Big Lead Sports Bar

7/06/2006

Pittsburgh Pirates, the Movie

With Hollywood out of ideas, I have no doubt there's some transplanted Pittsburgher out there (Michael Keaton?) who will someday make a movie about the Pirates. This movie will feature Pirates past and present, with some real surprise cameos thrown in. Some of these, we have previously leaked to you; some of these have just been announced. With that in mind, here is a preliminary casting that we were somehow able to get our hands on.

Any suggestions, please leave in the comment section and we will do our best to add them!

OF Craig Wilson will be played by Family Guy's Chris Griffin



The Ultimate Pirate, Derek Bell, played by Blackbeard the Pirate



Catcher Humberto Cota will be played by American Pie's Chris Klein



Infielder Jack Wilson and Malcolm in the Middle star Frankie Muniz



OF Jason Bay will be played by the Muppets' Beaker



OF Jeromy Burnitz will be played by the late, great Pirate Honus Wagner



Former P Jimmy Anderson will be portrayed by Jabba the Hutt




Infielder Joe Randa will be played by The Jack Nicholson Joker


Jonah "Don't Call Me Skip" Bayliss, played by Justin Timberlake


Not-always-motivated-to-run-out-grounders 2B Jose Castillo and Looney Tunes' Slowpoke Rodriguez



Strikeout machine/3B Jose Hernandez will be played by The Letter K of Sesame Street



Pitcher Kip Wells, because he is Kip Dynamite, played by Kip Dynamite. Discussed
ad nauseum on this site.


Outfielder Nate McLouth will be played by Remember the Titans QB "Sunshine"



Pitcher Oliver Perez will be played by a Jugs Pitching Machine



Former OF Raul Mondesi will be played by the always angry Ice-T



"Closer" Roberto Hernandez will be played by Lethal Weapon's Danny Glover



Former 3B Ty Wigginton will be played by a yet-to-be-announced member of ZZ Top


Former Skipper Lloyd McClendon will be played by Bernie Mac



Manager Jim Tracy will be played by Office Space boss Bill Lumbergh



Announcer Greg Brown played by Sesame Street's Guy Smiley



Announcer John Wehner, played by Steelers Coach Bill Cowher



Announcer Lanny Frattare, played by The Simpsons' Ned Flanders


Perennial Prospective Owner Mark Cuban and American Idol's Taylor Hicks



GM Dave Littlefield, played by Seinfeld's Kramer, Michael Richards

(Much credit to industry insider Mike at
Steeltown Sports for this one!)



Owner G. Ogden Nutting will be played by The Simpsons' C. Montgomery Burns. Note the extra similarity that they both go by their first initial.




Kevin McClatchy, whipping boy of Ogden Nutting, will naturally be played by Waylon Smithers





More casting to be announced as we receive the details from the studio!

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

dear lord...those pics are dead on

Anonymous said...

Jason Kendall should be played by Bill Walton, another looney Californian whose feet exploded on impact.

cvillescurf said...

How about Marky Mark as Ian Snell?

Lumburgh looks money without his specs.

Steve said...

Too funny- how about Giovanni Ribisi as Paul Maholm?

Anonymous said...

colin farrell s mike benjamin?

Anonymous said...

50 Cent as Daryl Ward!

Gavin said...

Possibly one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Between BayRod as Beaker and Greg Brown as Guy Smiley, those are two of the greatest Muppet references in recent memory. Could we potentially get someone to match up with Sam the Eagle, perhaps the greatest Muppet ever?

http://www.tvacres.com/birds_eagle_sam.htm

az said...

I would have gone Vince McMahon for Littlefield, but this is some inspired stuff.

Anonymous said...

I'd put an offer out to Jackass' Steve-o in case Freddie Munez passes on the role of Jack Wilson.

bucdaddy said...

I doubt a good team could inspire works of mad genius like this. We'd all be too busy analyzing playoff matchups and trying to figure out who to trade for July 31 to get us over the hump. No, to become truly inspired creatively, you have to endure the sheer boredom of a terrible team, like Paul writing the Bible in prison (or was that John? I get them mixed up all the time ... OK, like Solzhenitsyn).

Anyway, I figure if the Bucs stay bad long enough (what? they haven't?) eventually one of us will produce the works of Shakespeare.

This was close. Nice job, Mondesi.

worstavid said...

Mondesi

You are the man! I really liked the Castillo and Littlefield castings!

Anonymous said...

How about Peter North as former Pirates' coach Rusty Kuntz?

Anonymous said...

I second that Steve-O from Jackass should play Jack Wilson.

They look VERY similar.

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Hahaha very funny stuff, I agree on Marky Mark playing as Ian Snell.
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