TODAY'S HEADLINES

Fast Willie Parker "is so bitter toward the Steelers about his treatment last season that he would rather sit out 2010 than play here again," a source close to the RB told Ed Bouchette.

That's pretty strong talk from a guy who doesn't have a paycheck lined up yet for 2010. [PG]

Orlando police Sgt. Barbara Jones told the Tribune-Review that a police report should have been filed in the Santonio Holmes case.

"I don't know if somebody forgot or what happened," Jones said. "The report wasn't completed. It was supposed to be done. We've contacted the officer to be sure it gets done."

Sounds like some top-notch police work in Orlando. Glad I don't live there. [Trib]

Santonio Holmes, the man of the hour, told ESPN's Rachel Nichols that he "didn't do anything" and added that this matter "will be taken care of quickly, within the next 24 hours."

So I guess we should all move on, then. Nothing to see here. [ESPN]

The Pittsburgh Steelers met with four college prospects on Monday, including Purdue DL Michael Neal, Wake Forest OT Chris DeGeare, Kansas S Darrell Stuckey, and Penn State LB Navorro Bowman. I hope none of these guys are big fans of nightclubs. [Trib]

The Johnstown Chiefs are moving to Greenville, South Carolina, in an eerie example of real life mirroring fiction (in this case, the 1977 Paul Newman classic Slap Shot).

The team was purchased by Neil Smith (yes, that Neil Smith) in 2002, but the Chiefs have only 900 season-ticket holders and struggle to fill the arena, needing 2,700 fans a game just to break even. Sounds like they need a dose of the Hanson Brothers. [Comcast.net]

Jamie Dixon reportedly met with former Oregon AD Pat Kilkenny recently, but has spurned whatever the Ducks were peddling, according to Fox Sports' Jeff Goodman.

Now that Dixon, Gonzaga's Mark Few, Michigan State's Tom Izzo, and and Florida's Billy Donovan appear to have turned them down, it looks like Oregon now will turn their attention to Minnesota's Tubby Smith, and possibly Butler's Brad Stevens. [FoxSports.com]

Mike Rice might be staying at Robert Morris after all, considering that job vacancies (other than Oregon) seem to be filling up quickly.

Former Pitt player Kevin Willard got the Seton Hall job, and Fordham hired Hofstra’s Tom Pecora. St. John's wants a coach with more major-conference experience, as is DePaul.

That would leave Charlotte, Hofstra, Siena and Iona as the openings in the East at the moment, and none of them have mentioned Rice as a potential candidate yet. [Beaver County Times]

Robbie Brown, former Penguin fan favorite and Alyssa Milano squeeze, was on 93.7 The Fan on Monday with John Seibel and Joe Starkey.

Brown, now a color commentator for the Edmonton Oilers, immediately took the hosts back to the time when Ron Hextall chased him around the ice in the 1989 playoffs. Here's a YouTube clip of the awesome moment:



Andrew McCutchen is being credited with the change in attitude of talented yet troubled OF Lastings Milledge in a lengthy article on ESPN:

Milledge watched how McCutchen played with a calm but not ego-driven attitude, how he carried himself. He also was impressed by how McCutchen, without campaigning for the job, effectively became the Pirates' captain only a few months after becoming a major leaguer.

"When you're that young but you're a leader like that, it's something special to watch," Milledge said.

Steve Blass circa 1973 has been identified as the worst opening-day starter in the last 50 years based on WAR (wins above replacement), says people who enjoy crunching said numbers. That was the year Blass totally went off the tracks, turning 19-8/2.49 in 1972 to 3-9/9.85 in 1973. No one does bad like the Buccos. [Rum Bunter]

Bill Clinton will speak at the May 16 graduation ceremony of West Virginia University's Eberly College of Arts and Science, the school announced today. Hopefully no one throws any small change at the former President. [PG]

Brad Sciullo, one of Western PA's top competitive eaters who once ate a 20.2-pound burger in four hours and 37 minutes, was at it again this weekend.

On Saturday, Sciullo took down 58 pierogis in three minutes flat at the Men's Culinary Classic at the Washington County Fairgrounds, besting the entire field. His next feat will be at the Double Wide Grill on Carson Street at 8 p.m. Thursday, where he'll be one of the contestants in a tofu-eating contest. But my question: when will he be ready to take down Chestnut and Kobayashi on the 4th of July? [Herald Standard]

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NEWS AND NOTES

A few things while I finish up the second half of the Pittsburgh Sports Media Popularity Contest (to be unveiled at some point later today)...

--Reader Steve B. contends that guitarist Paul Gilbert (and not Rocco Mediate) is/was the best thing to ever come out of Greensburg, PA:

Considered one of the world's greatest rock guitarists for years, in the same class as Steve Vai and Joe Satriani. Plus, who else in fairly recent years from Western, PA has been on the Tonight Show and has had a platinum album with a Billbord Hot 100 No. 1 hit. (Mr. Big - To Be With You, 1992)?

Good points...but Gilbert can't take credit for knocking Tiger Woods out for the year.

--Cecil from Cecil thought we would like the worst album covers of all time.

--SOB (his real initials) sends over a Vanity Fair article on Bill Clinton that features a mention of Penguins owner Ron Burkle and his attractive, blonde, "not much older than 19 if she was that" guest.

--Our friends at Pierogis N'at came up with a new top 1o list: Top 10 Best/Worst Sports Celebrations.

--It appears that Roger Clemens sold his Bentley to Poison singer/Steeler fan Bret Michaels recently. Early word is that he sold the car to get some cash to put against his legal bills. Sorry, but I'm not buying that. According to Baseball Reference, Clemens took home at least $121 million in salary alone during his career, and their numbers only go through 2005 (not counting the ransom he took from Houston in '06 and the Yanks in '07). And that's just his on-field money. I find it hard to believe that Clemens' cash well has dried up to the point that he has to sell a used ride to a friend of Brady Quinn.

Send your interesting links to mondesishouse@gmail.com for these fun little buffers between "real" posts.

THE NEWS

--EDSBS checks in on the Pitt "Murdock incident". Yikes. A must-read.

--Fire up the brooms tonight, friends.

--Pirates 2, Dodgers 11 in Los Angeles last night. The PG's headline: "Morris rocked again". That's about as far as I'll get into analysis of that game, although I will mention that Nate McLouth had two hits, running his hitting streak to 14.

--Finally, someone's chronicled all of the Mr. Belding party photos. Well done.

--Bill Clinton was hanging out at IUP today. Refresh my memory...is IUP still a big party school?

--The Steelers have the NFL's toughest schedule, facing teams with a .598 winning percentage last year. The easiest? That would be New England, at .387, followed by San Diego at .422. Sounds fair.

--Here's more on the Steely McBeam arrest from the Sports Pickle.

--It's Titletown, USA, the next ESPN segment you'll be complaining about this summer.

--Dan Marino is giving the commencement address at Pitt this year. Duquesne has countered with Jerome Bettis. Your move, Robert Morris.

--Is John Daly pregnant?

--Former Penn State TE Kyle Brady visited with the Steelers. It would be a shrewd signing...about 10 years ago.

--The Steelers also met with Eastern Michigan DE Jason Jones and Georgia Tech LB Philip Wheeler. The Steelers sure enjoy visiting with all of these players. What do you think they talk about?

--Here's a farm report from the Pirates, including a very happy 10-3 Indianapolis team.

--Who's #1, Crosby or Malkin? Ron Cook needs an answer to the question no one's asking.

--Fan of the Week : Saving Drunken Wrigley Field Monkeys

GOT NEWS?

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YOU COULD WIN STUFF!

The News

--The Pens reached 100 points but suffered a 2-1 loss at the hands of the New York Rangers on Monday night.

Former Little League World Series hero Chris Drury put the winner past MAF at 1:46 of OT.

--JoePa turned down a chance to meet with Bill Clinton during his recent State College visit. Why? JoePa's a Republican. Which is interesting, considering son Jay Paterno is a staunch supporter of Barack Obama.

--You absolutely have to read this article about the new breed of "rock star" superintendents. Unreal.

--Did you catch the Milwaukee Brewers lineup, with Jason Kendall batting ninth?

"We've done studies on this," manager Ned Yost said. "It's not just that we come up one day and say, 'You know, Jason Kendall's gonna hit ninth.'

--Slate.com recently had an article entitled, "How to root for one of the most mediocre sports teams ever", about, as you guessed, the Pirates. I actually got a mention in the article. Good to see that I'm so closely associated with mediocrity.

--How about some video of a fight in the stands at the Red Sox-Dodgers LA Coliseum exhibition game?

--Now you can Rent Dennis Rodman to Help You Dye Your Hair

--Here's a fresh article on the karate-chopping Greg Lloyd, who's had some legal troubles of his own in recent years.

--Just when you thought the Steelers’ offseason troubles were over, this happens…

"Davenport dumps out second seed Ivanovic”

Thankfully, it was a story about tennis.

--Here's the real story about Wrestlemania: the pyrotechnic malfunction that left dozens in the stands injured. Says With Leather: "A suspended cable used for launching fireworks above the crowd snapped, showering the crowd of easily amused simpletons with sparks and rockets."

--Found this buried in last week's "News" folder, but here's a very interesting read about a now-former Michigan Wolverine blasting off on Rich Rodriguez.

--Ben Roethlisberger is set to return to Findlay, Ohio, on Saturday night, April 5th for his second annual fundraiser, "The Ben Roethlisberger Challenge".

--Is Idaho Football too sexy?

--The experts think that Branden Albert will be your Pittsburgh Steeler first-round draft pick.

--Barack Obama bowled a 37 in Altoona. 37? Here's the video.

--Bugs and Cranks interviewed the author of a Roberto Clemente graphic novel.

--Buy Michael Jordan's old waterbed!


--Joe Theismann has a restaurant? Who knew? Well, probably a lot of people. But not I.

--Giant Eagle is claiming that they were overcharged for $200 million worth of chocolate between 2002-2007.

--From the "Let's Stop at the Headline" Department: 14 dead turtles found in feces-filled Uniontown house.

A LIST OF TODAY'S TOP LISTS
Top 10 most (and least) popular jerseys from the past 10 years
12 surprisingly and mind-numbingly controversial Wikipedia pages
The 10 Craziest Scientific Experiments Ever Conducted
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The News

--The PG's Gene Collier remembers Myron Cope.

--Looking for Myron soundbites? This is your ultimate destination.

--And here's Myron's favorite Three Rivers Stadium memories.

--It was close, but Pitt edged Cincinnati, 73-67, locking in their seventh consecutive 20-win season. Highlights included Terrible Towels in honor of Myron Cope and a disgusting windmill dunk by Sam Young:

--The Steelers have some decisions to make on a few RFAs, including Chris Kemoeatu, Greg Warren, Nate Washington, Trai Essex, and Andre Frazier. Because if anyone deserves a raise, it's Nate Washington.

--The lines for tonight's Pens-Bruins game are in, and it's going to be Hossa-Malone-Staal.

--Speaking of the Pens, why are Penguin fans confused right now?

--Robert Morris can lock up the Northeast Conference title tonight with a win at Sacred Heart.

--A man blinded by an explosion has his sight restored after doctors insert his son's tooth in his eye.

--The $3 million bid for the Record Rama archives turned out to be a fraud. Fake $3 million bid? On eBay? Get outta here!

--Gennifer Flowers is auctioning her Bill Clinton tapes. The fake buyer of the Record Rama archives is said to be interested.

--Why is the No. 2 album in the country not being recognized by Billboard magazine?

A LIST OF TODAY'S TOP LISTS

5 Books That Can Actually Make You Stupider

5 lucrative jobs that break out of the cubicle

The Most Baffling Theme Parks From Around the World

Actors who turned down career-making roles

The Gruesome Origins of 5 Popular Fairy Tales

20 Tacky Religious Products Guaranteed to Anger God

5 Body Mysteries Explained

5 Books That Can Actually Make You Stupider

The 20 greatest TV show intros of all-time