SCRAWLER: THE MONDESI'S HOUSE OFFICIAL 2008 NFL MOCK DRAFT

by The Backyard Scrawler
backyardscrawl@gmail.com

I hate mock drafts … there, I said it. I love the draft; hate the mock. At least I have something else in common with Mike Florio, the hot-shot lawyer and WVU football fan with the best pro football blog out there. (I would, however, trade my nacho-cheese stained Owen Schmitt jersey for his law degree any day.)

Mock drafts have gained steam in turning sports fans into purveyors of prognostication. Not on the same level as, say, filling out your March Madness bracket, but it has become an obligatory practice for anyone who follows the NFL Draft. Perhaps that’s not also to say your girlfriend’s Mock Draft will be more accurate than yours despite her basing it on the most colorful names: 1. Flacco, 2. Booty, 3. Lichtensteiger, 4. Gholston, 5. Cherilus, 6. Zbikowski and 7. Gonzaga … oh, wait.

Knowing that any website that covers the NFL Draft is not worth its weight in salt without a Mock Draft, I bequeath to you The Official Mondesi’s House Mock Draft. Any misfires I blame solely on Raul for not supplying me with sufficient funds to hold a stopwatch at the Combine and break down film in my basement for three months.

I also added who the Steelers would if there were hypothetically switched with each team’s spot before them. I also didn’t account for trades, another reason why I hate mock drafts.

#1 Miami Dolphins – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
Still waiting on Bill Parcells to pull that $58 million away from Jake and say “Whoops, sorry, we meant Chris Long.” … Steelers at #1 – Glenn Dorsey

#2 St. Louis Rams – Chris Long, DT, Virginia
Long played in the 3-4 at Virginia but seems more than capable to play on the edge where the Rams need help. Glenn Dorsey may be better but the Rams are set inside with last year’s first-rounder Adam Carricker. … Steelers at #2 – Glenn Dorsey

#3 Atlanta Falcons – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
Best defensive player in the draft. But will a new GM bite on Matt Ryan? … Steelers at #3 – Glenn Dorsey.

#4 Oakland Raiders – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
Boy-wonder Lane Kiffin would rather not, but as long as Skeletor-impersonator Al Davis is in charge

I think he’ll go with Run-DMC just to spite the young Kiffin and remind everyone that he still rules over Castle Grayskull … Steelers at #4 – Darren McFadden (or trade down).

#5 Kansas City Chiefs – Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio State
Poor Herm Edwards needs all the help he can get to “Play …To … Win … The … Game.” If I’m Larry Johnson, I’d be begging for the second-best in deep pool of OT but, “HELLO!” Gholston you can’t pass up … Steelers at #5 – Vernon Gholston.

#6 New York Jets – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
The Steeler fan in me can’t bear seeing Ryan going to the Ravens, so J-E-T-S please, please, please take Matt Ryan at #6. He’ll study under Pennington for a year, kick Kellen Clemens to the curb and be the franchise QB behind that revamped OL in two years.

… Steelers at #6 – Branden Albert.

#7 New England Patriots – Keith Rivers, OLB, USC
As much as I’d like to move Mr. Irrelevant up to #7 for more spygate punishment, I suppose the Cheatriots need a shot of life in that geriatric linebacking corps; heck, one already had a stroke

… Steelers at #7 – Branden Albert.

#8 Baltimore Ravens – Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
Unless the Ravens trade up to get Matt Ryan, Brian Brohm and Joe Flacco won’t go this high so Leodis and your 4.38 speed, you can have all the crab cakes and punt-return TDs vs. the Steelers a guy could ever want. … Steelers at #8 Branden Albert.

#9 Cincinnati Bengals – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
Hope ya got a good attorney, kid. … Steelers at #9 Branden Albert.

#10 New Orleans Saints – Branden Albert, OT/OG, Virginia
The Saints addressed CB in the offseason by signing Randal Gay and their tackles and guards are all returning starters –– if that’s a good thing –– but the multi-purpose Albert should be ready to supplant any one of them quickly … Steelers at #10 Branden Albert.

#11 Toronto, err, I mean Buffalo Bills – Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State
That’s right, the Bills are that desperate for a wide receiver. This year’s Ted Ginn pick. Although with McKelvin off the board they’ll probably trade down here … Steelers at #11 Chris Williams.

#12 Denver Broncos – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
This guy fits the Denver’s zone-blocking technique as the Broncos begin to rebuild their offensive line. Draft day goof: someone put a Happy Meal bag on stage as he walks out to shake hands with Roger Goodell. You know, just to check … Steelers at #12 Chris Williams.

#13 Carolina Panthers – Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
The draftniks are torn on Williams or Jeff Otah but Williams seems to be more of the “true” left tackle that a team like Carolina needs since Travelle Wharton and Jordan Gross are not sufficing … Steelers at #13 Chris Williams.

#14 Chicago Bears – Jeff Otah, OT, Pitt
Now, Otah goes by default. Four-fifths of the Bears line is over 30. They need him. … Steelers at #13 Jeff Otah.

#15 Detroit Lions – Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
No, Lions, you can’t draft another wide receiver; they won’t allow it. And, yeah, you should probably take Florida DE Derrick Harvey here, but do you really want your first-round pick hanging out with position coach Joe Cullen?

Nice knowing ya, Tatum Bell. … Steelers at #15 Derrick Harvey.

#16 Arizona Cardinals – Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
Ed Bouchette thinks the Steelers should take Stewart, a “banger” and a” thumper,” if he falls to 23. Not if Ken Whisenhunt and the “Steelers of the West” have anything to say about it. … Steelers at #16 Derrick Harvey.

#17 Minnesota Vikings – Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida
The early steal of Mondesi’s House Mock Draft goes to the Vikings. Kenechi Udeze has leukemia and Erasmus James has “bust”-emia so Harvey is their man. … Steelers at #17 Derrick Harvey.

#18 Houston Texans – Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tennessee State

With two running backs off the board and Dunta Robinson’s ACL a question for the start of the season the Texans need a corner. … Steelers at #18 Phillip Merling.

#19 Philadelphia Eagles – Kenny Phillips, FS, Miami (FL)
He’s from “The U” so naturally Andy Reid’s kids are going to love him. They also need someone to replace Brian Dawkins after he retires. … Steelers at #19 Phillip Merling.

#20 Tampa Bay Buccaneers – DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal
If the Bills don’t take Thomas at #11 he’ll fall here. Jackson is thought of by many as a gamble but the Bucs need a WR with Joey Galloway and Ike Hilliard entering their twilight years. … Steelers at #20 Phillip Merling

#21 Washington Redskins – Phillip Merling, DE, Clemson
Both of the ’Skins defensive ends are over 30. This is a can be considered a steal if he falls this far. … Steelers at #21 Phillip Merling.

#22 Dallas Cowboys – Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas
The play from that Diet Pepsi Max commercial – “60-stretch far-uuuuuuugh” – is designed for Jones. Jerry, Pac-Man and Felix … these Cowboys are going to be no yawners to say the least. … Steelers at #22 Kentwan Balmer.

#23 Pittsburgh Steelers – Kentwan Balmer, DT, North Carolina

Let’s cross a few off the list here: First, the best CB available Aqib Talib (watch this YouTube and you’ll agree). As pointed out by Gene Collier, the Steelers need an ultra-strong defender who can hoist an airborne receiver, whose feet would land inbounds, carry him across the field and choke-slam him into the Gatorade, thus taking advantage of the now defunct force-out rule. That likely won’t happen unless the Steelers take The Big Show with their first pick.

Then you have all the WRs available (Limas Sweed, Malcolm Kelly and James Hardy), none of which are the second coming of Plaxico Burress and if you are drafting Hines Ward’s replacement they don’t come in the first round. I’m not quite sold on OT Gosder Cherilus (I don’t care how mean he is). While the pool of OTs is deep this year there shouldn’t be much disparity between the sixth-best OT at pick #23 than what will be available at #53. A deep pool is all the more reason to wait. There’s more research here on why not to take an OT with this pick by clicking here.

That leaves pass-rushing OLB Quentin Groves out of Auburn and DT Kentwan Balmer out of North Carolina, and while Groves may be better coming off the edge, Balmer seems to be a better answer to address the interior defensive line needs with Aaron Smith, Casey Hampton and Brett Keisel all in their 30s next fall. Balmer has the frame to add weight (6-4, 308), can play end in the 3-4 or tackle in the 4-3, much like the inside/outside versatility and athletic upside that last year’s first-round pick Lawrence Timmons exuded.

#24 Tennessee Titans – Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
What better weapon to surround QB Vince Young with than his college pal.

#25 Seattle Seahawks – Lawrence Jackson, DE, USC
The officials from Super Bowl XL also fixed the Draft so that Seattle couldn’t get the Steelers’ pick Balmer, instead the Seahawks settle for a needed pass-rusher in Jackson.

#26 Jacksonville Jaguars – Quentin Groves, OLB/DE, Auburn
“Pass-rushing defensive ends get overdrafted,” said Jags GM Gene Smith. Yeah, but they need one bad. Have fun tinkering with Groves in that 4-3.

#27 San Diego Chargers – Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College
The Chargers would be better off trading down or going with the “best player available,” but OL is their biggest need so we’ll give them Mr. Mean.

#28 Dallas Cowboys – Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
Mike Jenkins playing CB just in case Pac-Man Jones doesn’t work out is like the Spears family hiring a nanny just in case Britney doesn’t pan out as a good mother.

#29 San Francisco 49ers – Sam Baker, OT, USC
I always thought RB Frank Gore was underrated because of how badly his offensive line gets beat off the ball. Baker can be a difference-maker.

#30 Green Bay Packers – Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
Brett Favre, the Wrangler-wearing, tractor-driving gunslinger from Kiln, Miss., retires from the National Football League. That following year, the Packers select Antoine Cason, the PlayStation 2-playing cornerback and cousin of Ken-yon Rambo from Long Beach, Calif. … It’s the Cirrrrrrrrrrcle of Life.

#31 New York Giants – Jerod Mayo, LB, Tennessee
Some have Mayo going as high as #15 to Detroit and the Giants are typically a “best available” team.

SCRAWLER: FIVE REASONS TO LOVE/LOATHE THE NFL DRAFT

By The Backyard Scrawler
backyardscrawl@gmail.com

For someone who fancies Pittsburgh sports talk at the water cooler by day and on the bar stool by night, a passerby posed a question to me the other day that stopped me dead in my tracks:
“So who do you think they’ll get in the second round?”

“Hmmmm…”

I was aghast, not knowing whether to slap this person for asking such a presumptuous question or bear-hug him in hopes of consoling each other’s obsession over predicting next week’s NFL Draft. I mean, for the love of Mel Kiper, how on earth can you guess who the Steelers are going to take with the 53rd overall pick if you don’t know who they are selecting at 23? But if you’ve determined picks 1 through 52 off the top of your head then, boy, I must salute your savvy fanhood.

To play along I started spitting out some scenarios that involved Boston College OT Gosder Cherilus in the first round and Maryland DT Dre Moore in the second. You know, if they are both available.

It was only then my curious inquisitor crinkled his brow and interrupted me as if we were speaking in different tongues.

“No, the Penguins, who do you think they’ll play in the next round?”

Forgive me, Mark Madden, for I have sinned. How could my Pittsburgh sporting interest wander astray at time when my local hockey teams needs my undivided attention? This is the exact type of sentiment that will carry a three-hour Junker & Crow “Jagoff of the Week” show on ESPN Radio, so I’ll spare you the drivel. But it seems nowadays you are scorned in this town, at least on talk radio and in the blogosphere, for thinking the Steelers are relevant in the offseason with all the Penguins success.

Anyway, there are a lot of mixed feelings on the NFL Draft, though the TV ratings say otherwise. In the spirit of that, here are Five Reasons to Love and Loathe the NFL Draft.

Five Reasons to Love the NFL Draft

No. 1: Everyone’s an Arm-Chair General Manager

Sports fans thrive on debates. Who your team should select is the penultimate discussion. Add in the incremental clues as other teams make their selections and one could turn their living room into a “war room.” The reasons shows like American Idol are so popular is that they enable viewers to become “experts” and discuss who they think should be picked. Although imagine having delusional contestants show up at the Combine only to throw a fit when they are told they aren’t draft-worthy. Or, image having Steeler Nation text “OT or DT” during the Draft to determine the pick. Who needs Kevin Colbert?

No. 2: Hello, My Name is: BUST

Knowing what a player’s strengths and weaknesses are before they enter the league is a good way stroke one’s fanhood. With all the magazines and talk on Draft day you already have a reason to throw beer on your first-round quarterback. I mean, obviously he is no good because of his poor footwork and those small hands of his. Seriously, though, it’s nice to be familiar with every player that enters the league and for most of them the introduction comes from the Draft day analysis.

No. 3: Roll The Tape!

For those with short attention spans and mild forms of ADHD, having someone spoon-feed you some of the best highlight-reel plays from the 2007 college football season is a soothing football fix, particularly in April. As soon as a player’s name is read off that 4-x-6 card you get to see a montage of some monstrous Big Ten offensive tackle pancaking every slap-dick defensive tackle in the MAC, or perhaps an SEC defensive tackle man-handling some poor sap from the Sun Belt. Back when LaVar Arrington was drafted you couldn’t get enough of his flying squirrel tackles.

No. 4: Hurts So Good

There’s nothing like watching a grown man lose millions of dollars in signing bonuses or even his job on live television. Last year was no different. With all the egos in sports you gotta take pleasure in seeing a can’t-miss prospect with that dopey looking on his face waiting for his cell phone to ring while sitting in the green room by his lonesome, or at least with his girlfriend for bloggers to ogle. And then there’s watching a team draft a player to supplant the aging has-been, especially when that soon-to-be-released player has to analyze the pick like Keyshawn Johnson did for the Panthers’ selection of Dwayne Jarrett last year. Sure, Keyshawn, you can teach him a thing or two.

No. 5: Hope Springs Eternal

Though analysts may issues letter grades and winners and losers, nobody really loses on Draft day. Even if you are a fan of the Cleveland Browns you’ve got be excited about your team’s prospects. That punch-in-the-gut feeling you have while driving home from the stadium after your team is eliminated from playoff contention and you realize that none of your draft picks can play dead in a Western … that’s month away from now. On Draft day, we hope!

Five Reasons to Loathe Draft Day

No. 1: Just Give Roger the Stinking Card Already!!!

The first round of the 1972 draft lasted just two hours while last year’s first round was a six-hour, eight-minute marathon. Heck, most hostage situations that don’t last that long! (Ain’t that right, Cedrick Wilson?) No wonder there is talk about moving the Draft to Friday night and cutting Commissioner Roger Goodell’s trips to the podium from 15- to 10-minute intervals in the first round.

No. 2: What The Mel?

When a “sporting event” is based solely on projections, opinions and a little bit of transactions, voices are all too important. And every April we sit down and think what Mel Kiper, Jr. tells us to think. This slick-haired soothsayer is the Dalai Lama of the NFL Draft. When he goes on sports talk shows the hosts give him verbal back rubs for his vast knowledge. But the real question is: If Mel ever gets sick, will the Draft go on?

No. 3: He’s Hot, He’s Cold

The posturing that goes on between general managers and agents brings out the worst in Draft reporting. The Sporting News touched on this in this week’s issue when they mentioned how Minnesota Vikings GM Rick Spielman went on a sports radio show last year and quipped that there’s a rumor out on Adrian Peterson. “He needs shoulder surgery. Spread that around.” And, sure enough, a report surfaced that Peterson needed surgery. It’s frustrating to see players’ “stock” rise and fall when none of them play a down of football all because teams are baiting-and-switching teams to trade while keeping a poker face. That’s understandable. But when we see guys like Tennessee LB Jerod Mayo climb Kiper’s “Big Board” at the last minute you got to think Kiper’s palms are being greased by player’s agent.

No. 4: Ghosts in Pac-Man’s Closet

When Pac-Man Jones was about to be drafted in the first round out of West Virginia an NFL team sent someone knocking on the front door of Pac-Man’s next-door neighbor in Morgantown and, without an introduction, began interrogating the young woman with questions like “What time does he usually come in at night?” or “Are there loud parties and disturbances next door?” Either that person was not from the Titans or Pac-Man lived next to Helen Keller. Teams have to alter there Draft picks because of off-the-field concerns and it really skews the entire Draft process.

No. 5: Just Read All About It

The Draft produces a list of teams and names. You can read the complete list in the agate section of the next day’s newspaper so why waste an entire day WATCHING it? That’s not to say you shouldn’t watch the Pirate game on Saturday and only read the box score in the Sunday paper. But imagine if a Pirate game was simply Lanny Frattare walking up to home plate and reading an entry from his scorecard every 15 minutes. Now that would be easier to mock than a stupid Draft.

Scrawler: Who Has the Balls to Throw the First Pitch?

by The Backyard Scrawler
backyardscrawl@gmail.com

Karma is always a topic when embarking on any journey. And it’s no different when a Major League baseball team sets sail for a 162-game schedule. Just ask the Phillies who had a priest, a pastor and a Rabbi to bless their balls on Opening Day.

What about thy plentiful balls of our dearly beloved Buccos? Is there any hocus-pocus out there that we can lift the spell of 15 losing seasons?

Let’s get away from the whole sacred balls theory, lest having Pirates visit this fancy web site as an addendum to the preseason Players’ Poll article.

On Wednesday, the Pirates announced their starting lineup for the National Anthem and “God Bless America” singers and ceremonial first-pitch hurler. Donnie Iris will recite Francis Scott Key and Chris Higbee, of the now defunct Povertyneck Hillbillies, will sing the post-9/11 version of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” The iconic Bill Mazeroski will throw out the first pitch.

Not bad choices.

You can never go wrong with Donnie Iris; the guy can rock out a narcoleptic funeral as long as it’s in Pittsburgh.

In the event of a rain delay it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to skip the “Star-Spangled Banner” altogether. The Steelers found that out last December when they literally rain-checked Vince Neil on Monday Night Football and drew more national criticism than if they attempted to set the world record for a simultaneous Rick Roll.

Now, the ceremonial first pitch can really set the tone for a season. If you send some corporate jabroni to the bump and he serves up a Polish sinker your season is doomed. With apologies to Jeff Goldblum and Dennis Miller, the celebrity-comes-home is also a risk this side of Michael Keaton. (Although, I wouldn’t mind having Sewickley native Dan Cortese host an episode of “My Dad is Better Than Your Dad” and see some poor sap with a loose rotator cuff completely humiliate his son.)

Since “Here We Go, Steelers” chants often echo throughout lopsided Bucco routings, why not have Ben Roethlisberger throw a football as the first pitch. Did anyone see who threw out the first pitch for the Cardinals this year?

To pay homage to one of the best online chat questions ever, maybe the Pirates should announce that “Change in Atmosphere” will throw out the first pitch.

If you are a ball-blessing curse-lifter I can think of no one better to exorcize a 15-year spell than to go back to the source.

That’s right, with all this talk lately about Sid Bream and Game 7 of the 1992 NLCS the origins of this hex can only be undone by the pitching of one man.

Get one Stanley Peter Belinda, ASAP!

Scrawler: The Huggins or Dixon Debates

by The Backyard Scrawler
backyardscrawl@gmail.com

Comparisons are planted in our sporting discourse every day. They come neatly packaged in forced sponsored segments with a not-so-catchy name of, say, Cold Hard Fact or Fiction, Power Points and Six Pack of 60-Second Questions for the Hot-Seated Roundtable.

They usually involve some farcical apples-to-oranges debate that compares the accomplishments of an athlete from one era to another or even athletes from totally different sports. (Anyone wanna compare Tiger’s 15-foot putt in the Masters to Jordan’s fade-away jumper in the Finals?)

But there was one debate a few months ago with enough practicality that made me question Pitt and West Virginia basketball fans alike. In the November issue of the Pittsburgh Sports Report, the “Showdown” question was asked: “Who Would You Rather Have Coaching Your Basketball Program: Jamie Dixon or Bob Huggins?”

ESPN Radio’s Joe De Stio gladly did the honors on Dixon’s behalf and it seemed there weren’t any takers brave enough for Huggins, so Mike Mathison of the Steubenville Herald-Star had to suffice.

Pitt fans would find this resurfaced question somewhat convenient during the eve of watching the Mountaineers, and not their Big East Champion Panthers, play in the Sweet Sixteen.

However, with all the recent acclaim and reverence for Huggins and another Big Dance flop for Dixon, are there any others who are willing to turn to the Dark Side? How bout it, Bob Smizik?

How many NCAA Tournament wins is worth having your team’s grade-point average lowered a few notches? Does it really matter to you that your team’s players can win in March AND on Jeopardy?

Both coaches are winners. They are both proven recruiters with less-than-proven postseason resumes, only Huggins is a bigger name with a past that is ruffled more than Dixon’s hair is slick.

People like Junker & Crow with their “Five Burning Questions” seem to think that WVU winning one more NCAA Tournament game than Pitt is not as praiseworthy as the Panthers winning the Big East title. And there’s no telling how loyal or how sober Huggins will be in Morgantown. But as long as he keeps advancing the Mountaineers further than Pitt in the NCAA Tournament you can’t help but side with Huggins in this argument.

Additional reading for Pitt and WVU fans:

For Pitt fans, your hated rivals to south are also “a disgrace to all underdogs.”
For WVU fans, apparently Bob Huggins is healer of all Rich Rodriguez wounds.

Scrawler: Tailgating Pro Days and Drafting Sinbad

by The Backyard Scrawler

backyardscrawl@gmail.com

Here’s a modest proposal for Pittsburgh football fans: tailgate a College Pro Day. If there are any fans that you would put it past it is the “Steeler Nation.” (Aside: As much as I appreciate the loyalty of Steeler fans across the country, I cringe at this borrowed nickname.)

Anyway, if you were denied a hotel room in Pittsburgh last April because of the influx of Steelers fans invading Heinz Field to watch the NFL Draft (live from New York), you know it doesn’t take much to get charcoaled-fueled “Here We Go, Steelers” chants ignited. And, of course, there was this outside of Mercy Hospital awhile back.

Dates, schools and times of all the College Pro Day workouts are available here, complete with the pro day leaderboard. Someone, for the love of Mel Kiper, please supplant Wisconsin-Whitewater RB Justin Beaver’s first-in-the-clubhouse shuttle time of 3.96.

If you are looking to attend a College Pro Day, here are some of the local pro days listed:

On Wednesday, check out former IUP center Rory Thomas workout for scouts at 10 a.m. Funny that IUP has a “Pro Day” for one player, but when Slippery Rock’s Mike Butterworth entertains scouts at 9 a.m. on March 25 it is called an “individual workout.” Kutztown QB Kyle Spotts will workout at Duquesne on Friday but apparently no Dukes are worthy enough to join him.

On Thursday, Morgantown is the place to be. No, Nyjer, not centerfield at PNC Park. This Morgantown. Ten Mountaineers will workout, including fullback Owen Schmitt whose folkloric 10 broken facemasks and silly haircut have preceded his reputation.

Next Tuesday, Penn State has its chance to strut its stuff. Four Nits, including surprise (4.33 in the 40) CB Justin King and projected late first-round LB Dan Connor, will workout. Scouts wishing to look at QB Anthony Morelli will have to succumb to headlocks from his father. Someone once joked to me that during his recruitment Morelli and his father had matching tattoos and his pops shared a bunk with him in State College. After hearing more accounts, I began to believe it.

High noon the day after Easter, Pitt will hold its Pro Day as scouts will take six Panthers for test drives –– OT Jeff Otah, OG Mike McGlynn, TE Darrell Strong, DE Joe Clermond, CB Kennard Cox and DE Chris McKillop. Otah, a mid-first round projection, disappointed some at the Combine and will likely need a solid workout to improve his stock. McGlynn will likely make more funny faces.

OK, so there are a bunch of Pro Day workouts. Where should Steeler Nation … ahem, Steeler fans … turn their collective focus? A polling of Mock Drafts from 20 reputable Draftnik sites –– mostly used in my previous post on the Draft –– show nine picks for Virginia OG Brendan Albert as the Steelers first round selection. So get out your Terrible Towel and head to Charlottesville, Va., on March 18 to cheer him on.

Here are some interesting football-relating reads:

Peter Schrager of Fox Sports takes a look at how recent free agency has affected the Draft –– along with another Mock Draft nod for Albert not included above.

Fanhouse points out that the lack of college teams using the “SAM” strongside linebacker, instead using an extra defensive back to defend the spread offense, could someday diminish the talent level at linebacker in the Draft.

OK, so Albert is a well-documented possibility to become the Steelers’ first round selection. What about the second round? Purdue DE/OLB Cliff Avril, not to be confused with the rock-glam singer Lavigne, is a Steeler favorite. The Steelers talked to Avril after the Senior Bowl and they will also bring him to their South Side facility. (Anyone feel like they are reading TMZ.com?)

This is a must-NOT-read article for those needing clarification on the Max Starks “transition tag” scenario. Just read the comments at the bottom first and you’ll see many “experts” had a hard time wrapping their brains around just what in the heck the tag-labeling Steelers were thinking.

This, however, is a MUST read. Tip of the cap to Tirico Suave for compiling the 2008 Movie Character Mock Draft. (Married … With Children wasn’t a movie but Al Bundy made it anyway.) The Steelers took Andre Krimm (Sinbad) of Texas State and Necessary Roughness, just ahead of Air Bud and Joe Kane of The Program. Forrest Gump went No. 1. Others include Rudy, Stan Gable, Uncle Rico, and The Waterboy.

Scrawler: Exclusive Q&A with Manatee Beat Reporter

by The Backyard Scrawler

backyardscrawl@gmail.com

The following is the Q&A transcript with Drinkson Koolaidevic, the baseball beat reporter for the Manatee Community College student newspaper, The Daily Sea Cow. Drinkson was gracious enough to answer fans’ questions in the wake –– whoops! egregious word choice –– of last week’s 5-0 exhibition loss against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Q: Drinkson, I’ve been following Manatee Community College baseball since the days of Lance Carter. How long are we going to have to put up with these losses against the Pirates? Coming into the game the Lancers had a 14-5 record and they were coming off a 24-6 drubbing of the Eckerd College JV team a day earlier. Then they go into McKechnie Field and lay a goose egg! No bats –– just three lousy hits –– and starting pitcher Scott Rembisz gives up four runs in the first inning. I just can’t take watching this team anymore.

Lance R. Fan of Bradenton, Fla.

KOOLAIDEVIC: Whew! Where to begin? You’re certainly not the only one jaded after all these years. But Tim Hill and his coaching staff are confident that Rembisz and the rest of their starting rotation can make this team a winner. All of the starters had Tommy John surgery out of high school after signing their letters of intent to play at MCC. Although Rembisz has been experiencing shoulder “tenderness” this spring, he and the rest of the pitchers are poised to have good seasons. Manatee fired its pitching coach from last year and brought in each of pitchers’ high school coaches to get back their original mechanics.

As far the offensive futility, maybe the Lancers should take after the intrinsic batting philosophy of Pirates uber-prospect Steve Pearce in “punishing the ball” and having “bad intentions with every swing.”

Q: Are you kidding? Pearce already hit his prime playing while in the Pirates farm system. He’s a career minor-leaguer and will never amount to anything.

Chad H. of Anaheim, Calif.

P.S.

Do the Pirates have any roster spots for me and my friend Adam H.?

KOOLAIDEVIC: Chad, I’d call the Pirates back after July and hope Xavier Nady and Jason Bay have good, trade-baiting seasons. Best of luck!

Q: Hey DK, Manatee catcher Garrett Gregory hit a third-inning double off Pirates non-roster invitee reliever Jesse Chavez. Gregory’s bat is really coming around. He’s in shape (6-1, 195 pounds). He backed up first base on every Bucco groundout. And the Engineering/Physics major has a 4.0 GPA!!! Did the Pirates’ enigmatic backstop take notice?

Paul E. Nohater of McKee Rocks

KOOLAIDEVIC: I did see Gregory giving Ronny Paulino pointers. Paulino is doing all he can to overcome this wretched bout of unabashed laziness that plagued his 2007 season.

Q: Drinkson, as a student journalist, did you happen to “rub elbows” with some of the professional journalists from Pittsburgh covering the Pirates?

Red Allover of Monroeville

KOOLAIDEVIC: Actually, Red, I was able to offer the homesick Pittsburgh scribes some assistance. I gave the one fellow from the Post-Gazette some sound advice on loading all his Depeche Mode songs onto an iPod. That poor sap from the Tribune-Review didn’t take my advice on applying sunscreen to his face after shaving; he started hallucinating about Mr. Red because of it. Jenifer from MLB.com, she just hates the traffic and having to eat at T.G.I. Friday’s every night. Then there’s that big galoot John Perrotto; he’s out there with a butterfly net trying to capture some of that “air of optimism” that seems to be lingering around Pirates spring training camp.

Q: D-KOOL, Here in Pittsburgh we have bobblehead nights. What kind of promotions does Manatee have?

Seymour Fierwurx of New Castle

KOOLAIDEVIC: Promotions have not gone over well at MCC since our wayward mascot gave kids prophylactics to promote his lewd website.

Q: Hey Kool-Aid Man, I’ve been reading all your “Linking Logs” articles in the Daily Sea Cow. Based on what you’ve seen, do you really think that Manatee Community College can beat the Pirates next year with the amount of talent the Buccos have this year.

Joey Yinzer of North Side

KOOLAIDEVIC: “OH YEAH!!!”

Backyard Scrawler: Scouting Combine is No Beauty Contest

by The Backyard Scrawler

backyardscrawl@gmail.com

The NFL Combine is the one week when general managers leave the film room –– after looking at NFL hopefuls’ “body of work” –– and take a long look at the players’ actual bodies. Throw in a motor-skill rally and a few Double Dare physical challenges and you have yourself the NFL Scouting Combine.

The trees of this spectacle are the evaluation of players, but the forest, well, looking at this event from afar can seem rather farcical. Ed Bouchette compared the event in last week’s Post-Gazette to a kennel club dog show only without a Best in Show award. Kansas City Chiefs coach Herm Edwards, while lounging in his 40-yard line seat during the NFL Network’s wall-to-wall telecast, compared the event to the swimsuit competition of a beauty pageant.

The titillating commentary was borderline homoerotic. No, make that a standing broad jump over that line. A jaw-dropped Jamie Dukes did his best Kevin Arnold-gawking-at-Winnie Cooper line (“… and look at the body on this guy”) when Kellen Davis of Michigan State stepped up to the vertical jump platform. Michael Silver of Yahoo! Sports fetched some good quotes from the Market’s finest Meat in his column about the televised weigh-ins: “I felt like I was a model for Fruit of the Loom,” said former USC offensive lineman Chilo Rachal. “I don’t care if they want to (talk about my butt), as long as they don’t touch me in that way,” said ex-UTEP tackle Oniel Cousins.

All in all, the last “sporting event” in RCA Dome history was fun to watch. Perhaps having a Hulk Hogan-type sideline reporter force the players into awkward moments of American Gladiator trash talk would help. As far as the information value, you would think with 430 media members, 1,900 team personnel and 334 players present we’d all have a unified Mock Drafts after this week (more on that later). Instead, we’ll have to wait to see where free agents land as well as where potential draftees slide on the Arabus of “stock rising” or “stock falling.”

Here are a few notes and musings from watching the NFL Combine and scouring a few draft web sites:

Darren McFadden, who ran a 4.27 in the 40, is doing his best to prove to everyone that he is the next Travis Henry.

Bill Polian prescribes to the Mo’ Draft Picks, Mo’ Problems axiom.

Perhaps Combine-snub and former WVU defensive lineman Keilen Dykes was not invited for fear that Rich Eisen, at his wife’s request, would have to use the same dirty word that got his scantily-clad e-mail buddy in trouble.

After watching the NFL Network gush over Marshall Faulk during last season’s Steelers-Rams game, the Faulk lovefest continued over the weekend when he made an appearance on set complete with footage of his first game played in the RCA Dome. (The only thing Faulk brought was a mildly funny Price is Right reference when calling a player-on-the-rise a “Yodeler.”)

Steelers director of football operations Kevin Colbert is not the most revealing sound bite (take his first-round mantra of “anyone except a quarterback or a tight end” the last two years). However, some interesting Colbert blurbs appeared on the web:

NFLdraftscout.com asked him about draft mistakes: “Usually when we go back and try to figure out why a certain player failed or try to find a commonality, it’s usually something we knew about and we took the player anyway.” Colbert also told Rivals.com about what he looks for in a quarterback and why he doesn’t even remember what Big Ben did in his Combine workout.

I got a kick out of how Mike Mayock, the Mel Kiper of the NFL Combine, totally pigeonholed every player at the Combine with positive/negative labels that scrolled at the bottom of the screen during the NFL Network telecast. For example, “Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt: Positive: Finesse Blocker / Negative: Needs to Get Physical.” That could be the worse thing to call any lineman, but Mayock still raved about him.

Here are some of my favorite of the “Positive” variety …

Branden Albert: “Specimen”

Roy Schuening: “Good in a Phonebooth” (This guy may by Superman but he sure looked like

John Belushi from Animal House at the Combine.)

Trevor Laws: “Energizer Bunny”

Curtis Lofton: “Downhill Thumper”

Calais Campbell: “Vines for Arms” (Didn’t he play in Little Shop of Horrors?)

Phillip Merling: “Complete Player” (Then why was there a negative?)

Matt Ryan: “Off-the-Chart Intangibles” (This is either redundant or illogical since only tangibles can be charted.)

Kory Lichtensteiger: “Nasty Attitude”

Dustin Keller: “Rocked-Up WR”

Tyrell Johnson: “Tough-in-the-Box SS” (His girlfriend would call that a negative)

… And here are some amusing “Negatives”

Ryan Clady: “Hand Placement” (Needs to practice on that Twister mat)

Darren McFadden: “Legs Dead on Contact”

Sedrick Ellis: “Gets Washed Easily”

Kenny Phillips: “Not Ed Reed”

Curtis Lofton: “Short & Tight-Hipped” (Also a big no-no in the Amish community for child-rearing)

Xavier Abidi: “P.O.A. Issues” (This means Point Of Attack but for some players this could mean Power Of Attorney)

For those wondering who the Draftnik “experts” think the Steelers are going to take in the first round, it’s anybody’s guess. In sampling 25 draft web sites –– and I’m sure there are plenty more –– the resounding opinion is offensive tackle. While some haven’t been updated since the Max Starks news broke, here are the picks. Take them for what little they are worth:

Six for Branden Albert, OG/OT, Virginia:

(nfldraftcountdown.com, nflsmackdown.com, eastcoastsportsnews.com, prodraftguide.com, nfldraftdog.com, draftheadquarters.com).

Five for Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt: (thefootballexpert.com, footballthoughts.com, insidetheeagles.com, qisports.com, condraft.com).

Four for Jeff Otah, OT, Pitt (fftoolbox.com, scout.com, walterfootball.com, draftinsiders.com).

Some others include Miami DE Calais Campbell (draftking.com, mynfldraft.com, phinphanatic.com), Arkansas RB Felix Jones (nfldraftblitz.com), USC OT Sam Baker (nfldraftscout.com), USC OLB Keith Rivers (draftace.com), Boise State OT Ryan Clady (draftking.com), LSU DE Tyson Jackson (warroomreport.com).

We’ll have more coverage of “Who the Steelers are Going to Draft” in future posts once the remaining stool samples from the Combine are thoroughly analyzed.

Backyard Scrawler: Get Out of the Kitchen and Let’s Talk Sports

by The Backyard Scrawler
backyardscrawl@gmail.com

Nearly a week has gone by but no one has posted this on YouTube: some jagoff with an “Iron My Shirt” sign paraded behind the sidewalk window set of Savran on SportsBeat when the show held its annual “Ladies Night” last Friday.

OK, I lied. That only happens at presidential campaign rallies and golf protests.

However, Stan was obviously inebriated as he kept slurring the phrase “I wanna kiss you” to Karen Price of the Tribune-Review. Oh, and, right about that time Shelly Anderson of the Post-Gazette chugged a bottle of Belvedere after and screamed “F… Jesus!”

Alright, I made all that stuff up, too.

But didn’t it seem kinda silly that FSN plopped down two soft-spoken female scribes –– neither of which with a beat to cover or consistent column space –– on its set and had Stan proclaim them as “paragons of journalistic excellence”?

Nothing against Anderson or Price; Anderson is a great read in the P-G and her input on the show seemed well-informed, and Price, well, I’m sure she was good at covering the Penguins five years ago. (Price struggled to have a deliberate opinion like when Stan put her on the spot by asking her what position/player the Steelers should draft: “Umm … position … just … uh … I think the best player available.”)

I digress. Not having an on-air presence doesn’t equate to lackluster writing. It was relieving, nonetheless, not having Ron Cook grouse and dismiss every topic while reminding us of his long-in-the-tooth memory and scant salary.

But here’s my point: This has nothing to do with the aptitude or charisma of Anderson or Price, but instead their appearance on Savran SportsBeat has everything to do with the lack of female –– or at least freshened –– voices in Pittsburgh’s sports media. Is this all we’ve got for an alternative?

As prescribed by Anderson with her “a goal is a goal, a ringer is a ringer” comment, straight news reporting is gender neutral. There is no female perspective. But when it comes to on-air personalities and the voices in column-writing, having diverse, well-informed perspectives do matter. It improves the overall sports discourse in this town. Heck, even the Dominion Post in culturally-inept Morgantown recently hired a young, female Asian writer as its WVU football columnist.

The collective press box in Pittsburgh for the most part is tired and cranky. The writers/call-in talk show guests are hackneyed, irritated and seem aching for a post-deadline drink. Even their younger versions seem like grumpy-old-men-in-training. Of course you are also going to have your obligatory well-groomed talking heads (yawn) and unpolished ex-athletes (yeah, we know, you played). Maybe that’s why sports fans in this town cling to Stan Savran for perspective.

The female Pittsburgh sports fan is prevalent: evidence indicates that the Steelers have the largest female fan base in the NFL and, trust me, the crowds at Pirates and Pens games are no sausage parties either. So why no females reporting?

Maybe this whole diatribe is a plea for Trenni Kusnierek to leave her Laverne & Shirley-watching, beer-brewing and sausage-racing homeland and come back to Pittsburgh. But, ladies, this can only confirm one if not all of the following three theories about female sports fans and the resulting lack of female sports journalists in this town:

1. Pittsburgh women aren’t really sports fans, they only go to the games because it’s the only socially significant thing this town has to offer. Let’s face it, it’s not Hollywood.

2. Women’s periods really do attract bears to the newsroom.

3. Sally Wiggin’s prodding banter will do just fine, thank you very much.