Big Lead Sports Bar



by Koz

The Pens face an unfamiliar foe in the Stanley Cup Finals, so let's bring you up to speed. You know what's at stake – the chance to have your name engraved on the same silver chalice as Jim Paek.

Leading Scorer(s) – The top two scorers for the Wings in both the playoffs and regular season are Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk. Zetterberg dates a Swedish model... and no it's not Henrik Lundqvist. Her name is “Emma Andersson.” You can google that one on your own time.

Detroit Red Wings brought to you by IKEA – The Wings have 9 Swedish players on their roster. The Penguins have none plus they have Jarkko Ruutu who is Finnish.

We know who this guy is rooting for

Public Enemy #1 – Team penalty minute leader Aaron Downey (116 regular season PIMs) hasn't played in the playoffs. Detroit's not a real “rough stuff” kind of team, though they are averaging more times shorthanded in the playoffs than the Pens (4.4 per game for Detroit vs. 3.9 for Pittsburgh). They aren't a soft team by any means though. Darren McCarty is probably a guy you'll learn to hate by the end of all this.

Goaltender - Chris Osgood is just about the only goalie running around with the player's helmet fashioned with a facemask (the other is teammate Dominik Hasek). What in the name of Wendell Young is that about?

Someone needs to tell Chris Osgood the 80's are over

Soon to be Overplayed Story Lines of the Series – Did you know that Sidney Crosby is only 20 years old? Did you know Marian Hossa used to struggle scoring during the playoffs? Did you know Ryan Malone is from Pittsburgh? Did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit? Did you know Chris Chelios is older than Methuselah? Did you know the Detroit fans throw octopi on the ice because they hate PETA?

This is the part where Cameron goes berserk

Hockeytown??? – The Detroit Red Wings haven't even sold out all their playoff games, including the conference finals. What a crock. This upcoming series is sold out, but I have a feeling we'll see some black and gold at the Joe Louis Arena. You can read more about how pathetic Detroit is here and here. Michael Moore blames General Motors for all this.

The only “Full House” associated with the Detroit Red Wings

I'll be at the Igloo for Games Three and Four (section B-15). Bring your cowbell. Let's do this.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Um, things I laughed out loud at when reading your column:
1. Jim Paek
2. Wendell Young
3. Methuselah (I wonder if Chelios thought that he would lose again to the Pens in the SCFs 16 years later)
4. Needling "Full House", Red Wings Fans, the Red Wings, Dave Coulier and the Olsen twins with one well captioned picture. Scotty Bowman laughed at that one.