THAT WAS RATHER DISAPPOINTING

RED WINGS 5
PENGUINS 0

When Mathieu Garon is brought on to stop the bleeding, you know things have gotten out of hand. And that pretty much sums up the disaster that was Game Five of the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals, a 5-0 Red Wings victory that puts them within 60 minutes of clinching a second straight NHL championship.

Down just 1-0 after a first period in which they held a 10-8 lead in shots, the Pens came apart at the seams in the second, allowing four goals in a 14-minute span, three of the power play variety. Pittsburgh seemed determined to do their best Philadelphia Flyers impersonation, racking up penalty after penalty (five in all) in the second stanza. What's even more frustrating is the fact that even someone as traditionally focused as Sidney Crosby would get caught in the penalty vortex, taking a two-minute time-out as a result of a slash on Henrik Zetterberg.

The Red Wings just refused to fight back, as witnessed by Chris Kunitz making Darren Helm into his own personal punching bag. Instead, the Wings were content to take a few bruises for the team in the name of goals. And they were cashing in their power play tickets like a high-roller after a couple hours at Dave and Buster's. The only difference is that they're playing for a prize much more valuable than a giant stuffed giraffe.

A total of four Penguins weren't on the ice by the end of the game, including three guilty of misconduct (Craig Adams, Max Talbot, and Matt Cooke), and Marc-Andre Fleury, who was guilty of allowing five goals on 21 shots.

It was hard to believe that this was the same team that had thoroughly outplayed Detroit in the prior contest, and after Saturday night it's safe to say that the "old" Red Wings probably shouldn't be fitted for wheelchairs just yet. Pavel Datsyuk was impressive after returning from his injury hiatus, getting second-star billing for a two-assist evening. Chris Osgood tossed a shutout, and has allowed just two goals in three home games in the Finals. Zetterberg, though, was the biggest star of all, with a goal and an assist in 20:55 of ice time.

As for the Penguins' "Big Four", Crosby, Malkin, and Jordan Staal combined for just four shots and eight penalty minutes, while Fleury's performance of 11 goals allowed in three Detroit games this series left little doubt that he doesn't mesh well with the surroundings of Joe Louis Arena.

What the Pens (especially Fleury) need now is a very short memory. The nightmares of Game Five need to be exorcised, and fast. There is no doubt that this team has what it takes to win this series, Saturday night aside. They have been counted out too many times and in too many rounds of these very playoffs to give up now. And my gut feeling tells me that this group will be rested and ready for a much better performance in Game Six. I'm sure they don't want to see the Wings skating around with the cup on their ice again. Right, Sid?

Email: Mondesishouse@gmail.com Twitter: twitter.com/mondesishouse Facebook: Facebook Group

DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN

RED WINGS 3
PENGUINS 1

At first, I thought I had mistakenly wandered into the Bill Murray-inhabited world of Groundhog Day when reflecting on Game Two of the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals, because the script sounded awfully familiar. 3-1 final? Check. Red Wings win? Check. Refs swallowing their whistles? Check. Penguins squandering a lot of opportunities and once again getting a Dennis Green "We let 'em off the hook" speech after the game? Check. Someone cue "I Got You Babe" (you'd have to see the movie to get that joke).

When the highlight of an evening is Evgeni Malkin losing his mind on Henrik Zetterberg and tempting the fate of a suspension as per the NHL rules, that's usually not a good sign. And in typical NHL fashion, they somehow tossed out the automatic suspension The Incredible Malk was scheduled to receive, much to the delight of Penguin fans around the globe.

I guess dodging that bullet was one good thing the Pens can take from their pilgrimage to Detroit, because they certainly came home empty-handed otherwise. Sure, the statistical breakdown after two games looks better on paper this year. But stats alone don't win championships. Wins win championships.

So much for the theory that banged-up Detroit, missing players like Pavel Datsyuk while being forced to play on back-to-back nights, would pay dearly for the NBC-mandated scheduling. But think about the Penguins' Detroit experience for a minute. There were three outcomes possible, and you would've gladly taken two of them: a 2-0 Pens lead or a split. I don't know how many of you considered the possibility of leaving Detroit down 0-2, because I certainly did not.

The early lead for top scapegoat so far is Marc-Andre Fleury, which is unfortunate. He's getting blame heaped on his shoulders, and while he deserves some level of criticism for play that has not equalled Chris Osgood's, he's only supposed to block the puck, not put it in the net. Two goals in two games does not usually equal two wins. As we all know, the Pens are getting chances, but hitting the post or missing wide does not register on the scoreboard.

The series now moves back to the Steel City, for the mind-boggling third game in four nights. Only in the NHL! Storylines, they are a-plenty. There's the Hossa homecoming angle. How will he be received? Will he break another Penguin player's stick while the refs look on in silent awe? And most importantly, which Penguin fan in attendance will be the most creative with his 2007-08 Hossa jersey?

There's also the publicity-hungry and media-savvy Pittsburgh seafood vendors, who are already lining up plans to abuse octopi in the name of hockey: (as per their press release)

Benkovitz To Pens Fans: Come Help Us Trash the Octopus

Smash it with a mallet. Puree it in a blender. Whack it like a pinata. Beat it with a stick. Benkovitz Seafoods is inviting Penguins fans to join in “trashing the octopus” from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. on Tuesday, June 2.

“We’re gonna give Detroit fans a preview of what’s gonna happen to the Red Wings when they hit the ice in Pittsburgh,” said Benkovitz General Manager Horacio Ruiz, referring to the first home game of the Stanley Cup Finals later that night.

Fans also are invited to compete for prizes in an “Octopus Shoot Off” – three shots at a goalie standing in for the Redwings, using an octopus for a puck.

Benkovitz is serving octopus throughout the playoffs, grilled, steamed or in sushi. “Diced, sliced and chopped up, that’s what we’ll do to the octopus,” said Ruiz.

As for Red Wings fans, Benkovitz is enforcing the ‘Burgh’s “No Octopus to Wingnuts” rule, refusing to sell an octopus to fans with Motor-City-area identification.

Benkovitz, at 23rd and Smallman streets in the Strip District, is open Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. till 5 p.m., and Saturday from 8 a.m. till 4 p.m. For details, call (412) 263-3016 or 412-488-FISH. The company’s Website address is www.benkovitzseafood.com.

Yeah, it sounds like a lot of fun. I'm sure the folks at PETA will be thrilled. Benkovitz was kinda late to the "no octopus for Detroit fans" party, but they're certainly trying to make amends this year.

But most importantly, the big storyline is the Penguins' ability to put the puck in the net. It's a rather essential skill in the game of hockey, one that they have mastered over the years. Yet for some reason, it has eluded them when facing off against the Red Wings. They certainly have the horses to hang with Detroit. It's a long race, but the Penguins are going to have to make a run pretty soon if they have any hopes of raising the Stanley Cup for the third time in franchise history.

Email: Mondesishouse@gmail.com Twitter: twitter.com/mondesishouse Facebook: Facebook Group

Koz: KNOW YOUR DETROIT RED WINGS

by Koz

koz81@comcast.net

The Pens face an unfamiliar foe in the Stanley Cup Finals, so let's bring you up to speed. You know what's at stake – the chance to have your name engraved on the same silver chalice as Jim Paek.

Leading Scorer(s) – The top two scorers for the Wings in both the playoffs and regular season are Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk. Zetterberg dates a Swedish model... and no it's not Henrik Lundqvist. Her name is “Emma Andersson.” You can google that one on your own time.

Detroit Red Wings brought to you by IKEA – The Wings have 9 Swedish players on their roster. The Penguins have none plus they have Jarkko Ruutu who is Finnish.

We know who this guy is rooting for

Public Enemy #1 – Team penalty minute leader Aaron Downey (116 regular season PIMs) hasn't played in the playoffs. Detroit's not a real “rough stuff” kind of team, though they are averaging more times shorthanded in the playoffs than the Pens (4.4 per game for Detroit vs. 3.9 for Pittsburgh). They aren't a soft team by any means though. Darren McCarty is probably a guy you'll learn to hate by the end of all this.

Goaltender - Chris Osgood is just about the only goalie running around with the player's helmet fashioned with a facemask (the other is teammate Dominik Hasek). What in the name of Wendell Young is that about?

Someone needs to tell Chris Osgood the 80's are over

Soon to be Overplayed Story Lines of the Series – Did you know that Sidney Crosby is only 20 years old? Did you know Marian Hossa used to struggle scoring during the playoffs? Did you know Ryan Malone is from Pittsburgh? Did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit? Did you know Chris Chelios is older than Methuselah? Did you know the Detroit fans throw octopi on the ice because they hate PETA?

This is the part where Cameron goes berserk

Hockeytown??? – The Detroit Red Wings haven't even sold out all their playoff games, including the conference finals. What a crock. This upcoming series is sold out, but I have a feeling we'll see some black and gold at the Joe Louis Arena. You can read more about how pathetic Detroit is here and here. Michael Moore blames General Motors for all this.

The only “Full House” associated with the Detroit Red Wings

I'll be at the Igloo for Games Three and Four (section B-15). Bring your cowbell. Let's do this.

JIM COLONY'S EXTRA POINT

As you know, Jim is the drive-time sports announcer for ESPN Radio 1250 in Pittsburgh. And he's such a nice guy that he's agreed to share the transcripts of his Extra Point segments, which you can hear regularly on 1250. So whenever possible (or whenever Jim feels like sending them), we'll be able to share in the wisdom of a man that spars with Mark Madden on a daily basis. Enjoy!

JIM COLONY'S EXTRA POINT

Got home last night to watch a compelling Game Six of the Western Conference Finals, and instead...well, as our good friend Mike Lange says from time-to-time, "I'd seen that fish before"... as in Sunday afternoon.

Just as the Penguins emasculated the Flyers, the Red Wings stunned the Stars...not quite as convincingly, but they did do the Pens one-better by jumping out to a 3-0 first period lead. Now, the question is, will the Red Wings be able to do the Penguins one-better head-to-head?

So, let's review. Do you want Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk or Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin? Do you want Chris Osgood or Marc-Andre Fleury? For that matter, do you even want the Norris Trophy Winner Nicklas Lidstrom over Sergei Gonchar? The rest of Detroit's defensemen? Former Penguin Mikael Samuelson and his ilk over Max Talbot, Jarkko Ruutu, Tyler Kennedy (KENNEDY!) and Pascal Dupuis? Didn't think so.

The Red Wings have nothing approaching Jordan Staal; plus, Johan Franzen has a concussion and Marian Hossa is the hottest scorer in the playoffs.

So, to quote Denis Lemieux (no relation to Mario - at least we don't think) from Slapshot, call Detroit and tell them bulls***...oh, and find me a hotel room. I can't wait.

I'm Jim Colony...on your home for the best Penguins Stanley Cup Finals Coverage..ESPN Radio 1250.