Back in 2006, one of the first and most popular features in site history was Pittsburgh Pirates: the Movie. It generated such a response that it returned last season for a sequel. And here we are in year three, so you know what that means: the tradition must live on. That's right, it's time for Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie III.
Yes, we have a few cast members returning from past editions, but in this installment you will find many new faces. Some were easy calls; others, not so much. Either way, it was a lot of fun to piece together.
So sit back and enjoy what's become a part of fictitious Pittsburgh film lore. I present...
PITTSBURGH PIRATES: THE MOVIE III
Owner Bob Nutting will be portrayed by Redskins owner Daniel Snyder
Pirates President Frank Coonelly will be played by Goodfella Ray Liotta
GM Neal Huntington will be played by a young Ron Howard
John Russell will be played by "Coach", Craig T. Nelson
Pitching Coach Jeff Andrews will be played by actor Joe Pantoliano
Pitcher Denny Bautista will be played by rapper Method Man
Pitcher TJ Beam will be played by musician Brian Setzer, who will dye his hair for the role
Up-and-down Pitcher Sean Burnett will be played by an elevator
Pitcher Phil Dumatrait will be portrayed by American Idol winner David Cook
Bespectacled Pitcher Franquelis Osoria will be played by NBA legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar
Pitcher Tyler Yates will be played by Southern rapper Bubba Sparxxx
Catcher Raul Chavez will be portrayed by The Candy Man, former Pirate John Candelaria
Chris Gomez will be played by TV's Adam Carolla
1B/Randy Johnson Antagonist Doug Mientkiewicz will be played by "David" of David and Goliath fame
OF Jason Michaels will be played by actor Nick Nolte
Pitcher Paul Maholm will be played by Nick Swardson, better known as Terry the gay prostitute from Reno 911!
First baseman Adam LaRoche will once again be played by The Burbs' Hans Klopek
Pitcher Matt Capps will be played by the Incredible Hulk
Indianapolis Pitcher Tom Gorzelanny, played last year by Sloth from The Goonies, will this year be played by hot dog king Joey Chestnut
Pitcher Ian Snell, serving up beachballs with his 5.92 ERA, will be played by Clay Counsil, Josh Hamilton's 71-year-old Home Run Derby pitcher
Soul-patched pitcher John Grabow will be played by Garth Brooks' failed alter ego "character", Chris Gaines.
Squinty pitcher Zach Duke will be played by 3rd Rock from the Sun's French Stewart
Infielder Jose Bautista will be played by Dumbo the Elephant
Moled Infielder Freddy Sanchez will be played by Cindy Crawford
Outfielder Ryan Doumit will be portrayed by actor David Keith, better known as Jack Parkman in Major League II.
SS Jack Wilson will be played by Jackass Steve-O
5 O'Clock Shadowed OF Xavier Nady will be played by actor Alec Baldwin
Mild-mannered OF Jason Bay will be played by the Muppets' Beaker
Remember the Titans QB "Sunshine" (Kip Pardue) will return to play the role of All-Star OF Nate McLouth
Announcer Greg Brown will be played for a third consecutive year by Sesame Street's Guy Smiley
Announcer John Wehner will be played by still-unemployed football coach Bill Cowher
Always-happy announcer Lanny Frattare will be played by The Happiest Man in Springfield, The Simpsons' Ned Flanders
only Ronnie Florian can play Anti-Dentite Superfan Ronnie Florian
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