped all over the Chiefs on this afternoon with 78 yards and a TD on 12 carries. And I think it's safe to say that Chris Kemoeatu played a pretty solid guard in place of Mr. Freeze.
Freeze out at O-Line

The Heinz Field turf, littered with banana peels that Dave Wannstedt had already planted for the big Pitt-Rutgers game next Saturday, proved a slippery slope for several players this afternoon. Steelers WR Santonio Holmes and Aliquippa Quips DB Ty Law were both victims of the playing surface on the same play, as Law slipped in coverage and Holmes slipped after a 50-yard catch and run.

Larry "L.J." Johnson proved that thugs can come from schools other than Miami with his hair-grabbing tackle of Steelers safety Troy Polamalu. Johnson was merely acting out of frustration from letting down all those fantasy owners who drafted him #1 overall, only to see him outgained to this point by Michael Vick, Fragile Freddie Taylor, and Frank Gore.

The receiving core of the Steelers, a non-factor in the majority of the first four games, stepped up with several big plays in the win today. Hines Ward finally played in his first game since returning from an off-season trip to Korea, and his presence was felt immediately. #86 chipped in with five catches for 59 yards and one TD. Nate Washington, who I believe played college football for a Quad-A WPIAL team, reeled in his 2nd TD reception of the season to go with 68 yards receiving. And Cedrick "Don't Call Me the Entertainer" Wilson added 42 yards as he emerged from hibernation.

The Steelers, just 1.5 games out of first place in the AFC North, travel to Atlanta next Sunday. And don't forget to pack your Valtrex, because Ron Mexico will be in the house. Following that game, the Steelers face a lifeless Oakland team that features an offense run by a guy who operated a bed and breakfast at this time last year.

Monday Morning Wrapup

Wow...what an action packed weekend of sports. Pitt-Syracuse, Penn State-Minnesota, and Jaguars-Jets. Plus a few other games you might have noticed.

Eagles 38, Cowboys 24- If I heard one more story about the Philadelphia crowd, I had a barf bag waiting by my side. I don't know if someone's ever been hospitalized for Sal Palantonio-itis, but I liked my odds on Sunday. What a colossal, overhyped waste of time. The Philly fans proved more bark than bite, much like their punchless hockey team that the Penguins took out to the woodshed on Thursday night. Wow, they yelled in the background of the ESPN set. Go to any college in the US and you'll get the same. Probably worse. Like signs such as this (thanks Deadspin):

Corso loves WHAT?

Pitt 21, Syracuse 11- Tyler Palko is the #2 rated QB in college football right now, with a 186 rating. That's about 150 points higher than Big Ben, which means the Steelers might want to think about drafting a QB that's six times as good as the one they have. Pitt also traded for some guy named LaRod Stephens-Howling who ran for 222 yards on Saturday. Much like Maurice Jones-Drew of the Jaguars, Stephens-Howling is just another in the renaissance of hyphenated, diminuitive running backs this season.

Minnesota 27, Penn State 21- That was the actual score, but the refs felt like watching some more football, so they decided to call a penalty that never happened on Minnesota. JoePa escapes with a win against a coach that was treated to the chant of "Fire Mason" in the first half. Good stuff.

Notre Dame 31, Stanford 10- The Walt Harris Watch is officially "on". The former Panther mastermind is now 0-6, with games at #3 USC and #16 Cal still looming on the schedule. Although I think they could beat the Raiders.

Penguins 0, Red Wings 2- A defensive battle at the Igloo on Saturday night. The Flightless Birds managed just 13 shots against Dominik Hasek, and not even Jean-Claude Van Damme could save them on this night. I don't believe any octopi found their way onto the ice.

Yankees Lose...theeee Yankees lose! I doubt many people outside of the Bronx shed a tear when the reincarnation of Murderer's Row got beat by a team that was 43-119 in 2003. So if I follow the logic, does that mean that the Pirates will beat the Tigers in the 2009 playoffs?

Mets eliminate Dodgers - I know, it was all Joe Beimel's fault that the Dodgers lost. But for comedic purposes, we all want to cheer for the Mets and hope for an appearance by Oliver Perez in a playoff situation.

Bears 40, Bills 7 - So much for Dick Jauron getting revenge on the team that fired him. The Bears beat the Bills like DB Ricky Manning beats nerds on laptops. Also, Rex Grossman plays in his career high 5th consecutive game.

Rams 23, Packers 20 - Anyone notice that former Steeler backup backup backup backup backup running back Noah Herron ran for 106 yards in this one? Also, anyone notice that a man just sentenced to 90 days in jail had 4 catches in the very same game?

Arod Traded? There's a lot of speculation that Alex Rodriguez may be on the trading block. Of course, much of this comes from ESPN's Steve Phillips, who famously failed to sign ARod as GM of the Mets and never wants to see him succeed in New York City. Everytime Phillips talks about ARod, going back a few months now, he rants about how he needs to be moved. However, every time I talk about ARod, I tell people the story about how he answered the hotel door at 1 AM in a perfectly pressed suit for Red Sox execs in 2003.

The Perfect Season - The Oakland Raiders have a legit shot at going a perfect 0-for-16 in 2006. They're already 1/4 of the way there after losing to the lowly 49ers on Sunday. Randy Moss had a season-high 5 catches, giving him the grand total of 12 for the season. Which is still 12 more than Jerry Porter.

Saints 24, Bucs 21 - Pittsburgh's own Bruce Gradkowski made his NFL debut, throwing for 225 yards and 2 TDs for the Bucs. He seems like a pretty productive, polished young quarterback. Just like the guy the Steelers drafted instead, Omar Jacobs.

Chiefs 23, Cardinals 20- Larry Johnson completed the trifecta of fantasy suicide on Sunday, with the unanimous top three picks this year (LJ, Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander) all rushing for 36 yards or less. Johnson might be out for the Steeler game next week, but I'm sure someone like Eddie Kennison or Dante Hall will step up and find a way to beat the Steelers.

Giants 19, Redskins 3 - Al Saunders' 700-page playbook continues to pay dividends, as it is carried out each week by brilliant football minds like this man:

Patriots 20, Dolphins 10- Yep, all those Dolphins Super Bowl picks are looking pretty silly right now. Joey Harrington's your starting QB, Ronnie Brown is running for 55 yards a game, and you're STILL losing to the Patriots.

Colts 14, Titans 13- The Colts overcome a heroic 63 yard passing performance from Vince Young en route to a dramatic victory over the feared Titans. For those of you scoring at home, that's a 1-point win against the Titans and a 3-point win against the Jets in consecutive weeks. This team is hot. But don't worry about another undefeated run this year. Peyton is at New England on November 5.

Monday Morning Wrapup

There were many mismatched college football games this weekend, with teams having absolutely no chance of winning...Buffalo vs. Auburn, Middle Tennessee State vs. Oklahoma, The Citadel vs. Pitt, Rice vs. Florida State, Troy vs. Nebraska, Penn State vs. Ohio State....

I kid, I kid. You had to feel bad for Penn State. They put up a great defensive effort, only to be overshadowed by Joe Paterno's constant trips to the men's room. And Anthony Morelli threw touchdowns #2 and 3 that counted for the other side. The Valley is not Happy these days.

Pitt 51, The Citadel 6 - Pitt overcomes a roster headed by a player named "Palmer Kitna" en route to a romp on Saturday. Tyler Palko throws touchdowns #9, 10, 11 and 12...that DO count for Pitt.

Notre Dame 40, Michigan State 37 - I don't know what made me feel worse: watching Michigan State give up 19 unanswered points in the fourth quarter, or the haunting memory of a wet, soggy Charlie Weis roaming the sidelines.

Colts 21, Jaguars 14 - Nice knowing you for a week, Jags. Enjoy your return to the Pay No Mind list. Maybe you can still rank yourself high on the Jaguars.com Power Rankings this week.

Seahawks 42, Giants 30 - Someone should really tell the Giants that the first 45 minutes of the game count, too. Today they rattle off 27 in a row in a furious 4th quarter rally but come up 12 points short. Once again, I look to the football pundits, the paid experts that told us after last week's Giants game that Eli Manning had definitively arrived in the NFL. The same Eli Manning that would lead his team to a 42-3 hole after three quarters. Again, another example of great work by the experts.

This game also offered several milestones in the 2006 season:

1. The official moment when all fantasy players who drafted Shaun Alexander in the top two realize he's averaging about 60 yards a game this season.

2. The first benching of Plaxico Burress by Col. Tom Coughlin. His sideways-visor wearing on the sidelines was the key to the Giants' 4th-quarter heroics.

3. Jeremy Shockey calling out Coughlin for the first time this year, saying the Giants were "outcoached"

Broncos 17, Patriots 7 - Yep, Jake "256 yards and 2 TDs at New England" Plummer should definitely be benched for a rookie from Vanderbilt.

Dolphins 13, Titans 10 - Daunte Culpepper had another mediocre outing, throwing for just 168 yards in a nail biter against one of the NFL's worst teams. Say what you want about the real Culpepper, but the video version keeps getting his roll on in those Madden 2007 commercials. By the way, all you amateurs GMs who insisted the Steelers draft pudgy malcontent Lendale White, please note that he has a grand total of 24 yards on nine carries so far for the Titans.

Ravens 15, Browns 14 - The media hype for Baltimore's swagger being back was dead-on. When you give up 298 yards passing to Charlie Frye and still escape with a win, swagger away.

Panthers 26, Bucs 24 - This game was so bad for Tampa Bay, it cost Chris Simms his spleen. Nothing like an 0-3 start and a future of Tim Rattay and Bruce Gradkowski quarterbacking your team. Of course, Tampa wasn't going anywhere with Phil Jr., either. Maybe when Simms is in the hospital he can get that tattoo of another dude's initials lasered off his leg.

Trevor Hoffman notches record-setting save vs. Pirates - Unfortunately, Freddy Sanchez, the feel-good story in another year of feeling bad for the Pirates, was the final victim. The Buccos finished 2-4 on the road trip, with some impressive wins over an emotional Dodgers team and some close calls aginst the Padres.

Tonight: Falcons at Saints - If you're down for a few hours of ESPN patting themselves on the back while Joe Theismann speaks in cliched circles about what football means to New Orleans, knock yourself out with this one.