Mailbag!

As I write this week's installment of the mailbag, I have the good fortune of staring at Kevin McClatchy's mug directly behind home plate as I watch yet another Pirate game. Eventually, McClatchy will probably get a seat installed on the field of play so he can get even closer to the action. But I digress. There's a man sitting a few seats down from old Kev with the fashion faux pas of "shirt and tie with baseball cap". Is there any scenario, outside of being drafted in a major pro sports league, when the shirt/tie and cap combination is acceptable in public? I'm thinking you either commit to casual or you commit to formal, but you can't fall in the middle. Especially on TV.

Acceptable shirt/tie/hat combination

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I'm not fully diving into the mail portion yet, but on the topic of non-baseball Pirate issues, this email from "Hicks and Zema" of Slippery Rock is highly appropriate:

Mondesi:

We're two frustrated Bucco fans in Slippery Rock who have been inspired to create a new drinking game while watching Pirate games announced by Greg Brown. Every time Brown lamely uses a nickname to describe the Pirates' opponent (i.e., "Red Stockings" for the Reds) we take a sip of our favorite brew.

In the first half-inning alone of tonight's Bucco-Marlins game, Brown referred to the Marlins as "the Fish" 7 TIMES!!

We'll try to keep count for the entire game, but if he averages 7 per half inning, we'll be in the bag long before Brown hits us with a "Raise the Jolly Rogerrrrr," "La-La-La-La-La-Roche," or (please kill us) "Bay Day, Bay Day!

See, these are the things Pirate fans talk about after 14 years of losing. We amuse ourselves with the attire of fans or drinking games based on our announcer's lame catchphrases. We need to aspire to have sophisticated baseball talk like in Boston or New York. You know, along the lines of whether a sock had paint on it in a game three years ago or what a player/blogger thinks of Barry Bonds. Hey, both topics were good for the first 10 minutes of SportsCenter in the last month!

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Matt from Hopewell has a great comparison:

During Friday night’s disappointment against the team that gave us Adam “Lemon” LaRoche, I could not keep watching us strand men on base, so I flipped over to NBC’s “To Catch a Predator”. After seeing host Chris Hanson, with a serious face talking to the camera, it made me think of your Pirates Movie. If Hanson can throw a huge dip in his lower lip and wear a Buccos cap, I would cast him as your Jim Tracy. Just a thought. Keep up the good work.

Great call on this one. But think about how interesting it would be to send Tracy over to catch all of those child predator guys! Now THAT would be must-see TV.

Also, I get the Adam "Lemon" LaRoche nickname, but may I suggest "Redbeard the Pirate"? Am I missing something, or was this the most obvious Pirate nickname to come down the pipe in years?

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Well, on to a serious topic. I'm talking about Alan Faneca, the ManChild. You know, he's built like a man, but acts like a child (actually, that name would fit most athletes). When I first heard the news that he skipped a practice over the weekend, I just about reached my Faneca saturation point for 2007. The sad part is that it's only May.

Look, we have dissected this thing 20 different ways. The bottom line is this: he's not going anywhere. He wants to play somewhere else, and I'm sure that was met with a collective yawn by management. He's not getting traded to Arizona, so he and Russ Grimm can quit implying that it will happen. And he's not getting cut, either.

The Steelers don't renegotiate contracts, and they're not going to change for a guy who tries to publicly tinker with the chemistry of a team, especially a team trying to transition to a new coach. If he thinks he's getting on their good side with his behavior, he obviously has a limited knowledge of Steeler history. He's quick to forget that the Steelers made him the highest O-lineman in the league when he signed his deal. It's not the team's fault that organizations like Buffalo and Cleveland lost their collective minds by signing guys like Derrick Dockery and Eric Steinbach to $49 million deals. Sorry, Big Al, but the Steelers are holding all of the cards in this one. Shut up and play, or hold out and lose a lot of money in the process. But don't keep doing what you're doing. It's not helping your situation and it's not helping the team.

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Pat from Freeport voices his opinion on Faneca:

The Steelers used to be praised for the way the handled their contracts, normally letting go players before they became overpaid and washed up, (Earl Holmes) with only a few notable mistakes (Rod Woodson). This offseason has not been so good. They release Joey Porter, getting nothing for him, and then the Fins sign him to a huge deal? Why couldn’t we trade this guy? Then they totally F-up the Faneca deal. The Steelers look really bad on this one, he is way underpaid and he asked to be traded or given a new contract and the team had done neither, p****** him off so much that he doesn’t even want to be a captain.

I see the Steelers side of this, they don’t have cap room, and they have other big free agents like Big Ben and Troy waiting to get paid next offseason, and Faneca signed this contract if he doesn’t like it he should talk to his agent. The thing is, if you know a guy is getting grossly underpaid and that he is going to make a big deal over it, you need to move him or risk looking bad.

They should have traded Faneca during the draft.

You have to think of how the Steelers do things, not how we want the Steelers to do things. When was the last time the Steelers traded a player of Faneca's cache right before he hit free agency? All of their big free agents (that they don't seriously pursue) walk, as opposed to a trade. In recent years, we've seen Plaxico, Kendrell, and Randle-El play out their contracts and then walk away. This is not anything new.

"The Steeler Way" is a bit cliched, but it's a fact of life. They will not make one player bigger than the team---even in the case of Jerome Bettis, who took a pay cut to remain with them. Don't plan on that changing anytime soon.

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I had the pleasure of watching the TPC tournament on Sunday with my dad, who has a bit of history with that course, as I pointed out last week. Watching Sean O'Hair lose three-quarters of a million in the span of a few minutes was like the golf equivalent of Brady Quinn losing all those millions a few Saturdays ago. But at least Sean O'Hair doesn't have a picture circulating around the internet with his hand on another guy's crotch. He's still ahead in my book.

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Lots of readers sent in the Peter King piece on Mike Tomlin and the Steelers. It was a rare enjoyable read by King, probably because it wasn't seven pages of Peter gushing about Tom Brady, Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, or Bill Belichick.

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Pete took a few shots at the mortal enemy of many a Penguin fan, Ed Rendell, in the same column:

Quote of the Week III

"It boggles the entire mind. It was stunning to all of us.''

-- Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell, an Eagles season-ticket holder, to Bloomberg Television, on the team using its first draft choice in April to select University of Houston quarterback Kevin Kolb. Rendell was outspoken eight years ago against the Eagles' picking McNabb, saying they should have chosen Ricky Williams. Now he's upset the team has chosen a player to compete for McNabb's job.

Quote of the Week IV

"I think we are going to rue the day we didn't pick him.''

-- Rendell, to Bloomberg, on the Eagles' bypassing USC receiver Dwayne Jarrett to pick Kolb.
Here's my question about Rendell: Why doesn't he just buy the damn team from Jeff Lurie and go make the picks himself?

Looks like one football scribe was mad that Swann didn't win the election.

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Another popular topic: the reaction of Masontown, PA, to the marriage of 22-year-old hometown girl Kristin Georgi to 84-year-old Joe Hardy, the mastermind behind 84 Lumber. Some are for, some are against. But the best was a P-G poll, in which 50% say they are "horrified by the couple".

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Comcast's "Blog Show" in D.C. comes through with not one, but two Mondesi's House mentions on their latest show: the Big Ben/Brady Quinn photo, and the Ben truck auction. Isn't it about time that Pittsburgh got a Blog Show?

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Regardless of his locale, Beej from California is a gold mine of Burgh-related news. Today he gives us this nugget from the LA Times:

Fox wasted no time in hiring TV mega stars Kelsey Grammer ("Frasier") and Patricia Heaton ("Everybody Loves Raymond") to star in a new multi-camera sitcom, "Back to You." (Formerly titled "Action News.") Fox President of Primetime Peter Liguori was so excited by the script -- and the lead acting team -- that he committed to 13 episodes before one second of the pilot episode was ever filmed. Grammer plays a womanizing news anchor (Chuck Darling) and Heaton his uptight co-anchor, Kelly Carr. After an embarrassing Internet tirade topples Chuck from his lofty perch, he's forced back to the PITTSBURGH station where he first crossed paths with Kelly.

So why did they drop the title "Action News"? Fear of a Sally Wiggin-related lawsuit?

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In a related news item, and by related I mean "Pittsburgh-based TV show", said proprietor of Action News (WTAE), interviews John Leguizamo, star of Spike TV's "The Kill Point". Did anyone else notice that the title of this show was changed from "The Kill Pit"?

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This one comes from Jodie in Tyrone, PA:

Señor Mondesi,

Since you’ve mentioned several times that you are a “Spiderdork” – as is my husband, so I use that term affectionately, I assure you – I thought you might be interested in this story. It has disturbed me down to my very soul. I haven’t slept since I learned of it… watch the video and the kid will show you the spiders.

Please don’t sue me for the therapy you’ll need after this.

I had the therapy bill all sealed up and ready to mail to you, but since you asked me not to, I'll hold off. And yes, "Spiderdork" is a very appropriate nickname for me.

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Back to the topic of Pirate announcing, Anthony F. asks,

How annoying and blatantly un-true do you find Lanny Frattare's tag-line "And there was nooooooo doubt about it?"

Because we're talking about the Pirates, there is ALWAYS a doubt about it. Maybe Lanny needs to sit down with Mike Lange to come up with something more original to say after a Pirate win. The lines Lange throws down after a Pens goal always bring a smile to my face. Sure Lange's lines can get a little old after a while, but at least he tries. I don't think Lanny even tried with this one.

Agreed. "Noooo doubt about it" has to go, for the reason you cited. There's always doubt with a Pirate lead, especially this season, with a shaky closer. Any legitimacy that Lanny had goes right out the window when he utters that line.

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Justin from Pitt sends over ESPN Page 2's list of "Uniform Cameos". You know, players that you don't really identify with a certain team...

It's an interesting read, with several different categories:

-In the category of "early career", we have Jerome Bettis as a Ram and Tim Wakefield as a Pirate. Nice move by the Rams in '96, trading Bettis and drafting the one and only Lawrence Phillips as his replacement.

-The "Mid-Career Cameo" gives us Kirk Gibson and Maury Wills as Pirates. I totally forgot about Gibby's 56 ABs with the Buccos in '92.

-The "Late-Career Cameo" mentions the vomit-inducing Franco Harris Seahawks era and the Bryan Trottier Penguins years, which gave us one of the best internet video clips of all time.

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AJ from the X adds to the '92 NLCS discussion from Monday:

I read the post on Bugs & Cranks that you had linked today. That mention of that game will forever bring me down. Paired with the Pens loss the following spring in the playoffs, that may have been the darkest year to be a Pgh. sports fan. A few years ago, I happened across a strange website. There is an Atlanta area artist that does these bizarre oil paintings. I found this in his gallery:

The painting is in tribute to one of the greatest moments in Braves history, but can easily be depicted as one of the darkest for the Pirates. That's the beauty of art... it's all in the perspective. Personally, I think by this rendition, you can clearly see that Bream was out.

In the event of a 15th straight losing season, we need to start getting our ducks in order. So what direction are we going with as Pirate fans, based on this watershed moment that shaped an entire generation? My suggestion of "The Curse of Barry" or Dave Dameshek's "The Curse of Sid Bream"?

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Pat from Freeport makes a second appearance in this mailbag, sending over Yahoo's article on Tyler Palko adapting to life in the NFL.

On the topic of Pitt, we heard a lot of gloom and doom about all of the players they were losing from this year's team. Outside of Darrelle Revis (a legitimate stud), they lost a 4th-round linebacker (Clint Sessions), a 6th-round linebacker (HB Blades), and the undrafted Palko, Adam Graessle, and John Simonitis. That's not exactly the Miami Hurricanes having five guys taken in the first round of the 2002 draft, and Clinton Portis drafted in round two.

With all of the incoming blue-chippers, I fully expect that Pitt will overcome the loss of these players and have a winning season. And I also expect that 2008 will be the year when the Wannstedt plan will come to full fruition.

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Bronco fan "The Drink" in Tennessee gives me a question to ponder:

What do you think about the Broncos having better odds to win the Super Bowl this year than the Steelers? Who has a better year: rookie QB with a veteran Coach or rookie Head Coach with a veteran team?

Interesting question. I think the perception is that Denver is a better team right now, mostly because of the influx of talent (Dre Bly, Travis Henry, Daniel Graham, Jarvis Moss) and the veteran coach you speak of. But I wouldn't call them a lock in the least. This is a team that had a tumultuous offseason, watching not one, but two active players suddenly pass away in the span of a few months.

The Steelers, on the other hand, are headed in the right direction, but less-than-inspiring as a Super Bowl choice. I'm not saying they couldn't make it, because they absolutely could. But on paper, they have a few things to sort out. Yes, all teams do, even the favorites, but the Steelers are also coming off of a very disappointing 8-8 season.

Among the issues on the table:

1. How will the players respond to Tomlin?

2. How will the Faneca nonsense play out?

3. Can Roethlisberger regain his pre-2006 form?

4. Who will step up to replace Joey Porter, on the field and in the locker room?

5. Can the defensive styles of Tomlin and Lebeau mesh to form a cohesive unit?

6. How many times will punter Daniel Sepulveda be featured on "Jacked Up"?

OK, that last one was a joke (sort of). But those are five legitimate question marks that need to be answered in order to feel better about the team's chances in 2007.

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Congratulations to the fine website "Awful Announcing", which turns one year old on Tuesday. AA has mentioned a number of Mondesi's House stories and always has something interesting to say about the sports media genre.

That got me thinking about the Mondesi's House one-year mark, which is coming up in late June. I have some ideas about how to commemorate it, but I'm opening it up to suggestions. Is there anything you'd like to see? Anything special I should do? I certainly have a lot of people to thank, starting with all of you, so we're going to do this right!

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John in the North Side checks in on the Richard Seigler story from last week:

What's the deal with someone making $500,000 a year on the practice squad and running a cathouse?

Nice shirt, by the way, Mr Flintstone.

I guess all you can say is that it's hard out here for a pimp, regardless of his ugly shirt. But how interesting would this story be if it were any player other than Richard Seigler? Would the city melt down with outrage? Would talk show wires burn up? Would Roger Goodell do the unthinkable and bring in a Pittsburgh Steeler for one of his now-famous "discipline chats"?

Honestly, could this happen to a more obscure guy? I've watched every game for the last 20 years and I scarcely recall him. I thought the Steelers cutting him was interesting, though. It's an easy call from their angle because he's Richard Seigler. But how far up the ladder would you have to go before a Steeler wouldn't get released on the spot for such an incident?

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Kevin in Missouri wonders about the Steeler free agents of the future:

I don’t understand some of the debate over the upcoming Steeler free agents. If it came down to it, which player would you list as Priority 1?

I can’t believe there is any debate…Troy Polamalu has got to be the guy. The difference between the Steeler D with a healthy Polamalu (05) and a banged-up Polamalu (06) is night and day. Not to sound like Sean Salisbury, but he is one of the NFL’s true difference making players. Alan Faneca is getting up there in age and just hasn’t proved himself as an NFL GM.

Polamalu is definitely priority one for 2008. Aaron Smith has already been extended, but Clark Haggans, Kendall Simmons, Faneca, and Dan Kreider still remain. Polamalu will be here, if nothing else other than the reason that the Steelers can always franchise him. Simmons and Kreider will probably stick around unless they're blown away by some team on a drunken spending spree. Faneca is gone, and I am guessing that Haggans will be as well. And you'll have to be pretty obnoxious to come anywhere near Sean Salisbury territory.

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Tom from Dallas (formerly of Latrobe) has a great Pirate question:

I was reading your post from 5/09/07 where you discuss the lineup posted against Jason Marquis. I subscribe to MLB Extra Innings, so I get to see most of the Bucco games. The one thing that irks me more than the lack of offense, base running, etc. is the bench. Other teams pinch hit with players like Cliff Floyd from the Cubs and Craig Counsell from the Brew crew...who do we send up? Don Kelly. Don't get me wrong, I am sure that he is a nice guy and he's from Pittsburgh, but Don Kelly? That is the best person for the situation? I mean he's batting .167. Does that means that every other player within the remaining ranks of our minor league system are worse than him? I just wonder if you had any thoughts on the subject.

I hear your point, but this is where the Pirates are different than the teams you mentioned: Cliff Floyd makes $3 million and Craig Counsell makes $2.8 million. I think they give Don Kelly $100 a week plus all the hot dogs he can eat. No, actually he makes $380,000. But you see my point. The Pirates aren't going to spend that kind of money on a pinch hitter. Look at the Pirates' 2007 salaries, and you'll see that Jose Castillo is the only backup position player to make more than $1 million. The Buccos are usually short on resources in most facets of the game, and pinch hitting is no different.

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Jay from Pittsburgh lets loose on the Worldwide Leader:

What a crock the whole ESPN ombudsman/woman position is. Do they believe it absolves them of any bias because they let some person with no actual power at ESPN simply discuss the conflict of interest on their website? Are these few paragraphs supposed to pacify my already large and quickly growing distaste for the network as it continues to value profit over quality? Other than being on the mothership website, how does this woman's impact on the network differ from yours or mine? Tonight, regardless of anything she writes, ESPN will march out the exact same bullsh*t. No question. Look ombudswoman - if you want to satisfy the viewers, convince us your job is not a total sham and do something about it. Then i'll be convinced ESPN gives a s***. talk is cheap. Whew. I feel better.

Jay's obviously pretty ticked. But I see his point. The last ombudsman, George Solomon, didn't do much for me. But here's a question: with all of the available choices, why did they hire a guy whose son produces Around the Horn? Isn't that a ginormous conflict of interest?

I think the newest Ombudsperson. Le Anne Schreiber, has actually received some praise from the blogging community for her work so far - a community that can be hard to win over. Will she make much of a difference, though? I doubt it. Jay, it comes down to the almighty buck, my friend. As long as we continue to watch, read, and listen to everything ESPN puts out, they'll continue to do as they please.

Why do I get emails bashing ESPN all the time? Because sports fans have few options. They want good sports coverage, and let's face it, Fox just doesn't have the same television presence as ESPN. We have a generation of guys weaned on daily Sportscenter loops since they were kids. They grew up with ESPN. They read ESPN The Magazine. They listen to ESPN Radio. They visit ESPN.com. The only thing they didn't do was buy ESPN Mobile.

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David F. sent me not one, not two, but 18 points to cover! While I can't get to all 18, I'll do my best to cover as many as possible:

-Could Michael Vick be any bigger of a scumbag? My family recently lost our dog of nearly 20 years, and the thought of someone hurting dogs for entertainment makes me want to puke. But of course, nothing will happen to him because he makes too much money for the NFL. If you or I (i.e. poor people) pulled the same stunts he has, we'd be rotting in the slammer. The double standard is sickening. Why is Michael Vick even popular, anyway? He's a great athlete and makes some nice Sportscenter highlight plays, but he's a career underachiever. He has a horrible attitude, he acts like a spoiled baby, and he even flipped off his own fans!

No, he could not be a bigger scumbag. Don't forget, Vick gave us the famous quote, "The secret to dating multiple women at the same time – more than one cell phone!"

But don't think he's going to get off unscathed from this. Falcons owner Arthur Blank is concerned that Ron Mexico may get suspended as a result of his recent past. He's not someone I would want to trade places with these days.

-Does Kevan Barlow fulfill the Steelers' "Pittsburgh guy" quota? Do you think the "Pittsburgh guy" factor had anything to do with the signing? Since he's a career underachiever, I actually think playing for his hometown team might give him the motivation he needs.

I sure hope he fills the quota. If he can behave, stay healthy, and work within the system, it's a great signing. If he calls the coach "Hitler", then it was a bad signing.

-Speaking of the "Pittsburgh guy" factor, do you think the inclusion of Don Kelly on the Bucco roster is more of a publicity stunt than a reflection of his ability?

Probably not. I don't think the Pirates have that much savvy. He obviously made it because he's Neil Walker's brother-in-law.

--Why does Fedko keep saying he's "Henry Cannon" from "108.7 FM"?

Wait, he's not Henry Cannon? No, that's a running Fedko joke. He says he's Jim Colony, he says he's Doug Hoerth, he even drops a Mondesishouse.com reference here and there. That's what makes Fedko "Fedko".

-Why is everyone so convinced that the Brewers are going to fall back to the pack? I know they won't continue to play .700 ball, but they look to clearly be the best team in the NL Central. I remember everyone saying the same thing about the Baltimore Ravens last year, about how McNair was going to get hurt and that 9-7 would be enough to win the division. Uh, try 13-3.

I have no logical answer. The team is on fire, they're loaded with young talent, they have hitting, they have pitching...if they were in Boston or New York, they would be a full-blown phenomenon.

-http://www.braylonedwards.com/ - you have to watch the intro animation.

If his play somehow catches up to his ego, he could be dangerous.

-The Bucs... it's never a good thing when you have more errors than runs in a game. All I want is an average baseball team, is that too much to ask for? As long as knuckleheads like Ronnie Florian and "Mike Schwab from Munhall" keep shoveling them money, this is probably as good as it's evergoing to get under the McNuttings.

I cannot stand by as Ronnie Florian is bashed. He's been the high point of the season for me by far. In fact, I'm considering a reward for the first reader who can direct me to a YouTube of one of his commercials.

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David from Mississippi checks in on Brett Favre:

A vantage point from the Mississippi Gulf Coast:

So Bret waited 'til he touched down in Mississippi before asking for a trade. You knew it was comin'. Now we're locally seeing the Favre contingency circle the wagons . It's sorta like that movie "Dawn of the Dead". Every non-PGA still operating hillbilly named "Favre" is literally walking out of the marshes screamin' about the Packers and "those people up there". (It's probably closer to the Patrick Swayze movie when he was from Kentucky and all the 'necks went to the big city to extract revenge on the city slickers for killing his kin.)

My God! I digress ...

The local news broadcasts have just become plugs for Favre. I'm convinced his family has taken over the local chamber of commerce as well as our media.

Is it possible for any local Mississippi Gulf Coast government to have less than 20% staffing filled by a member of the Favre family????

Did WLOX really provide a smooth transition by following the story on a giant Muslim protest in Dubai with an update on Brett's beachfront home?

Ummm... I wonder what was going thru Robin Williams mind when the only thing they interviewed him about was his new neighbors' legal action to change his address to "4 Beach Boulevard".

How about asking Emeril Lagasse if he was excited Favre was rebuilding in the neighborhood?

Four new casinos are being built along with multiple condo towers. Great economic announcement, right? The local news might take a different perspective into the announcements. Hmmm .. Let's look at how that new traffic might impact someone ... say ... like Brett Favre ... who's home is now separated from his boat marina due to new traffic and business. What???

Hector "Macho" Camacho was arrested again in Gulfport. Did they talk about his boxing titles? Drugs in the city? Riches to Rags? Nope. Let's evaluate what separates different athletes like Camacho and ... oh say ... Bret Favre. Awww geez.

Did I mention he's also the unofficial ambassador for Mississippi? I now know that because a mayor named Eddie Favre explained it to me ...

Ahhhh ... the weather report provides some relief. Wait a minute ... why are we interested in Green Bay's weather during May?

I'll just go to the gym ... take a minute to stop for gas and pick-up the new Beach Magazine at the counter. Yep, Bret's mom is on the cover ...

I continue down the street and notice Brett likes milk; tells you to "just say no"; wants you to buy a car; likes golfing and wants you to play a round; and inexplicably he's just smiling on another.

Thank goodness I'm almost at the gym ... you guessed it, I'm passing crews preparing the signs for the new "Favre Freeway".

Oh my head hurts ....

See, we're not the only town that obesses over football players. Feel better about yourself, Pittsburgh. You're not alone.

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Jon from Boston gives us an interesting story about the Georgia women's golf coach resigning. It seems that among other things, he talked about their underwear and showed them the Paris Hilton video. Good to see that Georgia is hiring good coaches again after the Jim Harrick debacle. You know, the basketball coach who gave his players a test with questions like "How many points is a 3-pointer worth?"

Enjoy the mailbag? Well, these 5,000 words didn't write themselves. They came from readers just like you, and I can't thank you enough for your assistance.

I encourage you to send your thoughts on anything to mondesishouse@gmail.com for the next installment.

And please include your city and state if you can.