Big Lead Sports Bar

7/15/2008

PITTSBURGH PIRATES: THE MOVIE III

Back in 2006, one of the first and most popular features in site history was Pittsburgh Pirates: the Movie. It generated such a response that it returned last season for a sequel. And here we are in year three, so you know what that means: the tradition must live on. That's right, it's time for Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie III.
Yes, we have a few cast members returning from past editions, but in this installment you will find many new faces. Some were easy calls; others, not so much. Either way, it was a lot of fun to piece together.
So sit back and enjoy what's become a part of fictitious Pittsburgh film lore. I present...
PITTSBURGH PIRATES: THE MOVIE III

THE CAST


Owner Bob Nutting will be portrayed by Redskins owner Daniel Snyder


Pirates President Frank Coonelly will be played by Goodfella Ray Liotta




GM Neal Huntington will be played by a young Ron Howard

John Russell will be played by "Coach", Craig T. Nelson

Pitching Coach Jeff Andrews will be played by actor Joe Pantoliano

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Pitcher Denny Bautista will be played by rapper Method Man


Pitcher TJ Beam will be played by musician Brian Setzer, who will dye his hair for the role


Up-and-down Pitcher Sean Burnett will be played by an elevator




Pitcher Phil Dumatrait will be portrayed by American Idol winner David Cook


Bespectacled Pitcher Franquelis Osoria will be played by NBA legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar


Pitcher Tyler Yates will be played by Southern rapper Bubba Sparxxx


Catcher Raul Chavez will be portrayed by The Candy Man, former Pirate John Candelaria


Chris Gomez will be played by TV's Adam Carolla


1B/Randy Johnson Antagonist Doug Mientkiewicz will be played by "David" of David and Goliath fame

OF Jason Michaels will be played by actor Nick Nolte



Pitcher Paul Maholm will be played by Nick Swardson, better known as Terry the gay prostitute from Reno 911!


First baseman Adam LaRoche will once again be played by The Burbs' Hans Klopek


Pitcher Matt Capps will be played by the Incredible Hulk


Indianapolis Pitcher Tom Gorzelanny, played last year by Sloth from The Goonies, will this year be played by hot dog king Joey Chestnut



Pitcher Ian Snell, serving up beachballs with his 5.92 ERA, will be played by Clay Counsil, Josh Hamilton's 71-year-old Home Run Derby pitcher

Soul-patched pitcher John Grabow will be played by Garth Brooks' failed alter ego "character", Chris Gaines.


Squinty pitcher Zach Duke will be played by 3rd Rock from the Sun's French Stewart


Infielder Jose Bautista will be played by Dumbo the Elephant


Moled Infielder Freddy Sanchez will be played by Cindy Crawford


Outfielder Ryan Doumit will be portrayed by actor David Keith, better known as Jack Parkman in Major League II.




SS Jack Wilson will be played by Jackass Steve-O


5 O'Clock Shadowed OF Xavier Nady will be played by actor Alec Baldwin


Mild-mannered OF Jason Bay will be played by the Muppets' Beaker




Remember the Titans QB "Sunshine" (Kip Pardue) will return to play the role of All-Star OF Nate McLouth




Announcer Greg Brown will be played for a third consecutive year by Sesame Street's Guy Smiley


Announcer John Wehner will be played by still-unemployed football coach Bill Cowher


Always-happy announcer Lanny Frattare will be played by The Happiest Man in Springfield, The Simpsons' Ned Flanders
and finally,
only Ronnie Florian can play Anti-Dentite Superfan Ronnie Florian
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16 comments:

AceMcTasty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brother Anthony said...

The casting of French Stewart is inspired

Phipsi1781 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phipsi1781 said...

Nady should be played by Patrick Dempsey, not Alec Baldwin.

HotDog_Zanzabar said...

I think Patrick Dempsey will be on location filming New Orleans Saints: The Movie, playing the role of Tyler Palko

strugglingwriter said...

First of all, great post.

Second of all, is it just me, or does Doumit have dead eyes. I love the guy as a player, but his eyes show up black on t.v. Creeps me out.

Cecil from Cecil Twp. said...

LOL............

Poor Paul Maholm. He's a dead-ringer for Terry from Reno 911.

Jason Bay still looks like Beaker, and the McLouth/Sunshine thing is a little odd.

Steve said...

Little known fact, the kid in the S.O.A.D. "Arials" video grew up to be Ryan Doumit

Elijahonesixer said...

Hilarious.

But Nate McLouth should be played by "Dutch", Body-Bag Johnny's best friend from the Cobra-Kai.

Y'know, "Well well, if it isn't Danielle."

Dead-Ringing Doppleganger if y'ask me.

No thanks needed.

Pocket Rockets said...

What? No photo of Kareem as Roger Murdock? "LISTEN KID. I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes...."

Bryan said...

been waiting for this for quite some time. bravo

laclips said...

Hahahahaha Bautista as Dumbo

LeeTunnel said...

Nate McLouth should be played by Jason Michaels and Jason Michaels should be played by Nate McLouth.

Deaner said...

Great stuff!

Paul Rhoads' Pogo Ball said...

Grabow should be played by Jim Rome.

G said...

If only Rodney Dangerfield were still around. Talk about the perfect Florian.