Peezy Says You Can Be a Star

As this billboard from Second Avenue in Pittsburgh tells us, "You can be a star" in the glamorous world of...the witness protection program. And the bearer of this message? Miami Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter, who, ironically, was arrested for a fight in Las Vegas in March and charged with misdemeanor battery. Anyone willing to become a star and testify against Peezy? Didn't think so.

To this day, anytime I hear a story involving the Witness Protection Program, I automatically think of that Simpsons "Cape Fear" parody in the early '90s. You know...the one when Sideshow Bob tries to kill Bart and the Simpsons are forced to enter the Witness Protection Program...It's an all-time classic. Homer wants his new identity to be John Elway, and he wears a "WRP" hat and t-shirt all around town. And thanks to the wonders of the internet, here's the three-minute video clip.

A new identity as John Elway and a free t-shirt? Yes, the Witness Protection Program is great work, if you are lucky enough to find it. And it pays $5,000 to boot! It's a nice gesture by Joey to lend his intimidating image to the billboard and the campaign. But don't expect "Stop Snitchin" star Carmelo Anthony to endorse the program anytime soon.

(Thanks to Joe in Munhall for the photo and info)

XPlosion 0-7, Bucs add Diaz, 20 Best Looking Athletes, Transformers Trailer

COLLEGE HOOPS:

Big Pitt game tonight, as they travel to #15 Oklahoma State. Hopefully we get a better performance than what we saw in Buffalo or Wisconsin.

CBA:

The Pittsburgh XPlosion fall to the Indiana Alleycats, 133-107. The loss drops the XPlosion to 0-7 in the 2007-06 campaign. That owner was right. People won't respect this team until they win a championship.

MLB:
The Pirates take another big step for 2007, adding catcher Einar Diaz, who hit .225 in class AAA last season.

NBA:

Allen Iverson sits down with the Barbara Walters of ESPN, Stephen A. Smith, and says he never demanded to be traded.

Turns out that Carmelo reaffirmed his street cred...among the cowardly and girlish

NFL:

We all knew that OT Willie Colon would start for Max Starks on Sunday. Now we learn that OT Adam Terry is starting for Jonathan Ogden on Baltimore's side. Nothing like a shakeup on the O-Lines to make a Christmas Eve rivalry game a little juicier.

Dr. Z. gives us new Power Rankings...Steelers #1...I mean, #16. Forgot the "6".

ESPN tells us about the Education of Vince Young. I presume they mean his football education, and not the general intelligence that gave him that 6 on the Wonderlic test.

RANDOM FUN STUFF:

SI's Swimsuit models pick the 20 best-looking athletes in sport. Evgeni Malkin did not make the cut.

The totally awesome Transformers trailer

The always-funny Maddox gives us Five Awesomely Bad Christmas Gifts

AFC Contenders as Cookies, Mike & Mike Cartoons, NBA Suspensions, The Yappin Yinzer

NFL:

The Ex-Burgher asks, "Which Christmas Cookie is YOUR AFC Contender?" I'll give you a preview: the Steelers are Baklava.

Former New Orleans Saint and FSU Seminole QB Adrian McPherson sues the Titans. Why? Their mascot ran him over in the preseason. And to answer your question, no, PacMan Jones was not in the mascot suit when the accident happened.

Mondesi regular Cecil from Cecil sends over this Bengals article from ESPN.com. Be sure to check out this part:

"...As if that weren't bad enough, Bengals wideout Chris Henry had been seen vomiting out the side window of Thurman's SUV. Henry, meanwhile, was just two weeks removed from pleading guilty to a gun charge in Florida. In January 2006, while in Orlando, police there say, he stepped from a limo wearing his own black-and-orange Bengals replica jersey and pointed a 9mm Luger into a crowd."

Terrell Owens is fined $35,000 for spitting. So does that mean he has 35,000 less reasons to live?

MLB:
SI.com's John Donovan gives us the major leaguers stealing money. That $50 million Gary Matthews Jr. deal still amazes me.

NBA:

The fines and suspensions are in from the Knicks-Nuggets brawl:

Carmelo, 15 games, as well as a new reputation as a punk

The Knicks, $500,000, which is one week's salary for Larry Brown not to coach them

The Nuggets, $500,000, or a little less in their "Allen Iverson Rainy Day" jar

Mardy Collins, 6 games, and a tryout in the NFL as a safety

Nate Robinson, 10 games, which means he can't alley-oop to himself for a while

Jared Jeffries, 4 games, mostly for being unable to catch Carmelo as he sheepishly backtracked

Nene, 1 game, for thinking he is cool enough to go by one name

Jerome James, 1 game. He won't be able to score his 2.1 points and grab 1 rebound. And all of that output for just $49,090.90 per game! That Isiah, what a GM!

Isiah Thomas, 0 games. How he managed to sneak past the prison guard is beyond me. By all accounts, he instigated it in the first place. I think Isiah thinks he's still a Bad Boy Piston.

MEDIA:
The newest round of ESPN Radio's "Off Mikes" cartoons are now online. Can someone PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE answer me one question...who watches these?

RANDOM FUN STUFF:

Cracked.com counts down the 9 biggest wusses in rock today

Here's something we all need...the Yappin' Yinzer, a talking Pittsburgh doll