Monday Morning Wrapup

To start off, on a serious note...I really hope they catch the low-life that shot five Duquesne basketball players early Sunday morning. Keep those players in your thoughts and prayers.

Thoughts from a weekend of football excess...

Michigan State 38, Pitt 23- I can't for the life of me recall the names of the two chuckleheads announcing this game, but they had perhaps the greatest announcing line of all time. After a facemask against Michigan State, we were treated to this gem:

"When you see that neck go backwards, it's almost usually all the time a penalty."

That's exactly what the announcer said. I couldn't believe it myself, thus I wrote it down. An all time classic.

Later on, the same guy offered up "H.B. Blades...H.B. must stand for How Bout That!"

Actually, that would be H.B.T. Blades. But thanks for trying to be cute.

And even better, the same announcer kept referring to Pitt OL Jeff Otah as "Jeff Utah". He was probably watching the 1991 classic film Point Break last night and got him confused with Keanu Reeves' character, former Ohio State QB-turned-secret agent "Johnny Utah". If he would have mentioned Bodie playing alongside him, that would have confirmed my thoughts.
Otah, Utah...tomato, tomahto

And who could forget this memorable exchange between the sideline reporter and MSU coach John L. Smith before halftime:

Reporter: "What are your thoughts on your team's lack of discipline in the first half, with their five penalties?"

Smith: "I have no thoughts."

As for the game itself, it wasn't nearly as exciting as the announcing. Pitt actually went to the half tied 10-10, but completely self-destructed in the second half. The West Virginia game later this year is looking downright scary at this point. Hopefully the Wannstache can get the running game going as well as finding some way to stop, or at least slow down, the run on the defensive side.

Michigan 47, Notre Dame 21- The national media is dead-on again. The Notre Dame defense is not as bad as everyone thought... it's worse. Mario Manningham and Mike Hart annihilated the Irish for a combined 261 yards and four touchdowns. Michigan put up 34 in the first half. And Brady Quinn, in a Powlus-esque performance, tossed three INTs and added a fumble for good measure. Plus, we got to see Charlie Weis, a member of my inaugural class of "Head Coaches with Belts Holding on For Dear Life Hall of Fame". He was inducted alongside charter members Bill Parcells and Andy Reid.
One...
Two...
Three models of fitness

Louisville 31, Miami 7 - Miami started the day by stomping on the Louisville logo, which was dead-on...there was certainly some stomping to be done on this day. To the joy of nearly the entire nation, it was Miami that was stomped, turning in another weak performance. If a college team could purchase the bottled apathy of the Oakland Raiders, it looks like the Hurricanes already bought a truckload of it.

But there were some serious individual downsides to this game. Louisville, who had previously lost future Steeler RB Michael Bush for the season, lost QB Brian Brohm for the next 3-6 weeks. And Larry Coker's career record at Miami dropped to a hideous 54-11 (.831), with many obnoxious, spoiled alumni calling for his head.

Baltimore 51, Oakland 3- Not the real score...just football genius Peter King's prediction. This is the same guy that picked Detroit over Seattle in week one, and recommended that fantasy owners play Chris "6 INTs" Simms in week two. The same guy who picked Dallas to win this year's Super Bowl (over the Patriots, of course) and then proclaimed they have a QB controversy after one game.

All he is good for is perpetuating the myth of the "football expert". Whether the name be Schlereth, Salisbury, Jaworski, Theismann, et al., they are all the same. They have no more insight than you or I. Don't forget, the ONLY analyst that even gave the Steelers even a chance against the Colts in the playoff last year was Merrill Hoge, and he picked them to win every week, so that shouldn't even count.

Chicago 34, Detroit 7- I hope Roy Williams keeps his day job as a football player, because he can't pick winners or losers either. Williams, who previously stated that "the Lions left 40 points on the field" in their 9-6 week one loss to Seattle, guaranteed victory for the Lions over the Bears today. You might want to choose your words more carefully in the future, Mr. Williams, especially when you have a defense capable of giving up four TD passes to Rex Grossman. Yes, the same Rex Grossman who had five career TD passes in three seasons.

Dallas 27, Washington 10 - I've seen the Redskins play more than the Steelers so far this season, and I still can't figure out how Daniel Snyder continues to pay such big money for such a crap team. In addition to overpaying for free agents like Antwaan Randle El, he now overpays for assistant coaches, like $2 million per year for offensive genius Al "One Offensive Touchdown in Two Weeks" Saunders. I know, Clinton Portis didn't play. But this team is going nowhere fast with Marky Mark Brunell at QB.

Cincinnati 34, Cleveland 17 - Romeo Crennel apparently drafted Pitt's entire run defense and started all of them on Sunday, because they couldn't stop Rudi Johnson to save their collective lives. Johnson racked up 145 yards and two scores, and the Browns' tackling in the second half could not have been worse. In other news, Chad Johnson guaranteed he would have 75 yards receiving and do the chicken dance when he scored. His predictions were 100% accurate. Now let him get back to sleeping at the stadium.

Patriots 24, Jets 17- Jets coach Eric Magina, a future member of the "Head Coaches with Belts Holding on For Dear Life Hall of Fame", nearly pulled off the upset, falling seven points short after a furious second half comeback. A Jets win would have been nice for a Pats Hater like myself. But if only we could've only had a few hundred more shots of the Jets fireman guy, I would have been really happy. I mean, give the guy some exposure already!
J-E-T-S S-U-C-K

Reggie Bush vs. Mario Williams Update - A weekly briefing on the wisdom of passing on Reggie Bush. Especially when your backfield is Wali Lundy, Jameel Cook, Ron Dayne and Samkon Gado:

Week One: Williams: 2 tackles; Bush: 67 yds rushing, 52 receiving

Week Two: Williams: 2 tackles (4 season); Bush: 5 yds rushing (72 season), 68 receiving (120 season)

Pirates Muck Fets- The Pirates not only swept the likely NL World Series rep, they guaranteed a .500 home record (not a guarantee like Roy Williams made....this was, like, a statistical guarantee) and clinched a non-100 loss season today.

Zach Duke looked like his pre-face-scribbling self (link to more pics), tossing eight innings of shutout ball while striking out six.
Would you call the confused onlooker in blue "The guy behind the guy"?

All my rowdy friends are here on Monday Night - Steeler fans are finally treated to a night of Mike Tirico, Mr. Tony, and Joe Theismann. And I am assuming the typical pregame inexplicably featuring Sally Wiggin. Actually, I'm looking forward to the game. Big Ben should be back, Troy will be playing, and the Dump Truck will dress for the first time. By the way, how horrible is Duce Staley that he got lapped on the depth chart by a guy cut from the Packers?

With all the Jaguar talk this week, I had vivid flashbacks to September 22, 1997. I was in my first month living in a fraternity house, and was looking forward to my first Monday Night Steeler game with my brothers. The game was tight, but the Steelers had a chance. It was late in the 4th quarter, the Jags were up, 23-21, but the Steelers were driving. They moved the ball to the Jacksonville 22 yard line, and the usually reliable Norm Johnson lined up for a 39-yard field goal. The attempt was blocked by Clyde Simmons and returned 58 yards for a touchdown by Chris Hudson. As Hudson ran past Mr. Bill for a game-ending touchdown, Cowher cocked his fist, helpless in yet another defeat to their new rivals.

Immediately after the gut-wrenching loss, two of my fraternity brothers (from New England, of course), decided to taunt another of our members, who I could only describe as a "volatile" Steeler fan who had indulged in a few adult beverages that night. Let's just say some furniture was thrown. And the future Mondesi was truly introduced to life in a fraternity house.

Go Steelers.