How Much for a Used Smoke?

Steeler Auction Mania has officially reached a new low. It started with Mr. Bill's Second-Hand Store Auction, moved to "Buy Ben's Ride", then over to "Buy Ike's Ride", and now here we are, discussing the investment potential of Jack Lambert's used cigarette.

The seller's fantastic tale of acquiring said butt:

"WHEN I WAS OUTSIDE THE HOTEL MAKING SMALL TALK W/HIM WHILE HE WAS SMOKING HE THROUGH THIS BUTT ON THE GROUND & I GRABBED IT BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COLLECTABLE. HE SMOKED A FEW OTHER TIMES BUT HE PUT THOSE IN THAT LONG TUBE TYPE TRASH CAN OUTSIDE PLACES THEY PUT FOR BUTTS. IF YOU HAVE A PHOTO OF CARD OF LAMBERT,THIS WOULD BE COOL TO FRAME W/IT AS A CONVERSATION PIECE, YOU GET THE BUTT & THE SHERATON NAPKIN"

So not only do you get the butt, but you also get the used Sheraton napkin. I suppose it's some type of "certificate of authenticity" if you will. So tell me, celebrity garbage collectors...what kind of price should we expect on an item such as this?

Afternoon Wrapup

-Bad news...Ike Taylor's pimped ride did not sell. It's been all downhill for him since the Super Bowl.

-Speaking of celebrity auto auctions, here's yet another one...a 1983 Ferrari owned by Yngwie Malmsteen, '80s guitar legend and former member of the band "Steeler". Sounds like the perfect band for a Heinz Field concert.

--Kathy Strouse, animal control coordinator for the City of Chesapeake in Virginia, says she can "put [Michael] Vick on that property" where the alleged dogfights occurred.

It was this paragraph that really upset me:

Police conducting a drug investigation at the end of April raided the Vick-owned house and reported finding dozens of dogs, some injured and emaciated. Investigators also discovered items associated with dog fighting, including veterinary supplies, blood-soaked carpeting, treadmills used for training and tools used to pry apart a dog's jaws.

Please, Roger Goodell, suspend this man.

--Why did Alan Faneca decide not to practice the other day? It looks like it was something Mike Tomlin said...

[A Steelers'] player said that, at the May 11 team meeting, Tomlin singled out Faneca and said the Steelers did not want to put up with distractions like the one the guard was causing. Some players were surprised Tomlin cited Faneca, a six-time Pro Bowl selection.

If you're not a Tomlin fan yet, I don't know what you're waiting for.

--Look, a Joe Starkey appearance on ESPN.com!

--Is the Steelers' offense going to look like the Colts' in the near future? Sounds like it to me...

--A survey ranked Pittsburgh as having the second-most courteous drivers in the county. Except for that lady that collided with Big Ben.

--Great news! ESPN's Mike and Mike are hosting this year's Scripps Howard Spelling Bee!

Forced awkward moment!

--My brother had the bright idea of looking on eBay for a shirt like the one Sandman wore in Spiderman 3. Unfortunately, the only one we found was a little out of our league -- it's the one Thomas Haden Church actually wore, and it's currently at $900.

You know this would be a killer beer pong shirt

--Did you know Oprah has six toes? It's a condition called Polydactylism. And here's what Wikipedia has to say about it:

Historically and in the contemporary world, polydactylyism has been associated with witchcraft, psychic power, the extraterrestrial, divine connection, and sporting prowess.

--The Governator is "too busy" to be bothered with Paris Hilton

--It's a sad day for Married...With Children fans, as Bud Bundy (David Faustino) is arrested on drug charges.

This May Top Them All

This newly-listed auction makes the respective Cowher and Roethlisberger auctions pale in comparison. I present to you...

IKE TAYLOR'S 1986 Chevy Monte Carlo

Ike's car, spokesvehicle for this business' aforementioned "wheel specials"

The much-maligned defensive back is listing this through the same person currently peddling the Roethlisberger wheels. I don't know how one gets the job as celebrity car consignment salesman, but I wish I had the idea. I've never heard of another business that gets so much free publicity.

Consider this ride pimped

According to the auction, the car was custom built for Ike at a cost of $60,000. I'm guessing the majority of that money was spent on rims and speakers.

Beautiful, just beautiful.

So what's going on with the Steelers suddenly selling their rides? Cash shortage? Coach Tomlin coming down hard on everyone's high-priced toys? Guys saving up for a new ride? All of these seem like rational explanations, but I'll go out on a limb and guess that Ike wants to go back to the good ol' days of dragging along Uncle Francois in a tire.

Related:

Cowher Auction

Cowher Auction Wrapup

Roethlisberger Auction

Facemeike.com - Ike's homepage