Big Lead Sports Bar


Pittsburgh Pirates, the Movie

With Hollywood out of ideas, I have no doubt there's some transplanted Pittsburgher out there (Michael Keaton?) who will someday make a movie about the Pirates. This movie will feature Pirates past and present, with some real surprise cameos thrown in. Some of these, we have previously leaked to you; some of these have just been announced. With that in mind, here is a preliminary casting that we were somehow able to get our hands on.

Any suggestions, please leave in the comment section and we will do our best to add them!

OF Craig Wilson will be played by Family Guy's Chris Griffin

The Ultimate Pirate, Derek Bell, played by Blackbeard the Pirate

Catcher Humberto Cota will be played by American Pie's Chris Klein

Infielder Jack Wilson and Malcolm in the Middle star Frankie Muniz

OF Jason Bay will be played by the Muppets' Beaker

OF Jeromy Burnitz will be played by the late, great Pirate Honus Wagner

Former P Jimmy Anderson will be portrayed by Jabba the Hutt

Infielder Joe Randa will be played by The Jack Nicholson Joker

Jonah "Don't Call Me Skip" Bayliss, played by Justin Timberlake

Not-always-motivated-to-run-out-grounders 2B Jose Castillo and Looney Tunes' Slowpoke Rodriguez

Strikeout machine/3B Jose Hernandez will be played by The Letter K of Sesame Street

Pitcher Kip Wells, because he is Kip Dynamite, played by Kip Dynamite. Discussed
ad nauseum on this site.

Outfielder Nate McLouth will be played by Remember the Titans QB "Sunshine"

Pitcher Oliver Perez will be played by a Jugs Pitching Machine

Former OF Raul Mondesi will be played by the always angry Ice-T

"Closer" Roberto Hernandez will be played by Lethal Weapon's Danny Glover

Former 3B Ty Wigginton will be played by a yet-to-be-announced member of ZZ Top

Former Skipper Lloyd McClendon will be played by Bernie Mac

Manager Jim Tracy will be played by Office Space boss Bill Lumbergh

Announcer Greg Brown played by Sesame Street's Guy Smiley

Announcer John Wehner, played by Steelers Coach Bill Cowher

Announcer Lanny Frattare, played by The Simpsons' Ned Flanders

Perennial Prospective Owner Mark Cuban and American Idol's Taylor Hicks

GM Dave Littlefield, played by Seinfeld's Kramer, Michael Richards

(Much credit to industry insider Mike at
Steeltown Sports for this one!)

Owner G. Ogden Nutting will be played by The Simpsons' C. Montgomery Burns. Note the extra similarity that they both go by their first initial.

Kevin McClatchy, whipping boy of Ogden Nutting, will naturally be played by Waylon Smithers

More casting to be announced as we receive the details from the studio!


Anonymous said...

This is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

dear lord...those pics are dead on

Anonymous said...

Jason Kendall should be played by Bill Walton, another looney Californian whose feet exploded on impact.

Steven Goelz said...

Too funny- how about Giovanni Ribisi as Paul Maholm?

Anonymous said...

colin farrell s mike benjamin?

Anonymous said...

50 Cent as Daryl Ward!

Anonymous said...

Possibly one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Between BayRod as Beaker and Greg Brown as Guy Smiley, those are two of the greatest Muppet references in recent memory. Could we potentially get someone to match up with Sam the Eagle, perhaps the greatest Muppet ever?

Anonymous said...

I'd put an offer out to Jackass' Steve-o in case Freddie Munez passes on the role of Jack Wilson.

Anonymous said...

I doubt a good team could inspire works of mad genius like this. We'd all be too busy analyzing playoff matchups and trying to figure out who to trade for July 31 to get us over the hump. No, to become truly inspired creatively, you have to endure the sheer boredom of a terrible team, like Paul writing the Bible in prison (or was that John? I get them mixed up all the time ... OK, like Solzhenitsyn).

Anyway, I figure if the Bucs stay bad long enough (what? they haven't?) eventually one of us will produce the works of Shakespeare.

This was close. Nice job, Mondesi.

Unknown said...


You are the man! I really liked the Castillo and Littlefield castings!

Anonymous said...

How about Peter North as former Pirates' coach Rusty Kuntz?

Anonymous said...

I second that Steve-O from Jackass should play Jack Wilson.

They look VERY similar.

Anonymous said...

so interesting the blog and very funny I was smiling a lot when I Saw the blog.Look to Jason Bay and the comic they are so similar , the comic looks like my granpa when the buy viagraonline.hahaha the pictures are realy funny.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha very funny stuff, I agree on Marky Mark playing as Ian Snell.