Big Lead Sports Bar


Pre-Mondesi Archive: ESPNYYBOS

Some time ago, I had tinkered around with the idea of blogging. I had written a few pieces, but really had no idea what I was doing. While doing some computer maintenance tonight, I found some of these articles. Looking back on it now, you can see the early roots of Mondesi's House in these pieces.

So I present an article from the pre-Mondesi Archive: a parody piece called "ESPNNYYBOS". This was written after an extremely obnoxious weekend series between the Yankees and Red Sox, and I was clearly frustrated at the overcoverage by The Worldwide Leader.

Think of it as one of those times when you see an early clip of The Simpsons on the Tracey Ullman Show: no, they don't look or sound exactly the same, but you can see where it evolved. No photos, no photo captions, but the trademarks lists were alive and well.

I give you "ESPNNYYBOS"....

ESPN is proud to announce the following changes, effective immediately:

1. We will air every Yankees/Red Sox game, every Yankees/Red Sox grapefruit league game, every Yankees/Red Sox Old Timers game, every Yankees/Red Sox minor league game at all levels, and every Yankees/Red Sox Father/Son game.

2. At each game, we will construct an on-site set for Peter Gammons, John Kruk, Harold Reynolds and Tim Kurkjian. Each personality will alternate wearing Red Sox or Yankees jerseys on air.

3. We will change our call letters from "ESPN" to "ESPNYYBOS"

4. We will lobby Major League Baseball to disband the rest of the league. Since we stopped covering them, no ones even realizes they exist.

5. We will broadcast the draft of all the disbanded players

6. We will broadcast a mock draft of all the disbanded players

7. Pedro Gomez will no longer follow Barry Bonds on a daily basis. He is now assigned to follow Curt Schilling's bloody sock, and recap the sock's day on SportsCenter, PTI, Around the Horn, Baseball Tonight, and all ESPN Radio shows.

8. Peter Gammons must wear a Red Sox cap on his Hall of Fame bust.

9. Every, Page 2, Page 3, and Bill Simmons article must have some mention of the Yankees, Red Sox, or the rivalry, even if the article is not about baseball.

10. Every ESPN The Magazine article will focus on a different player from the Red Sox or Yankees. The first article will be on Johnny Damon, who has gotten very little press since winning the World Series.

11. ESPN will produce "Fever Pitch 2" as part of its' ESPN Original Movies series.

12. Mel Kiper must promo the next Yankee/Red Sox game after each pick in the NFL draft next week.

13. All ESPNYYBOS shows must now have rivalry-related names. "Around the Horn" becomes "Yankees Suck". "PTI" becomes "Bucky F-ing Dent".

14. Dan Shaughnessy, Bob Ryan and Mike Lupica will anchor The New York and Boston Sports Reporters

15. Darren Rovell will be required to provide daily reports on the price of scalped tickets on eBay on the 6 PM SoxCenter.

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