Big Lead Sports Bar

3/11/2008

Pierogis: Top 10 Wrestling Finishing Moves

Last night as Diego and I were having a few, we caught a glimpse of the current, sad state of the WWE. Then we started reminiscing about the old WWF and all of its glory. Names like the Hulkster (who's in quite a divorce battle right now), The Rock, and even "Stone Cold" Steve Austin came up: all names we grew up admiring for their gratuitous violence and swearing on TV.

So in their honor, we decided to make a Top 10 Wrestling Finishing Moves of All-Time list. You remember those, don't you? When the wrestler would start "feeding" off the crowd's noise and would morph into superhero mode right in front of us. Then they'd do their patented move that would instantly end the match (unless it was a pay-per-view; then all bets were off).

So here's our list - enjoy it, and like always, post some feedback in the comments section. I'm sure there's some moves from the 70's that we never saw that could be on this list, or maybe some moves the kids of today are using.

10. Yokozuna - Yokozuna Splash

Even though he was really Samoan he pretended to be Japanese in the WWF. Who could forget this giant of a man's finishing move: a quarter ton dropping down on some poor wrestler's chest, rear end first! Hopefully for their sake he never ate any spicy Mexican food before a match.


9. Mankind - Mandible Claw

"Mankind", or Mick Foley as his mother called him, was perhaps the craziest wrestler of all time. I remember seeing videos of this monster fighting in rings with barbed wire for ropes and no turnbuckles. And yet this moron's finishing move was to jam his fingers down your throat. It's on the list for its sheer simplicity and stupidity. If some jerky stuck his fingers down my throat, he'd be getting a size 15 (yes, I said 15 ladies) to the gut and a right cross to the noggin.

8. Bob Backlund - The crossed face chicken wing

Bob Backlund wrestled for what seemed like an eternity; he seemed ridiculously old even when we watched wrestling way back in the day. One main reason PN@ likes Backlund is that he was proof that "old man strength" exists, as he was able to defeat wrestlers much younger using his old school manuevers. Then there was his finisher, the cross face chicken wing, kinda like a modified version of the headlock. The name alone makes it list-worthy. You gotta give points for creativity.

7. Legion of Doom - Doomsday Device

This is the only tag-teamer to make the list, but it's definitely the best of the bunch. I can remember the Legion of Doom (or Road Warriors, depending on your age), when Animal would lift some poor schlub onto his shoulders and Hawk would deliver a ferocious flying forearm for the top turnbuckle right off that guy's nugget. Then of course, the match was over. Apparently the Dudley Boyz did a rendition of this famous move called the Dudleyville Device, but they're just trying to rip off the pioneers. Hawk and Animal in all of their face-painted glory are the ones who deserve credit for the best tag-team finisher of all time...

PS - their manager (some of the time) was Sunny - probably the hottest of the hotties ever to manage in the WWF. She brought in all the blonde bombshells we see today in the WWE. Before her, the girls were hot but tough; now they're all super model hot and just complain a lot.


6. Ric Flair - Figure Four, Bret Hart - Sharpshooter

It's a tie for sixth place between Flair and Hart. They both have similar finishers that involves twisting another dudes legs around your own in an inappropriate manner. The "Nature Boy" Ric Flair was a one of the cockiest and flashiest wrestlers of all time. The best was his strut and his knife edge chop afterwards shouting "Wooooo". Bret "The Hitman" Hart came from a family of wrestlers in Canada. These two actually feuded in real life- both claiming to be the best wrestler of all time.


5. Razor Ramon - Razor's Edge

Say hello to the bad guy. Razor Ramon was a walking stereotype - he wore slicked back greasy hair, a ton of gold chains, and he walked to the ring chewing on a tooth pick that he always threw in the face of opponents) He spoke with a Spanish accent and constantly referred to himself as "El Hefe" (the boss). Once Razor had opponents staggering he would pick them up over his head and slam them down to the ground shoulders and back first.

4. Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka- Superfly Splash

I'm not sure what type of drugs you have to be on to climb to the top of a 15 foot steel cage and jump off onto another human, but it's gotta be something good. Snuka was known for his highly risky, high flying ability inside the ring. Superfly's willingness to sacrifice his own body led to popularity, admiration, and an eventual stint in rehab. After all, he did wrestle in the 80's, so cut the guy some slack.

3. The Rock- The People's Elbow

"The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment" had one of, if not the, longest finishing moves in history. The People's Elbow involved standing over an opponent who is laying on his back, throwing your elbow pad off of his face, running back and forth off the ropes and culminated with a slow motion power bomb elbow right off your facial region. I've never seen a better move in person - when he stood in the middle of the ring and started peeling off the elbow pad, the entire Civic Arena went absolutely crazy. Everyone knows this would never actually happen in a fight - but it's still pretty sweet. Although, seeing the acting roles The Rock has taken recently makes me think I could give him The People's Elbow without any repercussions.


2. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin - The Stone Cold Stunner

This move was great for so many reasons. First off, he usually landed multiple stunners on multiple people and followed it up with multiple beers. If that's not a Pittsburgh-type wrestler then I don't know what is (even though he drank Girls Light instead of Iron). When you add on the fact that it would cause the absolute least damage of any wrestling finishing move ever and yet completely end the match, you got yourself one helluva move. In fact, I think I'll go give the Stone Cold Stunner to someone right now - it won't hurt em' but it'll give me the chance to say either "Snack 3:16" or "Cause Big Snack said so..."

1. Hulk Hogan - Atomic Leg Drop

It's not always all about the actual move itself; you also have to factor in the action that lead up to the finishing move. Hulk was the greatest ever at leading up to his anti-climatic leg drop. The Hulkster would be down and out, but once he started shaking his head (and his scraggly hair)there was no stopping him no matter what opponents did. He would also do the famous hand behind the ear to get the crowd fired up. Hopefully he will pack it in before he gets really old and all the tanning and steroids catch up with him.


Honorable Mention - Shawn Michaels with "Sweet Chin Music", The Undertaker with "the Tombstone Piledriver", Jake "The Snake" Roberts with his DDT, Ted Dibiase with his "Million Dollar Dream", Goldberg with his "Spear" and Bautista with his "Bautista Bomb"

9 comments:

Erik said...

I'd throw off the splash (besides, Bundy did this first) and the Mandible Claw and add any of the following:

Macho Man's elbow, Ricky the Dragon Steamboat jumping off the top rope, Kane's chokeslam, the claw (done by a lot of wrestlers in the early days), Iron Skiek's cobra clutch, Nash's Jackknife Powerbomb.

P Niddy said...

macho man -- best wrestler, best manager, best finishing move.

Jason said...

How about Paul Orndorff's piledriver? Nobody made that move look more terrifying than he did.

King Kong Bundy's Avalanche. Best part: getting squished by a 500 pound man would hurt in real life too.

Could I submit an honorable mention for the Dark Spot that was on Dusty Rhodes' belly all those years? Looking at that Jupiter spot would be enough to make me submit?

But how on earth did a Pittsburgh boy like Kurt Angle not get mentioned????

Louis Lipps is my homeboy said...

What I found wierd about wrestling when I was little was this...


Wrestler A could jump off the top rope onto Wrestler B, and the guy he jumped onto would be fine.

BUT, Superfly Snuka does the exact same thing and the guy's done for!

Wrestler A kicks Wrestler B in the face and the guy gets back up. Shawn Michaels kicks someone in the face, and they're finished.

Ok, forgive me for expecting pro wrestling to make sense.

Wasn't the "Rock Bottom" the Rock's finisher? Did he have two?

I'd have put the Razor's Edge at #1. I tried to perform that one on my cousin at a family picnic, he yelled and went screaming to my mom!

apk said...

I'm casting votes for HHH's Pedigree, Shane Helms's Vertebreaker (cool name, sick move), Billy Kidman's Shooting Star Press, Brock Lesnar's F5, Kevin Nash's Jackknife Powerbomb, and Chris Jericho's Lion Tamer.

Scott said...

I realize y'all didn't see much of the old WCCW from Dallas, but I'd put the Von Erich iron claw ahead of most on that list. Kerry Von Erich's discus punch was pretty good too. But his career was tainted by the Texas Tornado gimmick McMahon forced on him in the WWF.

And Skandar Akbar throwing fire in the face of opponents was "extreme" before Mick Foley ever jumped off a roof onto a pile of mattresses.

Scott said...

I realize y'all didn't see much of the old WCCW from Dallas, but I'd put the Von Erich iron claw ahead of most on that list. Kerry Von Erich's discus punch was pretty good too. But his career was tainted by the Texas Tornado gimmick McMahon forced on him in the WWF.

And Skandar Akbar throwing fire in the face of opponents was "extreme" before Mick Foley ever jumped off a roof onto a pile of mattresses.

Scott said...

I realize y'all didn't see much of the old WCCW from Dallas, but I'd put the Von Erich iron claw ahead of most on that list. Kerry Von Erich's discus punch was pretty good too. But his career was tainted by the Texas Tornado gimmick McMahon forced on him in the WWF.

And Skandar Akbar throwing fire in the face of opponents was "extreme" before Mick Foley ever jumped off a roof onto a pile of mattresses.

HotDog_Zanzabar said...

I wonder if Scott realzies that we aren't from Dallas?