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That's the question Jose Tabata is asking himself in a statement just released concerning his kidnapping, 43-year-old wife, who uses multiple identities. How Roberto's name gets brought into this mess is beyond me, but here's a snippet of what Tabata had to say:

“What I do know is that I am a Pittsburgh Pirate and my life-long idol is Roberto Clemente. And because of that, when presented with this difficult situation, I asked myself “what would Clemente do in this situation?” I know Clemente was a man known for his decency, responsibility, doing what he says, and always doing the correct thing. And I believe the only correct thing in this moment is to tell the truth."

Yeah, I'm going to go on out an limb and say that Roberto Clemente probably didn't get married in a Florida check-cashing joint. To a woman 23 years older than him. When he was 19. But other than that, yes, I'm sure Clemente would've totally done the right thing.

So back we come to "What Would Clemente Do?" To me, this could finally be the great Pirates marketing slogan for 2009. It sums up the franchise so nicely for so many different reasons. And sure, it's already been done by another team's fanbase in this town, but that season seemed to work out pretty good, no?

Tabata Issues a Statement [KDKA/PSI]

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Steve said...

You're right, I wouldn't put it past the Pirates to try cashing in on this embarrasing situation by creating a W.W.R.C.D. wristband night.

Too bad I've already copyrighted it.

okel dokel said...

He would ask for a trade, or leave via free agency, if he played for 21st century version of the Pirates.

crt17 said...

Don't you think you're being a little harsh on the kid, Don?

The gist of his statement was that he had been swindled by this woman into believing that she was carrying his child. Presumably, the purpose of the con was to get Jose to marry her (which admittedly he did prior to her concocting this story, but still), and to support her with his paycheck once he made the majors. (For this part, it's important to remember that this all went down when he was a Yankees prospect. No good grift would go after a Pirates minor leaguer. But I digress.) The baby is essential to keeping Tabata around, most likely, because she's insane and is worried about losing him. Suddenly, her plan goes way, way too far, and he's fooled into thinking he's holding his first child, when in reality he's holding a kidnapping victim. Imagine how that must have felt for a 20 year old kid. Pretty bewildering, I'd suppose. So, for him to reach out and reference the biggest hero in his life (an image of whom is tattooed on his freakin' chest) isn't all that much of a stretch.

Of course, no one would know any of those details from reading your write-up, because you're way too busy going for the cheap "Pirates Are Losers" gag that you employ without regard for its staleness. So fantastic. Why don't you bring back an alt-rock DJ to write about his ex-girlfriends in a style reminiscent of a sophomore in high school? Mondesishouse -- It's Entertainment!

This is a sad story. Mocking it is unfair and pedantic. Not necessarily beneath you, but worthy of calling out nonetheless.

Steve said...
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Steve said...
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Steve said...

Pedantic? Isn't that a word Peter Griffin used when he though he was a genius? "Louis, this steak is Pedantic."

But I digress. ;)

I don't think anyone is making fun of Tabata, as he is clearly caught in a bad spot, but it's obvious he's gonna end up being just fine and probably even much better off now that this wacko will surely be out of his life, so why not make light of it? If anything, it would be in poorer taste to make fun of this woman as she is clearly disturbed...not that that's really stopping me.

Besides, this site is supposed to be fun, no?

okel dokel said...


pe·dan·tic - adj. Characterized by a narrow, often ostentatious concern for book learning and formal rules: a pedantic attention to details.

I am thinking you wanted to use another word there, but given your comment I am guessing not.

Yes, this site is about entertainment and was there a need to slam one of the frequent commenters and contributors...I think not.

Further your need to take umbrage with Don's propensity to refer to the Pirates as losers is hilarious. As a long time Pirate fan I do need to make fun of them because otherwise I would realize just how truly awful they have become. Check out the rest of "teh internets" and you would see they are considered one of the laughing stocks for many a sports-related blog.

um·brage (ŭm'brĭj) n.
Offense; resentment: took umbrage at their rudeness.

crt17 said...

No, I meant pedantic, and you don't need to quote the dictionary to me. I used it according to that definition, in that Don employs this "formalistic" gag whenever he has to write something about the Pirates -- take a potshot at the franchise. Here, it was the last paragraph -- the "great Pirates marketing slogan." In other words, rather than actually thinking about what's going on here, he hewed to his one take on the Pirates --they're a corporatist failure of a franchise. That's pedantic humor because it's almost automatic or reflexive, like someone having to mention the Ray Lewis Incident every time they make fun of the Ravens. Perhaps my usage was shaded a bit, but isn't that the fun of the English language? You know, like an over-reliance on gerunds for emphasis? I am thinking you do know.

Further, I'm a long-time Pirates fan too. I remember Bream and Cabrera. I've been here the whole time. So, apparently, has Don. The trouble is that, while Charlie Wilmoth and Dejan Kovacevic are actually providing insight into the organization, flawed as it is, Don relies on the same old gag every time -- The Pirates Are A Company That Sells A Losing Baseball Team With An Amusement Park. That may be true, but it's also a cheap pop. A story like this is pretty complex, and Don just drops the same old tired track on us.

And you can say that this is a humor blog, and that's fine, but I dare you to look back at some of the coverage of the other teams in town, many of which (Pitt Football anyone?) can be characterized as habitual losers, and show me where Don's coverage of those teams has this same repetitive slant. Put another way, I guarantee that if Tyler "I'm So Proud" Palko or Colby Armstrong had gotten themselves in this situation when they were part of our landscape, Don's take would have been much more sympathetic. Plus, doesn't it stop being funny the millionth time? I think it does.

As far as the slam on AJ, it was irrelevant, I agree, I just hated that post. I withdraw that portion of my complaint.

SantoGold said...

Weighing in on Tate's comments, I agree/disagree on two different points of his argument.

I agree that we should cut Tabata some slack. At 19, all of us were young and stupid too (guilty). He has the misfortune of also being very talented sports star. That's going to attract the wrong kind of people. In this case a golddigger with a mental problem. Look, he basically admitted to being suckered on this and appears to have come clean on telling the truth. Which is better than 99% of what other baseball players have done when they get caught being in a bad spot (Bonds, McGuire, Sosa, etc.). So cut him some slack.

But I've been a Pirate fan going back to the 70's and I think any sarcasm about the current state of the team is justified. It's more than front office incompetence. In that regard, we are no different than the LA Clippers, Detroit Lions, or the Cincy Bengals. What makes our situation unique is the apparant acceptance of a lousy product, so long as the bottom line is favorable. All of these other losing franchises can blame bad trades, poor drafts, weak coaching, etc. The Pirates are unique in that they have all of those reasons, plus a "we don't give a damn" gameplan. Until I'm convinced otherwise, the Pirates losing ways are accepted by the front office and as a result, deserve as much ridicule as we can muster.

okel dokel said...


I appreciate, and commend, your passion for the Pirates. And like SantoGold agree that Tabata needs to be cuts some slack, but I do not expect it to come from this blog.

Let me share my perspective as to why it is OK to mock the Pirates.

My first Pirates’ game was at Forbes Field as a wide-eyed five year old. My Father told me that the play I witnessed by “Bobby” Clemente may be one of the greatest things I will see in my life. He threw a runner out at third base from deep right field.

I was also fortunate to see the last game ever played at Forbes Field; a double header where Jim Nelson was one of the pitchers and I was disappointed because I did not get one of the batter’s circles during the post-game auction.

Willie Stargell was my boyhood hero and I was fortunate enough to have him give me a tour of the Three Rivers Stadium’ Locker room.

I saw two World Championships, the drug trials and witnessed the rebirth of the Buccos in the 90s. One of my favorite “brushes with greatness” was talking with Jim Leyland at Allegheny Centre (sp?) Mall while I was on lunch break; he smoked a cigarette the whole time. I went to college with his wife and those 90’s teams really gave me hope that baseball was back in the ‘Burgh.

Two of my most prized possessions are a Pirates sweatshirt I gave my Mother the Christmas before she died and a photo of Bill Virdon, Roberto Clemente and Willie Stargell my sister bought for me in the Strip District.

I live in Philly now and hope my daughter will cherish these items as much as I do. The Pirates of today are a far cry from the team that brought pride to the city. They deserve all of the ridicule directed at them IMHO.

Forgive me if I offended you; I appreciate your passion for the Pirates, but also agree with Don that this team is worthy of all jokes, no matter how tried and true.

Here is hoping they will prove both Mondesi and me wrong in 2009, but I think we are looking at another long year.