Morning Wrapup

--ESPN gives us NFL Power Rankings in May. You know, before training camps open...while some players sit in contract purgatory...some are sure to go down with injuries...some may be suspended for promoting dogfights...but it is important to know who ESPN thinks is the best team at this minute, so they can proudly display their "2007 May Power Rankings" Trophy in the lobby....OK, I'll get off my power rankings soapbox now.

--The Pirates win, and there was minimal doubt about it. For all of you optimistic about the Pirates, please note that on Thursday their cleanup hitter was batting .194 with 4 HR and their starting pitcher, who threw 77 pitches in three innings, entered the game with an ERA of 8.46.

--For those of you who haven't heard, Craig Wilson was released by the Braves yesterday. No, no, don't you even suggest it, Dejan!!!

--Did you know Chad Johnson is involved in a lawsuit involving a car giveaway and a Funny Bone comedy club? Just don't read this quote from Chad. You'll become dumber just for trying to figure it out, because it's just jibberish:

"When it came to a certain week to where I was giving something away, I said no way of how I was doing it, but I was doing it," said Johnson. "And I did just what I said I was going to do. It didn't sit well with some people. Unfortunate, you know. It is what it is."

Yes, Chad, it is what it is.

--Don Banks, when not covering the Don King of dogs, tells us about 12 QB situations to watch in 2007. He fails to mention the questionable offseason antics of those in the AFC North.

--Did you know there's at least three songs dedicated to Bucco-no-hitter-on-acid hurler Dock Ellis? Neither did I...but now you can listen to them too!

This photo rivals the one of Dave Parker in a Jason Voorhees mask as my favorite Bucco shot of all time

--Maxim.com gives us the worst TV endings of all time. Sadly, as much of a Seinfeld fan as I am, I have to agree with their inclusion on this list.

--Is it true? Is it just a rumor? Is Tecmo Bowl really returning?

--Keyshawn tells the Titans "he's not a rental". He also demands they don't acquire Dwayne Jarrett.

--ESPN gives us a quiz based on the original scouting reports of Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Ken Griffey Jr., Derek Jeter, Randy Johnson, Mark McGwire, Albert Pujols, Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez, Frank Thomas. Hey, where's LaRoche?

--From the "Headlines That Say it All" department: "NY Millionaires Arrested for Alleged Slavery"

--From the "Headlines That Say it All 2" department: "Woman survives 'internal decapitation"

--Madison, Wis. is looking for beer, according to Google. The “Google Trends” tool shows the capital city uses the search engine to find beer more than any other city. Pittsburgh finished a close second and Minneapolis ranks sixth in the search trend.

What, you're surprised? Hey, you've seen the t-shirt. We're a drinking town with a football problem.

--Here's the 10 Greatest Completely Insane TV shows of all time. Or an excuse for me to finally mention ALF on the site. By the way, did you know the guy who played Willie Tanner was caught in a crack house filming a gay porn film?

ALF, undoubtedly setting up a hit on an unsuspecting feline

--Have an extra $15,000 sitting around? Then you can buy 100 tickets to the Red Sox World Series clinching game...in 2004.

--The always-entertaining site Bugs and Cranks gives us the Worst. Team. Ever. Congrats to Shawn Chacon for his inclusion. And congrats to Dave Littlefield on his trading for Shawn Chacon less than a year ago.

--How much is "nothing" worth? At the time of my posting, at least $1,375.

--Paris Hilton, seen here getting high a few weeks ago, has dropped her appeal. But don't fret...her sentence has been cut in half, and she'll be in a "celebrity" cell, away from the general population.

--I know these are a little Jay Leno-ish, but a reader sent them in and I thought they were worthy of inclusion:

Maximize the photo and read his shirt

Power Rankings, Boise Sticks ESPN, Rodman's Midget Basketball Movie, KFed Dumped by Text

The Yankees had a case of extreme bad timing with their "Yankee Santa Claus flying a plane" Christmas ornament released days before the Cory Lidle tragedy. (Thanks to reader A.J. for the link)

While writing stories about Kevin Pittsnogle and Ike Taylor, I neglected to wrapup the Pens game. So I'll leave that duty to the Pensblog today.

Regulars know "bern1" from the Mondesi comments section. And he just started a blog, so you can read more of his musings at Joey Porter's Pit Bulls. Check out his "Deuce vs. Duce" preview of Sunday's matchup.

SI.com says the Pens are the 11th-best NHL team in their new Power Rankings.

Meanwhile, SI.com says the Steelers are the 22nd-best NFL team.

Bill Simmons sorts out the first week in the NBA. He fails to mention the impact of Cavs games airing on FSN Pittsburgh.

The Ike Taylor benching has resulted in the closure of the Facemeike.com store

Boise State sticks it to ESPN, like each of us dream to do every day.

How's this for a movie concept: Dennis Rodman coaching a midget basketball team, with Mini-Me as one of his players?

Chad Johnson quits the Bengals to pursue a solo career.

Stewart Mandel does a good job sticking up for the Big East. Personally, I've grown weary about hearing how the conference is so inferior.

Kevin Federline got dumped...by text message?

Finally, an awesome first look at the Hills Have Eyes 2. Anyone else out there ever see the original or the remake?

Cuban to Pirates, Top 100 Football Recruits, Harold Reynolds Lawsuit, Penguins Bandwagon Application

The Pirates are in the running for a Cuban defector. No, seriously. And no, it's not Mark Cuban, either. (Thanks to loyal reader Mario for the tip)

SI's top 100 college football recruits are out, and Pitt's QB du jour, Pat Bostick, checks in at #23, 4th among QBs. Also on the list: #95, Chris Jacobson, an OL from Keystone Oaks and Wanny recruit.

Harold Reynolds is suing ESPN over his firing. That could be one costly hug for the Worldwide Leader..

Don Banks gives us his AFC and NFC playoff teams.

The Ombudsman slaps ESPN on the wrist for their coverage of Miami-FIU and Cory Lidle.

ESPN updates their NFL Power Rankings, with your black and gold at a mere #21.

The Pensblog has a Penguins Bandwagon Application for any willing applicants.