A LOT HAPPENED IN 72 HOURS

Although some think that I have the personality of a robot, my work-related absence over the past three days should finally prove that an actual human being is in charge of what you read on this site and not a cyborg who regularly posts hastily-penned one-liners about easy targets like the Pittsburgh Pirates. That being said, the timing of my vanishing act could not have been worse. Consider what's gone down in approximately 72 hours since my last enlightening post about (imagine this) Pirate players being upset about the recent mass turnover of their roster:

--The defending Super Bowl Champions started training camp in our backyard, and 2008 NFL Defensive Player of the Year James Harrison reported driving this vehicle. That was probably a post in itself had I seen it upon original release.

Also, read closely in this Trib article about what rookie WR Mike Wallace brought to camp:

Wallace, on the other hand, brought numerous forms of entertainment to his first camp. He brought a 42-inch, flat-screen television, a small movie collection -- including "The Hangover," "Pineapple Express" and "The Dark Knight" -- PlayStation 3 and an iPod.

As emailer John G. points out, would that be a DVD of the same "The Hangover" that's currently in theaters right now? Yeah, probably not a wise idea to mention that to a newspaper reporter.

--THE Raul Mondesi running for Mayor opposite THE Jose Rijo in the Dominican Republic. This is clearly the biggest Mondesi-related story since the famous electricity-stealing scandal of 2006.

--Tom Gorzelanny and John Grabow were dealt to the Chicago Cubs, as the Pirates' front office remembered that they are contractually obligated to help the Cubs in a stretch run whenever possible. It was a sad day for me only from the standpoint that I'll have one glaring hole in this year's much-delayed "Pittsburgh Pirates: the Movie IV" post. Gorzo and Sloth from The Goonies...that was just inspired casting.

--It took Boston GM Theo Epstein all of six games to realize what it took the Pirates two-plus years to figure out: his team is better off trading Adam LaRoche. Yes, Hans Klopek was flipped back to his original haunting grounds of Atlanta for Casey Kotchman in a dramatic swap of medicocrity. LaRoche joins an Atlanta nucleus that includes Nate McLouth, Mike Gonzalez, and David Ross, which means the Braves should go 68-94 in 2010.

--Andrew McCutchen hit three home runs and drove in six on Saturday night against the Washington Nationals. Amazingly, was still on the roster and not traded to the Red Sox on Sunday morning.

--The Pirates were beaten by the Washington Nationals on Sunday, and the win went to Sean Burnett, the same Sean Burnett that built a shrine to Nate McLouth after his trade and called the Pirates "the laughingstock of baseball" recently. By the way, the team Burnett now plays for is 33-72. Certainly not laughingstock material by any measure.

Now that we're up to speed on three-day-old news, it's time to look forward to the week ahead. We've got one more Pirates-Nationals game to endure, a three-pack with the D-Backs, and most importantly, lots more football to talk about. Limas Sweed was the star of Sunday's practice? Oh yeah, that's just a sneak preview of what's going to be a great week of talk.

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ABOUT THIS LASTINGS MILLEDGE CHARACTER

As you've probably heard, the Pirates just traded for the talented, colorful, and sometimes troubled young man shown above, one Lastings Milledge. The 24-year-old, who was the 12th overall pick by the New York Mets in the 2003 MLB Draft, has a very high ceiling, much higher than that of departed OF Nyjer Morgan, who was the epitome of a "sell high" player if the Pirates ever had one.

But talented 24-year-olds don't just go from team to team to team in a span of three years unless there's a catch, and you can be sure that there's a big one with Milledge. You see, his behavior is, shall we say, erratic at best. For example one, let's go to old friend Wikipedia:

Prior to the 2003 amateur draft, he was expected to be among the top three selections, but as draft day approached, press reports from 2002 resurfaced regarding Milledge's expulsion from Northside Christian High School after his junior year for allegedly having sex with a minor. He subsequently transferred to Lakewood Ranch High School where he finished his education and amateur baseball career.

As a result of the incident, Milledge was passed over in the 2003 amateur draft until the Mets selected him as the twelfth overall pick in the first round. The Mets began contract negotiations with Milledge, but the talks were interrupted in early August 2003, when the Mets learned of allegations of additional sexual misconduct against Milledge during his time at Northside.

That's certainly newsworthy. But wait...there's more. Fast-forward to 2007:

In May, it was reported that Milledge appeared in a rap song, "Bend Ya Knees," by Manny D, a childhood friend. The song contained the words "b***h", "ho", and "n***a". The Mets organization responded by saying, "We disapprove of the content, language and message of this recording, which does not represent the views of the New York Mets."

OK, so he's proven that his judgment is not the best. But I'll be he's got some great intro music each time he comes to bat.

Make no bones about it: dealing Morgan and P Sean Burnett for Milledge and reliever Joel Hanrahan this afternoon was somewhat of a calculated risk (although USA Today is calling it a potential heist for the Pirates). But really, aren't all trades?

As previously stated, Morgan's value was peaking right now. Yes, he was a nice guy who fans enjoyed, and yes, he played solid defense; but you can't overlook the fact that A) he couldn't get on base nearly enough, and B) he's been thrown out 10 times in 28 stolen base attempts this season. Plus, he's four years older than Milledge. Burnett has had a good season by his standards, but he's very replaceable. The most interesting question I can think of regarding his departure is whether or not someone will return the favor and build a shrine to him as he did for Nate McLouth.

In Hanrahan, the Pirates pickup a flamethrower who reaches the high 90s. True, his ERA is an unsightly 7.71 this season in 32 innings, and he's a ghastly 5-for-10 in save opportunities; but his strikeout to walk ratio this season is an impressive 35:14. That's at least something to work with.

Pirate clubhouse reaction has been the typical, boo-hoo variety. Jack Wilson, obviously long overdue for a plane ticket out of the Burgh, had this to say:

"The bottom line is, even if this trade does work out, it's not going to matter to 80 percent of the people in here," Wilson said. "And over the years, these trades haven't worked. Show me the ones that have worked."

Wilson described himself as "beyond, beyond tired" of such moves.

"We know that they're looking to the future, which doesn't say much about 2009," he continued. "That's probably what's so shocking. We're five games out, and we lost two or three of our everyday players. That's what hits us the most. You can understand if it's the end of July. You see that stuff coming. ... They're businessmen. They're trying to achieve winning baseball in Pittsburgh. The biggest question is: When is that going to be. When do things start turning around? It's just hard for guys who have been here and seen these exact same trades happen and seen it absolutely do nothing. I've been here nine years. I've seen these trades 2 or 3 times a year every year and still haven't had a winning season. You hope, eventually, some of these trades will work out. It's just they haven't yet. They think they're getting deals they can't pass up. I guess. I guess. I guess. Whatever."

In his haste to push his employer down the stairs, Wilson failed to realize that many of his very teammates (the Brothers LaRoche, Freddy Sanchez, Delwyn Young, Brandon Moss, Jason Jaramillo, etc.) were acquired via these trades that "haven't worked". Hopefully, the next Huntington deal can include either Wilson, Ian Snell, or Adam LaRoche, three veterans who have clearly soured on the Pirate experience and are not part of the future.

In Washington, acting GM Mike Rizzo is telling Nats fans they just acquired "two cornerstones of the organization". That's right, now Nyjer Morgan and Sean Burnett are cornerstones of an organization. Comments like that will probably ensure that Rizzo's title will never go beyond "acting".

As for the on-field product, the Pirates shut out the Cubs, 3-0, behind three hits from Freddy Sanchez and seven innings (and eight Ks) from Ross "Mr. Wonderful" Ohlendorf. Don't look now, but the last-place Buccos are only six games out of first.
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CHARLIE MORTON'S DEBUT WAS...INTERESTING

The Pirates were excited to show immediate return on the Nate McLouth trade, starting 25-year-old Charlie Morton against his old team, the Atlanta Braves, on Wednesday night. Unfortunately, Morton's Pirate debut was rather abbreviated, as he threw just one inning against the Tomahawk Choppers and left the game with a hamstring injury.

Luckily, the Pirates happened to have a pitcher available from last season's controversial trade of a veteran outfielder, so in stepped Jeff Karstens, who went on to allow four hits and one run in 4 2/3 innings en route to his third win of the season. Karstens showed great control, throwing 43 of his 59 pitches for strikes. It was an encouraging outing for a guy who was recently banished to the bullpen.

Sean Burnett, John Grabow and Matt Capps limited the Braves to only a two-out, ninth-inning homer by Garret Anderson, and the Pirates hung on for a 3-2 victory in front of 21,610.

Andrew McCutchen was 0-for-5 with two strikeouts, lowering his average to .324, but the Pirates got just enough offense from Nyjer Morgan and Freddy "Don't Call Me Tony" Sanchez, who had two hits each. Adam LaRoche knocked in two of the three runs against his former team.

The teams meet once again on Thursday with an early 1 PM start. Paul Maholm (4-2, 3.94) will duel with Javier Vazquez (4-5, 3.54). Following that, the Pirates have a Friday meeting with (drum roll)....DETROIT! That's right, Pittsburgh and Detroit, on Friday evening. Aren't those two cities "facing off" in another sport that night?

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PAT MEARES 2.0

The Pirates have embarrassed themselves on the field for 16 years, and now, they're embarrassing themselves in a completely different way, getting national attention on blogs from coast to coast for their childish reaction to the Nate McLouth trade.

Said Adam LaRoche:

"There ain't a guy in here who ain't [ticked] off about it," said first baseman Adam LaRoche, according to the report. "It's kind of like being with your platoon in a battle, and guys keep dropping around you. You keep hanging on, hanging on, and you've got to figure: How much longer till you sink?

"It's fine. Heck with it. We're not the GM. We don't run the team. If they feel like it's the best move for three or four years from now, great," LaRoche said, according to the report. "Unfortunately, that does me no good. I've still got to be in here telling guys it's going to be fine with Nate gone. Well, you can only do that for so long until guys just kind of ... well, they know."

Freddy Sanchez:

"Wow," second baseman Freddy Sanchez said Thursday of the trade, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. "I think the biggest thing was the shock factor. It's obviously a tough pill to swallow. Our No. 3 hitter just got taken away, the guy who leads our team in home runs and RBIs, and we were 6½ games out. We could still have been right there. I think we still can. But we're all just kind of wondering right now ... wondering what it is."

An unnamed vet:

"You make a deal for a player like that, and you'd better get at least one elite guy in return," one veteran said. "Who's the guy in this trade? Who is that player?"

One finds irony in the fact that LaRoche, who is currently hitting .245 and traditionally does his best to help sink the aforementioned Pirates' platoon by the All-Star break, felt the need to speak out, especially considering the fact that LaRoche is a pending free agent and will surely exit via that route, unless he's traded first (hopefully for some prospects, for comedic irony).

The Pirates' players have carried on as if the team just broke up an outfield of Mantle, Mays, and Dimaggio, to the point of creating a clubhouse shrine to McLouth in Pat Meares fashion. The shrine was erected by Jesse Chavez and Sean Burnett, who have more than earned the right to criticize the team for all the championships they've helped bring the organization.

Forgot Meares? Of course you did. After signing a four-year, $15 million extension in April 1999, he hit .240 and .211 in the two seasons that followed. Notice I said two seasons, not four. The Pirates and Meares eventually parted ways and Meares never played in the bigs again, with a nice injury grievance as the cherry on top. And aside from the shrine that he undoubtedly deserved, there's this classic story that sort of sums up the whole Meares Era:

Shortstop Pat Meares of the Pittsburgh Pirates‚ on the disabled list recovering from surgery on his left hand‚ participates in a sausage race at Milwaukee's County Stadium. Meares‚ dressed as a 10-foot bratwurst‚ wins the race defeating a giant hot dog and a polish sausage. Two days ago‚ Meares was caught on videotape sunbathing in the upper deck of Philadelphia's Veteran Stadium for the first six innings of game.

But I digress. ESPN's DJ Gallo put the current situation into perspective with some cold, hard facts about the Pirates, and #3 on his list makes simply a beautiful point that I was planning on making myself:

Fact #3: The Pirates would not be good if they had kept their "core" in place.

Please stop pretending that last year's Opening Day outfield of Jason Bay, McLouth and Xavier Nady would one day be inducted en masse into Cooperstown.

Please. You're embarrassing yourselves.

When Nady was dealt last year, the Pirates were 48-55. When Bay left, they were 50-58. When McLouth was traded on Wednesday, they were 24-28. The Pirates aren't exactly breaking up the '27 Yankees. The '67 Yankees, maybe.

And, really, Xavier Nady?! We're talking about missing Xavier Nady? Not Barry Bonds, not Jason Bay. Not even Brian Giles. We talkin' about Xavier Nady. Xavier Nady, man. Xavier Nady. I mean, how silly is that. Xavier Nady.

Mark Madden pointed out that none of this went on in the Penguin locker room after a strong locker room guy like Ryan Whitney was dealt, which spoke to the tremendous difference between entitled Major Leaguers and the attitude of most NHL players. And I'd have to agree. Please, Pirates, for your own good, keep your thoughts to yourself and just play ball. Your comments are really not doing anyone any favors.

McLouth trade brings clubhouse backlash [PG]

Arrrgh! you ready for some Pirate facts? [ESPN]

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The News

--George W. made a quick stop through the Burgh last night, raising up to $1 million at a Sewickley Heights fundraiser.

--Xavier, guided by head coach and former Pitt Panther Sean Miller, knocked out Huggy Bear's WVU Mountaineers in overtime, 79-75.

--The Pirates made final tuneups to their championship 2008 roster: P Sean Burnett was sent to Indy; 2B Freddy Sanchez will open the season on the roster despite an inflamed shoulder; relievers Franquelis Osoria, Phil Dumatrait and Rule 5 draft pick Evan Meek made the team; Casey Fossum and Turd Ferguson (aka Jaret Wright) were unconditionally released.

--The Steelers re-signed Nick Eason, meaning that the Booger McFarland ship has probably sailed.

--Five more collegians met with the Steelers: Boston College OT Gosder Chrilus, Texas A&M DL Red Bryant, Kansas fullback Brandon McAnderson, Michigan State RB Jehuu Caulcrick and Hampton DE Kendall Langford.

--The Pacman Jones to Dallas trade is just about done.

--The Browns didn't want him, but LB Clark Haggans found a home with the Pittsburgh West Cardinals.

--Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: secretly married?

--Deadspin shows The One Lonely UCLA Fan

--Big Mo the tortoise, the Pittsburgh Zoo's oldest resident, dies at 75.

--Brooks & Dunn and ZZ Top are coming to Burgettstown.

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