The News

--The Pirates are 2-1 after a 4-3 win over Atlanta. The Bucco bullpen turned in 4 1/3 innings of scoreless, one-hit ball. I know, I can't believe it either.

--Matt Morris will make more money than Ben Roethlisberger and Sidney Crosby this year. That sounds fair.

--The odds of the Pirates winning it all? A surprisingly low 100-1.

--Take note, Pirate fans: Don’t get caught on TV in the All-You-Can-Eat Section.

--A resident red-tailed hawk attacks a 13-year-old girl on a school trip at Fenway Park. Her name was ALEXA RODRIGUEZ. You can't make this stuff up.

--Shhhh! The Steelers are secretly interested in Purdue's Cliff Avril.

--Wade Phillips checks in with an extremely lame April Fool's prank.

--Doing their best to keep up with the rest of the AFC North, a Cleveland Brown got arrested.
--The Final Four coaches, in South Park form:

--Bad news, PNC Park customers: the price of beer is going up this year.

--An armed woman robbed a North Versailles bingo for $2,000 last night.

--Do we have any No County For Old Men fans out there? Then you'll certainly enjoy antonchigurh.com.

--Did you know the government keeps important documents in a Pennsylvania mine?