Breaking Down the 2006 Steelers Schedule

The 2006 NFL season will be my first chance to enjoy a season of the black and gold defending their Lombardi Trophy. I'm so excited, I decided to share my enthusiasm and give you an advance preview of each game. Because if there's a topic that doesn't get the attention it deserves, it's the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Week One:

Sept 7 (Thursday Night)- Miami at Pittsburgh

Lots of storylines here...the Steelers' first game in their title defense, the first regular season game for the new NBC team, and the Steelers' home opener, all wrapped into one. Plus, this may be the most colorful NFL game in regular season history. Where else could you see Bob Costas, John Madden, Ben Roethlisberger, Peter King, Bill Cowher, Zach Thomas, Cris Collinsworth, Nick Saban, Jerome Bettis, Marcus Vick, Joey Harrington, Daunte Culpepper, Troy Polamalu, Sterling Sharpe, AND Hines Ward?

Pittsburgh-area McDonald's should get extra security when New Mexico rolls into town

Week Two:

Sept 18 (Monday Night) Steelers at Jacksonville

This just in: Fred Taylor is already questionable for this game. For those of you watching at home, do note that Tony Kornheiser, Joe Theismann, and Mike Tirico are the new voices of Monday Night Football. Might be a good night to turn down the TV and turn up the radio

I can't wait to hear Mr. Tony complain about staying up past his bedtime

Week Three:

Sept 24 - Cincinnati at Steelers

QB Anthony Wright and the 0-2 Bengals face a crucial matchup at Heinz Field. After injuries to Rudi Johnson, Chad Johnson, and running back coach Jim Anderson in week one, Coach Marvin Lewis signs Lawrence Phillips, Rae Carruth, and O.J. Simpson as replacements.

Phillips, Carruth, and OJ: future Bengals all

Week Four:

Bye Week

I can only hope someone follows Santonio Holmes around with a camcorder this week.

Santonio Holmes shares a smile with Mr. Laura Quinn

Week Five:

Oct 8 (Sunday Night)- Steelers at San Diego

The greatest 9-7 team in the history of organized team sports gets a prime-time rematch with the Steelers to try and avenge their 2005 Monday Night loss. The San Diego front office uses this game to reflect on the wisdom of choosing Philip Rivers over Ben Roethlisberger.

Is it me, or is this bobblehead cross-eyed?

Week Six:

Oct 15- Kansas City at Steelers

Larry Johnson returns to the state of Pennsylvania, where he ran for 2,143 yards as a senior in 2002 at Penn State. Johnson was never given the ball more than 75 times in a season previous to '02 by coaching legend Joe Paterno, who decided he would rather take his chances with studs like Eric McCoo and Rashard Casey.

Joe Paterno and long lost brother Elmer of Crank Yankers

Week Seven:

Oct 22- Steelers at Atlanta

The Steelers try to avenge their 2002 tie against Ron Mexico and Team Blank. Steeler fans get a first-hand look at Falcons running back T.J. Duckett, who's been close to joining the Steelers for four consecutive offseasons.

Say "corporate synergy"!

Week Eight:

Oct 29-Steelers at Oakland

Al Davis vs. Dan Rooney. Aaron Brooks vs. Ben Roethlisberger. Art Shell vs. Bill Cowher. Jarod Cooper vs. Troy Polamalu. Yep, I think the Steelers are looking good in every possible matchup for this one. Except for wide receiver. And I don't mean Randy Moss. Jerry Porter may be a clown, but check out those abs (and Million Dollar Man belt)!


Week Nine:

Nov 5- Denver at Steelers

Mad running back scientist Mike Shanahan brings his AFC West-leading Broncos to Heinz Field, led by new starting RB Nick Lachey, who is on pace for over 1,800 yards.

Shanahan is hoping the Lachey Experiment turns out better than the Clarett Experiment

Week 10:

Nov 12- New Orleans at Steelers

A highly anticipated game in Pittsburgh, it will be the first Heinz Field appearance of heralded rookie Reggie Bush. In other news, the NFL has announced that proceeds from this game will go to the New York Giants

It's about time the Giants get a break from the NFL

Week 11:

Nov 19- Steelers at Cleveland

The game will be a blowout, that's not even a question. The real story will be the NFL photographers hoping for the next great James Harrison Photo Op.

Week 12:

Nov 26- Steelers at Baltimore

The Steelers get their first look at Steve McNair in a Ravens uniform. I'm guessing it won't look much different than McNair in a Titans uniform. Which means you can enjoy one or more choices from the McNair Injury Buffet of: Sternum, back, pecs, ankle, calf, finger, ribs, toe, shoulder, elbow, or thumb on this Sunday afternoon.

Try and guess where McNair will be injured

Week 13:

Dec 3- Tampa Bay at Steelers

Jon Gruden and Bill Cowher square off to see who can get more annoyed, sneering, spitting face-time. The final score will be of no consequence.

Might want to Tivo this one


Week 14:

Dec 7 (Thursday Night)- Cleveland at Steelers

The city of Pittsburgh nearly burns to the ground when most Steeler fans realize they don't get the NFL network. Steeler fans are joyous when they find out it will be broadcast locally, but become upset once again when they find out they'll have to sit through another pregame hosted by Sally Wiggin.

This all could have been averted if you upgraded your cable package

Week 15:

Dec 17- Steelers at Carolina

A possible Super Bowl matchup, and a good chance for Bill Cowher to check out the team he'll be coaching in 2008.

Hank Williams Jr. displays the sign Bill Cowher made for him


Week 16:

Dec 24- Baltimore at Steelers

The absence of Kordell Stewart on the Ravens' roster ruins Christmas for thousands of drunken Steeler fans who fear there will be no one to jeer. Fortunately, the presence of Ray Lewis, Brian Billick, and Jamal Lewis gives the fans plenty of worthy alternatives.

Yes, Brian Billick was really on the Match Game


Week 17:

Dec 31- Steelers at Cincinnati

Bengal fans get their long-awaited revenge on the Steelers. But in the first quarter, Brett Keisel tears Carson Palmer's other ACL, thus sending the Bengals into a second consecutive offseason of chaos that they can blame on the Steelers.

Feb 4, 2007:
Super Bowl XLI, Miami-

Book your hotels and buy your tickets now. The Steelers only win Super Bowls in increments of two.