Big Lead Sports Bar


Who Are Dey, Anyway?

If there is one team that's really managed to get under my skin in recent memory, it's the Cincinnati Bengals. Yes, I'm well aware that they won the AFC North last year, and I'm sure they enjoy showing off their AFC North Champions Rings to all their friends and relatives.

Bengals players enjoy telling us tales of their greatness, shining their shoes with Terrible Towels (
video link), and proclaiming they're the color TV to our black and white.

But Bengals fans may be the most obnoxious in recent memory. Obviously, they must enjoy a winning record on the rare occasion when they have it, because they have a grand total of 12 in their 36-year history. They bring to mind Red Sox fans after winning the 2004 World Series. The Red Sox finally win a title and they make up for a near-century worth of falling short by talking nonstop garbage the entire offseason. Heck, the Marlins have won more titles in the last 80 years, and they've only been around since 1993. But at least the Red Sox won the championship. The Bengals couldn't even win a home playoff game. I know, I know, Carson Palmer got hurt, the Bengals felt too much pressure leading 17-7, and they had to
referee a Chad Johnson halftime fight. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did a certain three-time Super Bowl winning QB not get knocked out of an even bigger game against the Steelers on the road (the 2001 AFC Championship), yet their team still won? But I digress...I want to know more about where the Bengals get all the ammunition for their boasting.

I want to answer the question "Exactly who are dey?"

Dey have one former player in the Hall of Fame

Dey have averaged a 5-11 record since 1990
Dey had the WORST FANS IN SPORTS as recently as 2003

Dey were ranked as the WORST FRANCHISE IN SPORTS as recently as 2003

Dey drafted Ki-Jana Carter #1 overall

Dey drafted Dan Wilkinson #1 overall

Dey drafted Akili Smith #3 overall

Dey drafted Peter Warrick #4 overall

Dey drafted David Klingler #6 overall

Dey have one playoff appearance in the last 15 years

Dey have an all-time record of 258-334-1

Dey have won 0 Super Bowls

Who Dey?

I think Mr. William Laird Cowher could best answer that question


Anonymous said...

It was kind of shocking to me when the Bengals started doing well last season.

See, they were always the only team in our division that I didn't hate. I remember seeing their fans show up to games dressed as empty chairs and feeling bad for them.

There was ONE guy at the sports bar I used to go to every week who was always looking downtrodden in his Bengals jersey. I felt bad for the guy, but I also respected him for sticking with his team through tough times.

Then, something strange happened. They started getting better last year. I didn't mind at first. But then, not only did the number of their fans magically increase 10-fold... they all at once decided to be REEEEEEALLY obnoxious and talk trash excessively ANY time they got the chance. Hey, I'll rib a fan of another team sometimes, but I'd much rather get into a good, informative discussion about football with them than just sit there and yell "Your team sucks!" at them.

See, I've always thought that fans who talk excessive trash, as in whenever they talk about football it's trash talking, only do so because they don't really know enough about the game of football to carry on any other kind of REAL conversation about it. I think many of the newfound Bungle fans probably fit into this category.

I dunno, maybe if I had to wait 14 years to have anything at all to trash talk about I'd trash talk excessively too... I guess we'll find out when the Pirates finally have a winning season (by the way, they're making their yearly, meaningless late-season surge as we speak).

Vee said...

Well said, Louie.